Wasn't planning to bleed today...

Sometimes I just HAVE to write. Sometimes I can't function any more until I do. I have to drop whatever I'm doing and just write down what's in my head until my head feels clear. Get it out. Write it down. Let it come alive on paper. Let my mind utilize that space for new thoughts. Today is one of those days. 

I have SO much to do. I always do. Today especially. Last week I substituted at my friend's preschool 6 hours a day for 2 days, so I'm a bit behind on other things. 

It's okay though. I honestly enjoyed it. I was a bit tired by Friday evening, but I made it. The kids are absolutely ADORABLE. Really. The best part is, I got to take Beck with me. ;)

My friend has asked me to teach next year three days a week and just half a day. I'm so excited! I think it will be a great fit for my life right now in lots of ways. I really enjoy the kids and look forward to the teaching experience if I'm ever to become the "Ms. Frizzle" I want to be.

It's so fun to see kids at the preschool that I know their families as well. I can see their parent's facial expressions and mannerisms through them. How they stand and what they say and how they scrunch up their nose when they talk or smile. So amazing! I also got two special pictures drawn just for me -- Thanks, Jack and Keegan!

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I'm still working on the quilt. Since January 26th is past, I'm shooting for February 1st :)

I'm so close. Last week, I remembered why I don't sew as much as I'd like and why I always stop in the middle of a project: 3 of my finger tips cracked on both sides of my nails. It is SO painful. I had to take a few days off to let them heal up again. Zeke says I always sew in the winter too -- he's right -- and there may be a correlation there since my hands are already dry. Oh, it's discouraging, but I'm not giving up!

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Got my first "Bountiful Basket" on Saturday. Thanks, Nicole, for the suggestion!! I know I'm behind on that, but wow, it was fun and I look forward to the next one. Pineapple and watermelon in January? Okay!

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Our house is *almost* done. Seriously. They are mudding, taping, and painting this week. Then, comes the flooring, lighting, interior doors, cabinets, exterior siding, brick...

It sounds like a lot, but it's going SO fast. 

Isn't it funny how you start something and you think it's going to take SO long? 

Then, you look back and it wasn't very long at all.

We've lived in this little apartment for SEVEN months! Wow. 

And now, in 5 or 6 weeks (hopefully) we'll move again.

We are SO blessed and I know it is a miracle from God.

I'm SO excited. I don't care how much we get moved in that first day, but when they give us the keys, the kids and I have decided we are taking sleeping bags and toothbrushes and spending the night on the floor if we have to. It's been an amazing adventure and to come this far and realize we're closer as a family than we were before we started? Even better. :)

Here's me in our freshly sheet-rocked kitchen! 

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Another idea... Do you think someone can be too nice? I try to be nice to everyone. EVERYONE. Sincerely nice. I do. However, the last 10 years or so, the thought keeps creeping into the back of my mind that you CAN be too nice. I'm afraid sometimes I'm TOO nice. Not in a good way.

The last few years or so (as in, ever since I got on Facebook in 2008), this "too nice" thing has become more and more apparent. I'm friendly. I know a LOT of people from high school, college, church, my children's school, our neighborhood, etc. I like people. I love friends. I love to share positive things that lift people up. I love to laugh. I love sarcasm and inside jokes. I love making other people laugh. 

Lately though, there's been a person that continually puts negative comments on my Facebook and well, it's just become obnoxious. I've had family members send me private messages saying, "What's up with so-and-so? What's her problem?" The comments have been so childish and out of line I actually feel embarrassed for her. They try to sound "NICE" like, well, "if it was me I would NEVER do that, but you know, if that works for you", but NO, it's RUDE.

Comments about my children and their choices and appearance. REALLY? And our house. Oh, our house! Seriously, I should not be made to feel guilty because we are able to build this house. It is a huge blessing and miracle for us. Zeke worked hard to finish school and was blessed to get a really good job. The pictures and posts I share on Facebook are for family and friends that love and support us and want to see the progress.

I'm certain not everyone likes what we're doing or approves of it, (and that's okay) but THANK YOU for not saying so. Seriously. 

The really sad thing is, this person, was, I thought, a really good friend of mine. SO "top-notch" in my book if I had a "100 favorite people list" she would have been on it, but over the last few years, (I can actually pinpoint it to a specific day), she has changed. Poisoned by jealousy. Prone to excessive negative criticism about everything we do and/or don't do. It's not my idea of a friend. Not at all.

I had a really good talk with my husband on Sunday. Um, he's wonderful, by the way. Seriously, wonderful. I'm SO thankful to have him in my life. 

Anyway, long story short. He suggested I "unfriend" her. (Who knew that would be an almost universally recognized term 10 years ago??) Wow. That's BIG for me. I'm always trying to be "too nice", trying to avoid conflict, trying to put up with people being "not nice" and trying to tell myself "they're probably right" and "I must deserve it somehow". But you know, when he said that and I considered it... I felt a great peace. It's okay. I deserve better. So I did it. Negative thoughts and feelings? Gone. Wow.

