"I'm pretty sure this happened over night." Part One: GABE

So, we've been living in this little apartment since June. We're feeling rather cramped. Especially at night when all six of us are here. I swear my kids are ALL legs. Man, there's just no room to move! We were so naive to think our house would be done by the end of November... anyway, it's an adventure, right?

At night when everyone is restless and I don't know what ... we clear out a space in the middle of the living room and turn on some dance music. My dear friend, Sharon, made me the BEST CDs! At least I think so... my kids are asking for Oingo Boingo and Big Audio Dynamite.  I'm feeling rather proud of myself as a parent right now! It's fun to dance around with them and play; the kids need to move and wiggle. I think I do too.

We've had some impromptu dance lessons as well. Last Friday, Zeke was sick. I mean really sick. The doctor said he was getting pneumonia -- yeah, so he laid on the couch while we danced. (He's feeling much better now, by the way.) A slow song came on. I think it was "Never Tear Us Apart" from INXS (oh, the memories!)

Do you ever just REALLY want to slow dance??? Well, I do, and my sweetie was laid up on the couch. I grabbed Gabe. The girls kept giggling and staring as I tried to teach him how to slow dance. I cannot fully explain to you how totally BIZARRE it was to look UP into the eyes of my 14 year old son. (I'm nearly 5'7" already!)

Anyway, I tried to show him how I think it's cool/more romantic/proper/whatever when a guy puts one hand on your waist and "holds your other hand up like this". Are you picturing it? It reminds me of Dirty Dancing, "...spaghetti arms! would you give me some tension, please?" (No, I won't show my kids that movie, but man, I loved it when I was younger.)

So it was one of those moments I will always remember, cheesy I know, but Gabe wasn't too bugged. In fact, he seemed pretty eager to figure out this slow dance thing. Little did I know, it was perfect timing. The very next night, Gabe was at a friend's house and called me to ask if he could go to a Stake Dance with said friend's cousin's Dad. I said sure??? (Gabe has NEVER wanted to go to a Stake Dance before now.) This was around 9pm.

11pm. The door opens. In walks Gabe and his friend, Zach. They were laughing and stumbling about in the way only 14 year old boys can, simultaneously creating a wake of noise and candy wrappers as they crossed the room.

"So how was the dance?" I asked. Immediately, they launched into a VERY animated explanation of learning how to do the Electric Slide and the Macarena. Then, without any reservations whatsoever, they SHOWED us how to do the line dance to "Cotton Eye Joe". Remember, we're in a 1400 sq. ft. apartment with 3 other kids! I laughed SO hard I thought I would burst. It was priceless.

And... then (here it comes) we asked them if they got to slow dance with any girls. They both grinned and said sheepishly, "Yeah, we did." (I could swear there were little heart bubbles swirling and popping around their heads.)

Gabe got real excited and said, "MOM! Oh wow, by the way, thanks for showing me how to hold their hand up and put one hand on their waist! The girls said that was really cool! "

To all of the girls from some random Stake Dance in Sky View... "You're welcome." Oh, if ever I could be a fly on a wall...

I tried to choke down the lump in my throat. You know, maybe this Mom thing has its perks too. He was so excited! I thought, "Oh, my baby boy is slow dancing with girls!!"

Now as I type this, reality sets in and the lump I remember is replaced by a sick butterfly-type feeling in the pit of my stomach, "My baby boy is slow dancing with girls???????"

Oh dang.

Fourteen Years

My son, Gabe, is fourteen years old today.
FOURTEEN YEARS. Where has the time gone???

I can't seem to get the pictures to go in the order I want -- I keep erasing them. We're getting ready to take Gabe out to dinner so I've got to hurry... Here's 15 pictures, one for each year and one to grow on!

Love at first sight: February 24, 1998

July 1998 at Grandma Rosy's

First Birthday 1999: Grandma Patty didn't think Gabe was getting messy enough (or Dad)

Dad and Gabe: Christmas at Grandma Patty's cabin, December 1999

First birthday with the cousins, 1999

December 2000: Gabe the new big brother

Gabe and Kaia: April 12, 2004

Gabe: 6 months old

Gabe and Grandma Patty's dog, Girl. (He loves Girl.) At Grandma Patty's house, summer 2010?

Gabe lost his two front teeth within a week of each other. September 2004

Zoe and Gabe: August 2003 (We just moved into our house )

Gabe (STATIC!!!) and Beck on the trampoline: Summer 2009

My boys: Zeke, Beck, Gabe -- March 2008

Gabe getting a shirt ready to tie-dye: August 2011

February 24, 2012: Gabe and his friends being crazy

He wants a new hoodie, a 12 pack of mountain dew, and a donut tower (instead of a cake). 

