Conference with a cold and my favorite scripture.

8:30am: Here's my kitchen in all of its horror...

If you could see it in real life you would understand why I'm sitting here typing... it's TRASHED! The other side of the room looks just about the same minus the food. I wanted to take a picture, but my phone is full, of course. Life can be so overwhelming. I can't seem to breathe. (ha! quite literally at the moment)

It was Conference Weekend and I've had a nasty cold since Thursday. Not a good combination. I've spent a lot of time on the couch... blah.

Oh, and just to add insult to injury -- I went outside yesterday for a moment of fresh air and I got stung by a wasp! I haven't been stung by a wasp or bee since I was a little girl! So weird! OUCH! (By the way, lavender oil works great on wasp stings -- the swelling and pain were gone in less than an hour.)

For the record, my sweet hubby and kids have been helpful -- bringing me tissues and cleaning up the house when needed, but last night we just kind of gave up. Zeke offered to clean, but I begged him to sit by me on the couch and watch another movie. This cold makes me feel like a big baby and my brain is so foggy... ugh.

Conference was great. I'm still trying to absorb it all and clarify my feelings and thoughts about some of the talks I would like to post about later. 

One scripture that really stood out to me (I noted 5 different speakers referencing it) was :

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I know I've mentioned on my blog a few times that this is my favorite scripture. 

It is THE scripture. The one that keeps me going. The one that got me going in the first place.

Long, long story, but when I was 18 and completely lost I had a miracle of a thought. To this day, I don't know what made me think it. I do know I'd hit rock bottom in my life and literally there was no way to go but up. I didn't realize this thought would change my life forever.

I thought maybe there was something to this Church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I wanted to find out for sure. I opened a Bible -- you know how people say they just randomly flip to a page and start reading? Well, I did that and came to Matthew 11: 28-30. The words practically jumped off the page at me! Those verses seemed highlighted somehow, like there was a glow surrounding them. Those simple, yet powerful verses changed my life forever. This was my answer. THE answer. I have never looked back.

This scripture has sustained me and strengthened me through the last 20 years, but trials still come. Life is very hard sometimes, but life can also be joyful and rewarding. There is always hope through the Atonement of our Savior. 

Yesterday, Richard G. Scott said something like, "The Lord sees weaknesses differently than He does rebellion. There is justice for rebellion, but for our weaknesses He shows mercy." I needed those words yesterday. I struggle SO much. I get SO mad at myself. I feel SO weak and unworthy sometimes.

I think of 2 Nephi 4:17-21 when Nephi says, "... O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins;"

Then he says, 

"Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions... He hath filled me with His love, even unto the consuming of my flesh!"

We need our Savior to help us overcome our weaknesses. He is THE answer. I have prayed earnestly to overcome my weaknesses and turn them over to Him. I know it's a daily battle and a lifelong process. I know I can't do it alone. I know in whom I have trusted.

Another quote from Conference (I think it's from Timothy Dyches of the Quorum of the 70):

"All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Christ."

One of my favorite talks was by Richard J. Maynes of the Presidency of the 70. It really brought me hope and comfort and... wow, the word that came to mind was vindication (for me, at least).

He said something like, "We need to develop spiritual stamina in order to find inner peace and strength to endure whatever challenge we wake up to each morning."

I appreciate so much that he acknowledged that some trials don't end. Some trials are with us throughout our earthly life. Many people face horrible and unthinkable and unbearable trials they are able to overcome through the help of our Savior and because they eventually end. (Like being out of work or recovering from a serious accident or illness). They get through it. It's an event in their life, not a way of life.

What about people that just have to endure? Their trial is ALWAYS there and most likely always will be. For some, it is reality. We need to have compassion and understanding for those people. Those people need to have compassion and understanding for themselves. (I'm talking to myself right here.) It's so hard, because some trials people face are invisible to others. Trials you can't actually "see" on the outside or maybe not realize how hard it is for them or what they are truly going through.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, "If the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and BE STRONG!"

I honestly loved that and "hated" it at the same time. It stung me (and it was supposed to). I faltered because of my weaknesses. It sounds too hard. I want a reprieve sometimes. It's hard to be strong! I truly appreciated his talk and related to much of it -- but it made me realize I need to accept my trials and not compare myself to others, to "come what may and LOVE it". (from Elder Wirthlin long ago)

I know the Lord knows exactly what we are going through. He understands fully and He can truly see everything. He loves us no matter what. I find great comfort in that eternal truth. I hope I can be strong enough to "drink the bitter cup" and keep going and even "LOVE it". 

One day at a time ... sometimes for me, it's one hour or even one moment at a time. I've come to realize that is what enduring is. We can't be perfect now and we certainly can't be perfect and happy every moment, but little by little we can keep going forward doing our best. That's all He asks. It is enough.