This year is going to be a good one. 

Balance, Exactness, Focus

Your knuckle, huh?

Happy Monday! I love Mondays... especially when I can sleep in a little. The kids are out of school today for Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.

When I was putting Beck to bed on Saturday, he gave me a big hug and said, "Mommy, you're so pretty, will you tickle my KNUCKLE?" (He was holding his ELBOW up in the air.) "Okay, bud" (So I tickle his "KNUCKLE") and he says, "Thanks, Mom, that was PERFECT!" It's amazing to me how something can be SO hard and SO wonderful all at the same time. Little moments like this make all the CRAZY worth it.

The older kids slept in and Beck woke up a little after seven. He wanted to play CHESS. Can you tell who's winning? When he took one of my pieces (which was every turn) he would yell like Gru on Despicable Me, "KNOCKED OVER!!!"

"Word of the Year" Pillows...

Yesterday's bang-cutting fiasco turned out alright... I'll post pictures later. Maybe. :) This morning I have to go in for my annual OBGYN checkup, YUCKY times 1,000!!!!! I haven't been too worried about it and although this makes no sense, that MAKES me worry about it. I'm trying to convince myself otherwise, but I just feel good this year. It's been more than a whole year and I've been FINE. (Freaked-out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional -- no really, I'm fine!)

Anyhoo.... Thursday: Threads and Things...

I made a pillow for my friend's birthday last week. She has chosen "LOVE" for her word of the year. I forgot to get a picture of her at Book Club... Camille's blog is "Behind the Quiet". She is a lot of fun and I think she chose a really great word to focus on. Happy Birthday, Camille, I hope you like the pillow!

Sewing on the beads:

 

All finished (it's about a 9x9 inch square):

  Close-up of the beads:

 I had fun making this pillow. I got some red beads (LOVE just looks RED to me) and I used an extra silver napkin for the pillow. :)

I'm hoping to make other pillows for my friends (and maybe myself) to help remind them of their word they are focusing on this year.
 Kaia made her own pillow, It says: "Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, just like you!"
I love this girl. She LOVES to make stuff.

 She also made a pillow for Beck. It says: "I love GREEN!" That was his request.

Here's the hoop -- should I jump?

Look at this cute guy... he LOVES climbing in our tree.
Christmas isn't really Christmas without a kitten... life is good.

How's life? How's your Christmas preparations coming? You may think I am just one of those annoyingly perky people during Christmas... I love it! All of it. My friend, Stephanie, did a great blog post about that today and well, I'll just say DITTO to what she said. (and Steph, for the record, I might send out New Year's Cards again, the budget is *tight*)

Our family is also doing something really special this year... more on that later.

Okay, so in my last post, I told you that I sent my children's story to two publishers... (now three) well, I got a positive response from one of them just five days later.... WHAT?!?!?!?!

Yeah, I was pretty excited and I know they are a reputable company because a friend of mine has recently published with them; however, they require a $2,000 retainer FEE. :( Yes, I just heard screeching brakes, did you? Anyway, the retainer fee is fully refundable upon the sale of 1000 copies of my book. Blargh! I knew it wouldn't be that easy the first time out of the gates, but man, that email got me excited! From what I've heard, that is fairly common for unknown authors wanting to publish their first book.

I firmly believe that if I'm supposed to publish this book something better will come along. I wish I was Anne Shirley and there was a local "Rollings Reliable Baking Powder" Company that needed a boost. I bet I could win that!

Anyway, I love Christmas and for the moment, we are all basically healthy... which is kinda freaking me out.

I love my kids. We made some cardboard box cars this week just for fun.
And it was.
Beck slept in his last night.

Zoe and I went to a USU women's basketball game with her class. SO fun!

Here she is with "Big Blue", the USU mascot!
Zoe said he stunk like cologne... just keep thinking that way, sweetie.

Kaia's still awake (it's 10:15) and she's crying. Zeke is up there with her and I should go help. He is such a great guy... which kinda freaks me out too.

This should probably be another post, but I want to do a "Word of the Year" thing like my good friend, Tawnya. She is most groovy, by the way. I think it's a great idea and a way for me to really make some changes in my life all through the year. Not a big list of "resolutions", I've never been one for that really, but something simple. Something I can think about and implement everyday.

Once I decided to do this, the word I wanted came to mind almost instantly:

DISCIPLINE
dis.ci.pline (noun)

1. training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.

2. activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.

3. punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.

4. the rigor or training effect of experience, adversity, etc.: the harsh discipline of poverty.

5. behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control: good discipline in an army.

This is what I jotted down on my phone:
TIME
MONEY
STUDY
GIVE
PROGRESS
SELF

I'll expand more on that list as I figure out exactly what I was thinking when I wrote it.
For the most part, I want to focus on our money and get out of debt. This year is the year!
I feel like the planets are aligning...

It's happening...

