Most important things

Hi, it's been awhile since I've blogged. Life is good and busy. My blog is morphing. I'm morphing. I find myself making time for the most important things: playing with my children, spending time with my sweetheart, helping others, and doing family history. Seriously, I could do SO much better, but these are the things I WANT to focus on. These are the things I want to teach my children through my example.

A great quote from President Ezra Taft Benson:

“When we put God first, all other things fall

 into their proper place or drop out of our

 lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the 

claims for our affection, the demands on our

 time, the interests we pursue, and the order 

of our priorities.”

I listened to a really great conference talk this morning helped solidify my feelings about family history:

  

"The Joy of Redeeming the Dead" 

by Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

A great quote from this talk: "Any work you do in the temple is time well spent, but receiving ordinances vicariously for one of your own ancestors will make the time in the temple more sacred, and even greater blessings will be received. The First Presidency has declared, “Our preeminent obligation is to seek out and identify our own ancestors.”⁷

Do you young people want a sure way to eliminate the influence of the adversary in your life? Immerse yourself in searching for your ancestors, prepare their names for the sacred vicarious ordinances available in the temple, and then go to the temple to stand as proxy for them to receive the ordinances of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost. As you grow older, you will be able to participate in receiving the other ordinances as well. I can think of no greater protection from the influence of the adversary in your life."

I hope this talk will inspire you to seek out your own ancestors. You can go to familysearch.org to get started.

Conference with a cold and my favorite scripture.

8:30am: Here's my kitchen in all of its horror...

If you could see it in real life you would understand why I'm sitting here typing... it's TRASHED! The other side of the room looks just about the same minus the food. I wanted to take a picture, but my phone is full, of course. Life can be so overwhelming. I can't seem to breathe. (ha! quite literally at the moment)

It was Conference Weekend and I've had a nasty cold since Thursday. Not a good combination. I've spent a lot of time on the couch... blah.

Oh, and just to add insult to injury -- I went outside yesterday for a moment of fresh air and I got stung by a wasp! I haven't been stung by a wasp or bee since I was a little girl! So weird! OUCH! (By the way, lavender oil works great on wasp stings -- the swelling and pain were gone in less than an hour.)

For the record, my sweet hubby and kids have been helpful -- bringing me tissues and cleaning up the house when needed, but last night we just kind of gave up. Zeke offered to clean, but I begged him to sit by me on the couch and watch another movie. This cold makes me feel like a big baby and my brain is so foggy... ugh.

Conference was great. I'm still trying to absorb it all and clarify my feelings and thoughts about some of the talks I would like to post about later. 

One scripture that really stood out to me (I noted 5 different speakers referencing it) was :

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I know I've mentioned on my blog a few times that this is my favorite scripture. 

It is THE scripture. The one that keeps me going. The one that got me going in the first place.

Long, long story, but when I was 18 and completely lost I had a miracle of a thought. To this day, I don't know what made me think it. I do know I'd hit rock bottom in my life and literally there was no way to go but up. I didn't realize this thought would change my life forever.

I thought maybe there was something to this Church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I wanted to find out for sure. I opened a Bible -- you know how people say they just randomly flip to a page and start reading? Well, I did that and came to Matthew 11: 28-30. The words practically jumped off the page at me! Those verses seemed highlighted somehow, like there was a glow surrounding them. Those simple, yet powerful verses changed my life forever. This was my answer. THE answer. I have never looked back.

This scripture has sustained me and strengthened me through the last 20 years, but trials still come. Life is very hard sometimes, but life can also be joyful and rewarding. There is always hope through the Atonement of our Savior. 

Yesterday, Richard G. Scott said something like, "The Lord sees weaknesses differently than He does rebellion. There is justice for rebellion, but for our weaknesses He shows mercy." I needed those words yesterday. I struggle SO much. I get SO mad at myself. I feel SO weak and unworthy sometimes.

I think of 2 Nephi 4:17-21 when Nephi says, "... O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins;"

Then he says, 

"Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions... He hath filled me with His love, even unto the consuming of my flesh!"

We need our Savior to help us overcome our weaknesses. He is THE answer. I have prayed earnestly to overcome my weaknesses and turn them over to Him. I know it's a daily battle and a lifelong process. I know I can't do it alone. I know in whom I have trusted.

Another quote from Conference (I think it's from Timothy Dyches of the Quorum of the 70):

"All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Christ."

One of my favorite talks was by Richard J. Maynes of the Presidency of the 70. It really brought me hope and comfort and... wow, the word that came to mind was vindication (for me, at least).

He said something like, "We need to develop spiritual stamina in order to find inner peace and strength to endure whatever challenge we wake up to each morning."

I appreciate so much that he acknowledged that some trials don't end. Some trials are with us throughout our earthly life. Many people face horrible and unthinkable and unbearable trials they are able to overcome through the help of our Savior and because they eventually end. (Like being out of work or recovering from a serious accident or illness). They get through it. It's an event in their life, not a way of life.

