"Grace for Mother Duck and Me" -- my wake-up call

I should be vacuuming and cleaning the litter boxes right now... really. It's on my list today, but for *some* reason it just doesn't sound very enjoyable. Hold on, readers, this is a LONG one!

Sometimes we all have to take a minute (or 12) and do something good for ourselves. Breathe. Think. Type. Relax. I've been running on empty the last week or so. What a blur! School is in full force. Late nights, early mornings, schedules and deadlines, school lunch and homework. You know it's crazy, but I really do like most of it. I think. Today I do.

I've had a LOT of experiences these last couple weeks to help me learn patience, compassion, humility, forgiveness, charity, and love. I wonder if I'll every really figure things out.

This was a rough draft post I started last week, but never finished:

"Why is life so hard? Yeah, I know that sounds really dramatic. I know most people would look at my life and say, "What's your problem, whiner?!?!?!!" (And they might be true -- sort of.) The fact is, most people don't share what their life is REALLY like. Their inner struggles and day to day problems. Weaknesses that I can never seem to get over. Problems I always seem to find myself in. When will I ever learn?"

Life really isn't that bad -- I was just having "one of those days" -- I always seem to think every little upset in my universe will be irreversible and permanent. I don't like that about myself. It's rather exhausting.

I'm so thankful for second chances and prayer and being able to talk to people. We had some serious issues with some of Gabe's friends a couple weeks ago and I'm so glad things are calming down. I'm thankful for time. Time to think and time to heal. What I thought would be devastating with long-lasting consequences, ended up being something rather trivial, but something that brought Gabe and I closer together. He was more mature and patient about the whole thing than I was. I wish I could say more, but he has asked me not to.

I had another very "silly" incident with a friend and some unspoken rules and well, after some awkward moments of disagreement, we both ended up laughing when we realized where the other person was coming from.

And then again with some more of my children's friends and their parents....

One thing's for sure: this world is full of all sorts of people. No two people act or think exactly alike. Yet, why do we always look at someone and think they are just like "so and so". Do you know what I mean?

I read this great little story last week in the throes of the constant "Is it ME or THEM?" doubts in my mind:

Let me just preface this by saying (because I'm so ridiculously childish and prideful, I guess) that I don't agree with the author judging the mother duck -- she doesn't know any better. That part, I just didn't get. Poor Mother Duck -- where is she SUPPOSED to walk her ducklings amidst all the subdivisions and humans taking over all of the undeveloped land?? That's another blog post entirely.

However, I TOTALLY understood what she was saying, because I have wrongly judged SO many women SO many times. I was truly ashamed when I read this. I have been there. I know how she feels. She's better than I am, really, only to judge a duck's misguided actions, rather than a person. Sometimes, they don't know any better either. I should have as much natural compassion for other people as I do for some random duck! But alas, I am a strange girl.

Have you ever looked at someone and thought, even for a moment, 
"She doesn't deserve to be a mother." 
Well, read on:

(photo from National Geographic)

From the August 2013 Ensign:

Grace for Mother Duck and Me by Rosie Kaufman

One spring afternoon I was packing my car to begin shuttling my five young children to and from lessons and practices. As I loaded soccer cleats and dance bags, I noticed a mother duck and her ducklings waddling down the sidewalk of our suburban neighborhood.

As I watched, she began to cross the road. Unfortunately, she chose a gutter grate for her crosswalk, and as she passed over it, her babies followed. Four of her ducklings slipped helplessly between the bars of the grate.

When the mother reached the other side, she realized she was missing some of her little ones and could hear their muffled peeps. Totally oblivious of her mistake, she crossed back across the drainage grate, looking for her missing ducklings and losing two more. With horror and some disgust at her poor judgment, I went to the grate to see if I could lift it. Although I used all my strength, the grate barely budged, and I was late to pick up one of my kids.

Figuring I would have to fix the situation later when I wasn’t so rushed, I hopped in the car while muttering self-righteously, “She doesn’t deserve to be a mother.”

During the next hour and a half, I made many of my recurring parenting mistakes. These are mistakes I have begged forgiveness for many times from both my children and my Father in Heaven. Each time I resolve to do better and not to fall prey to these weaknesses again. When I snapped at one of my kids for teasing another, my words echoed loudly in my ears, “She doesn’t deserve to be a mother.”

Suddenly I felt overwhelming compassion for that mother duck. She was trying to navigate the world with the instincts she was given, just as I was. But sometimes those instincts simply weren’t enough, and it was our children who suffered.

I resolved to get the grate off somehow and lift the ducklings out. As I rounded the corner to our street, I saw a small group gathered. My neighbor had lifted the grate, climbed inside the drainage tunnel, and was gently lifting the ducklings out to safety. The frightened little birds scrambled to find their mother, who was pacing nervously in a nearby bush. She hadn’t asked for help, but my neighbor had stepped in when her protection was simply not enough. I was overcome with emotion as I thought of the Savior doing the same for my children and me.