My kids are growing up...

No more diapers in the house, no playpens, no strollers, no baby monitors...

Gabe is almost 14 and Zoe will be 11 in just 3 weeks...
WHERE has the time gone?

The little dimples on their knuckles are LONG gone...
only Beck's remain and only just.
As I'm hanging up laundry,
I suddenly realize their clothes need "big-people" hangers.

I noticed I don't trim their nails anymore... they've already trimmed them...
when did this happen?

When they feel sad and cry or get hurt, they don't come running into my arms anymore or sit on my lap... I can't just scoop them up in my arms like I used to.

They don't want to go trick or treating with us anymore...

I was feeling sorry for myself on Halloween when Gabe just couldn't eat dinner fast enough so he could go be with his friends and Zoe got all ready with us to go trick-or-treating, only to announce she was planning to go with a friend and her family. Aren't we cool enough anymore?
(Don't answer that! Just let Kaia and Beck keep thinking it for a little while longer, please!)

I feel like I just woke up out of a thick fog and suddenly realized I have four children and they are growing up right before my eyes whether I like it or not.

I have to let them go, let them be, let them choose what they want to do and find out who they are... it's really hard and it makes me sad, but in a way, I'm excited for them too. What a wonderful and fun time of their lives.

I'm scared for them, the world is a crazy place, but I just want them to hold my hand a little longer -- maybe more for me than for them. They are okay. I love them so much and I want so much for them. In this craziness called Motherhood, somewhere along the way in the last almost 14 years, I have given birth to four amazing, beautiful, and not-so-little people.

Suddenly, the diapers and sleepless nights are gone and I'm here with a 13, 10, 7, and 3 year old and they're all about to have a birthday here within 6 months. Wow. I've heard so many other mothers tell me to enjoy it when they're little because the time will go so fast. I always thought those mothers were wrong, I thought they were so nostalgic and sappy and pathetic and lonely even. I couldn't wait for my kids to sleep through the night and be potty-trained and dress themselves and be big enough to do all of these things... and now, it's already here and passing and I think I've missed something along the way. It's so hard when you're in the middle of it. I'm grateful to feel (good and bad) this wake-up call and realize MY time with them is slipping away.

I told my mother on the phone today that I'm just the "chef" or "taxi" or "housekeeper" or "backpack finder" or whatever and sometimes they don't even notice me or what I want or feel. Sometimes my kids unknowingly make me feel like chopped liver! My Mom listened quietly and sighed deeply before she replied, "Yes, sometimes your kids will make you feel like chopped liver and I hate to say it, but sometimes they still do." My sweet little mother who I completely adore... is she sad and lonely and feeling this yuckiest twinge of regret I'm feeling in the pit of my stomach and in the deepest part of my heart? Does she wish she could go back? Have I made her feel like chopped liver? I'm sure! Especially when I was between the ages of 12-18. Let's not go there...Oh man! I was awful. I'm only beginning to realize how truly hard it is to be a Mom.
I just need to enjoy every minute I have with them. I've been praying about it and I need to find something for each child at the specific age and phase they are in right now to enjoy them and make them feel special and let me feel close to them.

Gabe and I like to watch "Mythbusters", Zoe and I like to bake cookies and paint her nails, Kaia and I like to read books and draw pictures, Beck and I like to play with his Legos and Hot Wheels. I'm going to soak it all in and have fun!

I know it is SO hard when your kids are little and your days (and nights) are CRAZY and chaotic and even depressing sometimes. Guess what? I've become that weird old lady like your mother or some old woman in your church that tells you "They grow up so fast, don't waste it, enjoy it!" I'm going to enjoy every minute of it! Grumpy teenagers and preschool tantrums and my little brown-eyed drama queens and everything that goes with it. (famous last words...)

While writing this post, I was listening to "Give it Away" from the Red Hot Chili Peppers and it was quite fitting for how I was feeling:

My Mom I love her cuz she love me
Long gone are the times when she scrub me!

Yes, even Anthony Kiedis was a little boy once and THAT, my friends, is a scary thought!! HA!

Blogging is Good, MY MUSIC is Better, Best Picture

Well, you may have noticed I haven't been blogging much...

You know when you look at your schedule and your life and all you want to accomplish and be...
What can I cut out? It hasn't really been a conscious thought, but I haven't been blogging and I don't really have the urge at the moment.

I have been listening to a great radio station, 101.9 "The End", thanks to my friend, Sharon! I don't buy very much music anymore so this has been a true gem to find this station. X96 just isn't the same. SHARON, I OWE YOU! I can't believe how much I LOVE this music SO much better than anything else. I feel differently when I listen to it. GOOD different. I feel like I've found an old friend. I feel alive. Listening to this music back in the day was the reason I survived growing up in Salina, Utah. YES, it is TRUE! Mistie... you can attest to this!