Rely on the Lord

Have you noticed I haven't been blogging this week? Yeah... it's been a crazy week. I think I say that more than I don't so it doesn't really mean anything. (Reminds me of the "Incredibles" when the Mom says, "Everyone's special, Dash." and Dash says, "Which is another way of saying no one is." Yeah, I'm way off...) 

The younger kids are in bed. We celebrated Friday in style eating lots of ice cream and watching, "Ramona and Beezus." It has to be one of my new favorite movies. My Mom sent it to us for a Valentine's surprise. I was surprised how much I really enjoyed it. It just felt real. It made me laugh and cry and laugh and cry some more. Kaia is SO much like Ramona. I always felt like Ramona when I was growing up.

Zeke and my oldest son, Gabe, are sleeping in snow caves somewhere up the canyon with the Scouts... why they do this I will never understand, but they enjoy it.

So now comes the hard part. The house is quiet and I am "alone". Well, not really alone, the cats are sleeping nearby, but the house is SO quiet. TOO quiet. No more distractions to keep my mind busy.

What a week and what a finale! Crazy house stuff: flooring choices, meetings with all the builders and "big wigs", deadlines and delays, a broken window, and not-so-thorough bricklayers. Poor Beck has a double ear infection which means we didn't get much sleep, Parent/Teacher Conferences for Kaia and Gabe, my husband and I were so busy we barely saw each other at all. Oh, and one of our cats has been sick and had to go to the vet and the engine light on our van keeps coming on and we can't figure out why... almost sounds like the lyrics to a REALLY bad country song.

We tried to go out for dinner last night and it was a bit crazy. I was worn out, because of all of the above and more, physically and emotionally. Well, it wasn't the best Valentine's Day ever, but it wasn't the worst; after all, we did have sushi! Then, to top it off, I got sick later that night -- I've never gotten sick from sushi. Well, that won't stop me from eating it again!!

Today is a blur.

Before I put the kids to bed, we read a little verse and quote from "Stand a Little Taller" by Gordon B. Hinckley. It was the perfect quote and scripture for today. My heart needed it.

RELY ON THE LORD

"And by hearkening to observe all the words which I, the Lord their God, shall speak unto them, they shall never cease to prevail until kingdoms of the world are subdued under my feet, and the earth is given unto the saints, to possess it forever and ever." Doctrine & Covenants 103:7

"The Lord has given you this glorious Church. His Church, to guide you and direct you, to give you opportunity for growth and experience, to teach you and lead you and encourage you, to make of you His chosen daughter or son, one upon whom He may look with love and with a desire to help. Of course there will be some problems along the way. There will be difficulties to overcome. But they will not last forever. He will not forsake you." ~ Gordon B. Hinckley

BEAUTIFUL

Why are women so concerned about how they look? 

I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not. In one way or another all women are. I think there's a balance though, between being obsessed and not caring at all. The older I get, I don't care as much how I look, but even still, I have days when I don't feel as "beautiful" as I would like to.

 I attended a New Beginnings meeting last night (for young women ages 12-18) and several of the girls talked about how much they struggle with the way they look. One didn't like her clothes, another was teased a lot when she was younger about the way she looks and still struggles to overcome it, another said she actually thinks she's UGLY. So many young girls feel like they aren't pretty or good enough simply BECAUSE they aren't pretty enough. 

What's up with that? I think a lot of it comes from TV and movies. Everyone is SO perfect and beautiful and appear to be successful and happy only because they ARE beautiful. Somehow, beauty is tied to success and accomplishment, even though they don't really DO anything to show what they've accomplished, they only LOOK perfect. Does that make any sense?

The media is constantly telling us:

Perfect Beauty (fake or surgically enhanced or whatever) = 

Successful, desirable, "worthy", lovable, wanted, preferred, acceptable, better than.

Not Beautiful = unsuccessful, undesirable, not acceptable or worthy of love, less than. As in, don't even bother trying, your effort will not be measured on the same scale simply because you're not beautiful to begin with.

It made me really sad. I had trouble sleeping last night. I was sad, because I've had those same feelings before, and it's hard to overcome. Then, I felt even more upset because I don't want my girls to go through that. My girls are so precious and beautiful to me. I wonder if I'm doing all I can to help balance and even overcome the negative influence they receive from the media and society?

The funny thing is, I was really shocked to hear these young women say they look in the mirror and think they're ugly. For a minute, I actually thought they were joking. Let me say they are SO wrong in that belief. Each and every one of those young women are SO beautiful. Truly.

 Is it there faces? Their hair or eyes? Their clothes or shoes? Their smiles?

For me, this song is the answer. It helps me on days when I'm feeling down. It helps me everyday to remember what is most important and what I should be doing with my time here on earth.

It's appropriately titled, 

"Beautiful" 

from Cherie Call 

(she is one of my absolute favorite singers ever -- I love her lyrics.)