What about people that just have to endure? Their trial is ALWAYS there and most likely always will be. For some, it is reality. We need to have compassion and understanding for those people. Those people need to have compassion and understanding for themselves. (I'm talking to myself right here.) It's so hard, because some trials people face are invisible to others. Trials you can't actually "see" on the outside or maybe not realize how hard it is for them or what they are truly going through.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, "If the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and BE STRONG!"

I honestly loved that and "hated" it at the same time. It stung me (and it was supposed to). I faltered because of my weaknesses. It sounds too hard. I want a reprieve sometimes. It's hard to be strong! I truly appreciated his talk and related to much of it -- but it made me realize I need to accept my trials and not compare myself to others, to "come what may and LOVE it". (from Elder Wirthlin long ago)

I know the Lord knows exactly what we are going through. He understands fully and He can truly see everything. He loves us no matter what. I find great comfort in that eternal truth. I hope I can be strong enough to "drink the bitter cup" and keep going and even "LOVE it". 

One day at a time ... sometimes for me, it's one hour or even one moment at a time. I've come to realize that is what enduring is. We can't be perfect now and we certainly can't be perfect and happy every moment, but little by little we can keep going forward doing our best. That's all He asks. It is enough.

Rely on the Lord

Have you noticed I haven't been blogging this week? Yeah... it's been a crazy week. I think I say that more than I don't so it doesn't really mean anything. (Reminds me of the "Incredibles" when the Mom says, "Everyone's special, Dash." and Dash says, "Which is another way of saying no one is." Yeah, I'm way off...) 

The younger kids are in bed. We celebrated Friday in style eating lots of ice cream and watching, "Ramona and Beezus." It has to be one of my new favorite movies. My Mom sent it to us for a Valentine's surprise. I was surprised how much I really enjoyed it. It just felt real. It made me laugh and cry and laugh and cry some more. Kaia is SO much like Ramona. I always felt like Ramona when I was growing up.

Zeke and my oldest son, Gabe, are sleeping in snow caves somewhere up the canyon with the Scouts... why they do this I will never understand, but they enjoy it.

So now comes the hard part. The house is quiet and I am "alone". Well, not really alone, the cats are sleeping nearby, but the house is SO quiet. TOO quiet. No more distractions to keep my mind busy.

What a week and what a finale! Crazy house stuff: flooring choices, meetings with all the builders and "big wigs", deadlines and delays, a broken window, and not-so-thorough bricklayers. Poor Beck has a double ear infection which means we didn't get much sleep, Parent/Teacher Conferences for Kaia and Gabe, my husband and I were so busy we barely saw each other at all. Oh, and one of our cats has been sick and had to go to the vet and the engine light on our van keeps coming on and we can't figure out why... almost sounds like the lyrics to a REALLY bad country song.

We tried to go out for dinner last night and it was a bit crazy. I was worn out, because of all of the above and more, physically and emotionally. Well, it wasn't the best Valentine's Day ever, but it wasn't the worst; after all, we did have sushi! Then, to top it off, I got sick later that night -- I've never gotten sick from sushi. Well, that won't stop me from eating it again!!

Today is a blur.

Before I put the kids to bed, we read a little verse and quote from "Stand a Little Taller" by Gordon B. Hinckley. It was the perfect quote and scripture for today. My heart needed it.

RELY ON THE LORD

"And by hearkening to observe all the words which I, the Lord their God, shall speak unto them, they shall never cease to prevail until kingdoms of the world are subdued under my feet, and the earth is given unto the saints, to possess it forever and ever." Doctrine & Covenants 103:7

"The Lord has given you this glorious Church. His Church, to guide you and direct you, to give you opportunity for growth and experience, to teach you and lead you and encourage you, to make of you His chosen daughter or son, one upon whom He may look with love and with a desire to help. Of course there will be some problems along the way. There will be difficulties to overcome. But they will not last forever. He will not forsake you." ~ Gordon B. Hinckley

BEAUTIFUL

Why are women so concerned about how they look? 

I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not. In one way or another all women are. I think there's a balance though, between being obsessed and not caring at all. The older I get, I don't care as much how I look, but even still, I have days when I don't feel as "beautiful" as I would like to.

 I attended a New Beginnings meeting last night (for young women ages 12-18) and several of the girls talked about how much they struggle with the way they look. One didn't like her clothes, another was teased a lot when she was younger about the way she looks and still struggles to overcome it, another said she actually thinks she's UGLY. So many young girls feel like they aren't pretty or good enough simply BECAUSE they aren't pretty enough. 

What's up with that? I think a lot of it comes from TV and movies. Everyone is SO perfect and beautiful and appear to be successful and happy only because they ARE beautiful. Somehow, beauty is tied to success and accomplishment, even though they don't really DO anything to show what they've accomplished, they only LOOK perfect. Does that make any sense?

The media is constantly telling us:

Perfect Beauty (fake or surgically enhanced or whatever) = 

Successful, desirable, "worthy", lovable, wanted, preferred, acceptable, better than.

Not Beautiful = unsuccessful, undesirable, not acceptable or worthy of love, less than. As in, don't even bother trying, your effort will not be measured on the same scale simply because you're not beautiful to begin with.