It makes me SO happy: Oasis, The Cure, Bush, The Pixies, Death Cab for Cutie, Modern English, Beck, OMD, Camouflage, Depeche Mode, Coldplay, Broken Bells, Yaz, ABC, They Might Be Giants, Toad the Wet Sprocket, 311, Foster the People, The Waterboys, Duran Duran, Midnight Oil, Modest Mouse, Men Without Hats, Dave Matthew's Band, Incubus, Jet, The Cranberries, Love and Rockets, The Verve, Blink-182, The Smithereens, Violent Femmes, The Fixx, David Bowie, Weezer, Cage the Elephant, Oingo Boingo, Crowded House, Talking Heads, Middle Class Rut, Cake, The Cult, Echo and the Bunnymen, Green Day, Keane, INXS, Fall Out Boy, Stone Temple Pilots, Eurythmics, U2, Evanescence. The Fray, The Clash, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Xymox, Peter Gabriel, 30 Seconds to Mars, R.E.M., Big Audio Dynamite, AFI, The Killers, Muse, Radiohead, The Proclaimers, Anything Box, A-ha, B-52's, The Cult, Snow Patrol, Bare Naked Ladies, The Black Keys, Tears for Fears, Erasure, Jimmy Eat World, Neon Trees, Dashboard Confessional, Wall of Voodoo, Smashing Pumpkins, Collective Soul, Switchfoot, Jane's Addiction, Linkin Park, Incubus, Bronsky Beat, Jesus Jones, Mighty Lemon Drops, Information Society, The Smith's, Franz Ferdinand, King, Sould Asylum, Thompson Twins, Anything Box, Howard Jones, Pet Shop Boys, Underworld, Figures On a Beach, New Order, etc, etc, etc. :) I'm sure I've missed some...

We went to Colorado to visit Zeke's parents last week and it was a great trip. Really great. As usual, I was too busy doing stuff to take pictures, but here's one of a few and definitely my favorite:

Grandma and Beck

See you in awhile...... enjoy life, find the good in people, take time to relax, play and laugh with your kids, read a good book, hug your sweetie, pet your cat (if you don't have one, come pet mine, it makes me happy).

I love all of my family and I hope everyone is doing well and feeling good. I miss you ALL. Here's a great big cyber (((HUG))) from me! :)

Beck-isms

If you're ever wondering what I do all day...
I'm busy taking care of this crazy little boy:
Right now while I'm typing, he is crashing his Hot Wheels cars all over the kitchen! Talk about pressure!
"Just let Mommy type for 5 more minutes...PLEASE!!!"
(playing in the mud at Merlin Olsen Park)

I thought it would be fun to tell you about all the crazy stuff he does and says to help me remember it and laugh about it
when some days I just really want to cry...

Oh, Beck, I love you, bud, I really do!

One day I was dancing around the house with him and I started twirling him in a circle... he stoppped me and yelled, "MOM! I'm NOT a princess!"

Beck's favorite food combos that make us want to hurl:
Strawberries dipped in ketchup and mustard
Hot dogs with sugar
Steak dipped in koolaid

Here he is after he fell asleep in the car after swimming lessons,
he looks so sweet and innocent:

Here is a sample of our ENGLISH/BECK dictionary so you can understand what he is talking about. This is very important because he talks NON-STOP!

Nuscles = Muscles, as in "Mom, wook at my big nuscles!!"

"Butterscratch" = Butterscotch, as in
"Mom, I want a butterscratch sucker too!"

"gotfor" = forgot, as in "oh, I gotfor the words!"

Beck wearing his favorite "Might da Queen" shirt!
"Might da Queen" = Lightning McQueen.

"soft" = "pet", as in, "Mom, I want to soft the cat and she runned away!"
(I wonder why!)

"WAY SO" = "REALLY REALLY", as in "That car is way so cool!" or
"That broccoli is way so yucky!" or "Mom, Gabe is way so funny!"

The other day we were singing "Popcorn Popping" for Family Home Evening, right after the first verse, Beck let out THE biggest BURP I have ever heard! Seriously it was like Buddy's burp on "Elf" -- "Did you hear that?" It was SO big that Beck's little chest and face were quivering as it came out! I'm not kidding! Of course, we completely lost everyone after that... FHE was over for the night. Ta-dah!!!

Last month, I took him to the park while the other kids were playing at friends houses. He sat here and talked and talked to me for 10 minutes before he realized I was taking his picture. I love these pictures,
he's definitely got PERSONALITY.

And then, the other day Beck came into the kitchen naked and his "guy" was playing the harmonica for me...* (Do I need to translate what his "guy" is?)
*Remind me to erase this last bit of blackmail before he's old enough to be embarrassed about it.

Time to purge or "I wanna be sedated" or Where's Sigmund Freud when I need him?

My brain is so full... I can never get rid of enough craziness running around in it. I can't focus anymore. My brain is full to the absolute brim. I need to purge. I need room to think about good stuff. Important stuff. Necessary stuff. Fixable stuff.

I don't think anyone cares to know or wants to hear all of the JUNK in my head, but it needs to come out.

