Just one of those days...

I had this really inspiring blog post in my head a couple days ago... but not today. Today I just feel so off. Sad. Tired. Bummed. Tired. Misunderstood. Tired. Angry. Tired. Regretful. Tired. Resentful. Tired. I just can't stop crying today. It's just one of those days, I guess. Do you ever have days like that?

I did have a great bit of morning with my dear friends. It's been way too long since we got together. If only I wasn't interrupted every 5 minutes by my DUMB cell phone! I feel like I'm running a small company as of late, trying to sell a house and build another one. Wow, as soon as we close, at least half the phone calls will end, right? I cannot begin to express how tired I am of all the phone calls!!!

I feel so put upon by some people. (Don't worry, it's not you. I KNOW these few people I'm referring to don't read my blog.) I'm not even sure what I mean by that. I just feel like I should have it more together than I do. Three of my kids are back in school and one of them has preschool a few days a week. Do you know how short 2-1/2 hours really are? I spent most of that in the car today, because I'm just so whacked out busy and our life is so chaotic, I kinda forgot that middle school has late start on Wednesdays and I just found out this morning that high school also has late start (when my son arrived over an HOUR early!!) At least no one was late, right? However, the teenage grumblings of what could have been an extra 30 minutes of sleeping in are even more annoying! And NOW I have two! OY!!!  

Dear Mom, I am so sorry for being such a horrible, grumpy, emotional, ungrateful, and disobedient teenager. Please, PLEASE, Take your curse back!!!!!!! Please. Really, you are awesome. I don't think I will survive. (I can hear you laughing even 4 hours away. Stop. It's making me laugh and I don't want to laugh, not yet, I'm not sure if it's funny yet!)

I just feel so lame. So lost. So behind. So uninformed. So inefficient. So incapable. Yet everything and everyone in our house depends on ME. Our entire house runs only because of me. And it doesn't run very well, mind you! 

Last night I just felt so awful. Sick awful. By 5pm, I was so completely exhausted that I literally couldn't move. It didn't go over too well. Everyone was floundering at my feet. Mom's sick??? What do we do? This happens occasionally. I just overdo it. I didn't save enough "spoons" to get through the day. 

I just feel broken today. I'm so glad I have a blog just for this reason. I can type away until my heart's content and no one even has to listen (or read) and I don't have to schedule it around my life (sort of) or feel embarrassed about what I say or worry if I'm imposing on someone else's time. I feel like everything is my fault and there's nothing I can do about it. Bleh. 

Do you ever feel like that whole "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" thing is really true?  Sometimes I feel like my husband and I are SO different that we aren't even from the same universe! I love him dearly, I do. It's just hard. We just don't speak the same language sometimes or something?! Honey, I love you. Thanks for sitting by me and for the popsicles last night. :) Honestly, I am a wreck. Did I tell you I'm tired?

My little Beck is home from preschool and he's been so patient. Thank you, Netflix!

On a good note, Beck and Kaia were taking pictures with my phone yesterday and in one of them I saw the book that Gabe has been looking for. It was in the picture! How cool is that? We've looked everywhere for it. I hope it's still there.

Also..... drum roll please........ our buyers texted me this morning.... it looks like we might actually for real be closing on FRIDAY! I don't dare believe it yet or let myself get excited, but just in case, I'm thinking about blasting "Friday, I'm in love" from the CURE on Friday, because of course, that is THE day you play that song for whatever good events may be happening that day. I'm tired. I cannot imagine this being real. I'm going to check my text messages to make sure.


Post Script

Just wanted to let you know how the end of my day was... I got in the car and started my usual round of school pick-ups. When I picked up Gabe, he asked if I could drop him off at home before I picked up Zoe. It's on the way, so I did. When I got home, I walked into the kitchen and Gabe said, "Mama, I got you some ice cream!!!" I said, "What??" He replied, "I just thought you might like some, I know you haven't been feeling well..."
Poor kid. He truly had NO idea what kind of day (or days) I've had. I haven't even really told you half of all that's been going on. Well, I just crumpled to the floor in tears. I don't think he knew what to do. I was so happy. I hugged him and thanked him and hugged him again. Gabe was SO sweet. I cannot convey to you how significant this small act of kindness is. Right NOW. From HIM. To ME. I will never forget it. There's hope. Never give up.

