The good, the bad and the "buggy"

How can someone be SO happy and SO sad all at the same time? Living in my head is exhausting, I tell you! One moment, I'm high as a kite and I love my life, the next, I'm rolling my eyes and muttering under my breath, "Heaven help me be a better person, PLEASE!"

Not sure what I'm blogging about today, but my brain feels overloaded. (Seems to be a common theme, eh?) My blog is turning into my brain dump. Who knows? All of these crumbs might get cooked up into a great book someday... 

So many people in our world today need serious help or even just a friendly face. There are people right in our neighborhood and I'm sure they are right in your neighborhood too! I feel so blessed to be able to serve others and be aware of their needs. I love these people and I hope I can always be in tune with the Spirit and keep my mind and my day open enough to make time for helping others. Dropping everything to run to the aid of another person and feeling the Spirit carry you as you go... there's no other feeling like that.

Such a wonderful day yesterday in so many ways. Beck and I played Uno. Just the two of us. It was really fun. He's getting so big. He lost his first tooth last night. To me, that makes him seem much bigger now than when he started Kindergarten a few weeks ago. Can my baby really be old enough to lose a tooth?! Where has the time gone? Really. 

It's hard to see his missing tooth in this picture, but I love his face. The new gap on the bottom in the front, of course.

Kaia is going on a field trip today to Logan Canyon and to say she is excited is a HUGE understatement. Her teacher this year is just absolutely perfect for her. They are kindred spirits. She truly loves and encourages Kaia's reading obsession and she's been doing a lot of Science with her class. Kaia is her biggest fan! It's so fun to hear about all of the cool things her teacher is doing. My Ms. Frizzle wish is growing and growing every year!

Beck and Kaia headed out the door to school. 

It's homecoming week at Gabe's high school and he went to the parade and powderpuff game last night. I picked him up afterwards and we had a great time laughing together as he told me about all the funny things that happened. I stopped at the gas station to fill up the van and he offered to buy me a treat. It was so sweet. I love talking and laughing with him. I'll give him a ride home any time just for that reason. I love that he is happy.  (Mostly happy, after all, he is 15!)

Zoe has a new friend she met at school and it turns out she only lives a couple blocks away! How cool is that? I met her friend and her Mom last night. They seem really nice. I like this friend for Zoe because she's still enjoying being 12. Not into boys yet, still wanting to play outside and well, just PLAY! Zoe is so much like that and I hope she can enjoy every last second of being "little". I loved hearing about their nature walk and all of their "big plans" for having different fashion themes each week and wearing matching colors at school. It made me smile. The 12 year old inside of me is still very much alive and kicking and I wonder if she'll ever realize she's almost 39... in some ways, I hope not.

Speaking of being 12 though.... in some ways, I guess I really need to grow up. But I'm really not sure how -- that is why I still must be 12 inside, because sometimes my heart hurts SO much about silly little things. Sometimes I get SO mad about things. Sometimes I just want to be little again and not have all of the silly grown-up problems. 

I was talking to my girls the other day about some girls that weren't being so nice to them at school. Nothing major, just mean girls giving them dirty looks. You know the "eye to toes and back up to your eyes -- Oh, you're no threat to me" kind of look? Yeah. I hate that. I told them just to smile at those girls and don't ever give them a second thought. Ever. I told them to brush it off and be strong, because Guess What? There are STILL "girls" like that who are my age. Yuck.

Anyway, I'm just always feeling like I don't fit it anywhere and maybe I don't, but the question is: WHY do I care? I just don't know. My season in life is here with family right now.  My kids and husband are where I invest most of my time and I know that is most important, but I always end up feeling left out. I always feel like I just walked in AFTER the punch line of everything. There seems to be a secret world out there that I've never been part of... (thank heavens for preschool -- they LOVE me! :)

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Have you ever read Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince? You know where Professor Slughorn alters his memories before he lets Professor Dumbledore see them? Well, I just altered my blog before EVERYONE reads it. I erased about 4 paragraphs of YUCK right here. It was just me complaining and being contentious. I need to go talk with the person I have an issue with directly, not vaguely hint around it on my blog. Sorry if you read it -- I don't want to be that kind of person! Anyway, good luck finding the horcruxes and all that...

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I know it's just Satan trying to bring me down, but I also know having good and bad experiences so EXTREME in one day is a reminder to me there are areas in my life I really need to do better in. I need to LOVE people, to see them as God sees them, and not to let them bother me so much. There is good in everyone. I truly believe that. I think the good gets clouded by assumptions and jealousy and their own feelings of insecurity or even just stress and fatigue. 

I have so many awesome people in my life and I'm going to focus on them. People that seem to like me for the moment and I'll take it! I want be humble and kind to everyone around me, regardless of how they treat me. It's easy to love someone that loves you, right? But I want to love the ones who don't. That's going to be my focus. I worry about realizing this goal and saying it "out loud". I've prayed about it and now I know the tests will come! I hope I'm ready...

I just think I get along better with my own family (wow, that is an awesome realization, isn't it!!!) and of course, my cats. This is our new addition, Churro. His favorite hiding spot is inside the shoe bench. He is just absolutely adorable. Really. I cannot help it. I love this guy! He has THE cutest little meow.

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." ~ Anatole France

Friends and Flylady to the rescue! Oh, and an ICE BUN!

Alright, since my last post about de-cluttering and not mending everything, I've been feeling a lot better about the whole situation.

For one thing -- I signed up for FLYLADY emails again. She's like a personal online coach for organizing and taking control of your life. I've been going through spurts of following her suggestions off and on since, oh, 2001? I think. Whenever I'm following her "flight plan" I ALWAYS feel better and my house looks better and feels better too. You should seriously check her out! It's really easy to do AND well, easy not to do, and that is my problem. I need to stick to it. Her daily emails can be quite overwhelming at first, but most of them are just testimonials and I don't always read all of them -- you'll soon figure out which ones you need to read. Here's my (super fancy) Flight Plan for each day. I took the Flylady's suggestions and modified it a bit to my needs:

Also, several friends on Facebook gave me some really good suggestions to help tackle the clutter and excess in my house. My friend, Tawnya, sent me this great article about the "time cost" of our stuff and it really hit home. The minimalist lifestyle is really big right now -- a lot of it is just TOO much for me to process, but like Tawnya suggested, you can study up on it and find a "comfortable spot" for your family. :) I like that. Like a thoughtful spot?? Ahhhh.

My friend, Sharon, (I'm quoting you, ok???) said:  "I came to a similar revelation within the last year - just how much time I spend managing all my stuff. I move it, I organize it, I clean it, I fix it all because WHY would I get rid of something that I might need someday?? I've been just purging through stuff like crazy and the things I've realized is 1) We have way more stuff than anyone needs 2) I have NOT missed anything 3) I use the stuff I keep a lot more because I can find it and have time to use it and 4) It gets easier to let go the more you do it."  

This was great for me to hear --- I can do it, I can do it. I especially LOVE #3. Everyone suggested, including my dear friend, Maggie, that I should start with clothes.