Look at all the signs, Look at all the shows

All the glamorous people who claim to know

What perfection is and what makes beauty stay

But when all the styles go out and the labels fade away

It's what you give that makes you beautiful

It's how you live that makes your dreams come true

Keep your faith in this world,

And let the light of the Lord shine through

That's what makes you beautiful

Nothing burns as bright, nothing shimmers so

As the smile of a friend when hope is running low

And how your hand feels warm when you dry a tear

Love is still in fashion at the end of every year

It's what you give that makes you beautiful

It's how you live that makes your dreams come true

Keep your faith in this world,

And let the light of the Lord shine through

That's what makes you beautiful

Even roses fade away in the snow

But the beauty in your heart can always grow

It's what you give that makes you beautiful

It's how you live that makes your dreams come true

Keep your faith in this world,

And let the light of the Lord shine through

That's what makes you beautiful.

I was so thankful that each of those young women went on to say that Heavenly Father has helped them overcome these feelings of inadequacy. The Personal Progress program has helped them to feel like they are "more than just a pretty face" and what they do has value and meaning.

Another one of my favorite scriptures:

1 Samuel 16:7

"But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart."

I heard this years ago (supposedly it's from Audrey Hepburn):

For attractive lips,
Speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes,
Seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure,
Share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair,
Let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise,
Walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things,
Have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,
And redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
You will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;
One for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

P.S. I found THE best quote to go with this post! It's from Elaine Dalton, 

"We are royal daughters of God and our value is not based on sensual appeal."

Radio Free Logan

It's been awhile since I've posted anything.

Life is busy. Always. You know, with four kids, statistically speaking, it just is. It will be. And that's that. And it's crazy, but I love them so much. I'm doing it and most days, I'm still smiling.

Lately, I've been smiling more. Why? I want to share with all of you one of THE best things I have ever done. 

What? THE best thing ever? YES.

It may sound a bit dramatic, but it's 100% true. I wonder why I waited so long. 

Such a simple thing can have the most profound results.

Alma 37:6

6 Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.

As a mother of four, I spend a lot of time in the car each day driving from school to school and errands in between. I get a bit impatient with other drivers and I get tired of watching the clock and going back and forth throughout the day and loading kids in and out.

A few weeks ago, I started listening to scriptures in my car. Specifically, The Book of Mormon. I'm sure this is no "WOW" thing for you, but have you tried it?

I tell the kids, "Mom needs her 'scripture power' for the day" and well, it has been absolutely AWESOME!

I feel more calm, more in tune with the Spirit, more settled, more confident and less frazzled at the end of the day. 

It's nice to have the scriptures read to me as I'm driving around and waiting at stop lights. It's so much easier for me to focus on the sound of the scriptures than it is for me to read the words at my house with so much constant noise and bussle going on. Life changing!

• 2 Nephi 32:3

  3 Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the wordsof Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.

• 2 Nephi 31:20

  20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.
  
  
  Here's one of my favorite primary songs, "Scripture Power"
  http://broadcast.lds.org/churchmusic/Primary/PR_ScripturePower_eng.mp3
  http://www.lds.org/cm/pdf/ScripturePower_eng.pdf
  
  Sorry, I couldn't get those links to uh, link, but you can copy and paste it in to a new page. Go listen to the mp3 and the words of this awesome song!

Ramblings, a good book, and a great scripture

Gabe and me at Zeke's graduation...
I love this guy, we have a lot of fun together.

It's been a busy week, but a good one. I am SO relieved to have Zeke's party over with. It was fun, but a lot of work and unnecessary stress.

On Tuesday, I went to a great Relief Society Activity about Family Home Evening. I actually learned a few new things that I want to try... I'll share them with you later.

On Wednesday, my wonderful visiting teachers came over to see me. I love these women. They are my friends.

On Thursday, our new home teacher and his wife came over and we really enjoyed getting to know them better.

Heavenly Father knew I needed a spiritual boost this week.:)

On Thursday, I helped at my friend, Julie's, preschool. It was a long day, but I really enjoyed it. We went to Willow Park for a field trip (twist my arm) -- it just happens to be one of my favorite places ever.

So far, I'm really enjoying "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett, it's one of those books that I'm thinking about all day long and I carry with me from room to room just to get a few pages in here and there. It's going to be one that I will never forget... and if I do, I'll just have to read it again!

Zeke bought ME a graduation present Tuesday night... a cell phone. Not sure what to think about it... you see, dear friends, I am a guilt-monger. I thrive on guilt. The last 3 years have been really tight financially and well, I've gotten along just fine without a phone. Zeke wanted to get one for himself when he graduated, but his work got one for him... so he wanted to get one for me! We'll see... so many buttons... so many apps, so many things I don't even know or care about. (yet) Thanks, sweetie! He just said, "I know you'll love it and I want you to have it!" Yes, I think I've said this a million times, but he is a keeper for sure!

Beck is at this very moment having a HUGE fit and saying it's "My turn on da compooter!!!!!" HELP! If you ever wonder why my blog posts feel choppy and don't make sense, it's because I have a three year old climbing all over me and yelling in my ear. Persistent doesn't even begin to describe this boy.

