Monday, August 19, 2013

Brain Dump... Deja vu? Wait... a BREAKTHROUGH!

I think I already have a post somewhere titled, "Brain Dump".

I shouldn't blog sometimes, really. Today I woke up in a bit of a funk.

My mind is SO full. SO FULL.

There is just SO much to do, so much to remember, so much to plan, so much to even think about.

Not to mention all of the "stuff" that happens everyday that I don't expect or can't plan for... let's not even go into the crazy of all that!

I used to be better at taking one thing at a time and then, moving on to the next.

I'm not sure if I've lost that ability OR if there's just SO much to do... my brain is ready to explode. Seriously. I sit down to make a to-do list and I can vaguely decipher a flow of activity somewhere in the back of my brain. Much like a blender swirling with words and phone numbers and check lists and fuzzy clouds of ??? Just LOTS of fuzz really.

At the front of my brain, the part that is formulating and typing these words at this moment, there is just a clear, resounding FUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Like a low hum or a white noise that purposely? or thankfully? blocks out all of the swirling blender stuff. I can't seem to turn the FUZZ off any more.

Problem is: I desperately need to dive into that blender and deal with some of that stuff!

I woke up spouting off my to-do list to my husband this morning in between deep sighs of frustration and stress. Ever patient (patiently?), he listens and always has a good (if not always logical) strategy to attack my day. He's not a stay-at-home mom (obviously), so he just doesn't really get it, but he sure tries.

Today, however, I think he said something rather profound. I won't bore you with my BOOK of things I need to do/should do/could do/want to do/really have to do, because I know you have your own. Maybe our books are rather similar? Maybe not? Either way. Life is busy. Life as a mother at any phase, age, or number of children is BUSIER than ever.

Zeke was standing in our closet trying to get ready to go to work (bless his heart!) as I'm purging and pleading and well, basically, whining. We were talking about building more shelves in our closet, because, you know, that's what everyone needs right after they move into a bigger house, right? Seriously though, shelves for HIS clothes, because I have a huge basket and two boxes FULL of things that need to be mended and they're taking over our closet. What?? Yeah, it's embarrassing and rather ridiculous.

It's not that I don't mend -- I do -- every couple of months I take a day and just mend stuff. My kids usually end up wanting to sew something right along with me, which is good, but my overall progress is greatly diminished, but hey, I have kids that like to sew. That's a good thing in my book.

Anyway, the mending basket mysteriously multiplies overnight. Really! Just when I think I've made a dent, it's full again just a few days later.

Is it obvious to everyone, but me? Zeke simply said, "Don't mend. Just don't. In the grand scheme of things, mending does NOT matter. The kids have plenty of clothes. Prioritize what they really need and THROW THE REST AWAY." Isn't he a genius??

Inside though, I instantly recoiled at the thought... THROW THE REST AWAY????? What the? I can't.... WASTE something??? How do I define WASTING something? How can Zeke say that and be okay with it? It sounded SO lovely, SO simple, SO right. But.... THROW THE REST AWAY? I want to feel that way too.

For months (YEARS), I've been praying about how I can get it all done and how I can feel LESS stress. I've been thinking all morning about what Zeke said as I've been watering our lawn and doing laundry (YEAH, there's a wake-up call). Don't laugh, but I think I seriously have a hard time getting rid of stuff or just the idea of wasting stuff. I'm not sure if I've always been this way. Our house certainly isn't overflowing or anything, but the things I do to save stuff or get the good out of stuff *might* be considered a bit overboard by other people.

I mend clothes and blankets and things until they're literally falling apart between the seams! Among other things, I use THE ABSOLUTE LAST DROP of everything. Toothpaste, syrup, lotion, ketchup, etc. I know it drives my family crazy. It should. It's silly. I have bottles of stuff in the fridge and in the bathrooms turned upside down with the threat, "Don't throw that away yet, there's still some left!" SILLY!

What about the TIME I'm wasting saving those little things and making room for them? What I'm really doing is WASTING my time. My time is so precious. I can't buy time. I got mad at Kaia yesterday for throwing away a half-eaten apple. Yes, I totally agree we shouldn't waste food, but seriously over-reacted for sure. It's just an apple. She's my sweet daughter. I'm embarrassed to even tell you that.

You know, I go through a blog famine here and there and whenever I start again, I always feel so much better. It's very therapeutic. I hope my life of learning things the hard way helps someone else avoid my mistakes in the first place.

Today, I'm going to pray REALLY hard to let go of things that do not matter. Today, I'm going to try really hard to get rid of some things in my house. I'm especially going to re-evaluate my mending basket.

I read somewhere recently about getting rid of 5 things everyday for 5 days and doing that each month. Even little things. I'm going to try it.

P.S. Zeke, I love you more than anything... you are my DENSITY.


  1. Purging is SO therapeutic. Yes, there is wasting and then there is just...letting go. A difference. Remember when I lost my entire to do list a year or so ago? I FREAKED. For a few hours. And then? And then I said...huh. And I went on with my life and the important stuff got done and the not important stuff stayed lost to the ether. Magic.

    Don't make yourself busier than you need to be. Take time to breathe, too.

    1. You are so wonderful. I DO remember when you lost your to-do list. I went home stressing about "what if" I ever lost mine. Sometimes I would like to throw it into a river and pretend I lost it.

      I just can't stay caught up... and I don't know where to START purging, but I want to... that's sort of a start, right? I need school to start.

  2. Oh Dear Lacy, I love you. This has been on my mind. And I need to let go of things too. But then- where is the line between letting go and wasting? I would love to come help you. Because for me- helping another is far easier than doing it myself. (And admitting exactly how MUCH I've held onto...)I hope you are enjoying your beautiful new house and more importantly your beautiful (and so creative!) children. Breathe. That's a beautiful instruction Tawnya. Sigh- I miss you guys.

    1. Maggie, I love and miss you too! I would love for you to come help me -- I just can't seem to get started. We'd definitely have some yummy snacks to share all the while. :) Thanks for the super sweet compliment about my children, it made my heart extremely happy. ;)

  3. Hello!!! That totally hit me too! I am the same way! I have mending that everyone has grown out of because I never got to it. But I can't get rid of it because I could still mend it and make it useful again! I also use every last drop that I possibly can. I think it annoys Jim especially with the toothpaste! Thanks for sharing this post. I think I will take you up on that challenge and try getting rid of a "few" things too!

    1. Oh, Kristi, I'm so glad I'm not the only one with a mending basket full of clothes my children have grown out of! ;) You are so cute -- I miss you.

  4. Density! Ha! I may have laughed out loud. :)

    On a serious note, I'm always available to help sort things out. Meaning, ask the hard questions, like "Really?? REALLY?" I'm wordy that way. But I do love me a good purge and I promise not to judge because then you could judge me and it's just a vicious cycle. And on a more serious note, lots of the unusable clothes that get sent to the DI end up in a rag pile that are then cleaned and used for either major disaster clean up projects or to be used as stuffing for various things here and there. At least that's what happened when I worked there. It makes me feel a whole lot better about giving "not so good" stuff to the DI. It won't be wasted and would be a perfect home for your mending!


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