1. I am so sad about our cat, Pippin. In a nutshell, he's not here anymore. He was being so mean to Caspian and Noira we took him away. We weren't sure what to do. Long story :( How do you choose one cat over the other? My kids, especially the girls, are SAD. I am one of those girls too. I wish we could have all of "our" cats, including Carmel and Oscar. Who, you say? But that would involve some backstory. In the words of Flynn Rider, "Sorry, Blondie. I don't do backstory!" Well, at least not today.

2. I am convinced that my house will magically be "CLEAN" when Beck is approximately 6 years old. Melted popsicles, mud, cereal, legos, paper scraps, bugs, grass, clothes, crayons, pee (yes, pee!), etc. How can you possibly enjoy that? I love HIM, just not his messes. I'm just so tired all the time. See #4.

3. I am completely blown away by the behavior of some "adults" I have witnessed over the past two days. BLOWN AWAY. Wow. Where are your manners? Are manners important? Am I just a hypocrite for complaining about it? Probably.

4. I have been having the most extremely upsetting, vividly realistic dreams and nightmares for the past month or so. My husband thinks it's funny. He thinks I should write them down and use them for a book. Believe me, I could. But I'm not sleeping well and my mind, heart, and body are truly experiencing all of these emotions so I wake up very upset and exhausted. I'm waking up all through the night and when the alarm goes off it takes me a good five minutes to convince myself that none of the nightmares really happened.

Anyone out there ever had recurring intense nightmares before? They're not the same story every night, so I guess I mean recurring in the fact that every night I have a nightmare. Sometimes they aren't about anything even going on in my life -- where are they coming from? But there is a common theme: there is a very stressful, often life-threatening situation and I'm supposed to get out of it or fix it or save people. Every time I fail. Last night I didn't. That was the first time. I woke up very exhausted and freaked out, but happy, because I "saved the day". Hmm... I wonder what I'll dream about tonight?

In no particular order and in no great detail, here's just a sampling of my nightmares: my Dad, my husband, my kids, people in my ward, getting in a car accident with my friend, Kree, doing daycare in a restaurant where the walls rotate, trying to get out of a car that is underwater, trying to get out of my house that is on fire and trying to get someone to believe me and help me call the fire department, people making me have my picture taken with my head and arms locked in one of those wooden things (? I can't think of the name), Kevin Bacon, being in middle school and trying to find a babysitter for my kids, so I can go to class and then fly (really fly) home and get back to cheer-leading practice and make dinner before the football game, trying to fly away from the "bad guys" while holding all four of my kids, my Mom and Zeke being insanely furious with me for not agreeing to watch some kids in our ward in the middle of the night, helping my friend, Ruth, reunite two ghosts living in our apartments that were trying to kill us until we figured out what they wanted (oh my, that was last night, it's still freaking me out), Zeke leaving me, my Dad dying, Zeke leaving me, my Mom dying, Me leaving Zeke, Me dying, Zeke dying, my kids dying, Zeke leaving me, my Mom being mad at me, not being able to find our house, and of course, the classic, being naked in public (I was at the grocery store and every time I would try to cover myself with something it would disappear -- this might seem funny, but people had called the police and were going to take my children away from me) Okay, are you scared yet? Of me, at least, right?!

My nightmares don't make ANY sense, but they are driving me CRAZY. Or? Am I already CRAZY and my brain is just churning and twisting all night long trying to sort through my issues? Really, guys, I think I might be crazy.

5. Do you ever have a terrible suspicion that someone doesn't like you? Someone you like. Someone you REALLY like. Someone that matters. You can just FEEL that everything you do and say is annoying the HECK out of them? And then you suddenly realize it's true and you feel like a total nub? :(

6. I am really stressing about something. I don't want to blog about it yet... I have a really hard time leaving my children. I have extreme GUILT. Guilt about doing something for me, guilt about spending money, guilt about being okay and getting to do stuff, guilt about my sister... I'm sure none of this makes sense to most of you. Sorry. Blah. I'll let you know how it all goes next week. I don't want to put stuff on my blog that is scheduled to happen and you know what a paranoid freak I am. I don't want people to know where I'm at (or not) and when. I hate having choices sometimes. I make dumb choices sometimes. Too often lately.

Three is a Magic Number

Well, here's my week: Swim lessons everyday, Playdate/Park everyday, shopping, library, gymnastics, art class, oh, and laundry, dishes, dinner, and guilt from NOT working in my yard.

I realized this week I have reached a milestone in my life. This is the FIRST time EVER in 10 years that I have been able to sit and watch my kids during their entire swimming lesson. WOW. Really it is SO weird. Gabe started when he was three and I was busy with Zoe. Gabe and Zoe took lessons and I was busy chasing Kaia. For the last three years, I have been chasing Beck while Gabe, Zoe, and Kaia have been doing their lessons. Now, Beck is three and this is his first summer taking lessons.