Just this morning I was getting ready and I had my flat iron plugged in. I have told Beck since he was crawling NOT to touch my flat iron. "It's very hot, Beck, it will burn you; ouch!" He kept grabbing at it, teasing me while I was putting my mascara on... "Beck, it will hurt you, please do not touch it!" Next thing I know, Beck jerks his arm back screaming... out of the corner of my eye I saw him grinning and he reached over to touch it on purpose. Wow. I wonder if Heavenly Father watches us make dumb choices like that and all he can do is shake his head and think, "I told you so!" I love that boy and I hope he can learn to mind, even just a little bit for his own safety. I am so thankful that he's okay. ( "... it's just a flesh wound")

Here's a great scripture I found this week; it has really helped me to process and deal with events and relationships in my life.

2 Timothy 3:1-12: "This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, un-thankful, unholy,

Without natural affection, truce-breakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, high-minded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.

For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with diverse lusts,

Ever learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.
But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as theirs also was.

But thou hast fully known my doctrine, manner of life, purpose, faith, longsuffering, charity, patience,

Persecutions, afflictions, which came unto me at Antioch, at Iconium, at Lystra; what persecutions I endured: but out of them all the Lord delivered me.
Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution."

I am so thankful for the scriptures. I know it isn't easy, but I know that trying to live the Gospel will bless our lives and it is the right thing to do.

I am so thankful for my husband. He is my best friend and I know that he will always stand by me and support me in whatever comes our way.

Primrose Epiphany

I'm getting really anxious this week. Zeke is out of town for work and when he gets home, his Dad is coming to visit us for a few days or so. I haven't seen my Father-in-law since Christmas 2007. This will be the first time he meets Beck! I hope it will be a good visit. Our house is really squished and really loud! I get stressed when we have company. Do you? I need to have more faith.

I'm also very tired. I can't/won't go to sleep when Zeke is gone. I've been making a lot of progress on my quilt though (and playing too much Tetris). I also cleaned out my fridge -- like wiped down all the shelves and stuff. I don't remember that last time I did that. Maybe it's a good thing.

Anyway, on Saturday, I had this amazing epiphany. My institute teacher called them "A-ha!" moments. It was awesome :)

Let me back up, I had a post ready to go a few weeks ago titled "February Fool." I was going to complain about how silly it is when the grocery stores start to sell primroses the first week of February. And even sillier because everyone is so desperate for any hint of Spring in their lives, they buy them all up only to have them die a week later.

I told myself last year I was NOT going to buy any primrose. And I didn't. I can't tell you how much money I have wasted buying those darn things. They're so beautiful! And I'm usually not a total plant killer. But within a week or so the leaves turn yellow, the flowers shrivel and the plant dies. EVERY TIME. So when I saw them in the grocery store this year, I laughed to myself and scoffed at all the old ladies lining up 4 or 5 of them in the front basket of their cart. Not me, I won't be fooled this time. I know better.

Well, the very next day, my sweet hubby picked up some groceries on the way home from work and he surprised me with two beautiful little primroses. How could I resist? He is so sweet and I knew I wanted some, but I didn't feel so silly since I wasn't the one who bought them, right? They look so beautiful in my kitchen window. They really make me feel happy. When I look at them I know Spring will come eventually; no matter how much snow is still on the ground. They give me hope.
I watered them right away and didn't think much about it. I normally water all my houseplants once a week and that seems to work just fine. But the very next day however, the primroses were starting to wither and yellow. NO! Not again!! :(

Well, I wasn't going to give up yet! I felt the soil and it was dry even though I'd just watered them. I put just a little more water in each one. Within an hour, the primrose perked right up. But the next morning, they were wilted again and there was ice on my window, so I thought it was just too cold for them to thrive. But again, I checked the soil... and it was dry. So I watered them a little more. And they looked great for another day.

This went on for a week or so and finally last Saturday, I was washing dishes and admiring how pretty my little primroses were...WHAT?! Wait a minute, they're usually dead by now. And then, the Spirit washed over me and literally filled my whole body and I saw myself reading my scriptures and remembering how much better I felt on the days I did. I've been trying to read them first thing in the morning EVERY day.

These little flowers were dying, because I wasn't giving them a little bit of water EVERY day. They didn't thrive when I dumped a full glass of water on them once a week. They needed daily nourishment. Just going to church on Sunday isn't enough for my testimony to thrive. I need DAILY nourishment too. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with all this. But for me and my stubborn mind, prideful heart, and young testimony, it was truly AMAZING!! And when I looked closer, I even saw new buds and leaves growing! :) They weren't just surviving, they were thriving and growing! Progressing :)
Alma 32: 37-43 "And behold, as the tree beginneth to grow, ye will say: Let us nourish it with great care, that it may get root, that it may grow up, and bring forth fruit unto us. And now behold, if ye nourish it with much care it will get root, and grow up, and bring forth fruit.