THEN!!! If that wasn't cool enough -- my dear hubby read my blog post and came home early from work with a bouquet of roses! He also fixed dinner and cleaned the kitchen. It was SO thoughtful of him. I really appreciate all that he does for me, especially when I'm not feeling well. Poor guy, didn't know what he was getting into when he married me! :)

Today is a new day....

The Quest for Erszebet

I like unique names. I like learning the meaning of names. We were very thoughtful about the names of our children and their meanings. We wanted to give them a name that could inspire them to be something great. A name they could be proud of.

Earlier this year I was at the temple and I came across a super cool name, Erszebet. Apparently, it is the Hungarian form of Elizabeth. I am SO in love with it! I came home and told Zeke if we have another baby and it's a girl, I'm going to name her Erszebet. It's so beautiful and unique. Elizabeth means "God's oath" or "God's abundance". Unfortunately, Zeke didn't hear anything past "if we have another baby".

No, we're done on that front as far as I know, but I just knew I needed to name someone or something Erszebet. I even told my good friend, Jessica, who was expecting at the time, that she should name her daughter Erszebet... well, she didn't. (It's okay, Jess! I have another idea.)

So then, I thought: a CAT. Of course!! We need to get another cat and I'll name her Erszebet. Only problem? Zeke stopped me at the "another cat" part and he's right. We already have three!

Then, it came to me. My sweet Mommy got a new car years ago. Her first brand new car ever. She was SO excited! So excited, in fact, she decided to name her new "baby". The name she chose? MOONLIGHT. Is my Mom cool, or what? :)

So, I remember teaching a Young Women lesson a few years ago about Homemaking and I found this quote: 

“One striking observation we made while in Holland is that the homes in that tiny land have choice personalities. The window sills in those red brick homes with the red tiled roofs are always filled with rows of flower pots—usually containing geraniums. The windows are large—with never a blind or a screen to cover them. These glistening windows add to the sparkle of the home’s personality. Many of the homes are named. Above the door you might see names such as: Sunny Corner, Sunbeam, Sun Cottage, Peace Haven, Tranquility, or Peaceful Nook. … Warmth and sunshine and pleasantness, together with peace and tranquility and contentment! These are the things which make a house a home” (Daryl V. Hoole, The Art of Homemaking [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1967], pp. 117–18).

I was SO fascinated by this concept of naming your home. It just spoke to me. I thought and thought about what I would name our home and what color the sign would be and how it would be so cool and change our life forever.... ??? Yeah, I have a BIG imagination. Still no name for our old house up to the day we moved in June.

Now you can see where all of this "chain thinking" and loquaciousness might be going, right? Anyway, when we decided in April to build a home, I thought, "I'm going to be just like the people in Holland (I mean most of my ancestors are Scandinavian, that's kind of the same thing, right? Sorry to all the Dutch and Scandinavian people if I've offended you!). I'm going to name my house." 

The name will be (big surprise here...)

ERSZEBET

If anything, this opportunity is an absolute miracle and has shown us "God's abundance" and for that, we are truly blessed!

I even considered doing an entire blog "The Quest for Erszebet", but no, I can barely keep up on one blog. I also don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, so to speak. If I post about the house, just look for Erszebet in the title.

Here is a sketch from the builder that looks a bit like what Erszebet will look like. (Kind of like an ultrasound before the baby?!?!?!?) Yeah, I'm a freak. Anyway, we've done quite a few changes to it and I'm thinking (today, at least) it's going to be grey with red brick and a black door and black shutters and a big robin egg blue sign that reads, "Erszebet" right above the door:

cute, isn't she?

It has been a bumpy road, though, waiting for the sale of our old home to go through. I came across a really great quote yesterday in the June 2012 Ensign from Elder Neal A. Maxwell, 

"The issue for us is trusting God enough to trust also His timing. If we can truly believe He has our welfare at heart, may we not let His plans unfold as He thinks best?"

The lady that wrote the article, Carolynn Spencer, then said, "My desire to alter the Lord's timing had been the cause of my anguish."

Wow. Okay. I do trust God. I think I do. I hope I do. I need to sit back and watch it unfold.

I need to be patient... 

FOUR

Four Children
Four Different Schools
Four Back to School Nights
Four years old -- Beck wants to be older SO bad!!
Four + Two = the number of hours until I need to go pick up the kids from school
Four - One = the number of cats in our house :)
Four x Four = Sixteen = the number of years Zeke and I have been married (he just reminded me!:)
Four months since I have blogged!
Four months to the day until Christmas Eve!
Four months until our house is finished (that is, once they start...)
Four + Four = the number of weeks we have been waiting for the loan to close on our house (not including the four weeks standard wait after the offer was signed).
Four = the number of days left until we close (I hope!)