He is definitely a teenager.

Obsessed with Chess

My family always has a current game or activity they are obsessed with. Right now, it is CHESS. Everyone is playing chess almost all the time. Kaia made an invitation to a "Chest Tortoment". We're supposed to circle the happy face if we're coming and the sad face if we're not.

 

 Gabe even carved a knight out of soap! NICE.

It's happening...

My kids are growing up...

No more diapers in the house, no playpens, no strollers, no baby monitors...

Gabe is almost 14 and Zoe will be 11 in just 3 weeks...
WHERE has the time gone?

The little dimples on their knuckles are LONG gone...
only Beck's remain and only just.
As I'm hanging up laundry,
I suddenly realize their clothes need "big-people" hangers.

I noticed I don't trim their nails anymore... they've already trimmed them...
when did this happen?

When they feel sad and cry or get hurt, they don't come running into my arms anymore or sit on my lap... I can't just scoop them up in my arms like I used to.

They don't want to go trick or treating with us anymore...

I was feeling sorry for myself on Halloween when Gabe just couldn't eat dinner fast enough so he could go be with his friends and Zoe got all ready with us to go trick-or-treating, only to announce she was planning to go with a friend and her family. Aren't we cool enough anymore?
(Don't answer that! Just let Kaia and Beck keep thinking it for a little while longer, please!)

I feel like I just woke up out of a thick fog and suddenly realized I have four children and they are growing up right before my eyes whether I like it or not.

I have to let them go, let them be, let them choose what they want to do and find out who they are... it's really hard and it makes me sad, but in a way, I'm excited for them too. What a wonderful and fun time of their lives.

I'm scared for them, the world is a crazy place, but I just want them to hold my hand a little longer -- maybe more for me than for them. They are okay. I love them so much and I want so much for them. In this craziness called Motherhood, somewhere along the way in the last almost 14 years, I have given birth to four amazing, beautiful, and not-so-little people.

Suddenly, the diapers and sleepless nights are gone and I'm here with a 13, 10, 7, and 3 year old and they're all about to have a birthday here within 6 months. Wow. I've heard so many other mothers tell me to enjoy it when they're little because the time will go so fast. I always thought those mothers were wrong, I thought they were so nostalgic and sappy and pathetic and lonely even. I couldn't wait for my kids to sleep through the night and be potty-trained and dress themselves and be big enough to do all of these things... and now, it's already here and passing and I think I've missed something along the way. It's so hard when you're in the middle of it. I'm grateful to feel (good and bad) this wake-up call and realize MY time with them is slipping away.

I told my mother on the phone today that I'm just the "chef" or "taxi" or "housekeeper" or "backpack finder" or whatever and sometimes they don't even notice me or what I want or feel. Sometimes my kids unknowingly make me feel like chopped liver! My Mom listened quietly and sighed deeply before she replied, "Yes, sometimes your kids will make you feel like chopped liver and I hate to say it, but sometimes they still do." My sweet little mother who I completely adore... is she sad and lonely and feeling this yuckiest twinge of regret I'm feeling in the pit of my stomach and in the deepest part of my heart? Does she wish she could go back? Have I made her feel like chopped liver? I'm sure! Especially when I was between the ages of 12-18. Let's not go there...Oh man! I was awful. I'm only beginning to realize how truly hard it is to be a Mom.
I just need to enjoy every minute I have with them. I've been praying about it and I need to find something for each child at the specific age and phase they are in right now to enjoy them and make them feel special and let me feel close to them.

Gabe and I like to watch "Mythbusters", Zoe and I like to bake cookies and paint her nails, Kaia and I like to read books and draw pictures, Beck and I like to play with his Legos and Hot Wheels. I'm going to soak it all in and have fun!

I know it is SO hard when your kids are little and your days (and nights) are CRAZY and chaotic and even depressing sometimes. Guess what? I've become that weird old lady like your mother or some old woman in your church that tells you "They grow up so fast, don't waste it, enjoy it!" I'm going to enjoy every minute of it! Grumpy teenagers and preschool tantrums and my little brown-eyed drama queens and everything that goes with it. (famous last words...)

While writing this post, I was listening to "Give it Away" from the Red Hot Chili Peppers and it was quite fitting for how I was feeling:

My Mom I love her cuz she love me
Long gone are the times when she scrub me!

Yes, even Anthony Kiedis was a little boy once and THAT, my friends, is a scary thought!! HA!

The Good with the Bad... I'll take what I can get!

