Okay, have you ever had the feeling like you're treading water FOREVER and your legs start to cramp and you can't breathe and you sink a little and water goes into your mouth and you panic and tread harder and come up a bit and try a little harder, but your legs are on FIRE and you know you can't do this forever.... and then you have 4 (sometimes more) little weights hanging on you, depending on you to hold them up?
I seriously feel like my head is going to explode today...
I am having a hard time with:
visiting teaching.... I was so frustrated on Sunday... I could not stop shaking. I just don't know if I'm cut out for it.
my house... blah.... I can't seem to keep up
my kids, each for very separate reasons...
Beck has to go to the dentist next week for an IV sedation procedure, his teeth are in BAD shape. Yeah, whatever, judge away... I've never done anything different with my other kids and their teeth are fine... I guess if you play Russian roulette, the chances are you'll eventually get shot.
Kaia has a weird mole/growth thing on her tummy that I showed the doctor yesterday and he wants her to see a dermatologist ASAP. I am more than a little freaked out.
Zoe is trying to decide if she wants to share a room with Kaia or NOT. Long story.... a couple years ago we made our basement family room into a bedroom for Zoe to ease contentions with siblings and to make an office for Zeke while he's in school and there was no where else to study - NOW, Zoe and Kaia are in Kaia's room together every second and they beg to sleep together every night AND Zeke just does NOT use his office anymore... so I'm thinking let's reclaim our family room and give us some room to breathe. We spent most of Saturday moving rooms after Zoe BEGGED me and prayed about it and now she hates it! It's been a rough couple of days...
And then there's Gabe... I love that kid... he had a TRULY valid reason, he did, and it all worked out eventually, but he "sluffed" the last 10 minutes of one of his classes yesterday. That's always a fun phone call to get!
Our basement does have wallboard and studs, but I want it finished, it has been that way since 2009... I want to put my bookshelves back downstairs so I can have room to walk in my hallway and bedroom... I just feel so claustrophobic and squishy and overloaded right now.
We are having a big graduation party for Zeke on May 7th and I'm being fussy and I want to get the house cleaned up, but it's not happening. Zeke is so busy teaching his class it doesn't feel like he's really out of school at all... I guess he's getting paid for it at least, but I'm not sure if it's worth it. That day is going to be a HUGE day, two commencements he supposedly MUST attend... and he's planning to go camping with Gabe the YM the night before... YIKES?!
How do you not stress about stuff? Do you ever feel like you just want to throw almost everything in your house away? Do you have most of your income budgeted for doctor bills and future doctor bills? Maybe I just need Spring to come. My cats need Spring to come... they are so fussy and unsettled and so am I.
I am so selfish right now... I stress and look around at all the stuff I should be doing and I just want to lock myself in my closet and read a book! I feel so discouraged... I just want to pause the world and give myself a day or two to catch up. The pile is too big...