SO, Monday got crazy -- LOTS of kids here playing and me trying to focus on the kitchen (keeping my sink clean and shiny is one of the Flylady's best secrets). When I'm consistent with it, my house IS "magically" much neater. I wonder why? I think it's like the broken window effect -- but inside. When the family sees the kitchen undone (including me) they're much more likely to leave out this or pile up that. It's true. SHINE YOUR SINK EVERY DAY! (Meaning, you have to have ALL of your dishes washed so you can actually get to the bottom of your sink to clean it!)

Tuesday -- well, on Tuesday, we got a PIANO, but that's another story. (We're keeping it here for a friend for a long while and I'm just thrilled!) Thank you, Debbie!

So, Tuesday, we attacked the kids closets and dressers. I guess I should take pictures. It felt really good. We didn't get rid of a whole LOT (since we just moved in April and I'd gone through stuff), but we organized everything and the kids got to decide what clothes they like the most. I also made labels (really fancy with painters tape, ha ha) to put on their drawers.

Anyway, it made me feel REALLY good. It was actually fun! Kaia always enjoys this because she gets Zoe's hand-me-downs -- but then, we have to go through her things again. I'm feeling better: I have a plan and I have great friends and family -- there isn't anything else I need, right? Well, maybe some GUMPTION.

Let me just say: I can't believe how BIG my children are getting! Time is flying by....

I'm VERY proud of them -- we had a really good last week of summer and first day of school.

Gabe and I were at the highschool on Monday picking up his schedule. When we were crossing the road, Gabe said, "Wait, Mom, don't cross yet, didn't you see that truck?" I just looked over at him and smiled and he said, "Well, I don't want anything to happen to you, I kinda like you."  MADE MY DAY FOREVER! Yep. 

Oh, and this is really random, but SO awesome, I wanted to share: During June, Beck played T-ball and we were always SO HOT watching his games. One day, Zoe decided to take an ice cube out of the cooler and put it in her bun. GENIUS. It has been my go-to hairdo for anything outside this summer and definitely for yard work. Seriously, it really helps keep you cool and it doesn't melt for quite awhile. I took a picture of Zoe's "ICE BUN" to show you -- the ice is the white circle in the middle, but in reality, we usually bury it completely inside and close to our head. Try it! (I really REALLY don't like to be hot.)

Funny how it's almost September and since we moved in April, I've completely lost track of my 2013 Mantra: Balance, Exactness, Focus.

Well, it's never too late to start. At the end of every Flylady email, she says: "You are not behind! I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump in where we are. O.K.?" 

Let's GO!

Anonymous with a side a STINK!

I don't even know what that title means, but it felt good to type it, so I'm leaving it there. This is not a happy post, friends. You have been warned.

Seriously. I had it all worked out this morning, well, in my head at least.  I was going to start a new blog, an anonymous blog. A blog where I could TRULY vent and tell it like it is. I had a really pitiful name for it and dozens of things I couldn't wait to post about. The thought is still swirling, but the fear of someone finding out who's writing all of these horrible "woe is me" and "this just chaps my hide" kind of posts keeps me from doing it. Yep, you can say it, I'm a chicken.

Can you even create an anonymous blog? I'm sure you can... but I'm sure there's a way you can track down the person who wrote it. I don't trust the cyber world.

I didn't know if "wo", was spelled "wo" or "woe", so I googled it. Did you know that "Woe is me" is a is an American Electro Post-Hardcore band from Atlanta, Georgia.??? Wow, I'd better check them out... ha.

Anyway, today is the day I've been waiting for sort of. The day I knew was coming, but I just didn't know exactly when. The last few weeks things have been going so good. All the kids are healthy, we're building a beautiful new home, Zeke has a great job, I have awesome friends and family, life is just so good, right? I kept thinking something bad was going to happen. I'm not trying to be negative or pessimistic (maybe I am and I just don't realize it), but when things are "up" for so long... there has to be a "down", you know, "opposition in all things" and stuff like that. I just felt like I needed to be prepared.

The really terrible thing is nothing earth-shattering or truly terrible has HAPPENED, I'm just having a really bad day. There I said it. You know when you cry a little and you tell yourself, "Okay, chill, the kids are going to worry and your mascara will be ruined." (I tell myself that a lot) Well, today isn't one of those days. Today I cried so much I had snot dripping down my face and there's no trace whatsoever of the mascara that was there at 8am. Yeah. Woe is me.

You know, the thing that really bugs me is someone once said I'm a "woe is me" kind of person. That  has been a very hard pill to swallow. I don't think they really know me.... most days I'm really upbeat and fine... and yet, it seems like just under the surface is ME. There's probably some truth to that and that's what makes it so hard. The me that freaks out over "nothing", the me that sometimes I just bite my tongue and put up with stuff so long when I finally can't take it anymore I completely lose it and crumple for awhile. The sad thing is, the "crumple for awhile" seems to last longer than it used to.

Okay, so here's the deal. I had my DUMB yearly visit to the OB-GYN this morning. I won't bother taking the time to link to all of my other posts about that, but I think it's fair to say I hate going to the OB-GYN a bit more than your average woman.

Don't worry, everything "looks" fine. Seriously though, what does that mean? How can your cervix LOOK fine. You know, it bugs me so much, because well, for one thing, I can't see for myself. And if I did, I wouldn't know what to look for. I get SO COMPLETELY freaked out on the days leading up to my check-up and clear until I hear the results back on the pap smear.... and even then I worry if they did it right.

Then, add to that the EMBARRASSMENT. I might be neurotic in this sense, but I HATE that check up! Oh man, I hate it SO bad! I feel so violated. I feel so awful. I hate the random chit-chat the Dr. tries to engage you in while they're basically groping and grabbing and poking and prodding and EW! I can't imagine why I even go... but I know it's important. Blah. It's done. Hopefully for another year.

I thought going to a female OB-GYN would help a little. I don't remember last year being quite so bad, but today was AWFUL. Commence the crying. At least I waited until I got in the car...

And then. THEN! This "building a house" thing. Yes, it's exciting and fun and cool and such a blessing, but it can be SO stressful. So incredibly stressful. It has been part of my every day life for over 7 months now. The builder and realtor and owner of the subdivision DO NOT communicate with each other very well. Sometimes I wonder if they communicate at all.  So we end up hearing two or three different versions of everything and we're supposed to magically "know" which is the right one, because: 1) We can read their minds. 2) We've built a house before so we know things.

Well, since NEITHER of those things are true, I almost always feel "in the dark" about stuff. I thought we'd come to an agreement or arrangement of things from here on out. I won't bore you with all of the details before, but basically, I've just wasted about 6 hours of my personal time (which is such a precious thing to begin with). I have got to chill and just let go and chalk it up to experience and just count it towards the whole process.

One person told me to go pick out our flooring wherever, so I did. I thought the other two people knew of this and were in agreement. I mean, as in, I told one of them on the phone this is what I'm doing... Oh my. There are some people that I struggle with. Whoa. I've researched and called and visited several different flooring stores looking for the best quality I can get for the flooring budget we were given. (Which isn't much!) You know, I just feel like people don't listen.

Anyway, now, today, after all of that, I've been told, "No, actually we need to have you go through a specific place and we'll just give you some choices from there..." ARGGGGGHHH!!! Really? You couldn't tell me that a week ago... um, when I asked you? Do you have any idea the time I have spent looking for flooring? The things I could've been doing instead? Yeah, it's all water under the bridge, really. I know. I know. Blah.