I have 40 whole minutes just to sit there! *bliss* It took me until yesterday to realize I should bring a book! Every few minutes I would look up and smile and wave at the kids. Beck keeps giving me the "thumbs up" I like this new phase of being a Mommy. My brain feels so calm. It's time to re-fuel. Especially after chasing Beck through Wal-Mart yesterday morning!

Today is the first day this week I don't HAVE to go anywhere. I'm looking forward to working in the yard and reading "Leven Thumps and the Gateway to Foo". I'm on chapter four and it's really good so far. Really good, if you like juvenile science fiction/fantasy and I DO!

We're also going to a wedding reception tonight for one of Zeke's former young men/scouts. It's so cool/bizarre to see the youth grow up and get married. *sniff sniff* Where does the time go?
My girls just LOVE to go to weddings and see the bride's dress!
The girls have been playing dress up lately. Here they are as the Red Fairies complete with RED lipstick. I know I'm just a *little* biased, but I think they are absolutely adorable. I am so thankful they have each other. They are so close. Sometimes too close... there are some occasional arguments, usually over candy or jewelry or the cats. Oh, to be little again!

Last Friday, Zeke and Gabe went camping with the Scouts, so I took Zoe, Kaia, and Beck to the park. We also went Father's Day shopping for Zeke and got him some new shorts. This guy doesn't really ever buy clothes for himself other than shoes and T-shirts with funny sayings on them. I've mended and re-mended most of his shorts. He calls one pair his "Frankenstein Shorts" because of all the stitches on them. It was time to get new shorts!

I love this picture of Beck.
He was jumping up the slide and I caught him with his feet in the air:

Unfortunately, he jumped so hard, he hit his head on the slide:

"Whoa, Mom, did you see dat?!"

The girls call this the "little red spinny chair". It's tilted a bit, so when you sit in it and lean just a little, you start spinning so fast you wish you never sat there. I've only sat there twice. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! What was I thinking? I used to love stuff like that. Not so much anymore, actually not at all. It's really hard to get out, especially with one hand over your mouth! Needless to say, Kaia and Zoe LOVE it!
Beck isn't too fond of the "little red spinny chair",
but this motorcycle is one of his favorites.

This park is one of my FAVORITE places to be.
It's only three minutes from our house.

I hope you're all having a FABULOUS summer and please don't feel bad if I haven't commented on your blog... I haven't forgotten any of you wonderful friends. I LOVE your comments and I look forward to catching up on your blogs in the next few days.

The Good with the Bad... I'll take what I can get!

Okay, so Wednesday was Book Club. It was so AWESOME. It was nearly impossible to get there, but I was going no matter what! Kaia had a last minute birthday party. Zeke and Gabe went hiking with the scouts. At least my friend Nancy agreed to watch my kids, but right before I left, the Young Women came by doing a service scavenger hunt (how could I say no?) I had to take my Dad's old Chevy, very groovy in my opinion, although a tad hard to reach the gas pedal. I was an hour late, but it was worth every crazy minute spent trying to get there!

Sushi at the Black Pearl and Cannoli's at Sweetly Divine?
Oh yeah, but that's just the beginning!
Without incriminating anyone I will just say we hand a grand old time shopping for lingerie at Dillard's. What?!? Don't you go shopping for lingerie with your Book Club? Well, you should.

Oh and of course we talked about the book, a bit. Actually most of us hadn't finished it yet. It's over 500 pages and well... life happens. But I did finish it Friday night. If you didn't read my last post, it's called "The Forgotten Garden" by Kate Morton. I really liked it. I would probably give it 3 out of 5 stars, maybe 4. It's hard to follow sometimes, jumping between the early 1900's, 1975, and 2005 all through the book with each chapter labeled with a different year. It's a great mystery with interesting characters. However, I was a bit frustrated by this woman's apparent allergy to conjunctions. I don't think I've read a book with longer, more confusing sentences. (other than my blog!) I'd have to go back and reread a few sentences here and there trying to figure out what she was saying. I'm very impatient and it just didn't flow at times. But the overall story was great.

Seriously, this whole paragraph is TMI I know, but I don't care. Friday was one of those days.... my dumb bladder. Does anyone wanna trade me? Deb? Amanda? You've offered to trade other things with me, I just thought I would ask. :) Anyway, having IC does have it's benefits, I guess. When I'm having a "flare-up", I can't hold still for anything, for fear of, well, you know. So I spent most of Friday running around the house getting stuff done. A week's worth of chores done in one day: Litter boxes, weeding, laundry, more weeding, dishes, etc. I guess I just need the proper motivation. Hmm? The kids and I had fun in spite of my inability to sit still. My medicine just wasn't cutting it so I had to keep VERY busy in order to keep my mind off of it.