38 But if ye neglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.

39 Now, this is not because the seed was not good, neither is it because the fruit thereof would not be desirable; but it is because your ground is barren, and ye will not nourish the tree, therefore ye cannot have the fruit thereof.

40 And thus, if ye will not nourish the word, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof, ye can never pluck of the fruit of the tree of life.

41 But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life.

42 And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.

43 Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you."

Spring Clinging

It's that time of year. The "Winter Blues/Blahs." I feel like that sometimes. On Monday, it was SO "warm"; the snow was all melted and the temperature was 38 degrees! Yeah, we were having a heat wave (for January in Logan really!) I went to the grocery store wearing flats WITHOUT any socks! Yeah, I'm a rebel.

I knew it wouldn't last. The weather is just a big tease here. In fact, it's a common saying in Logan that if you don't like the weather just wait 5 minutes. Winter can be very dark and dreary. And we have serious inversion to add to the yuck. Spring doesn't really come until April or May. In fact, I remember one year our Young Women got snowed on at girl's camp -- in JUNE!

On Tuesday the temperature had only gone down to 35, but I woke up to 2 or 3 inches of snow; somehow it seemed much colder. I was determined not to let it get me down!

As soon as I got the kids off to school, I reached for my therapy:

I've been reading my scriptures in the morning now for 5 days in a row! This new habit is really changing my perspective on the day. Really. I feel a little more happy, a little more patient, a little more loving, a little more energetic, a little more tolerant. It's only a little, but it's amazing how much better my day goes.

I'm reading in 1st Nephi right now about the Tree of Life. I really like the imagery in verse 24 of chapter 8: " And it came to pass that I beheld others pressing forward, and they came forth and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree."

The mists of darkness are the temptations of the devil. The iron rod is the word of God: the scriptures. Notice the word clinging. Not just touching the iron rod or occasionally holding it or having someone else put our hand on the rod for us, but these people are CLINGING!

To me, clinging implies a "white-knuckled" holding on for dear life kind of holding! In the dictionary, clinging means: to adhere to as if glued firmly or to hold on tightly or tenaciously.

I think this means that living righteously can be hard, but the way has been prepared. Clinging to the rod of iron requires DAILY effort! DAILY scripture study. We can't afford to let go of the iron rod for even one moment! "The iron rod is the word of God; 'twill safely guide us through." (Hymns # 274) I hope my new habit will help me cling better. :)

After reading my scriptures and taking a shower, I took down my "Winter Magic" snowman wreath in protest. The magic is over for the season.
So I put up this:

Pretending it was Spring,
I painted my toenails and went barefoot in the house all day:

Yes, I know I have THE longest toes ever, but hey, don't you love the bright pink? I did a coat of Zoe's gold sparkly over the top just for fun :)
By the way, isn't Noira cute?

I have another ritual to lift my spirits. I change my shower curtain
(and rugs and towels) every 6 months or so, just to brighten things up.
Here's my "Fall/Winter" shower curtain:
And here's my "Spring/Summer" one:

Things are looking bright! Happy Spring Clinging!

Professor Babe and Procrastination Queen

Did I tell you that Zeke is teaching a class at the University this semester? I am SO proud of him and excited for him. The class is called: "Real Time Systems" and it has something to do with robotics and computers and that's about all I know about that... something something UML... sorry, honey, my mind just can't quite grasp it.

He's really great in front of people. (I'm not) He's one of those people that actually feels comfortable and even enjoys speaking in public. He's very articulate and funny and interesting to listen to. But I am his wife...

Anyway, he's always wanted to do this and a great friend of his asked him to teach the class with him. Good Luck, Babe! Can I call you Professor Babe? And Professor Babe gets paid too :)

I love this picture of him with Caspian and Pippin. He tries to pretend he doesn't like the cats, but he DOES. And the shirt. He loves this shirt! Oh boy, last weekend my Mom and I made the mistake of asking him what it means... yeah, our eyes glazed over in no time. Sorry, babe.

Here's Zeke playing Guitar Hero during Christmas:

And then there's me: I've had a sinus/ear infection thingy all week and I haven't felt very good. When I have been feeling good, I haven't been cleaning... check out my kitchen :( Blah...
Some days, I feel like a little kid playing house... all I want to do is play with the cats and my kids and bake cookies and make stuff. When I have been feeling good, I've been working on my Primary lesson. I love my little CTR 5 class! And I've been playing "Just Dance" on the Wii. It is so much fun! Good times :)

My brother, Jody, gave me a can of Green Curry sauce when we visited him on Monday. How cute is that? We both LOVE Thai food and he made sure I took it home with me. I can't wait to use it. Thanks, Jode, I love ya! Growing up, I remember watching Jody cook and tasting many of his creations. We always had a lot of fun together.

One of my most favorite quotes of all time is: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." ~ Albert Einstein

Really if you think about it... this quote is very profound. It applies to almost anything and has seriously changed my life. I've been feeling kinda bummed out this week and I know being sick doesn't help, but I thought about this quote and thought about something I should change.

