Wasn't planning to bleed today...

Sometimes I just HAVE to write. Sometimes I can't function any more until I do. I have to drop whatever I'm doing and just write down what's in my head until my head feels clear. Get it out. Write it down. Let it come alive on paper. Let my mind utilize that space for new thoughts. Today is one of those days. 

I have SO much to do. I always do. Today especially. Last week I substituted at my friend's preschool 6 hours a day for 2 days, so I'm a bit behind on other things. 

It's okay though. I honestly enjoyed it. I was a bit tired by Friday evening, but I made it. The kids are absolutely ADORABLE. Really. The best part is, I got to take Beck with me. ;)

My friend has asked me to teach next year three days a week and just half a day. I'm so excited! I think it will be a great fit for my life right now in lots of ways. I really enjoy the kids and look forward to the teaching experience if I'm ever to become the "Ms. Frizzle" I want to be.

It's so fun to see kids at the preschool that I know their families as well. I can see their parent's facial expressions and mannerisms through them. How they stand and what they say and how they scrunch up their nose when they talk or smile. So amazing! I also got two special pictures drawn just for me -- Thanks, Jack and Keegan!

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I'm still working on the quilt. Since January 26th is past, I'm shooting for February 1st :)

I'm so close. Last week, I remembered why I don't sew as much as I'd like and why I always stop in the middle of a project: 3 of my finger tips cracked on both sides of my nails. It is SO painful. I had to take a few days off to let them heal up again. Zeke says I always sew in the winter too -- he's right -- and there may be a correlation there since my hands are already dry. Oh, it's discouraging, but I'm not giving up!

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Got my first "Bountiful Basket" on Saturday. Thanks, Nicole, for the suggestion!! I know I'm behind on that, but wow, it was fun and I look forward to the next one. Pineapple and watermelon in January? Okay!

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Our house is *almost* done. Seriously. They are mudding, taping, and painting this week. Then, comes the flooring, lighting, interior doors, cabinets, exterior siding, brick...

It sounds like a lot, but it's going SO fast. 

Isn't it funny how you start something and you think it's going to take SO long? 

Then, you look back and it wasn't very long at all.

We've lived in this little apartment for SEVEN months! Wow. 

And now, in 5 or 6 weeks (hopefully) we'll move again.

We are SO blessed and I know it is a miracle from God.

I'm SO excited. I don't care how much we get moved in that first day, but when they give us the keys, the kids and I have decided we are taking sleeping bags and toothbrushes and spending the night on the floor if we have to. It's been an amazing adventure and to come this far and realize we're closer as a family than we were before we started? Even better. :)

Here's me in our freshly sheet-rocked kitchen! 

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Another idea... Do you think someone can be too nice? I try to be nice to everyone. EVERYONE. Sincerely nice. I do. However, the last 10 years or so, the thought keeps creeping into the back of my mind that you CAN be too nice. I'm afraid sometimes I'm TOO nice. Not in a good way.

The last few years or so (as in, ever since I got on Facebook in 2008), this "too nice" thing has become more and more apparent. I'm friendly. I know a LOT of people from high school, college, church, my children's school, our neighborhood, etc. I like people. I love friends. I love to share positive things that lift people up. I love to laugh. I love sarcasm and inside jokes. I love making other people laugh. 

Lately though, there's been a person that continually puts negative comments on my Facebook and well, it's just become obnoxious. I've had family members send me private messages saying, "What's up with so-and-so? What's her problem?" The comments have been so childish and out of line I actually feel embarrassed for her. They try to sound "NICE" like, well, "if it was me I would NEVER do that, but you know, if that works for you", but NO, it's RUDE.

Comments about my children and their choices and appearance. REALLY? And our house. Oh, our house! Seriously, I should not be made to feel guilty because we are able to build this house. It is a huge blessing and miracle for us. Zeke worked hard to finish school and was blessed to get a really good job. The pictures and posts I share on Facebook are for family and friends that love and support us and want to see the progress.

I'm certain not everyone likes what we're doing or approves of it, (and that's okay) but THANK YOU for not saying so. Seriously. 

The really sad thing is, this person, was, I thought, a really good friend of mine. SO "top-notch" in my book if I had a "100 favorite people list" she would have been on it, but over the last few years, (I can actually pinpoint it to a specific day), she has changed. Poisoned by jealousy. Prone to excessive negative criticism about everything we do and/or don't do. It's not my idea of a friend. Not at all.

I had a really good talk with my husband on Sunday. Um, he's wonderful, by the way. Seriously, wonderful. I'm SO thankful to have him in my life. 

Anyway, long story short. He suggested I "unfriend" her. (Who knew that would be an almost universally recognized term 10 years ago??) Wow. That's BIG for me. I'm always trying to be "too nice", trying to avoid conflict, trying to put up with people being "not nice" and trying to tell myself "they're probably right" and "I must deserve it somehow". But you know, when he said that and I considered it... I felt a great peace. It's okay. I deserve better. So I did it. Negative thoughts and feelings? Gone. Wow.