It made me really sad. I had trouble sleeping last night. I was sad, because I've had those same feelings before, and it's hard to overcome. Then, I felt even more upset because I don't want my girls to go through that. My girls are so precious and beautiful to me. I wonder if I'm doing all I can to help balance and even overcome the negative influence they receive from the media and society?

The funny thing is, I was really shocked to hear these young women say they look in the mirror and think they're ugly. For a minute, I actually thought they were joking. Let me say they are SO wrong in that belief. Each and every one of those young women are SO beautiful. Truly.

 Is it there faces? Their hair or eyes? Their clothes or shoes? Their smiles?

For me, this song is the answer. It helps me on days when I'm feeling down. It helps me everyday to remember what is most important and what I should be doing with my time here on earth.

It's appropriately titled, 

"Beautiful" 

from Cherie Call 

(she is one of my absolute favorite singers ever -- I love her lyrics.)

Look at all the signs, Look at all the shows

All the glamorous people who claim to know

What perfection is and what makes beauty stay

But when all the styles go out and the labels fade away

It's what you give that makes you beautiful

It's how you live that makes your dreams come true

Keep your faith in this world,

And let the light of the Lord shine through

That's what makes you beautiful

Nothing burns as bright, nothing shimmers so

As the smile of a friend when hope is running low

And how your hand feels warm when you dry a tear

Love is still in fashion at the end of every year

It's what you give that makes you beautiful

It's how you live that makes your dreams come true

Keep your faith in this world,

And let the light of the Lord shine through

That's what makes you beautiful

Even roses fade away in the snow

But the beauty in your heart can always grow

It's what you give that makes you beautiful

It's how you live that makes your dreams come true

Keep your faith in this world,

And let the light of the Lord shine through

That's what makes you beautiful.

I was so thankful that each of those young women went on to say that Heavenly Father has helped them overcome these feelings of inadequacy. The Personal Progress program has helped them to feel like they are "more than just a pretty face" and what they do has value and meaning.

Another one of my favorite scriptures:

1 Samuel 16:7

"But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart."

I heard this years ago (supposedly it's from Audrey Hepburn):

For attractive lips,
Speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes,
Seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure,
Share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair,
Let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise,
Walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things,
Have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,
And redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
You will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;
One for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

P.S. I found THE best quote to go with this post! It's from Elaine Dalton, 

"We are royal daughters of God and our value is not based on sensual appeal."

Wasn't planning to bleed today...

Sometimes I just HAVE to write. Sometimes I can't function any more until I do. I have to drop whatever I'm doing and just write down what's in my head until my head feels clear. Get it out. Write it down. Let it come alive on paper. Let my mind utilize that space for new thoughts. Today is one of those days. 

I have SO much to do. I always do. Today especially. Last week I substituted at my friend's preschool 6 hours a day for 2 days, so I'm a bit behind on other things. 

It's okay though. I honestly enjoyed it. I was a bit tired by Friday evening, but I made it. The kids are absolutely ADORABLE. Really. The best part is, I got to take Beck with me. ;)

My friend has asked me to teach next year three days a week and just half a day. I'm so excited! I think it will be a great fit for my life right now in lots of ways. I really enjoy the kids and look forward to the teaching experience if I'm ever to become the "Ms. Frizzle" I want to be.

It's so fun to see kids at the preschool that I know their families as well. I can see their parent's facial expressions and mannerisms through them. How they stand and what they say and how they scrunch up their nose when they talk or smile. So amazing! I also got two special pictures drawn just for me -- Thanks, Jack and Keegan!

____________________________

I'm still working on the quilt. Since January 26th is past, I'm shooting for February 1st :)

I'm so close. Last week, I remembered why I don't sew as much as I'd like and why I always stop in the middle of a project: 3 of my finger tips cracked on both sides of my nails. It is SO painful. I had to take a few days off to let them heal up again. Zeke says I always sew in the winter too -- he's right -- and there may be a correlation there since my hands are already dry. Oh, it's discouraging, but I'm not giving up!

__________________________

Got my first "Bountiful Basket" on Saturday. Thanks, Nicole, for the suggestion!! I know I'm behind on that, but wow, it was fun and I look forward to the next one. Pineapple and watermelon in January? Okay!

_________________________

Our house is *almost* done. Seriously. They are mudding, taping, and painting this week. Then, comes the flooring, lighting, interior doors, cabinets, exterior siding, brick...

It sounds like a lot, but it's going SO fast. 

Isn't it funny how you start something and you think it's going to take SO long? 

Then, you look back and it wasn't very long at all.

We've lived in this little apartment for SEVEN months! Wow. 

And now, in 5 or 6 weeks (hopefully) we'll move again.

We are SO blessed and I know it is a miracle from God.

I'm SO excited. I don't care how much we get moved in that first day, but when they give us the keys, the kids and I have decided we are taking sleeping bags and toothbrushes and spending the night on the floor if we have to. It's been an amazing adventure and to come this far and realize we're closer as a family than we were before we started? Even better. :)

Here's me in our freshly sheet-rocked kitchen! 