Since school started in August, I've been getting up at 6:30 to get the kids ready and Beck wakes up too and I pretty much hit the ground running. I say a quick prayer while I'm in the shower trying to keep Beck from poking me with his toys and I try my best to get through the day. At night after the kids are in bed, I curl up in my bed with Zeke and attempt to read my scriptures for at least 10 minutes. Well, once my body is holding still and the house is quiet... I fall asleep in 2.7 minutes... so yeah, I'm not really getting enough personal scripture study.

By some miracle, Beck slept until 8:15 this morning. Today as soon as I got the kids off to school, I went upstairs in my room, knelt down and said my prayers and read my scriptures until Beck woke up. It was wonderful. I needed it.

I changed how I was doing things and I know I'll get a different result. I'm going to try my best to start the day off with my scriptures.

2 Nephi 32: 3-4 "Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do. Wherefore, now after I have spoken these words, if ye cannot understand them it will be because ye ask not, neither do ye knock; wherefore, ye are not brought into the light, but must perish in the dark."

"All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good..."

Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-9 "And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?...therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever."

Well, I'm still here, barely. Now, I'm not saying my life is that hard... times have been much harder for sure... but what a weekend!

So Zeke got home Wednesday afternoon...

Gabe watched the kids for us while we went to Zeke's work party... first party with the new company... it will take some time to adjust. I didn't know anyone and all the employees talked about work the whole time. They served us a yummy dinner, but it tasted way too salty to me. I didn't even like the chocolate raspberry cheesecake! Yeah, I think I was starting to get sick that night... I just felt off.

Here's a rundown of our Christmas via Facebook (bear with me... my head feels like it weighs 30 pounds at least):

Dec. 23rd: well, thanks "SC", for a Merry Christmas :) and here we are... Kaia AND Zoe are both sick now... C'est la vie...

Dec. 24th: Dear friends and neighbors... please know that we love you and thank you for all the goodies and gifts... this year we will give you a gift of NOT giving you our germs... this morning we are ALL sick (except for Zeke). You don't want this bug, I promise.

Dec. 24th: looks like the Tooth Fairy will have to hitch a ride with Santa tonight...

Dec. 25th: Merry Christmas everyone! I am so thankful for my family and for our Savior Jesus Christ and for Ibuprofen.:)

Dec. 25th: okay, so we all have colds... but Zoe is coughing up blood... any ideas what could be going on? I'm thinking bronchitis? do I need to take her right in? or can it wait until Monday?

Dec. 25th: thanks everyone, Zeke and Zoe are home. Dr. said her lungs are clear for now. He said her throat is very raw and inflamed; could be causing the bleeding. He gave her a steroid to help with the inflammation. We have to take her back to the Dr. on Monday to make sure there's no infection/pneumonia. Dr. said Zoe probably just has a nasty virus. Well, it could be worse, right? :)

Dec. 26th: I think I'm done... last night, Beck got THE worst nose bleed I've ever seen... he was even bleeding out of his tear ducts... that was before he threw up all the blood the ran down his throat...okay, so if you want to start the bidding for the movie rights.... we just need a title... I'm sure it will be a big money maker....

Yesterday, Zeke's Mom stopped by to say HI.
Oh, Patty, thank you for coming!! and thank you for the great presents!

It finally felt like Christmas! I sure hope she doesn't get sick. Gabe is the only one with a fever still. We're getting better, but it's going to take awhile. And by some amazing miracle, Zeke hasn't got sick...yet. I think Zoe was the sickest so far. Poor girl. I'll put up more pictures later...

Beck and Kaia are lovin' the Zhu Zhu pets...

Beck got a Hot Wheels garage...

I am so thankful for prayer. I know I've prayed a lot before, but this weekend is definitely in the top 10. Beck's nosebleed just about did me in. It was one of THE scariest things I've ever been through. Poor Beck! I'm thankful for Priesthood blessings and just for time. It's nice to see Kaia getting better; it gives me hope for the rest of us. I'm thankful that Zeke was here to help me, sorry honey! One of these days we won't be sick during the holidays...

Zeke and I really enjoyed watching Pippin watch TV with us last night... yeah, it doesn't take much to entertain us.

The yams did it!

There's an old Daffy Duck cartoon where "Tom Turkey" begs Daffy Duck to hide him from Porky Pig who is hoping to kill a nice big turkey for Thanksgiving. Daffy promises the turkey he'll hide him from Porky and never tell where he is. Well, Porky Pig begins telling Daffy Duck about all the yummy things he would have eaten if he had a turkey to go with it. By the time he mentions candied yams, Daffy's mouth is watering and finally he can't stand it any longer and shouts, "The yams did it! It was the yams! The yams did it!" and he breaks his promise to poor Tom Turkey and tells Porky where he is. Anyway, our family always thought this was so funny and to this day whenever we do something we said we weren't going to, we'll say,"The yams did it! It was the yams that did it!" It's one of our bizarre Thanksgiving "traditions" I guess... I love how my Mom says it. Anyway...