Random: Kaia and Beck watching Scooby Doo

For the record, we're just a week into summer and my kids are so good at helping me around the house. During the school year, they have a few chores each day, but with so much homework and scouts and activity days and all that, I don't really focus on heavy duty chores until summer. I have a very simple chore chart and I rotate it everyday. Did you know that Kaia seriously LOVES to dust? I don't know where she came from, but I am definitely keeping her! Gabe mows the lawn for me and takes out the trash. Zoe is my best sweeper and clothes folder and Beck will do anything if he thinks he's "helping". Yeah, I'm pretty dang blessed!

Here's Gabe and Beck chillin' on the back deck after Gabe mowed the lawn.
Beck LOVES his big brother!

Friday night, we built a camp fire in the backyard and made smores.
It was a bit chilly, but fun.

Saturday was a Mother-Daugher Picnic for the Activity Day girls (kinda like girl scouts, sorta). Zoe and I went together and well, she is my buddy. We had a picnic on the lawn and painted flower pots.
Afterwards, we went to the store to grab a few things and Zoe saw a display of Justin Bieber dolls and was NOT happy about it. I'm glad she's not into all that yet. Honestly, why is he so popular? He sounds like a girl, well, at least the doll version of him does. We had to test all of the dolls just to see if they worked -- at the same time. You know the guy that spins dinner plates on top of sticks or whatever? We're WAAAY better than him!
Saturday night, we invited our wonderful neighbors, Lora and David, over to help us eat some some dutch oven potatoes and ribs. They obliged and brought some dutch oven cherry-chocolate dump cake. It was a feast! I can't believe it's only been a year since I met Lora. We are so blessed! I was so sad last year when I got released from Young Women's and then, Lora moved in across the street and life just keeps getting better. We have a lot in common so we can relate to each other, but we are very different too and it's keeps things interesting. :) I didn't take any pictures :(

Okay, today, Sunday, has been quite a day for me. I've been praying earnestly for answers to some things that have been troubling me lately. I'm always amazed at how those answers come. Testimony meeting was inspiring and I really appreciated my friend, Michelle's testimony of prayer and how she's gotten answers to the "small" things and that's given her Faith to keep praying for the "big" things and now the big things have been answered. I need to have more Faith! I hope I can endure the trials I have been given. Sometimes I'm not so sure. They're nothing too major, but for me they seem unbearable.

I was thinking about how wonderful my life really is aside from one or two things and if I didn't have these trials to deal with, how would I learn anything? There must be opposition in all things, right? Sometimes I just wish I could pick the what and the when... yeah, it just doesn't work that way.

Also, while preparing my Primary lesson this week, I've had this cute little Primary song going through my head (and it's no coincidence):

Help me, Dear Father, to freely forgive
All who may seem unkind to me.
Help me each day, Father, I pray;
Help me live nearer, nearer to Thee.

Why is it so hard to forgive people? Maybe it's just hard for me. I look at other families and wonder what it would be like to have a different family. But you know, I was given my family for a reason. ALL of them. I'm really trying to figure out what I'm supposed to learn from all of it and REALLY trying to feel charity in my heart. I think it's interesting the lyrics say "all who may seem unkind". It's how we perceive things... and I could go on forever about that one. But regardless of perception and true intent, I am still REQUIRED to forgive. My trial isn't "finished", but I got a lot of answers today and I am very grateful for the peace I felt. I think I've made some progress. There's NO way I could handle what I'm going through without the help of my Father in Heaven.

Here's to a new week! :)

School's out for Summah!!!!

Our favorite song this morning:

It's the last day of school and my kids are more than REALLY excited!!! We made it through another year! We're going to visit my parents this weekend and I can't wait to see them, other than I think I have an ear infection. :( It's been a rough week, but I'm going to the doctor this morning. I think I get an ear infection every May. I'm not going to let that stop us from having fun!

Hope you have a fun weekend! :)

This Might Be My Last Post...

It's Tuesday and well, I just haven't been in the mood to blog...

but our computer is being REALLY weird now... as in, I think it may be dying for REAL. Yes, I already told you that I'm a "bit" dramatic. It may be the video card? I don't know, but I've been storing photos like crazy expecting the worst. This is not good.

This just might be my last post... until we can save enough money for whatever it is we might need to replace... gripping, isn't it?

We had a great Easter weekend...

other than I was threatened by a Tongan woman in our ward that she would choke me if I tried to pay her husband for helping with the food for Zeke's graduation party! Yeah, good times!! :) ha ha ha (it was all in good fun) Love you, Sister Pauni! You have to hear her say it, "I come ovah and I choke you!"

took my family rolling Easter eggs... for the FIRST time. Zeke says I'm nuts. Maybe it's a Utah thing...

tried to sing "Because He Lives" with the ward choir on Sunday, but I cried through most of it. Sorry 12th ward for the ugly faces I was trying not to make ... I'm not a pretty crier. That song just gets me.

drum roll... we now have a family room (again). Oh, it's fun to have room to breathe and move around a bit more... I love to move furniture and rearrange rooms... it's a bit of a neurotic thing... I'm taking pills and having injections.