___________________________

Another idea... Do you think someone can be too nice? I try to be nice to everyone. EVERYONE. Sincerely nice. I do. However, the last 10 years or so, the thought keeps creeping into the back of my mind that you CAN be too nice. I'm afraid sometimes I'm TOO nice. Not in a good way.

The last few years or so (as in, ever since I got on Facebook in 2008), this "too nice" thing has become more and more apparent. I'm friendly. I know a LOT of people from high school, college, church, my children's school, our neighborhood, etc. I like people. I love friends. I love to share positive things that lift people up. I love to laugh. I love sarcasm and inside jokes. I love making other people laugh. 

Lately though, there's been a person that continually puts negative comments on my Facebook and well, it's just become obnoxious. I've had family members send me private messages saying, "What's up with so-and-so? What's her problem?" The comments have been so childish and out of line I actually feel embarrassed for her. They try to sound "NICE" like, well, "if it was me I would NEVER do that, but you know, if that works for you", but NO, it's RUDE.

Comments about my children and their choices and appearance. REALLY? And our house. Oh, our house! Seriously, I should not be made to feel guilty because we are able to build this house. It is a huge blessing and miracle for us. Zeke worked hard to finish school and was blessed to get a really good job. The pictures and posts I share on Facebook are for family and friends that love and support us and want to see the progress.

I'm certain not everyone likes what we're doing or approves of it, (and that's okay) but THANK YOU for not saying so. Seriously. 

The really sad thing is, this person, was, I thought, a really good friend of mine. SO "top-notch" in my book if I had a "100 favorite people list" she would have been on it, but over the last few years, (I can actually pinpoint it to a specific day), she has changed. Poisoned by jealousy. Prone to excessive negative criticism about everything we do and/or don't do. It's not my idea of a friend. Not at all.

I had a really good talk with my husband on Sunday. Um, he's wonderful, by the way. Seriously, wonderful. I'm SO thankful to have him in my life. 

Anyway, long story short. He suggested I "unfriend" her. (Who knew that would be an almost universally recognized term 10 years ago??) Wow. That's BIG for me. I'm always trying to be "too nice", trying to avoid conflict, trying to put up with people being "not nice" and trying to tell myself "they're probably right" and "I must deserve it somehow". But you know, when he said that and I considered it... I felt a great peace. It's okay. I deserve better. So I did it. Negative thoughts and feelings? Gone. Wow.

This year is going to be a good one. 

Balance, Exactness, Focus

Monday, Monday... so good to me

I love simple things. Mending. Gardening (indoor for today). Repairing random things. Watering my plants. Folding Clothes. Baking. Talking and laughing together. Helping my girls sew Barbie dresses. Building Legos with Beck. Listening to good music: Beatles, Mamas and the Papas, Elton John, Eagles, Van Morrison, CCR, Simon and Garfunkel. Making milkshakes with Gabe. Even vacuuming.

I've been able to do all of these things today and I feel so good inside. 

I love having a day off from all of the driving to and from schools. I needed to refuel.

What's wrong with me? It must be the music. :)

Every time I listen to the Beatles, I think of my niece, Jacey, who also loves them!

She has good taste.

It's cold outside. Freezing. The inversion is terrible. Another red air day. 

So hard for my Kaia with her asthma. Really, though, it's too cold for any of us to even want to play outside!

The kids are out of school today for Martin Luther King, Jr. day. 

I sat them down a couple days ago and read: 

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

I asked them who said it and why it's important. We had a good chat. They all knew immediately who said this quote and I felt thankful for the schools they attend. Kaia said, "Why do people care what color someone's skin is?" Good question, sweetie. During Christmas break, we watched "Remember the Titans" with all of the kids and it was interesting to see their reaction to it and learn that some people really do judge people by the color of their skin. Even today. I don't understand it either.

On Saturday, we were able to go to the Cabinet people and pick out all of the cabinets and countertops for our new house. It was SO absolutely FUN. Wow. Zeke and I really have similar tastes and that makes things easier, I'm sure. The lady that helped us said we were the fastest client she's ever worked with. 1-1/2 hours and we were done. Half of that was messing around and chatting. We knew what we wanted, at least, for the kitchen. Then, we had some fun back-ups that kept popping out at us and we thought they just "had to go somewhere", so we decided to use them in the bathrooms and laundry room. Why not? 

I love COLOR. 

Here they are, from top to bottom:

Cosmic Strandz (for the half bath)

Tangerine (for the laundry room)

Venetian Ivory (for our bathroom)

Aqua Fizz (for the main bathroom)

Deepstar Flint (for the kitchen)

The cabinets in the kitchen are white and the island is black. 

The laundry and bathroom cabinets are black.

I've finally allowed myself to get a little excited. It just seemed so far off. They've been building since October 15th (just over 3 months) and now it's finally coming together. If I wake up in the middle of the night, I start thinking about it and I get so excited I get butterflies in my stomach and I can't go back to sleep, like Christmas when I was little. We are SO blessed. 