Poor me, we're building a house and I wasted time looking for flooring when I didn't need to. It's just so hard. I feel so lost and Zeke is so busy, I feel like I'm basically doing it all on my own. I just want to be done with all the phone calls and emails.

I will say though, I found a really good deal within our budget and I've learned a lot about flooring and about service and people. "All these things shall give thee experience and shall be for they good..."

And then there's the email shortly thereafter stating our leftover budget for upgrades and what we've used so far... um, yeah. The communication thing isn't going so well. I'll spare you the gory details, but we were told we had a certain amount left when in reality that amount is the total amount before any of the upgrades have been deducted. Does that make sense? Basically, even an extra outlet costs $$$ and it just goes up from there. It's been hard to come to an agreement on wants vs. needs with everyone involved. I'll just leave it at that.

We're okay. Our loan amount will cover it, but it's just more. Not just more $$$, but more paperwork with the builders and me feeling like I have to beg them to let me upgrade this or that and apologize all the while.  I just want it to be done. I want to unpack all of these boxes and not ever utter the phrase, "Sorry, it's still packed" to anyone EVER again. I'm just so tired.

I just want to say so much more and sometimes I really think it would be great to have an anonymous blog to do all that. But I don't want to dwell on the negative. We are so blessed. I just feel so darn angry some times. Neglected and ignored and overworked and "under-demeciated" and yeah, "woe is me". Did I tell you how ornery teenagers can be sometimes? (Mom, forgive me please, I was THE worst teenager ever!)

Do you ever feel alone? Just SO alone. In a crowd of people. In the middle of your noisy house with all of your family and cats. I still feel so alone sometimes. I'm just so convenient and reliable. I'm not interesting or exciting.

I have this dream of living on a farm somewhere and Zeke and I could be school teachers or owners of a bookstore or bakery or something like that and we could raise chickens and have four-wheelers and well, live right up the street from my Mom. We're just SO busy, but it's a different kind of busy. You farmers correct me if I'm wrong, I could be completely delusional as far as that goes. We're just running everywhere all the time and Zeke is rarely home. It's interesting to see the older kids "need" me less and less. They "want" me less. Oh, I need to stop. I just feel sad today. I think I'm just tired.

I think it's Satan working on me. I'm teaching a YW (Young Women) lesson on Sunday and well, whenever I'm preparing for something spiritual like that, I really get tested and tried as far as my faith and patience and strength to do what I've been asked to do. I'm serving in the Stake YW and I seem to be teaching or speaking at least once a month or more, so I'm feeling much more unsettled and tested than I did in the past. Again, "All these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good... right?"

Did I tell you my OB-GYN was asking about our house and I think she lives down the street from me?? Yuck. There's just some things I don't want people to know about me. Those things. Like, when she sees me now will she picture me naked (and laugh!)??? Oh, gosh. Okay, I'm crying again. Man, that really threw me off today.

My friend and I were watching "Groundhog Day" on Saturday (cool, huh?) and we were just talking about what that would really be like, to live the same day over and over again. She said all you can really take with you is your relationships and your knowledge. I just keep thinking about that. We were getting too deep and I think it was annoying our husbands (Zeke, at least). After all, it is Bill Murray!

I just wish there was more time to invest in things that truly matter. I wish I could change things. I wish things could be more simple. I wish I didn't have to go to the OB-GYN once a year, but I do and it's okay. It could be worse...

We are so blessed in SO many way. I'm amazed. I don't feel worthy of our blessings. We have been so healthy for months now -- that is an absolute miracle.

Today is a day when ice cream or flowers or a good book just won't cut it.  I want my Mom. And you know, when I say that, I immediately feel guilty. I think of my nieces and nephew and their Mom (my sister) who's up in heaven. I'm sorry guys, forgive me. My mom is still here, but oh how I wish I could visit her today. I always wonder how you feel on days like this? I hope I can be there for you if you ever need a shoulder to cry on.

Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again. When Zeke comes home from work, all the kids want him and need him. Hugs and help with homework and all that, I think I get jealous sometimes... by the time he gets to me, well, he doesn't. I'm usually in bed before he and Gabe go to bed. They need their Daddy. I need a date!

Wow, I'm a mess. A pathetic baby of a mess today. It's just been lots of things building and then coming to a head all at once. I'm just leaving this up here. I need to put it into words and get it out.

Thanks for the bit of sunshine today: Jessica, Lora, and Shauntae. Your phone calls and texts made me happy. :) Thank goodness for friends.

I'll Repent...

Hey bloggers, these are the words I promised my dear friends this morning "I'll repent!!" I haven't been reading or writing any blogs lately. Not one. I honestly don't know where the time goes.

It's interesting to me how much I've noticed the balance of things in life lately. Lots of trials, but LOTS of blessings.

My heart is ACHING for those families in Connecticut affected by or involved in that terrible shooting... I simply cannot imagine. It has been a rough week sending my kids to school. A few more hugs and kisses here and there, extra "I love you's" -- I feel ashamed to think what it took to remind me how precious each of my children are to me. I hold them just a little longer than I used to and I find myself trying to reassure them, almost pleading with them, "Do you know how much I love you? I hope you do!"

Things I love:

1. My husband -- he is so loving and supportive of me in all my quirky glory. People say building a home can destroy your marriage -- I feel like it has brought us closer in many ways, although we do like much of the same things so picking out colors and things to go in and on the house has been really fun!

2. My friends -- ditto to the above, I only wish I could see them more. You wonderful women keep me afloat when all the other things in life seem to get me down sometimes.

3. My kids -- they're pretty darn patient with me and they're all in these really fun phases right now: 14, 12, 8, and 4. I'm not saying they're fun 100% of the time -- I'm just saying they CAN be. They love me and I love to see all the ways they show me.

4. My Mom -- she is just plain AWESOME in every way. Again, I wish I could see her MORE.

5. All of my family -- we went to visit my family and Zeke's family during Thanksgiving and it was truly one of THE best trips ever. I love them all and I'm grateful to have them in my life.

5. The Gospel of Jesus Christ -- my greatest source of peace and direction. I really appreciate our new ward. It truly is where we're supposed to be.

6. My cats -- seriously, they are so much a part of our family. They are great company and so fun! People have told me they prefer dogs because cats aren't affectionate or happy to see you. I wonder if these people have actually had a cat in their home? I'm amazed at how loving they are and how they just seem to know when one of us is sad or sick. I'm grateful our kids can have these beautiful animals in our home. I know they are a great source of comfort to them and they teach them to be more gentle and kind. By the way, have you ever played with a cat and a laser pointer? Seriously, you should.

7. This crazy roller coaster ride called "building a house". Did I tell you our apartment is 1000 square feet? Did I tell you we've been living here for almost 6 months? Yeah. It's a bit crazy, but every time I go out to our new house and see the progress I tell myself "I can do this -- not much longer -- it's going to be worth it." This has been a miracle for our family and I feel so blessed. Am I crazy to admit I've been drawing little shapes of all of our furniture to scale on the floor plans already? :)

Merry Christmas!

Remembering

Today is a good day even though I'm tired. My lovely black she-cat, Nora, somehow evaded the bedtime "putting out in the garage routine" and I woke to the sound of her meowing in my face FOUR times last night! Every time I would get up to let her out, she'd run away somewhere in the house and I was too tired to look for her. Blah.