Kaia got to have a Thanksgiving Feast at school on Tuesday.
This was the Indian costume she made.
(No our windows aren't frosted... they're covered in SNOW!)

Well, our long weekend started out pretty exciting I guess. On Tuesday, the National Weather Service issued a blizzard warning for Logan. They closed the children's schools at noon and even closed the University at 2pm in anticipation of the big storm. We sat in the living room and looked out the window and waited... around 3pm the first few flakes began to fall. By 3:15 the wind was blowing so hard it was a total white-out and by 4pm, all our windows were covered from top to bottom with snow. It was very pretty, but kinda freaky at the same time.

The kids and I were quite antsy until Zeke made it home from work. I put a movie on and made dinner. Zeke called around 5pm and said he was on his way. Normally it takes him less than 10 minutes to get home... but he didn't pull up in the driveway until 5:45! It was crazy out there. He got stuck a few times and said at one point a guy got out of his car and jumped on Zeke's back bumper to give him enough traction to get going (this is pretty normal for people in Logan and everyone's pretty cool to help one another). It continued to snow and blow through much of the night. I went to bed thinking we'd be snowed in (this has only happened once in the 9+ years we have lived here). However, we woke up the next morning and it was just another day. The wind had stopped and there was only about 5 or 6 inches of snow. The blizzard itself was the scary part... it came down fast and hard. I'm thankful we're all okay and the power didn't go out or anything.

On Wednesday, Gabe went sledding with some friends, Beck took a nap (THANK YOU!!) and the girls and I made pies. This was a definite highlight of my holiday. Do you remember back in June when Zeke made the portable island for our kitchen? Okay, Wednesday just made it all worth it 100 times over! It was so nice to have room for everyone to work (and play). I really felt like I could get the pies done at the same time I was playing with the girls and teaching them how to do things and letting them do their own thing too. Lots of room and great traffic flow... oh, how I have waited for that. Thanks, honey, for doing it MY way! :)

I made 5 pies (yeah, for 6 people.. you might think that's a bit much, but we are 6 people who REALLY like pies!) And the girls each made 3 mini-pies of their own. We listened to Zoe's practice CD for her TaVaci performing group and we wore our matching aprons and drank hot chocolate. It was really great. They are my little girlfriends in every way. I feel so blessed.

I had a good Thanksgiving really. I'm just one of those silly people who get these great expectations in my mind of how special a holiday is going to be and then when it turns out just normal or a little chaotic or even a bit depressing, I get super bummed.

Right after breakfast, everyone wanted to go outside and play in the snow. I was busy fixing dinner. Zeke helped the kids get ready and went out with them. Zoe came in and was really cold. She was building an igloo and you know when the sleeves of your coat are too short to cover the bottom of your gloves so the snow keeps coming in? Anyway, I figured since I was inside cooking, she could wear my coat and it would cover her arms better.

I dug out my heavy winter coat and started cleaning out the pockets... I found a whole stack of church permission slips from one of the last Young Women activities I went to. We went sledding in February. I started crying. Gabe and Zeke said, "What's wrong? What is it!?" I cried through the words, "It's permission slips!!!" (like that should explain why I was so upset) Oh man, I was a mess! For those of you that don't know, I served in the Young Women's in my ward for nearly 4 years and was just released this May.

It's been a strange grieving process, not unlike losing a dear loved one. Really. The feelings come and go quite strongly at times. Some days I'll be totally fine and other days, something will hit me: like a song, or a fun memory, or in this case, a stack of old permission slips, and I completely fall apart. This was one of those days. Oh how I miss it! I am overwhelmed with sadness sometimes... those youth are so awesome!! I feel rather lost without them. I love them dearly... okay, now I'm crying again. I guess that unexpected event set the mood for my day. I really tried to enjoy everything, but I just felt this aching loneliness that wouldn't go away.

I had to get out of the house. I went to the store with Gabe to get some ice cream (it is NOT okay to eat pie without ice cream at our house!) We can have a lot of fun together. We were just laughing and joking together. I think it was the highlight of the day. I am so thankful for laughter! It keeps me going. We saw a guy in sweats jogging through the store with a can of "Reddi-Whip" in each fist... he was on a mission and no one was stopping him! Actually, he looked like a guy who was in the middle of a really great football game while his wife was in the kitchen slaving away at the big dinner and she said, "Honey, I need you to go to the store right now and get some whip cream, I forgot to get some!" And he was grumbling about it JUST a bit. It was SO funny, really. Gabe and I waited until the guy was about 5 feet away and we just exploded laughing... good times. We tried to imitate him for everyone when we got home, but they didn't laugh too much. Well, you just had to be there!