P. S. I survived my talk yesterday. Ahhh.

Two Conversions

How's your Tuesday? I'm pretty good, I guess. I have to speak in church on Sunday and that always makes me SO nervous. It's a good thing for this quilt I'm working on -- all of my nervous energy goes into making it, rather than preparing my talk. Why am I like that?

Anyway, the quilt is coming along nicely. I'm truly amazed. I forgot to mention that I'm converting a lap size quilt pattern into a queen-ish size quilt. It's been a bit of a challenge, but I found this great website that helped me with the measurements and such:

http://www.generations-quilt-patterns.com/standard-quilt-sizes.html

Here's the quilt as of Saturday (this is without the flower appliques and trim). I'm so excited! It's very satisfying for me to see a project come together and to look at it and say, "I made that." Tawnya, I hope you LOVE it!

Okay, back to my talk. The topic I was given is "The Parables of the Sower and the Wheat and Tares". I've been a bit overwhelmed by it. I've been studying the last few days and really thinking about what these parables mean. Zeke mentioned how interesting it is that the Lord allows the "wheat" and the "tares" to grow up together. Why? He said we need each other. I think he's right. I also think at any given time we can change our hearts for good or bad. 

We decide if we will be the "wheat" or if we will be one of the "tares". I also think it is our duty to seek out the "tares", to love them and help them, regardless of their beliefs or standing in the Church. I was once a "tare" -- a full-on, nasty WEED! I'm trying to be more like a "wheat" these days, but only because dear friends of mine took me by the hand long ago and loved me and helped me want to change.

Of course we think, "Oh, I will be the wheat. I will be faithful and good. I'm on the Lord's side". But how many times do we find ourselves justifying our poor behavior? Or not standing up for something we know is right? (I'm saying this, because I'm guilty of those things sometimes).

I love this quote:

 The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.  ~Edmund Burke

I found a great talk from Elder Richard G. Scott called, "Full Conversion Brings Happiness"

I'm sharing this with you, because when I read this part, especially the personal questions he poses to us, I literally felt sick to my stomach and my mouth went dry. I'm not sure if I'm truly and fully converted... I hope so, but now I wonder.

“The sower soweth the word. [Some sown] by the way side, … but when they have heard, Satan cometh immediately, and taketh away the word that was sown in their hearts.”

Could that happen to you, in the wrong environment, with the wrong friendships?

“[Some] on stony ground; who, when they have heard the word, immediately receive it with gladness; And have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when … persecution ariseth … immediately they are offended.”

Have you ever been in a circumstance when someone proposed something inappropriate and you did nothing to resist it?

“[Some] sown among thorns; such as hear the word, And the cares of this world … and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.”

Have there been times when you wanted something so badly that you justified an exception to your standards?

“[Some] sown on good ground; such as hear the word, and receive it, and bring forth fruit, some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some an hundred.” ⁸

It's always very ironic to me when I discover the topic I've been given to speak on is the exact thing I need to work on. It's even harder to realize I've been thinking I was more like a "wheat" and that I've been truly converted, but while preparing this talk, it's become painfully apparent that I have a lot of work to do. Such is the blessing of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints -- we are constantly reminded to be better. Serving in the Church is good for me, because I'm always asked to step outside my comfort zone and to stretch and grow. 

I hope by Thursday I can post a picture of the finished quilt AND have my talk ready at least by Saturday...

Balance, Exactness, Focus

Remembering

Today is a good day even though I'm tired. My lovely black she-cat, Nora, somehow evaded the bedtime "putting out in the garage routine" and I woke to the sound of her meowing in my face FOUR times last night! Every time I would get up to let her out, she'd run away somewhere in the house and I was too tired to look for her. Blah.

Wow, I just thought of that definition of insanity quote again from Albert Einstein. It's incredible to me how much that quote applies in my life. If I would think about it and change how I'm doing something I know my life would be very different. (As in, I could have gotten more sleep last night!)

In case you've never heard this fabulous quote, here it is:

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."

It is SO profound to me. Amazingly simple, but miraculously effective. 

Last night, for example, I could have taken the time to find Nora once and put her out... done. Instead, I half-heartedly chased her from the bedroom, looked in the kitchen a bit and mumbled all the way back to my bed, only to do it all over again three more times during the night. Oh dear. Don't you feel like a different person when you're tired? I do.

Anyway, last night our family went to the Brigham City Temple open house. The temple is GORGEOUS. If you haven't been, there's a peach blossom motif throughout. Brigham City is famous for its peaches. Peach blossoms on the doorknobs, light fixtures, molding, and stained glass. Beautiful.

It was fun to see a few friends there (Heidi and Brandy)! We were hoping to meet another friend there -- thanks for the invite, Matt and Steph! But we had the opportunity to go with some other friends of ours and we had a really great time -- thanks, Karthik and Amrita!:)

My older two children weren't too thrilled about going and my younger two couldn't wait to get there -- not a good combination. Anyway, I'm glad we went. It was lovely. We went, right? I loved seeing all of the people there -- lots of children, old people, young people, black people, white people, and everything in between. But, I didn't even get any pictures :( Sheesh!