Wow, I just thought of that definition of insanity quote again from Albert Einstein. It's incredible to me how much that quote applies in my life. If I would think about it and change how I'm doing something I know my life would be very different. (As in, I could have gotten more sleep last night!)

In case you've never heard this fabulous quote, here it is:

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."

It is SO profound to me. Amazingly simple, but miraculously effective. 

Last night, for example, I could have taken the time to find Nora once and put her out... done. Instead, I half-heartedly chased her from the bedroom, looked in the kitchen a bit and mumbled all the way back to my bed, only to do it all over again three more times during the night. Oh dear. Don't you feel like a different person when you're tired? I do.

Anyway, last night our family went to the Brigham City Temple open house. The temple is GORGEOUS. If you haven't been, there's a peach blossom motif throughout. Brigham City is famous for its peaches. Peach blossoms on the doorknobs, light fixtures, molding, and stained glass. Beautiful.

It was fun to see a few friends there (Heidi and Brandy)! We were hoping to meet another friend there -- thanks for the invite, Matt and Steph! But we had the opportunity to go with some other friends of ours and we had a really great time -- thanks, Karthik and Amrita!:)

My older two children weren't too thrilled about going and my younger two couldn't wait to get there -- not a good combination. Anyway, I'm glad we went. It was lovely. We went, right? I loved seeing all of the people there -- lots of children, old people, young people, black people, white people, and everything in between. But, I didn't even get any pictures :( Sheesh!

Afterwards, we went out for Chinese food with Karthik and Amrita. Do you love reading about the Chinese Zodiac? I do. Turns out, Amrita and I are both rabbits AND born in March. I thought that was cool. She's fun and very easy to be with and sarcastic and loves cookies -- my kind of girl! Karthik and Zeke work together. That is how we met. My kids think they are both very cool. That is a big thing!

I love people. I love getting to know people better. I love laughing. I love second chances. I love understanding and relating to people. I love being happy and looking for the good in life. 

Today is September 11th... I just keep thinking about it. I feel rather pensive today. Kind of somber and reflective. 

One of my friends, Brickell, said on Facebook this morning, "Isn't it amazing how you can remember exactly where you were, what you were doing and who you were with 11 years ago today. So sad:("

Another friend, Dave, said: "Eleven years ago today, we all built memories that we

 would rather not have, but will never forget."

It's hard for me to grasp that it has really been eleven years since that terrible day. I remember it so vividly. We had just moved back to Logan from Colorado a few weeks earlier. Gabe was starting preschool and Zoe was a baby. Zeke and I were getting Gabe ready for school and for some reason we had the news on. I remember watching the breaking news of some "random" accident. A plane had crashed into the North tower of the World Trade Center. It was an awful tragic "accident". As we sat there and watched the live news feed from the television reporter, a second plane suddenly came into view and instantly crashed into the south tower....

At that moment, our world changed forever. At that moment, I cried out to Zeke, just as we both came to the same horrifying conclusion, "This was NO accident!" I remember being SO afraid. Wanting to call my family, run and hide and never come out of my house again. I remember clinging tightly to Zoe and grabbing Gabe and just holding them. Wondering what kind of world I had brought my children into. Will there be a future for them? Crying and crying and not wanting Zeke to leave my sight. I remember thinking for awhile that day, "This is it. This could be the end of the world." Seriously. It was the end of the world as we knew it. 

As the events of that day unfolded, the attack on the Pentagon and the brave passengers of the ill-fated Flight 93, I was truly in shock. So many haunting images and unbelievable stories. I remember needing to go the post office for some reason and there was a huge line there. Everyone was pale-looking, huddled in small groups, talking quietly about the awful events of the day. Everyone knew. Everyone was affected. I remember getting a notice with my receipt. Something about the US postal service is unable to guarantee delivery at this time because of the terrorist attacks earlier that morning. I still have that paper somewhere. That paper spelled it out clearly to me. 

It really happened. It wasn't some horrible nightmare. It was REAL. All of those poor innocent people that died and those that gave their lives trying to help others were REAL. They had families and friends, futures, hopes, and dreams. I just cannot seem to wrap my head around it still. 

Somehow, being at the temple last night gave me peace as I thought of the anniversary today. Eternal lives. Eternal families. This life is but a small moment compared to eternity. 

I remember shortly after 9/11 someone speaking about the fallen firefighters, police officers, and others and referencing John 15:13, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

I hope that all of us can remember that day and try to be a better person. More loving, more forgiving, more patient, more friendly, more compassionate, more willing to help others, and more thoughtful. 

FOUR

Four Children
Four Different Schools
Four Back to School Nights
Four years old -- Beck wants to be older SO bad!!
Four + Two = the number of hours until I need to go pick up the kids from school
Four - One = the number of cats in our house :)
Four x Four = Sixteen = the number of years Zeke and I have been married (he just reminded me!:)
Four months since I have blogged!
Four months to the day until Christmas Eve!
Four months until our house is finished (that is, once they start...)
Four + Four = the number of weeks we have been waiting for the loan to close on our house (not including the four weeks standard wait after the offer was signed).
Four = the number of days left until we close (I hope!)

Four books I'm trying to read right now:

• "Hunger Games" (finally, I know! Thanks, Tawnya)
• "Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
• "To the Rescue" Thomas S. Monson Biography
• "Throne of Fire" -- number two in the Kane Chronicles series from Rick Riordan

Four things on my grocery list:

• Black fingernail polish (Zoe and Kaia's request)
• Dreyer's Coconut Bars (a family favorite)
• Coriander (I need it for my pulled pork recipe)
• Honeycomb cereal (Gabe's request)

Four things I miss about my old house:

• Lora
• My yard
• Four bedrooms
• Neighborhood kids

Four things I should be doing instead of blogging:

• Laundry
• Dishes
• Trim Beck's nails
• Clean litter boxes

Four minutes = how much longer I can spend on the computer until Beck has a meltdown...

Simple Christmas Gifts: PART THREE

My friend, Becca, sent me an email with the rest of the list -- Thank you!!! :) Here it is: (*again, I did NOT make these up. Becca says her family calls them Corny Christmas Ideas and I would have to agree! I like some of them and I'm sure you'll like others -- it just depends on your degree of corny.:) Enjoy!

• Wake up to a delicious Christmas! (pancake mix and syrup)

• From our PAD to yours, Happy Holidays! (note pad or hot pads)

• To a NOTE worthy teacher! (note pad) (*Attention Locals! Square One Printing has really cute note pads for $.20 each!)
  

• May your holidays BUBBLE over with fun! (bubble bath or bubble gum)

• By GUM, your great neighbors! (gum)

• Don’t SNICKER, just be glad you got something! (Snickers candy bar)

• MUGS and KISSES! (mug full of Kisses)

• May your New Year be festive and FRUITful! (basket of fruit)

• We just couldn’t reSTRAIN ourselves from wishing you a Merry Christmas! (strainer or colander)

• We hope your holidays are PICTURE perfect. (frame)

• You’ve been naughty, so here’s the scoop-All you get for Christmas is Snowman poop! (bag of marshmallows) (*I think my husband and 13 year old son made this one up -- seriously?!?!)
  