This year is going to be a good one. 

Balance, Exactness, Focus

Copy and Paste: My world with a smile...

I am being a slacker... I'm copying and pasting my FB statuses... "Life may take you where you least expect it -- always have faith that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Interesting thought... they say Faith is an action... at what point do you take action and make your life as close as possible to what you want? or do you just sit back and let things happen?" I was feeling sorry for myself this week... yeah, I'll go into it later - or NOT.

Today I'm thinking I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, because this is the world I am used to: "Well, this is my world: Kaia is sick with 104 degree fever and coughing, Zeke's been in New Jersey for work since Dec. 10th! and he's finally/hopefully coming home today, Beck is throwing crayons and making Zoe cry, but you know, I'm still happy, life is good. I'm so thankful for medicine to help Kaia and I'm so thankful for my Mom and for my neighbors who gave Kaia a Priesthood blessing last night. :)" Thank you Brother Sullivan and Brother Hale :)

Anyway, we had some Christmas travel plans... who knows with Kaia being sick. She has reactive airway disease and a small cold can give her pneumonia overnight. Really.
But what can I do at this point? We've actually been very blessed this fall... she hasn't been sick since Halloween and that IS amazing for her. It sounds crazy, but I actually feel at peace... we don't have to juggle schedules or trips yet... it all depends on when Kaia is feeling better. I believe Heavenly Father has a plan for us, for everything. Of course I don't want Kaia to be sick ever, but I just feel like there is a reason why she is right now.

Even though, Zeke has been gone, the kids and I have done pretty well. They have been very good helpers and we've had a lot of fun in spite of missing Dad. I had a special movie night with each of the 3 older kids, just one on one, they got to pick the movie... I think this will become a tradition. Not that I want Zeke to go out of town for work all the time, but hey, it is what it is and I'm trying to make the best of it. Netflix is awesome, by the way :)

Gabe's movie: "Fear of the Dark" what was I thinking?!?! Now, don't judge me, or if you do, don't tell me about it, because I don't care. I checked the movie on the internet movie data base and it's as "good" as a horror movie gets. We were both scared... but it was fun.

Zoe's movie: "The Princess Who Never Laughed" an old 80's "Faerie Tale Theater" It was actually pretty good. It had a good message -- YOU decide how you feel. Even though Howie Mandel was in this movie (and he had hair!) I still liked it. See, I got the message.

Kaia's movie: "Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief" Okay, she's really sick and I love her and I said she could choose... but seriously, I despise this movie! But I kept my thoughts to myself and she fell asleep before it was half way through (phew!!)

I had an awesome visit with my Mom yesterday on the phone. I don't know what I would do without her. REALLY. She is my therapy and my idol! At one point, my Mom said, "Now, I know this is the wrong advice and you probably shouldn't listen, but... and she went on to tell me anyway." I LOVE THIS WOMAN! Seriously, she is THE best! You are Grover and I am Percy. You are my protector, Mom.

I had an interesting road rage experience the other day... I was pulling out of the parking lot of the post office and planning to turn left (no light). It was VERY busy and well, it was going to take a minute. The guy behind me starts whaling on his horn like no tomorrow and I'm thinking, "What the heck?!" There is NO opening for me to pull out... I do NOT know what this guy is thinking. Whenever someone is being totally irrational like that, I like to think up a story to explain their rude behavior. Like, maybe this guy REALLY had to go to the bathroom or something!

Well, crazy I know, duh, but all of his honking just made me more stressed! NOT HELPING!! So when I was finally able to pull out onto the street, I was MAD. Yeah, I have a temper, and it's not good, but I'm trying to control it. I'm not one to EVER swear at drivers or make obscene gestures or anything, but I just HAD to yell something. So he was in the lane to my left, I unrolled my window, smiled my biggest smile, waved both my arms and yelled, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!" Anyway, it made me feel a lot better. Zoe was with me and she said, "Mom, you are WEIRD!" It was so worth it to see the confused look on his face. :)

Okay and now, I am so excited... my wonderful roommate/missionary who brought me to church with her way back when... she found my blog! Yay, Jen! I hope I'm not embarrassing you (ha ha ha) but this really made my day. We haven't been in touch for awhile and well, I love this girl!

Anyway, I need to go check on the kids... Beck is terrorizing everyone this morning (oh wait, that's normal too). It means I need to get off the computer. Merry Christmas to all... and I mean that in the most "non-angry will you please stop honking at me?" way. REALLY :)

In case you were wondering...

Why I love my children:

They just have so much fun!
We found some stray pipe cleaners in the art cupboard.

I really enjoy cooking:
I made Butter Chicken and Garlic Naan on Saturday... it was awesome! My friend, Jessica, gave me the recipes: seriously, if you've never tried Indian food before, you should. I didn't think I would like it, but I LOVE it. If you want the recipes, let me know. Jessica is so awesome! I was having trouble finding an ingredient and she brought some to my house. FYI, "garam masala" is a spice blend and your grocer probably has it, even if they tell you they don't!