Afterwards, we went out for Chinese food with Karthik and Amrita. Do you love reading about the Chinese Zodiac? I do. Turns out, Amrita and I are both rabbits AND born in March. I thought that was cool. She's fun and very easy to be with and sarcastic and loves cookies -- my kind of girl! Karthik and Zeke work together. That is how we met. My kids think they are both very cool. That is a big thing!

I love people. I love getting to know people better. I love laughing. I love second chances. I love understanding and relating to people. I love being happy and looking for the good in life. 

Today is September 11th... I just keep thinking about it. I feel rather pensive today. Kind of somber and reflective. 

One of my friends, Brickell, said on Facebook this morning, "Isn't it amazing how you can remember exactly where you were, what you were doing and who you were with 11 years ago today. So sad:("

Another friend, Dave, said: "Eleven years ago today, we all built memories that we

 would rather not have, but will never forget."

It's hard for me to grasp that it has really been eleven years since that terrible day. I remember it so vividly. We had just moved back to Logan from Colorado a few weeks earlier. Gabe was starting preschool and Zoe was a baby. Zeke and I were getting Gabe ready for school and for some reason we had the news on. I remember watching the breaking news of some "random" accident. A plane had crashed into the North tower of the World Trade Center. It was an awful tragic "accident". As we sat there and watched the live news feed from the television reporter, a second plane suddenly came into view and instantly crashed into the south tower....

At that moment, our world changed forever. At that moment, I cried out to Zeke, just as we both came to the same horrifying conclusion, "This was NO accident!" I remember being SO afraid. Wanting to call my family, run and hide and never come out of my house again. I remember clinging tightly to Zoe and grabbing Gabe and just holding them. Wondering what kind of world I had brought my children into. Will there be a future for them? Crying and crying and not wanting Zeke to leave my sight. I remember thinking for awhile that day, "This is it. This could be the end of the world." Seriously. It was the end of the world as we knew it. 

As the events of that day unfolded, the attack on the Pentagon and the brave passengers of the ill-fated Flight 93, I was truly in shock. So many haunting images and unbelievable stories. I remember needing to go the post office for some reason and there was a huge line there. Everyone was pale-looking, huddled in small groups, talking quietly about the awful events of the day. Everyone knew. Everyone was affected. I remember getting a notice with my receipt. Something about the US postal service is unable to guarantee delivery at this time because of the terrorist attacks earlier that morning. I still have that paper somewhere. That paper spelled it out clearly to me. 

It really happened. It wasn't some horrible nightmare. It was REAL. All of those poor innocent people that died and those that gave their lives trying to help others were REAL. They had families and friends, futures, hopes, and dreams. I just cannot seem to wrap my head around it still. 

Somehow, being at the temple last night gave me peace as I thought of the anniversary today. Eternal lives. Eternal families. This life is but a small moment compared to eternity. 

I remember shortly after 9/11 someone speaking about the fallen firefighters, police officers, and others and referencing John 15:13, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

I hope that all of us can remember that day and try to be a better person. More loving, more forgiving, more patient, more friendly, more compassionate, more willing to help others, and more thoughtful. 

29 Secrets to Happiness

29 Secrets to Happiness:

1. Live beneath your means and within your seams.
2. Return everything you borrow.
3. Donate blood.
4. Give all the clothes that you haven't worn in the last three years to charity.
5. Stop blaming other people.
6. Every day do something nice and try not to get caught.
7. Admit when you make a mistake.
8. Listen more and talk less.
9. Every day take a 30 minute walk in your neighborhood.
10. Skip a meal a week and donate the money you saved.
11. Strive for excellence, not perfection.
12. Be on time.
13. Don't make excuses.
14. Get organized.
15. Be kind to people.
16. Be even kinder to unkind people.
17. Let someone cut ahead of you in line.
18. Take time to be alone.
19. Read a favorite book.
20. Cultivate good manners.
21. Be humble.
22. Understand and accept that life isn't always fair.
23. Know when to say something.
24. Know when to keep your mouth shut.
25. Don't criticize anyone for 24 hours.
26. Learn from the past, plan for the future, and live in the present.
27. Don't sweat the small stuff.
28. Try to smile at everyone you pass by.
29. Make this year the best yet!

*Thanks to the 12th Ward Relief Society (women's group in our church) for giving me this great list.

Wow. There are SO many things on this list I need to work on. Some are hard for me to admit that I need to work on, but they are blaring off the page from all of the rest! The "physical" things are so much easier for me to actually DO; give clothes to charity, take a walk, let someone cut in line. It's SO much harder to quantify the "mental" things and go about DOING them; stop blaming people, don't make excuses, be humble, accept that life isn't fair. 

You can tell someone, "Yeah, I gave a bunch of clothes to charity today", but how do you explain, "Well, today I finally accepted that fact that life isn't fair and boy, I feel great!" It doesn't work that way... or does it? I think the mental things are more like tracking your progress... doing a little better each day. The mental things are the ones I need to work on.

