Friday, February 4, 2011
Trying to come up with a title for today's post. Things that came to mind: "One of these things is not like the other" or "Alien from another planet" or simply "My first time at Book Club"
My awesome neighbor, Lora, invited me to her Book Club (well, I hinted on her blog that I would be interested in coming and she agreed to let me... wow, she's really nice and I'm a freak.) I hadn't even read the book for this month! Lora is so fun to be with and last night I found out what a dear friend she really is. Thanks, Lora, you know what I mean. Here's her blog: Thoughts... and Then some. She's very funny and random and sarcastic and awesome and yeah. Did I tell you she likes 80's hair bands? We were meant to be friends!
I won't tell you how nuts I really am. Here's just a sampling... I was so nervous to go to Book Club last night that I made myself sick. Literally. I couldn't eat before, during, or after. My stomach was not happy with me. I was stressing out fixing my hair and stuff while Zeke was getting dinner ready for the kids... and somehow it felt in a very bizarre way like I was getting ready for a date or something. Don't worry, Lora, at least I didn't wear perfume, that would be going too far... oh man, I need help. I almost changed my mind, but my wonderful husband made me go. He was helping me decide what I should wear. How cute is that? He's definitely a keeper, but I already knew that.
Did I have fun? yes! Do I fit in? NOT EVEN CLOSE. Am I okay with that? yeah, I think so.
But hey, it was a very good eye-opener at how socially inept I really am. These last 3 years or so, I have given up a lot. Our lives were so busy, there wasn't much time for a "night out with the girls" so to speak. I'm so thankful that I could serve in the YW while Zeke was in school. Probably the craziest, most insane times ever, but it "forced" me to be with people and get away from my kids. I really miss it.
To: Lora, Amanda, Emily, Tawnya, Maggie, Lacey, Katie, Deb, and Shari, "Thanks for making me laugh so hard I thought I would pee my pants and thanks for making me feel welcome." (In that order!!)
We are quite an eclectic mix of women. I'm one of the oldest, but I feel like I'm 80 compared to these women. I really liked what Lora said on her blog:
"At book club we aren't moms, we're not teachers, we're not professionals, we're not wives. We are women. We are women.
Women who come together once a month with full acceptance. Women who have been judged and have learned that no one can be judged. Women who have stories. Women who have lived different lives no matter how much "in common" some seem to have. We are women who are friends, who care about each other dearly no matter how new to the club. Women who like to laugh and have a good time. Women who need to laugh and have a good time. Women who appreciate each other for who we are."
That really struck me. I think I've forgotten how to be anything other than a wife and mother. Four children is a FULL TIME job. What do I do? Take care of my children, try to keep up on my house, watch movies and play games with Zeke when the kids are/should be in bed, sew and cook and make messes, and try to have a social life through blogging and Facebook. Now that sounds depressing in a way, and it isn't most days, but it's all I know and those little moments can make it all worth it. You know a day goes by... and a week, then a month, and then you look back and you've been a "stay at home Mom" for nearly 13 years!! YIKES!
I know my children so well. They know me (more than I want them too sometimes). I'm here to help them with homework and fix their favorite meals. I'm here to pick them up from school when they get sick or to go see their class program or costume parade on Halloween. I'm here to play trains with and give hugs to my crazy little man, Beck. I honestly don't think any day care provider or good friend could handle him. I love him. Some days, I must confess I wish I had a "job" and I wish Beck was older and he'd stop flicking yogurt on the CAT!! (Dang!! let me go clean that up!)