Moments when I don't enjoy being a mother:
My dear son, Gabe, thought it would be funny to get on my Facebook account and post a status as me: "My son wants a phone. Do you think I should get him one?" So by the time I checked my FB later that night, there were 18 public comments and 2 private ones... either cheering me on, "of course, why not?" or condemning me for even considering it!

Basically, I was really TICKED OFF!! (Think of Jack Black on "School of Rock") And I guess it wasn't that big of deal... other than it really embarrassed me and put me on the spot and Gabe shouldn't post on my Facebook. First of all, I would never say that... I do my own thing and I would not ask for public advice about that. Mostly though, "cell phones" are a "we're not having a conversation about this topic" topic. Gabe already knows how we feel about it. He was trying to get the sympathy and sway of the masses to change our minds. "Everybody has one, Mom!" Anyway, all is forgiven, but Gabe has lost some computer time. And he's still NOT getting a phone. I don't even have a cell phone. He's only 12! Did you know, "he's the ONLY kid in school that doesn't have a phone?!" Poor baby! I'm sure! (Aren't I mean?!)

Moments when I enjoy being a Mother:
Zeke buzzed Beck's hair; he looks so handsome. It's been getting pretty long... I took him to the store on Friday and hadn't combed it... he was also wearing sweat pants and sneakers... he looked so goofy, poor guy. He looks SO cute now. It really is the best haircut for a 2 year old boy; you know he just loves having his hair combed.

Beck says, "How was dat one, Mommy?"

Why I love Logan:
We had our first snowstorm of the season on Saturday... the girls immediately got on their snow gear and went outside (Beck was asleep and Gabe was at a birthday party, otherwise, they'd be with them for sure.) Snow is just so beautiful. I love to I go outside at night when it's snowing... everything is so peaceful and quiet.

Why I love our neighbors:
Our wonderful neighbors, David and Lora, needed help moving in a deep freeze on Saturday and they gave us the box. THANKS, Guys!! It was the perfect distraction for a stormy weekend. The girls have been making different curtains... pictures to follow... (They told me they aren't done yet and I can take pictures later! These girls are serious about this box! Gabe and Beck just want to wrestle in it.)

My other two children:
I'm having serious relationship issues... with my two cats!! They just do NOT get along. Well, actually Pippin is just MEAN and NASTY to Caspian. Poor Cassie! I talked with my MIL, Patty, about it. She's good with animals and knows everything about them. She has a degree in Biology and even worked at a veterinary clinic for awhile. She says I need to get Pippin's hormone and thyroid levels checked. He is SO aggressive.. and he hasn't always been quite this bad either.

Me with Caspian (I'm not picking favorites here am I?)

Pippin sleeping with Kaia. He's really sweet with people...This is my Mother in law, Patty.
She is the epitome of groovy in my book.
Don't you think Zoe looks like her?

Why I LOVE the Logan Library:
We just watched "Hairspray" for the first time. I LOVED it. A LOT! Zeke and I also watched "The Legend of Bagger Vance" last night. That show makes me cry every time. I love how it ends... nobody wins, nobody loses, everyone just has FUN! Other movies we watched this weekend that I love: "Nim's Island", "Night at the Museum" (Beck keeps saying, "Dumb dumb, give me gum gum!) and "My Neighbor Totoro":

You should really see this movie! (picture courtesy of Wikipedia)

Why Beck makes me laugh:
Beck stood up in his chair during dinner, poked his tummy out, and was straining himself so much that his face was going red. His eyes were glazed over and he was concentrating on something. We were all laughing and I said, "Beck, what are you doing?" He was VERY serious and said matter-of-factly, "I'm peeing in my diaper, Mom!" Okay, we need to get this kid potty-trained. (I'm really glad he had a diaper on... or the pee would have landed on his plate!)

Why I feel old:
Zoe's birthday is next week. She'll be 10! I can't believe it. She was my only baby born in Colorado Springs, Colorado. We've got a big party planned, too big, really, but it's okay... Zoe's so sweet and tenderhearted, she doesn't want to leave anyone out, so she invites all the girls in her school class and a few extra special friends. (Okay, so that's like 20 girls!!??) yeah, I'm nuts, but look at this face:

Zeke and Zoe from the Daddy-Daughter Date a couple weeks ago...
Did I already post this picture? Sorry if I did, but I LOVE it.Being silly!

I'm trying to be a good wife (really):

I can NOT wait to put up our Christmas decorations... Zeke always says not until the day after Thanksgiving... now, just so you know, Zeke doesn't really put his foot down about anything with me, he's very permissive about everything. (Paint the walls red, yellow, and green, Why not? Rip out the pantry and remodel the kitchen, again? Sure! What the heck? Yeah.) So I'll wait for him. He just wants Thanksgiving to be Thanksgiving and I can agree with that... but you know how people get up at 3 or 4 am on Black Friday to go shopping? Well, I'll be up digging out all my Christmas stuff... technically I could do it at midnight...hmm, tempting.

I am so thankful for my husband. He likes me even though I'm a weirdo and that's pretty darn cool.