• We get such a CHARGE out of Christmas, So we decided to shop acCORDingly. We don’t want to OVERLOAD your CIRCUITS, But this will light up your Christmas tree. We want to EXTEND to you our best wishes. We’ll put a good PLUG in for you. Have a holiday that’s simply ELECTRIC, and EXTEND good feelings the whole year thru. (extension cord)

• A day or two ago, we thought we’d make a treat. Something really special, a Christmas gift to eat. But out schedules would not budge; Hence, here’s this year’s edition of our homemade CHRISTMAS FUDGE! (large chocolate candy bar)

• A STAR appeared in the sky, that first Christmas night; When Jesus was born in a manger, the star shined its light. Everyone saw the star, Up in the sky above; it was bright, glowing and radiant, Sending light, joy and love. It also sent a message, To the world below; Remember Jesus, our Savior, And each day, let your light glow. You can be a star, SHINE BRIGHT! (star cookie cutter)

• "Wise Men still seek HIM."(framed)

• As you hold these candies in your hand and turn them you will see. The M becomes a W, an E, and then a 3. They tell the Christmas Story, it’s one I’m sure you know. It took place in a stable a long, long time ago. The E is for the East where the star shone oh so bright. The M is for the Manger, where the baby Jesus slept that night. The 3 is for the wise men, bearing gifts, that say they came. W is for Worship, Hallelujah, Praise His Name. So, as you eat these candies or share them with a friend. Remember the Spirit of Christmas, and never let it end. (M&M’s) (*Becca says her husband does this one for his Home Teaching families -- I like this one a lot!:)
  

• It’s Christmas time at our house and we are putting up the tree. I wish I could find one simple way to remember Christ’s gift to me. Some little sign or symbol to show friends stopping by, the little babe was born one day, but he really came to die. A symbol of His nail-pierced hands the blood He shed for you and me…what if I hung a simple nail upon my Christmas tree? A crimson bow tied ‘round the nail as His blood flowed down so free to save each person from their sin, and redeem us for all eternity. I know it was His love for us that held him to that tree and when I see this simple nail I know he died for me. (red ribbon tied to a nail)

Happy Holidays!! Thanks again, Becca. Now, enough procrastinating... I have to work on my talk for church on Sunday. This is most definitely not my forte` -- AND to make it harder, I'm speaking in the Spanish-speaking ward in our stake -- AND I'm crazy enough to try and do it IN Spanish. Zeke speaks Spanish and he has helped me translate my talk. I'm practicing reading and trying to know enough of what I'm saying so I can use voice inflections on the right words so I don't sound like a total first grade robot. Yo no se que soy!!

Simple Christmas Gifts: Part TWO

Here are some more fun ideas for Christmas gifts... if you know any more (Sandra! :) Please share:

• Wishing you joy beyond MEASURE! (measuring cups, spoons, ruler, or measuring tape)
• You have been a LIFESAVER! (Lifesavers candy or Christmas Storybook)
• We're NUTS about you! Merry Christmas! (can of nuts)
• Gift idea: Have your child make a bookmark with picture and list of favorite books or favorite things about teacher. (*This, my friends, is called brown-nosing. Would I do it? OH yeah!)
• May your days be Merry and BRIGHT! (magic markers, highlighters, or dry erase markers)
• Sending WARM Christmas wishes to my favorite teacher! (one serving sized package of hot chocolate, apple cider, or dry soup mix)
• JELLY is like love. You can't spread it around without getting some on yourself! Merry Christmas! (jar of jelly)
• Hoping you have a holiday JAM-packed with Christmas cheer! (jar of jam) (*Please DON'T confuse jam for jelly or vice versa -- your little poem would be for naught!! oh, the horror!)
• Have a holly JOLLY Christmas! (jolly ranchers)
• Have a BERRY nice holiday season! (jar of jam)
• We're ROOTing for you to have a Happy Holiday Season and a Wonderful New Year! (root beer)
• Hope a Merry HO-HO-HO fills your heart the whole year through! (Hostess Ho-Hos) (*don't know why, this one just cracks me up... and yes, I love Ho-Ho's!)
• Remember Santa CHEX his list twice to see who's been naughty or nice... so be good for goodness sake! (Chex mix)
• Hoping your Holiday TURNS out great! (pancake turner)
• We just couldn't PASTA up the chance to say Happy Holidays! (holiday shaped pasta)
• Have a PASTAtively Happy Holiday! (holiday shaped pasta)
• We wanted to SPREAD some Christmas cheer! (spatula)
• For being there when you were KNEADED, for RISING to the occasion, large or small. For never LOAFING on the job, for helping others to HEEL with care. No matter how you SLICE it, you do a terrific job loving others. Merry Christmas! (loaf of bread)
• Warm up to a wonderful holiday season TOPPED with Christmas cheer! (pizza)
• You're getting MUFFIN for Christmas! (muffin mix or pan) (*Thanks, Sandra!)
• SEASONED with love! (packet of seasoning or spices)
• Keep Christmas in your heart the whole year through. Merry Christmas! (calendar) (*little side note: this only works if the company you order your calendar from sends you a calendar for the NEXT year!!! Oi!)
• May your Christmas be SPRINKLED with laughter and love. (cinnamon sugar or candy sprinkles)
• If friends were FLOWERS, we'd pick you! (seeds, potted flowers, or silk flower on a pen or barrette clip)
• You make friendship BLOOM all year round! (flower items like those above)
• May your days be happy, your heart be LIGHT, your Christmas be merry, and your New Year BRIGHT! (candle) (*maybe not light bulbs?)
• SCENTS we are such good friends, we wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas (candle or potpourri)

Okay, so if you get one of these from me.... just act surprised, okay? I have two more pages... I know you just can't wait! :)

*I didn't read back through this one yet, so let me know if there's any typos.

Simple Christmas Gift Ideas for Neighbors, Teachers, and Friends: PART ONE

I was reading my friend Stephanie's blog, Diapers and Divinity, and she asked what are some good ideas for inexpensive and easy neighbor gifts for Christmas. I got this list from a Relief Society activity last year and I told Stephanie I would put it on my blog. Some of the ideas are kinda cheesy, but there are LOTS of ideas for any budget. Most of the items you could get at the dollar store. Each of these ideas has a cute little saying with the gift that goes with it in parentheses.

I love giving gifts at Christmas! Only 38 days left....