Okay, so Wednesday was Book Club. It was so AWESOME. It was nearly impossible to get there, but I was going no matter what! Kaia had a last minute birthday party. Zeke and Gabe went hiking with the scouts. At least my friend Nancy agreed to watch my kids, but right before I left, the Young Women came by doing a service scavenger hunt (how could I say no?) I had to take my Dad's old Chevy, very groovy in my opinion, although a tad hard to reach the gas pedal. I was an hour late, but it was worth every crazy minute spent trying to get there!

Sushi at the Black Pearl and Cannoli's at Sweetly Divine?
Oh yeah, but that's just the beginning!
Without incriminating anyone I will just say we hand a grand old time shopping for lingerie at Dillard's. What?!? Don't you go shopping for lingerie with your Book Club? Well, you should.

Oh and of course we talked about the book, a bit. Actually most of us hadn't finished it yet. It's over 500 pages and well... life happens. But I did finish it Friday night. If you didn't read my last post, it's called "The Forgotten Garden" by Kate Morton. I really liked it. I would probably give it 3 out of 5 stars, maybe 4. It's hard to follow sometimes, jumping between the early 1900's, 1975, and 2005 all through the book with each chapter labeled with a different year. It's a great mystery with interesting characters. However, I was a bit frustrated by this woman's apparent allergy to conjunctions. I don't think I've read a book with longer, more confusing sentences. (other than my blog!) I'd have to go back and reread a few sentences here and there trying to figure out what she was saying. I'm very impatient and it just didn't flow at times. But the overall story was great.

Seriously, this whole paragraph is TMI I know, but I don't care. Friday was one of those days.... my dumb bladder. Does anyone wanna trade me? Deb? Amanda? You've offered to trade other things with me, I just thought I would ask. :) Anyway, having IC does have it's benefits, I guess. When I'm having a "flare-up", I can't hold still for anything, for fear of, well, you know. So I spent most of Friday running around the house getting stuff done. A week's worth of chores done in one day: Litter boxes, weeding, laundry, more weeding, dishes, etc. I guess I just need the proper motivation. Hmm? The kids and I had fun in spite of my inability to sit still. My medicine just wasn't cutting it so I had to keep VERY busy in order to keep my mind off of it.

Random: Kaia and Beck watching Scooby Doo

For the record, we're just a week into summer and my kids are so good at helping me around the house. During the school year, they have a few chores each day, but with so much homework and scouts and activity days and all that, I don't really focus on heavy duty chores until summer. I have a very simple chore chart and I rotate it everyday. Did you know that Kaia seriously LOVES to dust? I don't know where she came from, but I am definitely keeping her! Gabe mows the lawn for me and takes out the trash. Zoe is my best sweeper and clothes folder and Beck will do anything if he thinks he's "helping". Yeah, I'm pretty dang blessed!

Here's Gabe and Beck chillin' on the back deck after Gabe mowed the lawn.
Beck LOVES his big brother!

Friday night, we built a camp fire in the backyard and made smores.
It was a bit chilly, but fun.

Saturday was a Mother-Daugher Picnic for the Activity Day girls (kinda like girl scouts, sorta). Zoe and I went together and well, she is my buddy. We had a picnic on the lawn and painted flower pots.
Afterwards, we went to the store to grab a few things and Zoe saw a display of Justin Bieber dolls and was NOT happy about it. I'm glad she's not into all that yet. Honestly, why is he so popular? He sounds like a girl, well, at least the doll version of him does. We had to test all of the dolls just to see if they worked -- at the same time. You know the guy that spins dinner plates on top of sticks or whatever? We're WAAAY better than him!
Saturday night, we invited our wonderful neighbors, Lora and David, over to help us eat some some dutch oven potatoes and ribs. They obliged and brought some dutch oven cherry-chocolate dump cake. It was a feast! I can't believe it's only been a year since I met Lora. We are so blessed! I was so sad last year when I got released from Young Women's and then, Lora moved in across the street and life just keeps getting better. We have a lot in common so we can relate to each other, but we are very different too and it's keeps things interesting. :) I didn't take any pictures :(

Okay, today, Sunday, has been quite a day for me. I've been praying earnestly for answers to some things that have been troubling me lately. I'm always amazed at how those answers come. Testimony meeting was inspiring and I really appreciated my friend, Michelle's testimony of prayer and how she's gotten answers to the "small" things and that's given her Faith to keep praying for the "big" things and now the big things have been answered. I need to have more Faith! I hope I can endure the trials I have been given. Sometimes I'm not so sure. They're nothing too major, but for me they seem unbearable.

