- "I wish I had your problem!"
- "What's your secret? It's not fair!"
- "You're so LUCKY; you're just 'naturally' skinny"
- "But you don't LOOK sick!!"
I remember back when I was 18 and I used to ride my bike to work 12 miles round trip, 5 days a week. I remember going for bike rides or walks when I was at Snow College for hours and hours and not feeling tired at all. I remember going to Slick Rock in Moab with my brother, Brady. I was very active.
Then, right before I turned 19, I got really sick and to make a long story short, (Too late!) I had some serious kidney problems that changed my life forever. Now, I'm not on dialysis or on a waiting list for a transplant or anything. The major problems cleared up in about six months. But I have never been the same since. I have been SO blessed to be able to have four children (something I was told by my doctor might not happen).
Most days I'm fine, but I get worn out quite easily and can't do all the things I used to do. It's hard for me to see other people doing things. I feel left behind. I feel lazy. I feel guilty. I feel old.
I have a lot of health problems. Some of them, I'm not even sure what they are yet, but this week I've been blindsided by another kidney infection. It's been a year since my last one and it's so hard not to get discouraged. But I feel so blessed to be alive and to have such a wonderful family. I seriously do NOT deserve my husband. He has been so kind and patient with me this week. Too kind.
My friend, Shauntae, had a link on her blog called: The Spoon Theory. It's about living with chronic illness. I read this about a year ago and it made me cry. PLEASE don't jump to conclusions: I DO NOT HAVE LUPUS like this woman, but her analogy is so true to my life. It's a bit long, but it's worth reading to help you understand what it's like for people with chronic illness.
It's so hard for me to slow down and realize I simply cannot do everything I want to. But I know God has a plan for each of us and we need the FAITH to hold on.
2 Nephi 31: 20 "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."