Monday, October 3, 2011

A Cuckoo Clock and AC/DC in Sacrament Meeting: Tied for second!!

Okay, even though it happened over 20 years ago, I'm pretty sure this is the MOST embarrassing moment of my life so far. However, I have two more embarrassing moments that pretty much tie for second place. One of them happened this weekend...

Okay, so my parents have this really cool old cuckoo clock. If I was thinking about it, I would have taken a picture of it this weekend. My dad got it in Germany when he was serving in the military in 1957-ish? It's all hand-carved and hand-painted and it plays music and has little people? come out at various times and a bird of course. (Think of all the cute cuckoo clocks on Pinnochio.) Needless to say, I LOVE this clock! I have always loved it. My Dad originally gave it to his parents and after they died, he got it back and hung it on the dining room wall in my parent's house.
Here's a cuckoo clock I found on Wikipedia -- my parent's clock is similar, but has more colors painted on it and such.

So this is how it all went down:

Anyhoo, back in July when we were visiting, my Mom says, "Well, Lace, your Dad wants to give you that cuckoo clock! I just need to see if I can find the weights for it so it will work..."

Me: "OKAY!!!! Yeah, sure, you bet, I love it! THANK YOU!"
(I was just a *bit* excited)

The day goes on, and my Mom supposedly didn't find the weights, and we got busy with the kids (as usual), forgot about it and went home. I just thought I would get it next time. Well, next time was this weekend. I called my Mom on Thursday to tell her what time we were coming and also that I was bringing an old camera of mine that I had planned to give her.

She says, "Oh, Lacy, you don't need to give me that camera, I just feel guilty it's too much! You are just so good to me!" (FYI: My Mom and I are both serious guilt-mongers -- we just HAVE to have something to feel guilty about, we pretty much feel guilty about anyone doing anything for us, etc.)

I say, "Mom!! I'm not even using that camera, I want to give it to you!" Then, I thought of a silly way to make my Mom feel like we were trading something and an opportunity to bring up the cuckoo clock again, "Mom, here's the deal, you said Dad wants to give me the cuckoo clock -- let's just trade straight across -- the camera for the cuckoo clock and then you don't have to feel guilty."

On the the other end of the phone, my Mom says: NOTHING! (ABSOLUTE DEAD SILENCE) After a few awkward seconds, she clears her throat and says, "Uh, Lace, I'm really sorry, but your Dad and I were actually planning to let you have the clock AFTER WE DIE..."

Me: "OH......."
For one brief moment, my Mom and I actually didn't have anything to say to each other.

Um, yeah, okay, sure, uh, crap... somehow I missed that part. OH MAN!! I felt SO dumb!! And just for the record, it's REALLY weird when my parents start saying things like that. It's happening more and more and I just keep saying, "MOTHER!! Don't say stuff like that!" Well, this time, I was like, "uhhhhhh, oh my gosh, MOM!! I feel so stupid! I thought you meant right now..." (Beck yells in the background: "Mom, don't say STUPID!")

Yeah, my Mom is truly one of my very best friends, so that helped a *little*, but then she says, "Well, let me go talk to your Dad..." NO, Mom, I can wait, really, I hope it's at least another 25 years before I get that dang clock!! Well, I guess I'll have a good story with it someday when Zoe and Kaia want it. The end.

Now, here's my other second most embarrassing moment:

I think it was a few years ago. For some reason I was at my parent's house with the kids and Zeke was home. I think it was when my Mom had her hip replaced? Anyway, it was Sunday, and the kids and I went to sacrament meeting at my parent's ward. I was running late (of course) and when you come in late to a Mormon church (maybe it's true of all churches) the only place left to sit is RIGHT IN FRONT! This was embarrassing enough for me.

So I brought my "church bag" with me and it usually has all sorts of items to help me survive sacrament meeting: baby wipes, coloring books, candy, etc. This time it was also full of other things I brought for the trip: extra clothes for Beck, toiletries, DVD's, and Zeke's cell phone. (I was planning to empty some of this stuff out, but again, I was late!)

Zeke had wanted me to take his cell phone if there was an emergency while I was driving with the kids and he knows me so well, he KNEW I had it in my church bag that morning. Well, not only did I forget the cell phone was in my church bag, but I didn't even think about turning the ringer off... (and of course Zeke knew that I would do that too!)

