(I had a hard time finding pictures of just me with each of my children... I'm always the one behind the camera! I need to do better. The first picture is Gabe and me on Halloween, then Kaia and me on her 5th birthday, Zoe and me at the Wildcat Run 2009, and Beck and me on his 1st birthday.)First of all, to those of you who are reading my blog, I want you to know that I'm very selfish. This is MY blog. I am doing it for me. If you don't like it, don't read it. I know everyone has very unique circumstances, and I'm not saying everyone can do and be the same thing. I'm just saying how I feel about MY circumstances :)
It's interesting to me how a combination of events can make me feel a certain way. How one thing builds on another and when I look back, I can see that even trials and opposition are necessary. (YIKES! Did I just say that?)
I keep typing a sentence and deleting it.... it's hard for me to put into words... but I am so thankful to be a Mother, especially one who is able to stay home with my children. Don't get me wrong, some days I crumble into a ball on the floor of my closet and cry and pray and cry some more (yesterday, actually). But today is a new day, and I just feel a great sense of peace and an overwhelming love for my children. It is a really nice way to feel.
Sorry I am being so vague, I'm trying to do a quick post and say how I really feel and yet, not specifically mention anyone or anything in particular so as not to offend (I guess I am being very confident that a lot of people are actually reading my blog! ha ha ha)
Anyway, let me share my latest example of a combination of events (big and small) that help me understand just how important my role as a Mother is. Okay, so last week, Kaia was really sick. Gabe cut his knee open and needed stitches. I went shoe shopping with Gabe and Zoe. I bought the kids a new box of crayons (yeah, who knew?) I jumped on the trampoline with Beck. Zoe had a field trip this week, Kaia had one a couple weeks ago. Kaia's Kindergarten Graduation is today. So many things that they need me for. (It's nice to feel needed :)
Beck has been quite fussy since Kaia has been sick (of course), I don't think he's getting enough attention. I sat on the stairs with him yesterday and rocked him and sang our special song. He's getting big enough that I have a hard time holding him, but smart enough to sing with me. Just in those few moments, he had the sweetest smile on his face and so much love in his eyes. Wow.
Later on in the day, I spoke with someone who doesn't understand what it's like to be a Mother. They speak of my children as an annoyance and a burden. This person is always telling me, it's time for me, leave the kids, start a career, get away, do something for yourself, you deserve it, how can you stay home and do nothing all day, it isn't fair. Those temptations of the world can be, well, very tempting once in awhile. But The Spirit just floods my heart with love for my children and I know that what I'm doing is right. I feel great pity for this person, because they will never have the privilege of feeling what I feel. Or doing what I do.
My friend, Sharla, told me, she might not be rich, but her children are her "precious gems" and she will have them for eternity. (I love her!) It's very hard some days, maybe too hard, and lonely, and it feels like no one notices the sacrifices you make, but I know that it will be more than worth it. I have this great poem about Motherhood.... as soon as I find it, I'll put it up...
I see so many women that have chosen another way. Women that don't have children or are single (by choice) or do have children and leave them all the time, and travel the world and "eat, drink, and be merry". It's all about them. They invest all that they have into obtaining "things" and doing "things". Now, I would LOVE to travel and see the world someday, but not now. I see people seeking out the things of the world, running as fast as they can to drink it all in, but I don't ever see the world and all of these "things" ever needing them. I feel sorry for them. They are going to wake up one day and be very lonely.
By the way, Beck loves trains. I mean LOVES trains. He has one that has been lost for quite some time. This week he's been telling us it's in the air vent in his room... Zeke went and looked this morning and found it! Beck was SO thrilled. It made my day to see him so happy, "WHOA! hank oo, da-ee!" (Thank you, Daddy!)
This post has turned out to be more serious (and much longer) than I intended. Just take a moment and hug each of your children and look into their eyes and tell them how special they are to you. I hope you can see what I did. :)