• Hope your Christmas SHAPES up to be just right! (cookie cutter)
• Here's a little extra DOUGH for Christmas! (cookie dough)
• ROLLING out a batch of Christmas cheer for someone we think is very dear! (sugar cookie dough, cookie cutters, or a rolling pin)
• DIP into a wonderful holiday season and a HEALTHY New Year! (veggies and dip) (*BOO!*just kidding, that's me talking)
• Hope your Christmas holiday is just SOUPer! (soup or soup mix in a jar)
• We give you this gift for a very good reason: instead of dirty DISHES, relax and enjoy the season! (Paper plates)
• May the JOY you give to others come back to you too! (Almond Joy or Joy dish detergent)
• Have a COOL yule! (Ice Cream)
• Have a BEARY sweet Christmas! (honey bear or teddy bear or even gummy bears)
• ORANGE you glad I'm your friend/student/neighbor! I'm glad you're my teacher/neighbor! Happy Holidays! (Oranges or a chocolate orange)
• Wishing you a season filled with SWEETNESS! (anything sweet)
• Have a BRIGHT and RADIANT Christmas! (light bulbs) (*Really?!?)
• We SCRAPED together what cash we could find, although our assets are mostly FROZEN -- We really like you, you're such an ICE friend, and we hope you like this gift we've chosen! (ICE SCRAPER)
• You've got the right STUFF to be a great friend! SEASONED greetings! (stuffing mix)
• Seasons READINGS! (a favorite book/holiday book)
• We DUST wanted to say: "Thanks for being great friends!" (feather duster or dust pan)
• May the joy and LOVE you give away, come back to you on Christmas Day! (heart ornament)
• Just POPPIN' by with a warm Christmas Hi! (popcorn or caramel corn)
• Hoping you have a BALL this holiday season! (popcorn balls or puffed rice balls)
• We have to adMITT, you're great! Merry Christmas! (oven mitt or mittens)
• May your Christmas be Merry and SPRITE! (Sprite)
• Tis the season to be GRATEFUL! You're a GRATE neighbor! (cheese grater)
• We WHISK you a Merry Christmas! (wire whisk)
• No one can MEASURE up to you. Happy Holidays! (measuring cups or spoons, ruler, measuring tape)
• We wish you a full MEASURE of holiday cheer. May your CUP overflow with joy and peace. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! (measuring cups)

Okay, that is page 1 of 4... I'll post more later... (I can't scan it in and convert it to a usable file because the copy I have is in a fancy scripted font with symbols and pictures)

All Finished!

I finally finished all 60 quilt squares. On Monday, I'm sending 20 to Dedra and 20 to Kate! I'm so excited to get their squares and put them all together.

Now I've done it!

Okay, I seriously need to write a blog post... life is so busy and crazy right now.

A quote I really like, "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." Life is too short. No one is perfect. Look for the good. People can change.

I also believe that no matter how hard you try, you cannot get people to believe or see something they don't want to, even if it is the truth. Like Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, they know not what they do." But the truth will come to light someday and I am at peace knowing that retribution is with God. Let go and let GOD. Some good life lessons learned this week, not by choice, but maybe this was needed long ago.

Just FYI, we have ONE computer and now that school's out for the summer, there are FIVE of us waiting in line to use it during the day. Yeah, I'm thinking one post a week might be pushing it.

We've been swimming, BBQ-ing, cleaning, painting, gardening, laughing, crying, cooking, shopping, going to gymnastics, movie watching, reading, and staying up WAY too late... and just enjoying not having to do homework every night!

By the way, we watched a movie on Netflix called, "Outsourced", I really liked it.

NEWS of the week:

1) My neighbor and dear friend, Lora, is EXPECTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the best news ever!
2) I got to meet a blog friend this week! Amber, I had a great time finally talking to you in person. Your kids are adorable! I wish I would have taken more pictures.
3) Zoe had an "Un-birthday" party today. Ever since she could talk, she's wanted a water party: swimming, water balloons, sprinklers, etc. Poor girl was born in November... so this year, she got her wish! :)
4) Last Saturday, I invited the girls from my Book Club and their families over for a BBQ. It was the best night ever! :) I seriously LOVE every single one of these women; they have saved my life. To see some of the highlights... go here, this is my dear friend, Tawnya's blog. This is Beck and his best friend, Sammy, at the BBQ. This is serious. Beck does NOT want to share Sammy with Kaia. At all. Or with anyone else. Sammy is the man! Beck talks about him all day and pretends he's here. :)
5) Gabe (far right) and his buddies heading to a Young Men's activity... they look pretty dang cute I think!

Zeke and I are so blessed. We have so many wonderful people in our life. Thank you to Lora, Tawnya, Amber, Nancy, Nicole, Melissa, Lisa, and anyone else who has made me smile. :)

Wow, suddenly June is half over. I need to take more pictures and keep working on my "to do" list. I've re-painted Beck's room and the family room. Next up is our room and the deck!

Next week: swimming lessons

Oh, and some good advice I learned the hard way,
"Never toss a bag of topsoil into your trunk!" (Do I need to explain?)

So much to do... so little motivation...

I woke up this morning feeling really motivated to clean my house...
but the feeling passed quickly. Thank goodness!

I'm planning to get another water test done on my aquarium today and see if things are better... my fish are acting better and no more of them have died. :)

12th ward sisters, "Don't LOOK!" (sorry) Everyone else: Look at what's in the top of my closet right now!! I can hardly stand it. My husband is in charge of the Mother's Day gifts for the women in our ward this year and this chocolate is just waiting to be eaten... 140 pieces...
oops, it might be 139.

I love my husband SO much... he loves me back for some strange reason I have yet to understand... maybe there is no explanation, it's just a miracle.
Zeke's using my purple netting/toille for a make-shift fascinator.
It's goes so well with his "Code Monkey" shirt.

I love my children. They drive me crazy sometimes, but I love them so much... this is Zoe and Kaia doing their best version of "Sister Suffragette" from Mary Poppins; you should hear them sing it! They are standing at attention. Zoe's getting pretty good at her British accent: "What IS it, Katie Nana?!"

"We're clearly soldiers in petticoats!

And dauntless crusaders for woman's votes!

Though we adore men individually,

We agree that as a group they're rather stupid!

Cast off the shackles of yesterday!

Shoulder to shoulder into the fray!

Our daughters' daughters will adore us

And they'll sing in grateful chorus:

'Well done, Sister Suffragette!'"

I love my family... I feel like such a weirdo... I don't fit in anywhere... I'm so glad they put up with me. I feel like I don't know how to make friends or be a friend. In general, people just don't like me. (wah, wah, I guess I'll go eat worms...) Please don't comment and say "NO, Lacy, that's not true!!" Really, I'm not looking for sympathy, it's not what I want. I'm looking for reasons why and I'm just telling you what I've observed. People have given me reasons and well, they're just not good enough. It's true. Tonight is Book Club and I've been having that stressful/neurotic/anxious feeling again that I shouldn't go...

I talked to my Mother-in-Law, Patty, this morning... she is a kindred spirit. We talked about our fish and her Entomology finals and our mutual lack of desire to clean our houses... I love this woman. I need her in my life.

I've walked where Jesus walked

A lady in my Mom's ward read this poem in sacrament last time I was there. I loved it so much I asked her about it afterwards. The very next week my Mom sent me a copy and said "Linda wanted you to have this." Thanks, Linda!

If I could go to Galilee and walk where Jesus walked

And sit in tender grasses on the hillside where He taught;

If I could feel the gentle breeze that lifted from the sea

where He chose the humble fisherman, how full my heart would be.

If I could sit and ponder on a rock that knew His hand,

or walk along the seashore where His feet had touched the sand;

My spirit yearns within me, but it doesn't seem my fate,

I'll never walk where Jesus walked,

I'll never see... But wait,

I've worshiped in His temple where I know He's walked before,

Have His feet been down this hallway?

Have His fingers touched this door?

Has He stood here in this very room and looked at what I see?

In the beauty of His temple, I can feel His love for me!

I close my eyes and picture Him... my worries melt away.

I don't need to go to Galilee or travel far away.

