You know, I can handle when Zeke goes out of town for work. I can do everything without him even though I miss him. What I can't handle is my children. They are just OFF when he is away. I know that we are a close family and all, but sheesh... I just wish I could take them to a kennel or something while he's gone. Okay, I was going to edit that, but I'm trying to be real here. Those of you that judge me; well, you are NOT me, and my children are not YOUR children. I'm not a good Mom; sometimes I'm kinda selfish and I'm usually pretty tired AND I don't put up with anything. So I know they love me, but well, I make them clean their rooms!! Oh, the horror!
This was a very unexpected trip. Zeke called me from work on Friday about 1pm to say he has to go to New Jersey to help get ready for a demo (his company builds automated parking systems, by the way) AND he was leaving for the airport at 2pm. ONE HOUR. Um, okay? What do I say?
He came home and I helped him throw his suitcase together. He won't be back until Wednesday. As soon as he left, Beck started crying. He was gone before the kids got home from school. Friday's are fun, we usually watch a movie together and just feel relaxed with no homework and a big breakfast on Saturday. (especially after the insane weekend we had last weekend). I told them Dad had to go out of town... and the girls started crying while Gabe went downstairs in his room without saying anything. What can I do? I'm glad they love him so much, but I can't do anything to make it better. We're all just kinda bummed out, but hey, isn't it great we love Zeke so much? It could be worse. Zeke is a wonderful father and husband and life just isn't the same when he's not here. But do they have to cry all night about it?
They get really frustrated because I'm the one to make them go to bed, do their homework, set the table, do the dishes, take a bath, take out the trash, be nice to each other, etc. And I'm always the one to say NO. By the end of the day, I am exhausted, physically and emotionally. I need a break. They are sick of me and well, the feeling is mutual. Have I mentioned that Beck isn't napping anymore? They cry and whine, "I wish Daddy was here, he's more fun; I wish Daddy was here, he would let us stay up late; I wish Daddy was here, I like his hugs..." You know I'm trying to be a Mom here and do the best I can, but I think I get a bit jealous. Dad is the BEST, he's not here all the time, he's a novelty... and I feel like chopped liver.
Friday night was okay, the kids had friends over and that was a good distraction. But after the friends went home, I got the kids ready for bed and it really hit them Dad wasn't here. The girls were crying again, "We miss Daddy, we can't go to sleep without Daddy tucking us in.." He's traveled for work quite a bit before, but not very much in the last year or so. I guess we're out of practice.
With lovely early morning phone calls from irrational neighbors (kill me now!), Beck burning his hand on my flat iron, Gabe accidentally breaking the pull cord thingy on the lawn mower, and me getting really sick from my apparent aversion to grease? while we were at Willow Park (yeah, NOT fun); Saturday was a bit exhausting to say the least. I spent most of Saturday afternoon cuddling with my children and laying around reading "The Help". One thing I will say, my kids are really patient and sweet when Mom is sick.
Saturday night, our ward had a pillow movie at the church. We watched the Joseph Smith movie that they show at the Legacy theater in Salt Lake. It was INCREDIBLE. What an amazing man. I am in awe of his faith and courage. I cried through most of it and felt terrible for complaining about my own little minor annoyances I deal with. Maybe I needed a harsh reality check.
I did find a really cute shirt and pair of earrings to go with a skirt I found at the D.I. (thrift store) last week, but now it needs a necklace!
So my quest for today, is to go find one. I think I deserve it!
So my quest for today, is to go find one. I think I deserve it!
By the way, I paid $3.87 total for the earrings and shirt at Kohl's.Now THAT feels good.
Oh, and can I just say how much I love my Mom, my friends, Lora and Jessica, and my blog friend, Claire. They make me smile! :)
You are awesome! I love that you are so real! It makes me think maybe I'm not so bad after all! Good job for making your kids do their work... I'm the "mean" one at our house too! I totally understand your 'chopped liver' reference. Keep blogging and keep on smiling! You are great and I love to hear about your life! and we really need to get together sometime!
ReplyDeleteOh Lacy -- what a wonderful, REAL mom (and person) you are! I can sooo relate to feeling like chopped liver (my mom's favorite descriptor) in the "fun" roles of parenting. The whole time the girls were growing up and Carlin had to either travel or go to schools a lot, he'd get the kisses and crying upon leaving and the huge hugs (and thank yous for the gifts he'd bring home) when he returned. I can remember him being gone for a 6-week military school when the girls were little. I had had enough of them (and the other 4 kiddos in my daycare) and by that evening when they were in time out for fighting, I was ready for my own melt-down. So as they sat against the wall crying "We want our daaaaaaddddy" I sat down by them and started crying "Not as much as I do!!!!!" The grace and sense of humor and self-awareness with which you deal with your family will make a difference in the young adults they turn into -- trust me. Many hugs to you my dear friend!
ReplyDeleteLacy, I'm so glad you posted this today. I know exactly how you feel, because my husband is out of town alot. I had a similar weekend with my kids, and I am glad to know that maybe it's not just me. I had to laugh about the part of wanting to take your kids to a kennel, because I think that sounds like a great idea after the day I had yesterday. Thanks for sharing, I'm sure you're a GREAT mom.