I'm going to pick two each week to work on. When I get to the end I'll start over. I'll try my best and hopefully over time I can develop some better habits. I want to be a better person. I feel like Satan is really working on me lately. I have to constantly keep a prayer in my heart to do what is right and to have the Spirit with me.

Another quote I really like from Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Don't judge me because I sin differently than you." I find myself thinking things like, "Well, at least I don't do THAT or I would never do THIS!" And you know, I'm justifying my poor behavior by weighing it against the behavior of others that I consider "worse". Yeah, I'm a real piece of work. A work in progress. :)

I just wanted to share this list with all of you and I hope it will help you be happier. No secrets here!

Here's a picture of Beck from our camping trip this weekend:

This was BEFORE he got into all the dirt -- he had SO much fun! 

I've never seen a kid play in the dirt like he did.

P.S. My stomach is churning and my hands are sweating.... right at this moment, our buyers are supposedly at the title company signing the papers to FINALLY close on our house!! Oh, I hardly dare get my hopes up... it might really happen! :) Maybe I can finally sleep at night.

The Quest for Erszebet

I like unique names. I like learning the meaning of names. We were very thoughtful about the names of our children and their meanings. We wanted to give them a name that could inspire them to be something great. A name they could be proud of.

Earlier this year I was at the temple and I came across a super cool name, Erszebet. Apparently, it is the Hungarian form of Elizabeth. I am SO in love with it! I came home and told Zeke if we have another baby and it's a girl, I'm going to name her Erszebet. It's so beautiful and unique. Elizabeth means "God's oath" or "God's abundance". Unfortunately, Zeke didn't hear anything past "if we have another baby".

No, we're done on that front as far as I know, but I just knew I needed to name someone or something Erszebet. I even told my good friend, Jessica, who was expecting at the time, that she should name her daughter Erszebet... well, she didn't. (It's okay, Jess! I have another idea.)

So then, I thought: a CAT. Of course!! We need to get another cat and I'll name her Erszebet. Only problem? Zeke stopped me at the "another cat" part and he's right. We already have three!

Then, it came to me. My sweet Mommy got a new car years ago. Her first brand new car ever. She was SO excited! So excited, in fact, she decided to name her new "baby". The name she chose? MOONLIGHT. Is my Mom cool, or what? :)

So, I remember teaching a Young Women lesson a few years ago about Homemaking and I found this quote: 

“One striking observation we made while in Holland is that the homes in that tiny land have choice personalities. The window sills in those red brick homes with the red tiled roofs are always filled with rows of flower pots—usually containing geraniums. The windows are large—with never a blind or a screen to cover them. These glistening windows add to the sparkle of the home’s personality. Many of the homes are named. Above the door you might see names such as: Sunny Corner, Sunbeam, Sun Cottage, Peace Haven, Tranquility, or Peaceful Nook. … Warmth and sunshine and pleasantness, together with peace and tranquility and contentment! These are the things which make a house a home” (Daryl V. Hoole, The Art of Homemaking [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1967], pp. 117–18).

I was SO fascinated by this concept of naming your home. It just spoke to me. I thought and thought about what I would name our home and what color the sign would be and how it would be so cool and change our life forever.... ??? Yeah, I have a BIG imagination. Still no name for our old house up to the day we moved in June.

Now you can see where all of this "chain thinking" and loquaciousness might be going, right? Anyway, when we decided in April to build a home, I thought, "I'm going to be just like the people in Holland (I mean most of my ancestors are Scandinavian, that's kind of the same thing, right? Sorry to all the Dutch and Scandinavian people if I've offended you!). I'm going to name my house." 

The name will be (big surprise here...)

ERSZEBET

If anything, this opportunity is an absolute miracle and has shown us "God's abundance" and for that, we are truly blessed!

I even considered doing an entire blog "The Quest for Erszebet", but no, I can barely keep up on one blog. I also don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, so to speak. If I post about the house, just look for Erszebet in the title.

Here is a sketch from the builder that looks a bit like what Erszebet will look like. (Kind of like an ultrasound before the baby?!?!?!?) Yeah, I'm a freak. Anyway, we've done quite a few changes to it and I'm thinking (today, at least) it's going to be grey with red brick and a black door and black shutters and a big robin egg blue sign that reads, "Erszebet" right above the door:

cute, isn't she?

It has been a bumpy road, though, waiting for the sale of our old home to go through. I came across a really great quote yesterday in the June 2012 Ensign from Elder Neal A. Maxwell, 

"The issue for us is trusting God enough to trust also His timing. If we can truly believe He has our welfare at heart, may we not let His plans unfold as He thinks best?"

The lady that wrote the article, Carolynn Spencer, then said, "My desire to alter the Lord's timing had been the cause of my anguish."

Wow. Okay. I do trust God. I think I do. I hope I do. I need to sit back and watch it unfold.

I need to be patient... 

Midnight Gift

I had such an incredible weekend. No life-changing events. Just some really good "Food for Thought" and a lot of it. I feel like a new person with new resolve and new desires.