For my tender heart is filled with what He wants me to be taught

And my testimony burns within me... I've walked where Jesus walked!

written by Carma Salveson
Tremonton, Utah August, 1997

I just want to wish all of you Happy Easter and tell you that He LIVES!

Doctrine and Covenants 76:22-24 "And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony last of all, which we give of him: That he lives! For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father—That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God."

Our Savior, Jesus Christ, is the only reason I survive in this crazy world.
I love you all and hope you feel peace in your life because of Him. :)

Compassion and a Question

This is a wonderful story that has been circulating through emails for awhile. I had forgotten about it and my sister-in-law shared it with me again. Thanks, Dani! I love this story so much I want to share it with you! I truly believe that we are here to help each other and we can make a big difference in someone's life. (You might want to get a tissue handy...)

There is a nine-year-old boy sitting at his desk and all of a sudden, there
is a puddle between his feet and the front of his pants are wet. He thinks
that his heart is going to stop because he cannot possibly imagine how this
has happened. It's never happened before, and he knows that when the boys find out he will never hear the end of it. When the girls find out, they will never speak to him again as long as he lives.

The boy believes his heart is going to stop; he puts his head down and prays this prayer, "Dear God, this is an emergency! I need help now! Five minutes from now I'm dead meat."

He looks up from his prayer and here comes the teacher with a look in her
eyes that says he has been discovered. As the teacher is walking toward
him, a classmate names Susie is carrying a goldfish bowl that is filled with
water. Susie trips in front of the teacher and inexplicably dumps the bowl
of water in the boy's lap. The boy pretends to be angry, but all the while
is saying to himself, "Thank you, Lord! Thank you, Lord!"

Now all of a sudden, instead of being the object of ridicule, the boy is the
object of sympathy. The teacher rushes him downstairs and gives him gym
shorts to put on while his pants dry out... All the other children are on
their hands and knees cleaning up around his desk. The sympathy is
wonderful. But as life would have it, the ridicule that should have been
his has been transferred to someone else - Susie. She tries to help, but
they tell her to get out. "You've done enough, You clutz!"

Finally at the end of the day, as they are waiting for the bus, the boy
walks over to Susie and whispers, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"
Susie whispers back, "I wet my pants once too."

WE ARE THE ANSWER TO EACH OTHERS' PRAYERS EVERY DAY, WHEN WE SHOW COMPASSION.

I hope I can be the answer to someone's prayer today. I hope others will show compassion to me.

Okay, now I'm whining...

I'm stressing a bit right now... I need some advice. I used to be the type of person that if someone is bugging me, I go right to that person and try in a nice way to explain what I'm upset about. You know, try to work it out and let them know how I feel? Well, the problem is I've had that backfire horribly a few times and now I'm pretty hesitant to "say what I need to say".

Instead, I've been taking my problems to Heavenly Father in prayer and for the most part just trying to love people more and smile at those who frustrate me. It has worked really well for minor things and one-time misunderstandings and I'm ashamed to admit that I usually realize that I was the one at fault. Even if my mistake was just assuming something. Never assume anything.

However, I've really been having trouble getting along with someone for over 3 or 4 years now. I try to be patient and just "walk it off" but there have been several times that have become much more frequent lately that I feel like she is putting me down and well, quite frankly, being BEYOND very rude. She talks over the top of me when we're with a group of women and if I have to change my plans she gets really upset and acts like it's the end of the world and I'm a complete idiot. She treats me like I am not capable of doing my part, that she has to hold my hand and put up with me. (Maybe I am all this, but again, I've tried to look past her quirks and issues and make it work.) After this weekend, I'm ready to be done with our friendship altogether. (Again, I tend to be dramatic if you didn't already know.) Zeke says I'm being prideful, which I know is true. I don't care what she thinks of me, but at the same time, I don't have to deal with her, do I?

What would you do?

I will try to fix you...

I just heard this song the other day from that great documentary I told you about called "Young@Heart"... you should seriously watch it. I love Coldplay. What a beautiful song! I am so thankful for my wonderful family and friends... I couldn't survive without you. Love you all!

One of these things is not like the other...

Trying to come up with a title for today's post. Things that came to mind: "One of these things is not like the other" or "Alien from another planet" or simply "My first time at Book Club"

My awesome neighbor, Lora, invited me to her Book Club (well, I hinted on her blog that I would be interested in coming and she agreed to let me... wow, she's really nice and I'm a freak.) I hadn't even read the book for this month! Lora is so fun to be with and last night I found out what a dear friend she really is. Thanks, Lora, you know what I mean. Here's her blog: Thoughts... and Then some. She's very funny and random and sarcastic and awesome and yeah. Did I tell you she likes 80's hair bands? We were meant to be friends!

I won't tell you how nuts I really am. Here's just a sampling... I was so nervous to go to Book Club last night that I made myself sick. Literally. I couldn't eat before, during, or after. My stomach was not happy with me. I was stressing out fixing my hair and stuff while Zeke was getting dinner ready for the kids... and somehow it felt in a very bizarre way like I was getting ready for a date or something. Don't worry, Lora, at least I didn't wear perfume, that would be going too far... oh man, I need help. I almost changed my mind, but my wonderful husband made me go. He was helping me decide what I should wear. How cute is that? He's definitely a keeper, but I already knew that.

Did I have fun? yes! Do I fit in? NOT EVEN CLOSE. Am I okay with that? yeah, I think so.

But hey, it was a very good eye-opener at how socially inept I really am. These last 3 years or so, I have given up a lot. Our lives were so busy, there wasn't much time for a "night out with the girls" so to speak. I'm so thankful that I could serve in the YW while Zeke was in school. Probably the craziest, most insane times ever, but it "forced" me to be with people and get away from my kids. I really miss it.

To: Lora, Amanda, Emily, Tawnya, Maggie, Lacey, Katie, Deb, and Shari, "Thanks for making me laugh so hard I thought I would pee my pants and thanks for making me feel welcome." (In that order!!)

We are quite an eclectic mix of women. I'm one of the oldest, but I feel like I'm 80 compared to these women. I really liked what Lora said on her blog:

"At book club we aren't moms, we're not teachers, we're not professionals, we're not wives. We are women. We are women.

Women who come together once a month with full acceptance. Women who have been judged and have learned that no one can be judged. Women who have stories. Women who have lived different lives no matter how much "in common" some seem to have. We are women who are friends, who care about each other dearly no matter how new to the club. Women who like to laugh and have a good time. Women who need to laugh and have a good time. Women who appreciate each other for who we are."

That really struck me. I think I've forgotten how to be anything other than a wife and mother. Four children is a FULL TIME job. What do I do? Take care of my children, try to keep up on my house, watch movies and play games with Zeke when the kids are/should be in bed, sew and cook and make messes, and try to have a social life through blogging and Facebook. Now that sounds depressing in a way, and it isn't most days, but it's all I know and those little moments can make it all worth it. You know a day goes by... and a week, then a month, and then you look back and you've been a "stay at home Mom" for nearly 13 years!! YIKES!

I know my children so well. They know me (more than I want them too sometimes). I'm here to help them with homework and fix their favorite meals. I'm here to pick them up from school when they get sick or to go see their class program or costume parade on Halloween. I'm here to play trains with and give hugs to my crazy little man, Beck. I honestly don't think any day care provider or good friend could handle him. I love him. Some days, I must confess I wish I had a "job" and I wish Beck was older and he'd stop flicking yogurt on the CAT!! (Dang!! let me go clean that up!)