I really wanted to spend the holiday with some of my extended family, especially my Mom and Dad, but with finals just around the corner, Zeke really needed to be here to study and couldn't spare the time to travel. I sent an open invitation to my family at the Northern end of the state for anyone who might like to come for dinner... homemade pies, people! I couldn't help myself... I kept looking at the clock and looking out the window hoping someone would pull up. I know the weather was bad and people already had other plans... but I just wished this year would be the year someone would come to our house. By 2:30, I had to tell myself out loud that nobody is coming so I'd better get over it. I am a big baby.

Our dinner was good. Zeke and I both worked really hard and fixed all the classic stuff even though it was just for the 6 of us. We waited for the yams to be done and debated about starting without them, but we both agreed we love yams enough that dinner will have to wait for them. We got the table set and all the food ready. I checked the yams and they were pretty much done, so I turned the oven off and left the yams in while we said the prayer and such. And then I didn't even think about the yams until the next evening... (shows you how much I really like them!) Beck was being Beck and well, he's very "flusterating" sometimes... my mind is pretty much gone with this kid.

Zeke told the kids the night before he wanted them to think about something really special they are thankful for. Before we ate, we went around the table and told everyone what we were thankful for:

Gabe -- Thanksgiving (and all the good food)
Kaia -- Heavenly Father
Beck -- POPCORN!! (it sounds more like "Pa-kern!")
Zoe -- doctors and medicine
Me -- the Atonement (where would I be?)
Zeke -- me and the sacrifice I make to stay home with the children
(okay, I was crying again, I don't think I deserved that,
but it was very sweet)

Then, about 20 minutes later... dinner was over! WOW! All that time and effort for 20 minutes?! But I will say, the Rainbow Jello from my friend's food blog was a huge success! It was so AWESOME!! Here we are posing for a picture, while our beloved yams are sitting in the oven completely forgotten:

On Friday, Zoe got to perform with her TaVaci group at the Novemberfest (like a big arts and craft fair thing). It was really fun to watch her. She gets better every time. One of my favorite songs she sang goes like this, "Santa is the man and he's got a plan! I'm his biggest fan and he's comin' on Christmas!" kinda like a rap... it was so cute! And I can't get it out of my head. I was going to put up a little video of it, but I felt a bit seasick after previewing it... I need to have at least a 3 foot barrier from Beck if I'm trying to video anything... he kept bumping me and sitting on me and saying, "Mommy, I want more candy!" (yeah, I was trying to bribe him to sit still)

After lunch on Friday, I declared it was "Christmas decoration time!" I have been waiting! Zeke had to study, Gabe went sledding again... (oh well?) So it was the girls and Beck (aka The Ornament Destroyer). But we had fun anyway... I love to watch my children decorate the Christmas tree. They always seem to gather as many ornaments as they can on just one branch. I love our little old Christmas tree. It's nothing fancy, but I think it's beautiful. Every year, we take turns having one child put the tree topper/spire thing on... don't you love Zeke's face? Kaia does.
We were still putting up decorations around 5pm and I thought I'd better start some dinner. I chose a crowd-favorite: pizza. So while I was mixing the yeast for the dough, I turned the oven on and went about making the sauce, letting the dough raise, and putting away storage bins from the Christmas stuff. Well, about 15 minutes later, I noticed a strange smell coming from the kitchen... something was burning! I ran to the oven and opened it to find yesterday's YAMS burned and yucky. DANG IT! (like Kip on Napoleon Dynamite when he drives over the plastic bowl and smashes it) I should have taken a picture I guess... do you really want to see a pan full of burned yams? I've seen some pretty weird pictures on blogs... like string cheese that looks like jerky (ha ha ha). Anyway, it wasn't anything too serious, but I had to laugh! I cannot believe we forgot all about the yams...

This morning while I was doing dishes, some of the clean ones began to topple over. I tried to grab them, but they crashed to the floor. One of my baking stones shattered and my electric griddle broke in 4 places. :( I was pretty bummed. I was mad at myself. I was trying to hurry and just get them done. I guess I stacked them too high. But I thought, at least no one got hurt. Well, I guess I'll be getting a new griddle for Christmas...sigh.

What I really want for Christmas is for Zeke to graduate. I don't want to feel guilty anymore when I ask him to help me when he should be studying. I don't want to live our lives by the semester calendar anymore and change plans or not make any plans at all because Zeke has a test or a project due. I want to have more time to just be together and not always be rushing through dinner and scriptures and everything. Anyway, I don't want to have unrealistic expectations... maybe it won't be that different. Maybe it will. But I want to be done. Say a prayer for us, please?

Here's a great scripture I found this week:
1 Nephi 18:16: "Nevertheless, I did look unto my God, and I did praise him all the day long; and I did not murmur against the Lord because of mine afflictions." (Nephi is saying this while his wrists and ankles are very swollen and sore from being tied up by his brothers and they are mocking him... yeah, I really shouldn't complain!)

One more important thing, last night, I had the yummiest creation: Razzleberry Pie with Spumoni Ice Cream. Okay, I think it beat the Pecan Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream. Well, maybe they tied. Mmmmm!