I go in spurts with everything I do: reading, cleaning, blogging, sewing. etc. I've been doing a LOT of blogging lately. I'm just not feeling it today and somewhere inside, I feel like I need a break of sorts. There is so much I want to share with you, but I want to make it MORE simple.


A wonderful quote I heard on Friday, 

"Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday." -- John Wayne

I love Mondays. Seriously. They are so fresh and new and full of possibilities...

Feed My Sheep

I'm not too sure about this "Monday Musings" thing. My mind is ALWAYS so full. I have a lot to say and I often wonder if any of it is relevant to anything...

We had a really good weekend. Lots of reading, relaxing, watching movies, and spending time together. I love Saturdays when there is nothing scheduled. They are rare at our house and I am determined to make them happen more often. Zeke replaced some old panels on our bathroom vanity. Thanks, honey! We made crepes, chocolate chip cookies, banana bread, and fried chicken. We visited the library and also had a "hair-cutting party" (Kaia's words). I forgot to take pictures (I know), but I was busy cutting hair! Zoe and Kaia wanted bangs. Gabe wanted his hair "buzzed" (Zeke did that).

Anyway, I've been thinking all week about what I wanted to post today.  Zoe and I read an article in the New Era (church magazine for our youth) yesterday called, "Bees, Beehives, and You" by Annette Murray Wells and Stephen A. Wells. (P.S. If you don't know, I LOVE insects, so I was instantly drawn to this article simply because of the title. Bees are amazing... and so are WOMEN!)

 I found this quote: "One woman is HELPFUL; ten women are INFLUENTIAL; one hundred are POWERFUL; one thousand are INVINCIBLE." ~ Ardeth G. Kapp

Wow! That quote is so profound and empowering; it makes me wonder what we could do if we all work together? I love blogging and I want to make a difference in the world. Even if my actions affect just one person, that person can share what they know with someone else and so on. I enjoy so many of your blogs and I want you to know that you are making a difference in my life.

Yesterday at church, I heard this scripture and I just can't stop thinking about it:

John 21:15-17: "(15) So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. (16) He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep. (17) He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep."

I am a member of The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints. All that I am and hope to become, I owe to my Savior, Jesus Christ. He is the life and light of the world. He is The Reason. I love him and want to answer His call to: "Feed My Sheep".  I have added two more pages to my blog: "The Living Christ" and "Articles of Faith" to help you learn more about my beliefs. Please ask me ANY questions you might have.

I love January. I love the feeling of a New Year. I also LOVE the sunshine we've been having. There are so many things I want to do. I want to pace myself and be good to myself in some ways, but I also want to challenge myself and push myself to accomplish goals I have only dreamed about. I love the scripture found in Alma 26:12: "Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in His strength I can do all things..." :)

I'm already feeling the pinch of my "NO SHOPPING" challenge... I'm going to need some HELP.

Beauty Tips

I wanted to share this with my niece, Angee, and when I read it again, I still love it so much I wanted to share it will all of you:

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

Sam Levenson

Posted October 1999

Contrary to what some may think, Audrey Hepburn did not write this beautiful poem, Sam Levenson did. Levenson wrote "Time Tested Beauty Tips" for his grandchild, and it just so happened to be one of Audrey's favorite poems. She read it to her children on the very last Christmas Eve she spent with us here on Earth.

THIS is the definition of Insanity

"The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." ~ Albert Einstein

I can't believe how often this quote applies to my life. When I finally wake up and realize what I'm doing -- this quote always comes to mind.

Thanks, Gabe, for letting me use your AWESOME gorilla skull on my blog
(I think it would make a cool T-shirt):

I was whining to Zeke this morning (Wednesday after my last post) about how hard it is and how stressed I am, how messy the house is and how grumpy we all are and sick of each other. DUH!

Kids eating breakfast hours apart, sleeping in until 10 or 11, friends coming and going, insanely stressful dinner making times, "the witching hours" as my friend Stephanie calls it. She talked about quiet/play in your room time right before dinner when they're hungry, tired, and excited for Dad to get home. GENIUS. She also told me to spend more one on one time with each child. INSPIRED. Hard to do, but VERY important.

Today I changed, made a schedule, not just in my head, but on paper on the fridge and went through it with each child and well, tried to follow it --aaaaah. So much better! Another quote I need to practice more often, "If you don't write it down, it's simply a wish."
Not every member of the household was pleased with the "SCHEDULE" (i.e. Gabe), but I think they'll figure out soon enough, "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" There HAS to be some structure even to summer. June was so crazy and July was so busy. Better late than never, right?

We've done a lot of cool things -- swim lessons, play group, afternoon at the county fair, late nights with friends, summer reading program, cooking together, yard work, sewing, etc, but it's all been "roly-poly, pell-mell tumble-bumble" and I end up at the bottom of the hill in a big heap.
Now that there's only 2 weeks left, I've got it all figured out... for NEXT YEAR! Bring on the Strawberry Shortcake! :) 10 pts. to the first person who can identify one of our favorite books I'm quoting. Oh, and here's the guardian of our front porch (Thank, Caspian):

Is he cute or what?
(Dedra and Tawnya don't need to answer this, but I love you anyway :)