ReplyDeleteOh, babe. I'm so sorry! Do you need dinner tonight? I will happily bring you something. Anything. Let me know. I hope you are ok. I'm sorry I had to move our playdate, now, more than ever!
ReplyDeleteHang in there girl! Like someone else said, You are a REAL mom. With Jim gone as much as he is now, I am feeling guilty that we don't miss him like we used to. I struggle with my kids too when he is gone. I look forward to bedtime just so I don't have to be Mom for a bit.
ReplyDeleteI also understand about the UNprivate blog thing. This last week there have been things said to me that have really bugged me, but how can I vent about them on my blog without hurting someone. So many things I want to get off my chest, but can't for that reason. So I will comment about it here.
I like to read your blog because you are real and you are willing to share. Thanks!
It's the life of a mom, eh?
ReplyDeleteI love ya, lady! Let's have a girls' day and leave the oh-so-loved kiddos with the dads they love so much! :O) You can wear your new necklace!
You are wonderful. And I feel that way sometimes about having a public blog too, the hesitance to be real and really spill the nasties in life, but I appreciate ya for sharing what you did. You are REAL. And you are remarkable.
ReplyDeleteMatt's leaving town in a few days, and now I'm scared. Maybe I'd better start shopping right away.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand. Sometimes it's sooooo hard being a mom and I wonder if there will ever be a day when I'm not exhausted. They do crack me up though, and I only have 2, so I can't imagine how you do it. And when my hubby is gone for one night I go nuts!
ReplyDeleteAnd I was so surprised to read through all this and get to the bottom to see you mentioned me. You're so awesome! I really appreciate it. I'm so glad we're blog friends!
As for a necklace, I think that orange would look soooo adorable with a turquoise necklace. the contrasting colors would be lovely!
You really made my day, BTW. I love your comments!
spinning-threads.blogspot.com
I'm going to disagree with you. You ARE a good Mom. I know that it is hard though. Hang in there, you are doing good things.
ReplyDeletep.s. thanks for adding my button, I added yours as well. :)
I just love all of you I hope you know. Blogging has helped me so much. I LOVE your comments and encouragement and laughs, I need it.
ReplyDeleteAudra and Mistie -- you're on, let's get together!
Claire, I LOVE the idea of contrasting with turquoise! I never would have thought of it, that's why I need you.
Lesa, thanks for adding my button :)
ReplyDeleteHey now, you've gotta keep it real. I feel ya's.
ReplyDeleteI know this is a ways away for you but maybe it will give you a little comfort and something to think about. When my sweetie used to travel I would stay up most of the night with all the lights on...I was just unsettled and it made the kids upset too. Then one day it just stopped. It took me a couple of times with him gone to discover the difference. My oldest son had recently been ordained a deacon. Since that time I have never felt uneasy when my sweetie is gone. I guess Heavenly Father knew that the priesthood needed to be in my home. Love Kohl's by the way, and your new duds! Thanks for following my blog!
ReplyDeleteSandy
I'm guessing that my blog isn't one of those perfect ones that you read? Yeah, feel free to share the gory details.
ReplyDeleteHang in there--you are a tough lady.
I love that you keep it real!!! I know you are a great mom-how many mom's can say there 14 yr. old son likes to hang out with them?? I bet if you went away they would cry for you too...Maybe not on the 1st day, but definitely the 2nd. :) I am a pushover so we and my hubby split the good cop/ bad cop deal.
ReplyDeleteWell, you're going to be the best dressed (and accessorized) chopped liver I'VE ever seen. :) I'm sorry you had such a horrible weekend! I hope it's gotten better, and he'll be home today, I guess? So that's good. This post helped me to realize that I should stop feeling that it's unfair that I put all the kids in bed every single day, since there and the down sides of Dad doing , too. :) Seriously, when he's gone we miss him for sure, but the kids handle it fine. (although I have to do all the discipline/making them work, like you mentioned, which really is exhausting!)
ReplyDeleteI love your point of view and how you see things. When Eric goes out of town my kids think that I am not capable of doing anything. Like reminding me 20 times to lock the doors. So I understand the chopped liver feeling.
ReplyDeleteVery nice earrings and in such a good price!
ReplyDeleteI love you. Not because you're perfect...I love you with your imperfections. (We all have imperfections, ya know) Thank you for putting yourself on the line and letting me get to know the real you. <3
ReplyDeleteI love that you kept it real. Being a MOM is HARD stuff, especially when Dad is gone. We all feel it, and it feels good to know that others do, too. So thanks for that. But I'm sorry that it has been extra hard for you. I hope he doesn't have to go again for a long time, and that he'll put them to bed and make them clean their rooms this week!
ReplyDeleteMaybe the worry feeling you felt in late November of last year was for you to be ready for Zeke to leave unexpectedly. I read your "Uneasy" blog. But you'll be okay. The Lord is there when you need him. If you still have that worry feeling, pray about it. the Lord will listen and comfort you. Hope all is well :)
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