Tonight I told Beck it was time to get out of the tub and he stood up, saluted me, and said, "Yes, your Majesty!" I do not know where he got that one from.

Earlier tonight, Beck got a blue-coconut slush from Sonic and said, "This is the best yummy ever!"

My friend, Tawnya, came over today... I feel so special. I just met her in February and well, she's rather groovy. :) Beck and her son, Sammy, had fun too. She's one of those people that I feel like I just "click" with... do you know people like that? Isn't it great? (I am not sure if Tawnya feels that way, but just keep letting me think that, okay?)

Last week my dear, sweet, wonderful, awesome, groovy neighbor Lora showed up at my door with flowers and candy for ME! "just because" Wow, my life is so blessed right now. I am her visiting teacher and she came over just to cheer ME up. Here's the flowers!! (My camera is not great, but hey, I had to get a picture.)
Getting nervous for Beck's dentist appointment on Thursday... we'll be there for at least 4 hours... I'm bringing 3 books in hopes that at least one of them will keep my mind off of Beck, because I am not allowed to go in with him. The books are:

"The Help" been wanting to read this one for forever.
"Beyonders" Brandon Mull's new one... enough said.
"The Thirteenth Tale" this is the book club choice for April... I need to finish it by May 5th...

I'm planning to bring some chocolate too! Say a prayer for my lil' Beck if you can. This is the FIRST time any of my children have ever had general anesthesia. He can't have any food or water after midnight tomorrow... I hope they can get him in early. I'll be so happy to have it done. Poor lil' gaffer.

I hope you all have a great week!

P.S. If any of you would like to come to Zeke's graduation party on May 7th, send me an email and I'll let you know the details.

If you could

If you could see my pile of dishes. I'm really glad you can't.

If you could be with my 3 year old and understand just how crazy and busy he is. He needs some serious Mom time.

If you could know how crazy my day was yesterday and even how much crazier my night was. It takes a village...

If you could understand what it's like to have a child with asthma and everything that goes along with that. She misses out on so much.
This time of year is hard.

If you could get inside my brain and see how much I really want to read all your blogs and make a fabulous post about Kaia's birthday.

Not today.

"No success can compensate for failure in the home." -- David O. McKay

Back in the saddle again!

Hello there! My awesome husband got our computer running much faster last night. Thank goodness. I couldn't even bring up a link from another page or more than one tab! Wow, that is so pitiful. But I was so bummed yesterday morning I didn't even want to touch the computer ever again. I'm so dramatic.

Computer is back! :)

Kids are back in school! :)

Yesterday was nice. I love routines and structure. I love to have a break from my kids. I know that may sound mean, but I'm just being honest. I think it's good. They come home and hug me and tell me they missed me too. We are refueled from our time away and now we can enjoy each other again. Just Beck and me at the grocery store... better than all four children, but if I had to choose one to shop with it wouldn't be Beck. :) He's three. Yeah.

I love my kids, but we are a crew!

Yesterday was my sweet little Kaia's 7th birthday. I'll post some pictures later. She is such a great blessing to our family.

Had a great Saturday with Zeke's family.

I bore my testimony on Sunday and I always make such a fool of myself, but I just really felt like I needed to. We are so blessed. I am amazed at things I've been able to do with the help of the Spirit guiding me (and usually telling me to bite my tongue!)

Do you ever get the feeling that people think you're a complete idiot? Maybe you don't, but I am convinced that a few people feel that way about me and they're not very good at hiding it anymore. Oh well, I probably am. But to quote John Dryden, "There is a pleasure in being mad which none but madmen know."

ahhh... my fingers are happy to be typing again.

oh, Beck has to go to the dentist today :( no bueno...

Birthdays for Brothers = Lots of Pictures

Gabe made his own cake. Those are real guitar picks around the top edge.
Oh, and he likes to spell his name G-A-E-B now. :)
He says it's the Latin spelling.

We put trick candles on Gabe's cake...

Gotcha!!

Zeke helping Gabe with his new love:
I am amazed at how well he plays. He's been taking a class at school. First song he played? "Silent Night" :) And then "Smoke on the Water" of course. I feel like I'm 10 years old again listening to my brother, Jody, play his guitar -- all night long. My theme song playing in the background of all my childhood dreams? "Cat Scratch Fever" from Ted Nugent. Literally.
Love you, Jode. You are Gabe's Idol!

Beck wanted a guitar cake like Gabe (of course).
He's sampling the frosting and talking to Grandma Patty. :)

I love his face!

Talking to Grandma

Beck loves to get birthday cards.
These are the survivors (Sorry, Brooke, yours was well loved!)

Daddy brought Beck 3 balloons:

Beck and his new guitar! Oh boy, what was I thinking?
Gabe is Beck's Idol!

Holding still for a moment:
Zoe and Gabe telling Beck how to blow out the candles:

This is serious business:

3 years in a row -- cake overload!Gabe, what are you doing?
Mom, "Red eye flashes twice!!"