Sometimes we come up short, even when we have the best intentions and try our hardest. However, the Savior’s “grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before [Him]” (Ether 12:27). It comforts me to know that my shortcomings will not ruin my children and that they will be the recipients of love, peace, understanding, and grace from our Savior. He “reaches my reaching”¹ and wants my family and me to succeed. Our shortcomings will not prevail when we humble ourselves and stand with the Lord by our side.

I really love this story. I mean, I'm a HUGE animal lover, if you didn't know, so I was crying tears of joy when all the ducklings were returned safely to their worried mommy. But it really helped me feel more compassion and understanding for others. Actually, I feel like it was a great big (loving!) slap in the face from my Heavenly Father saying, "Lacy, stop being so MEAN! Stop thinking everyone is so wrong and take a look in the mirror. I love you and I know your struggles, but others are struggling too. Help them, don't judge them."

We do NOT know what others are going through. We cannot judge anyone because we don't have all of the information. We can never truly understand why someone does something. Sometimes my greatest struggles are on the inside and I always wonder what other people are truly going through when they act a certain way or say something I think they shouldn't have or whatever. 

I don't know who said it, but I love the quote that says something like: 

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

We're all in this together (yes, I did get that from High School Musical, if you must know)! But we really are and I want to try harder to help and lift others -- even when they might not return the favor. 

I feel like I am being tested to the limit lately in terms of my capacity to love and to serve and to have patience for others. I often wonder what the future holds...

I'm so thankful for a loving Father in Heaven who judges me perfectly and is always there to help me be better and make up for my many shortcomings.

P.S. I know I've already told you about the FlyLady, but I'm going to tell you again, because she makes me happy! :) If you feel overwhelmed with your life and your house is in total CHAOS... go to her site IMMEDIATELY, sign up for the emails, and start to FLY! It's been such a blessing in my life.

Friends and Flylady to the rescue! Oh, and an ICE BUN!

Alright, since my last post about de-cluttering and not mending everything, I've been feeling a lot better about the whole situation.

For one thing -- I signed up for FLYLADY emails again. She's like a personal online coach for organizing and taking control of your life. I've been going through spurts of following her suggestions off and on since, oh, 2001? I think. Whenever I'm following her "flight plan" I ALWAYS feel better and my house looks better and feels better too. You should seriously check her out! It's really easy to do AND well, easy not to do, and that is my problem. I need to stick to it. Her daily emails can be quite overwhelming at first, but most of them are just testimonials and I don't always read all of them -- you'll soon figure out which ones you need to read. Here's my (super fancy) Flight Plan for each day. I took the Flylady's suggestions and modified it a bit to my needs:

Also, several friends on Facebook gave me some really good suggestions to help tackle the clutter and excess in my house. My friend, Tawnya, sent me this great article about the "time cost" of our stuff and it really hit home. The minimalist lifestyle is really big right now -- a lot of it is just TOO much for me to process, but like Tawnya suggested, you can study up on it and find a "comfortable spot" for your family. :) I like that. Like a thoughtful spot?? Ahhhh.

My friend, Sharon, (I'm quoting you, ok???) said:  "I came to a similar revelation within the last year - just how much time I spend managing all my stuff. I move it, I organize it, I clean it, I fix it all because WHY would I get rid of something that I might need someday?? I've been just purging through stuff like crazy and the things I've realized is 1) We have way more stuff than anyone needs 2) I have NOT missed anything 3) I use the stuff I keep a lot more because I can find it and have time to use it and 4) It gets easier to let go the more you do it."  

This was great for me to hear --- I can do it, I can do it. I especially LOVE #3. Everyone suggested, including my dear friend, Maggie, that I should start with clothes.

SO, Monday got crazy -- LOTS of kids here playing and me trying to focus on the kitchen (keeping my sink clean and shiny is one of the Flylady's best secrets). When I'm consistent with it, my house IS "magically" much neater. I wonder why? I think it's like the broken window effect -- but inside. When the family sees the kitchen undone (including me) they're much more likely to leave out this or pile up that. It's true. SHINE YOUR SINK EVERY DAY! (Meaning, you have to have ALL of your dishes washed so you can actually get to the bottom of your sink to clean it!)

Tuesday -- well, on Tuesday, we got a PIANO, but that's another story. (We're keeping it here for a friend for a long while and I'm just thrilled!) Thank you, Debbie!

So, Tuesday, we attacked the kids closets and dressers. I guess I should take pictures. It felt really good. We didn't get rid of a whole LOT (since we just moved in April and I'd gone through stuff), but we organized everything and the kids got to decide what clothes they like the most. I also made labels (really fancy with painters tape, ha ha) to put on their drawers.

Anyway, it made me feel REALLY good. It was actually fun! Kaia always enjoys this because she gets Zoe's hand-me-downs -- but then, we have to go through her things again. I'm feeling better: I have a plan and I have great friends and family -- there isn't anything else I need, right? Well, maybe some GUMPTION.

Let me just say: I can't believe how BIG my children are getting! Time is flying by....