My gift to you

I've been blogging now for about 7 months. It has been a great experience. I have met many new friends and have enjoyed getting to know old friends even better. I've been wondering what I might give all of you for Christmas. I've decided to share with you one of my very favorite stories... I'm not sure where I heard it from. But I know you will love it! Thank you for all of your comments, advice, funny stories, and your examples of faith and obedience. I look forward to a new year: "My life is an uphill climb and I'm going to smile everyday." Merry Christmas!

You may have heard the story before about the woman who goes to a silversmith to watch the process of refining silver. The story goes like this:

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.' (Malachi 3:3) She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?' He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy — when I see my image in it.'
"The greatest man in history had no servants, yet they called him Master. Had no degree, yet they called him Teacher. Had no medicines, yet they called him Healer. He had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today."
(Thank you to the Oldham family for this great quote!)

I hope that we can all slow down this holiday season and take time to feel the true Spirit of Christmas; that we might reflect His love in all that we do and say and think and feel. I hope each of you can have the opportunity to give service and to share the Gospel with someone. I know that our Savior lives and that He knows and loves each of us.

16 girls, 1700 square feet, and Sardines!

Zoe, age 10: decorator of cakes and instigator of chaos

Well, I survived Zoe's birthday party Tuesday night. Why oh why did I let her invite so many girls? Because I'm her Mom and I just can't resist that face. It was really fun, just crazy. I think Zoe was the loudest one of all. I didn't get too many "action" shots either... I was right in the middle of it all!

Poor Beck, he was SO tired, but he REFUSED to nap. He was very grumpy and crazy. Thank goodness Zeke was there to help me. He's so wonderful. He even cleaned up after the party while I was taking girls home. Yep, he's a keeper. :)

Opening presents:
Kaia made Zoe a really cool 3-D paper flower garden

Zoe wanted to decorate her own cake this year.
I think she did a really good job.

The girls wanted to play Hide and Seek and I talked them into playing Sardines instead. Our house isn't very big and I wasn't sure there would be enough hiding places for 15 girls. Especially since Gabe threatened us not to let any of the girls in his room NO MATTER WHAT! He was lucky enough to go to a friend's house during the party! (Thanks, Nicole)

Sardines is WAY more fun than Hide and Seek anyway. Please tell me you've played Sardines before. You haven't? It is SO much fun. Back at Snow College, my roommates and I and whoever was at our house at the moment wasted several hours playing Sardines. And we were so good at it too! The trick is to be very quiet. I never thought our little laundry room could hold so many people. Good times.

Okay, so it's kind of like the opposite of Hide and Seek. You have ONE person hide and then everyone else splits up and looks for the one person. If you find them, you don't say anything and the game isn't over yet. Instead, you quietly hide with them. So one by one, each person finds the little group of hiding people and joins them. Depending on where you hide, it can get pretty squishy, hence the name "Sardines". Oh, I wish I had a picture of everyone hiding behind the shower curtain in the bathtub... it was awesome. Thanks girls, I hope you had as much fun as I did!

The Greatest "Hallowasn't"

Thanks to my dear friend Winnie the Pooh,
"We'll celebrate a Hallowasn't instead!"

Friday was the costume parade at the girl's elementary school. Zoe went by so fast (on purpose) I made her pose for a picture after school. She looked so beautiful as "The Blue Fairy". I often look at her and wonder if she wouldn't mind dating until she's like 20 or so? yeah, I'm okay with that.

Kaia came waltzing in with a giant migration map of the world she found in the "National Geographic" the night before. I had so many people come up to me, "So what's the map for? What is she supposed to be?" I said, "I have no idea, she's Kaia, I didn't even know she brought the map to school!" It actually looked quite cute.

Beck absolutely REFUSED to wear a costume. So he was "Beck" at the Halloween Party. I did get him to wear his race car driver costume for about 5 minutes after the elementary costume parade.

Friday night was our church "Fall Festival" (code name for Halloween Party). It's always so much fun! Fishing Pond, Bean Bag Toss, Face Painting, Cupcake Walk, Chili cook-off, etc. My kids always love the donuts on a string game.

Gabe helped Zeke with the Duck Pond Game. I had fun coloring his hair and wrapping him up too:) I love that my children want to do their own thing. Gabe had to have bright orange mummy wrappings. White? nah, everyone dresses up like a white mummy.

They always give out crazy awards for the best costumes and the best chili. Zeke got the "Real Man" award for his engineering attempt at Princess Leia. Yes, those are real cinnamon rolls! He is a bit whacked and that is precisely why I love him!

I spent the entire night chasing Beck around... but I still had fun. I really enjoyed my "Luna Lovegood" costume. Only a few people knew who I was and even then, they were like "Okay, so you're like some Harry Potter person or something?" It's okay, not everyone is obsessed like me! I tried to explain the radish earrings, the butter beer cork necklace, the Quibbler advertisement, the wand behind my ear... their eyes would glaze over. True to Luna, I knew who I was and I was darn proud of myself! And for me, that's what makes it fun. By about 7:30 though, I was done. I was TIRED. I couldn't wait to get home. I think I overdid it. My friend, Peggy, said she was surprised to see me since I've been so sick (and I'm thinking, yeah, I know I'm crazy.) I'm just like a kid, I don't want to miss Halloween! We all came home feeling blah.

Gabe got up early Saturday morning and went to the best of EFY. (yay, Gabe!) Zoe went with a friend to decorate sugar cookies at their church. Kaia and Beck woke up with fevers. Yep, leave it to us to be sick on a holiday. It's TRADITION! Just ask our family. After the ibuprofen kicked in, Kaia had fun playing with the Halloween makeup. Zeke had to work for awhile that morning. I didn't feel good and wanted to get some laundry done. Later that morning, it started raining a LOT and even a skiff or two of snow. The girls said this must be the worst Halloween ever.

Anyway, later that day, we carved pumpkins. Beck grabbed a knife faster than you can say "RATS!" and cut his finger pretty bad. Zeke put pressure on it for awhile and Beck fell asleep while he was holding him (coincidence?, I think not!) While he was sleeping, we were able to put some "New Skin" (liquid bandage) on it. (It stings like no other and yet he slept right through it) I think we were spared from a trip to the ER. I started thinking the girls might be right.

Around 4pm, we thought we'd better load up the kids and take them trick or treating for a bit. Kaia and Zoe didn't even want to go. WHAT?! yeah, they must not feel good. Gabe went trick-or-treating with some friends, but came home early and said our neighborhood gives out better candy than "Cliffside"(the fancy schmancy rich people area). Some of our friends stopped by and I really enjoyed seeing them. Thanks, Amelia, Curtis, Jen, and family! Things were looking up.

We decided to go trick-or-treating in our house. The kids went from room to room while Zeke and I hid behind the doors. Zeke had on a different costume (and personality) every time: Rastafarian, Mullet-topped Nascar fan, Cowboy, and Cheerleader. I wish I was cool like that. I kissed him at every door, except the cheerleader... a little too weird. I think I like the Rasta guy. Yeah, mon! That was my Halloween treat! By then, the girls decided this was the best Halloween ever and I really had to agree.