Now, picture Zeke 4 hours north of me sitting in sacrament all alone, missing his cute wife and kids and wondering how he can tease me from so far away (Zeke LIVES to tease me, by the way)... he checks the clock and thinks, "Hmm, Lacy and the kids are sitting in sacrament right about now, the sacrament has been passed, and I bet the first speaker has just gotten up to give their talk..."

Back in my parent's ward, I am wrestling Beck and Kaia on my lap and trying to keep Gabe and Zoe from fighting. Oh, and I need to mention that my parent's ward doesn't have very many young families in it, so it is already more than DEATHLY QUIET. Suddenly I hear this! It was LOUD and went on for at least 20 seconds. I'm sitting there thinking, "Sheesh! Somebody should really turn off their cell phone... DUH!!!" and then, immediately I realize, "OH MY HECK!!!! IT'S ME AND THAT'S MY PHONE!!!!!"

By now, more time has passed and I practically throw Beck off my lap and frantically rummage through the bag to find that phone and shut it off! My face is red, my fingers are sweating, EVERYONE is staring at us, and the speaker stops talking and is actually WAITING for me! (Oh, even just a little lightning bolt striking me dead right now would be just fine!)

It was just horrible. I don't think I got the phone turned off until the first verse was over. "NINE LIVES!! CAT'S EYES!!" Not that "Back in Black" from AC/DC is a "bad" song, really. I love that song! But of all places and of all people; this was my home ward. The ward I really NEVER went to growing up.

When my Mom made me go, I was the wild, rough-looking teenager just waiting to leave. I remember sitting in sacrament with my friend, Kami, when I was about 14 or so, and the opening hymn was "Rock of Ages". We were laughing and making fun of it the whole time. HA!! We thought, "They named a hymn after the Def Leppard song!" We were trying to sing the Def Leppard lyrics with the hymn. HA!!! Oh, we thought we were so funny.

So anyway, to add insult to injury, here I am 20 years later, trying to appear like a normal-"grown-up"-reverent-church going-Mommy(whatever that is) and my cell phone starts blasting AC/DC!! There are probably over 20 widows in my Mom's ward and at least a dozen couples over the age of 75. Oh man, I got some looks!

And then to top it off, as soon as I got out of sacrament, I planned to call Zeke and say, "Oh, honey, guess what happened! You called me right when I was in sacrament and I couldn't find my phone to turn it off!" But as soon as he answered the phone, all I could hear was him laughing hysterically and finally saying, "I got you, didn't I?!" And then I knew, this was NO accident!

Writing this down, the cell phone in sacrament was WAY more embarrassing than the cuckoo clock...

But now I think it's all pretty funny.


  1. OHMYGOSH! So funny! If I had been sitting by you I when your phone went off I would have laughed so hard! I swear we've all done something like that, but ACDC in Sacrament meeting takes the cake!

  2. I personally think there are a LOT of wards that could use a little Sunday morning AC/DC loosening up...

    I have NEVER told anyone my most embarrassing moment. NO ONE. EVER. I don't think you've been embarrassed until you have one to take to your grave. Or maybe I'm just jaded!

  3. I am just glad I am not the only one with mortifying moments. Although I think some of mine are WAY worse than these two. :) Sunny

  4. THAT IS AWESOME!!!! I love that. That would be so embarrassing. Did you beat Zeke afterward? It would have made me mad at the moment but looking back I would laugh.

  5. I was laughing too hard at the cell phone story - i too, love a good AC/DC song and back in black is my fav. there should definitely be some sort of punishment for him doing that though. :)

  6. It's not embarrassing if you can laugh at yourself, and I think you've done a lovely job of that! :)

  7. If there's a lightening bolt, I think it should be aimed at Zeke. That punk!

  8. Not to laugh at you or anything...but those are both great stories. :) You are too cute.

  9. Thanks for sharing. I think I was sitting in the bleachers for #1, because I seem to have a faint memory of that one. :)

  10. Awesome :) LOVED both stories :) I've had a few of those and you DEFINITELY laugh more when time has passed :)

  11. i think the cell phone might be more embarrassing! but everytime i'm late for church you either have to squeeze in between people or sit in the front. it's pretty embarrassing just doing that :) but the mom story is pretty funny too. i'm always so bummed out when my parents talk about "after they die" too.

  12. Okay, I laughed because AC/DC is my ring tone too. And in church! Eeek!


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