I'm VERY proud of them -- we had a really good last week of summer and first day of school.

Gabe and I were at the highschool on Monday picking up his schedule. When we were crossing the road, Gabe said, "Wait, Mom, don't cross yet, didn't you see that truck?" I just looked over at him and smiled and he said, "Well, I don't want anything to happen to you, I kinda like you."  MADE MY DAY FOREVER! Yep. 

Oh, and this is really random, but SO awesome, I wanted to share: During June, Beck played T-ball and we were always SO HOT watching his games. One day, Zoe decided to take an ice cube out of the cooler and put it in her bun. GENIUS. It has been my go-to hairdo for anything outside this summer and definitely for yard work. Seriously, it really helps keep you cool and it doesn't melt for quite awhile. I took a picture of Zoe's "ICE BUN" to show you -- the ice is the white circle in the middle, but in reality, we usually bury it completely inside and close to our head. Try it! (I really REALLY don't like to be hot.)

Funny how it's almost September and since we moved in April, I've completely lost track of my 2013 Mantra: Balance, Exactness, Focus.

Well, it's never too late to start. At the end of every Flylady email, she says: "You are not behind! I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump in where we are. O.K.?" 

Let's GO!

Leaving a legacy?

Well, there's this skirt my Mom gave me and every Sunday I want to wear it and every Sunday I pull it out and think: Dang! I need to iron it! So one SATURDAY, I wrote a note to myself on the fridge and actually pulled out the ironing board and iron.. and ironed my skirt. YAY me! I was so proud. And then after the first twenty minutes of Beck wriggling on my lap in sacrament it was wrinkled again, but hey, I did iron it. And it felt good. I think I've ironed enough for a few years now.

The kids were fascinated by this bizarre ritual. Kaia said, "Mom, what are you doing?! Why? What is that? Can I help? Can we do that to my clothes?" Okay. So I NEVER iron. REALLY. NEVER. Even, Zeke said, "Yeah, I guess you don't iron much..." Nope, I don't. It's been YEARS. Really.

Oh yeah, and then there's dusting... let's not even go there. Let's just say, I don't need a message board... I could write messages to my family in the dust on my TV and nightstands and bookshelves. I loathe dusting.

Here's the deal, I'm really not a good housekeeper. I only do things if I like doing them. For example (say it like Hermione):

laundry (yeah, it's creepy)
vacuuming (stress reliever)
baking (obvious)

So any of you out there... can you somehow help me LIKE ironing, dusting, washing dishes, mopping, changing litter boxes? I'm always making my kids do the chores I don't like. I remember doing those same chores when I was growing up... Mom, is there something you should tell me? And I always vacuum, because it's fun! Mom always vacuumed too... hmm.

Anyway, I've noticed lots of my friends don't like doing laundry. Of all the things people complain about on their blogs and Facebook and such... a BIG majority complain about doing laundry.

Well, this is my "secret" to enjoying laundry. Now I can't promise you will enjoy it, but it will make it easier and you'll always have clean clothes. At least I think so. There's this cool chic called The Flylady. I subscribe to her daily emails to help me keep track of my house. Now, I obviously don't do all the stuff she tells me, but I really like her solution for laundry.
She calls it: "No more Mt. Washmore!"

This is my laundry pile, but I am so "persnickety" I must confess: this is several loads of clean clothes piled up just for the picture (I can't handle too much dirty laundry sitting around!) Yeah, I might seem crazy, but it's a great blessing! Here's the trick: the Flylady says to do one or two loads of laundry EACH day. That means washed, folded, AND put away. Done.

I don't have a "laundry day". And I don't ever have a huge pile of dirty laundry taking over my basement. But I always have clean clothes. Now, there's always a full basket or two of clothes that needs to be washed, but when I do one or two loads a day, I'm always making a dent in it.

Another reason I like doing it this way is when I used to have a set "Laundry Day" (mine used to be Monday several years ago), it seemed like something would happen that day that prevented me from devoting my entire day to laundry. The kids would get sick or I needed to run to the store or something. I don't know about you, but with 4 children, I couldn't devote one day to anything!

Anyway, the Flylady and her routines have been a HUGE help to me. I like the idea of doing a little bit everyday and it all adds up. It does. I just need to stop ignoring the email reminders to dust my house!

Oh, and this is totally random, but I when I was little, there was an awesome cartoon I loved to watch called "Hong Kong Phooey" I loved it! A Karate Master/Super Hero dog and his sidekick, Spot, a smart cat who really does all the work. Anyway, my dear hubby ran across an AWESOME cover of the Hong Kong Phooey theme song. It's from a band we like, "Sublime." I love the reggae and ska punk influence they put into it. I can't get videos to work on my blog for some reason. Zeke's going to help me figure it out when school is done (NEXT WEEK, by the way!!) But here's a link. It puts me in a good mood every time! I love how music can do that. (P.S. Just for the record, I think the band could use some shirts, but hey... they're having fun, right?)