I was thinking about how wonderful my life really is aside from one or two things and if I didn't have these trials to deal with, how would I learn anything? There must be opposition in all things, right? Sometimes I just wish I could pick the what and the when... yeah, it just doesn't work that way.

Also, while preparing my Primary lesson this week, I've had this cute little Primary song going through my head (and it's no coincidence):

Help me, Dear Father, to freely forgive
All who may seem unkind to me.
Help me each day, Father, I pray;
Help me live nearer, nearer to Thee.

Why is it so hard to forgive people? Maybe it's just hard for me. I look at other families and wonder what it would be like to have a different family. But you know, I was given my family for a reason. ALL of them. I'm really trying to figure out what I'm supposed to learn from all of it and REALLY trying to feel charity in my heart. I think it's interesting the lyrics say "all who may seem unkind". It's how we perceive things... and I could go on forever about that one. But regardless of perception and true intent, I am still REQUIRED to forgive. My trial isn't "finished", but I got a lot of answers today and I am very grateful for the peace I felt. I think I've made some progress. There's NO way I could handle what I'm going through without the help of my Father in Heaven.

Here's to a new week! :)

School's out for Summah!!!!

Our favorite song this morning:

It's the last day of school and my kids are more than REALLY excited!!! We made it through another year! We're going to visit my parents this weekend and I can't wait to see them, other than I think I have an ear infection. :( It's been a rough week, but I'm going to the doctor this morning. I think I get an ear infection every May. I'm not going to let that stop us from having fun!

Hope you have a fun weekend! :)

Feelin' the LOVE

Still blogging on fumes here... I get seasick from the waves in my computer screen.

Quick update: Beck's dentist appointment went really well this morning... he's doing great. Thanks for your prayers. :) The Spirit really helped me to be calm. Beck wasn't afraid at all and he did really well with the anesthesia.

Okay, so I just had to tell you about the best parenting moment I've had with Gabe in a LONG time. Nothing pre-planned or fancy or forced. It was just an opportunity to spend a little one-on-one time together. There's a million things to do everyday, but I will be forever grateful that I chose to sit down and just BE with my son.

After school on Tuesday, Gabe and I cuddled up in the recliner and watched "River Monsters" together. The host is so funny! He is a true biologist -- VERY passionate about what he does. Gabe and I had fun trying to imitate his accent and add to the show (think Mystery Science Theater 3000). We were laughing so hard we were crying. Gabe leaned over and said, "Mom, I love you, you're so cool to hang out with." How many 13 year old boys say that to their Mom? I don't think I will EVER forget that. Ever.

Birthdays for Brothers = Lots of Pictures

Gabe made his own cake. Those are real guitar picks around the top edge.
Oh, and he likes to spell his name G-A-E-B now. :)
He says it's the Latin spelling.

We put trick candles on Gabe's cake...

Gotcha!!

Zeke helping Gabe with his new love:
I am amazed at how well he plays. He's been taking a class at school. First song he played? "Silent Night" :) And then "Smoke on the Water" of course. I feel like I'm 10 years old again listening to my brother, Jody, play his guitar -- all night long. My theme song playing in the background of all my childhood dreams? "Cat Scratch Fever" from Ted Nugent. Literally.
Love you, Jode. You are Gabe's Idol!

Beck wanted a guitar cake like Gabe (of course).
He's sampling the frosting and talking to Grandma Patty. :)

I love his face!

Talking to Grandma

Beck loves to get birthday cards.
These are the survivors (Sorry, Brooke, yours was well loved!)

Daddy brought Beck 3 balloons:

Beck and his new guitar! Oh boy, what was I thinking?
Gabe is Beck's Idol!

Holding still for a moment:
Zoe and Gabe telling Beck how to blow out the candles:

This is serious business:

3 years in a row -- cake overload!Gabe, what are you doing?
Mom, "Red eye flashes twice!!"

Lucky Number Thirteen -- Birthday Preview

Today is Gabe's 13th Birthday! I can't believe he is 13. Wow. I feel old, but in a good way.

This week has been crazy busy, but in a good way. I've been substituting at my friend's preschool, because she has been sick. I really enjoyed being there. Get better, Julie. :)

Zeke's Dad came for dinner on Monday. Zeke's Aunt and Uncle came for dinner last night. You know, I enjoy having company. I am so thankful that they make the effort to come see us. All of them.

Anyway, I'll do a big post about Gabe later (if he lets me). But here's some pictures with his new guitar! His face says it all:

I love you, Gabe. We've been through a lot together and I think for the most part we still like each other. That is very significant. :) Wish us luck as we enter this new phase of life. We're gonna need it.

Revenge of the Marshmallows

Gabe in 2001
(Wordless Wednesday)