Who do you want to be today?

If you're wondering about my post title, I'm still on that 80's music kick from yesterday... 
thanks, Oingo Boingo!!


This is one of my favorite quotes ever and I need to read it everyday:

"The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity." ~ Margaret D. Nadauld. 

I know who I want to be, but why is it so HARD sometimes?

It's so weird to look back and see yourself becoming someone else without even realizing it. Little by little. Day by day. Word by word. We choose!

I had the opportunity to go to a book club from my ward last night and I was in awe of the absolute goodness and "realness" of these women. I can't describe it. They are all of the things this quote is talking about: tender, kind, refined, faithful, good, virtuous, pure. I want to soak it all in and remind myself each day who I really want to be. 

The last 6 months have been SO hard for me and I didn't realize WHY until this morning. 

My dear husband pointed it out to me. 
(Why is that so hard for me to admit?)

I was telling him about a talk I heard from one of the counselors in our Stake Presidency. He was talking about the war in heaven and how 1/3 of the hosts of heaven chose to follow Satan and turn away from God, while the other 2/3 (US) chose to follow God and accept Jesus Christ as their Savior and come to Earth to be tested. I knew that already.

What I didn't know, is that out of those 2/3, there was division within. I always imagined ALL of the 2/3 being valiant warriors: zealously and openly opposing Satan and fighting for truth all the way. President Steadman was quoting James E. Talmage (who wrote "Jesus the Christ") and he said that in reality, out of those 2/3 there were some who fought valiantly alongside Michael the archangel while the others merely "refrained from active opposition".  Then he said, "Which group were YOU in?"  I've been thinking about that all week.

Somedays, I'm not so sure. Zeke assured me this morning that I was one of those fighting alongside Michael. I sure hope so! He told me not to even question it. 

I have struggled so much lately, just with little things.  

I keep thinking of the scripture in 2 Nephi 4:17-21:
 "O, wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me though mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh."  Even Nephi struggled. I wonder what his sins and temptations were...  I'm more like Laman and Lemuel... all of these miracles and blessings and I just can't seem to LEARN anything!!


I think of the scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 82:3: "unto whom much is given, MUCH is required."


I have been blessed beyond measure to have been called to serve in our Stake Young Women's Presidency last October and this morning I finally realized that "someone" doesn't want me there. Satan doesn't want me there. I'm not perfect, but I had the miraculous opportunity to be part of an AMAZING spiritual experience that assured me that God himself called me to serve the Young Women of our Stake. It has already blessed my life more than I ever could imagine. I know that I have the potential to be a great influence for good. And sometimes that scares me. I need to remind myself each day, maybe even each MOMENT who I want to be. It is a struggle for me, an uphill climb, but I know in HIS strength I can do all things.