Four books I'm trying to read right now:

• "Hunger Games" (finally, I know! Thanks, Tawnya)
• "Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
• "To the Rescue" Thomas S. Monson Biography
• "Throne of Fire" -- number two in the Kane Chronicles series from Rick Riordan

Four things on my grocery list:

• Black fingernail polish (Zoe and Kaia's request)
• Dreyer's Coconut Bars (a family favorite)
• Coriander (I need it for my pulled pork recipe)
• Honeycomb cereal (Gabe's request)

Four things I miss about my old house:

• Lora
• My yard
• Four bedrooms
• Neighborhood kids

Four things I should be doing instead of blogging:

• Laundry
• Dishes
• Trim Beck's nails
• Clean litter boxes

Four minutes = how much longer I can spend on the computer until Beck has a meltdown...

How I spent my summer "vacation"

Swimming

lots of swimming

Sweating

I feel like I've been melting all summer

Crying

this summer has been hard

Correcting

all I need is a whistle and a black and white striped shirt!

Comforting

leaving our home of 9 years has been hard on the kids and cats (and me) - Zeke is a rock!

Changing

Cleaning

TOO MUCH cleaning and I'm sure it's not enough. 
Thanks, Lora!

Packing

Un-packing

Praying

Pleading

Pricing

Pondering

Planning

Phone-calling

Emailing

Meeting new people

More phone-calling

More emailing

Buying LOTS of popsicles

Watching "Cake Boss"

(and sorry to say, lots of Dinosaur Train and Pound Puppies -- "Fuhget aboud it!")
Buying cake 
(notice I didn't say baking)

Watching "The Adventures of Merlin"

if only I could look like Morgana and not BE like Morgana!

Having LOTS of picnics

Hiking

Spelunking

Going to the fair

Thinking

Wishing 

Hoping 

Dreaming

Stressing

Obsessing

Waiting

Waiting

Waiting

Waiting

Just surviving

 and LAUNDRY

oh, the laundry -- especially towels!

Oh, I did NOT do any yard work! Bonus :)

A summer to remember, but glad to be through it really.

What did I miss the most?

the things I need the most:

Good friends

Good books

How did you spend YOUR summer vacation?
(Man, I hope I get an A on this!)

Blogging is cheaper than therapy...

It's been almost 4 months since I've posted on my blog. I'll backtrack later (maybe).

All I know is that it has been 4 months of CRAZY.

In a nutshell, we are (hopefully) building a home. Yes, I can hardly believe it. More details about that later.

Somewhere around the first of May, I felt like I didn't need to blog anymore, like it was just one extra thing to take away what little free time I don't have. I actually unpublished my blog for awhile... just didn't want to mess with it during the move and I was having issues with the idea that anyone could read it. Well, obviously I'm past that now.

Suddenly, I regret not keeping a blog during all of this insanity. To go back and remember and laugh and look how far we've come...

I've come to a realization. Blogging helps keep me sane. Blogging helps me vent and purge all of those crazy thoughts and fears I have at 3am. Blogging helps my husband get more sleep at night. Blogging helps me be nicer to my children. Really. It sounds like a contradiction, but I need to MAKE time to blog. I need to create and think and have somewhere to put my thoughts -- and I'm NOT talking about "to-do" lists! It's good for me. :) There. Done.

Today, by the way, is the first day of school for my 3rd grader and HIGH SCHOOL Freshman..... What the??

My 6th grader starts tomorrow and my preschooler starts Monday.

I'll post pictures later...

Things I've learned in the last 4 months:

• We are selling our house --- just because you have an offer on your house doesn't mean it is actually sold.
• When you move from a neighborhood and more specifically from a ward (group in Church) -- you find out FAST who your real friends are.
• All of our belongings fit quite comfortably in a 1000 square foot apartment. Huh. And we're moving because.... well, because we feel like we are supposed to, because we want a more functional floorplan, because (hopefully) we sold our house.
• It's better to laugh than to cry; crying gives me a headache. (I think Marjorie Hinckley said this, but I know it is so true.)
• Peppermint Oil works great for a headache. Rub it on your forehead, temples, and the back of your neck.
• In general, I like things to be quiet -- unless people are laughing.
• People can change. (I hope that includes me.)
• Zoe, my 11 year old daughter, is one of my best friends.
• Cats are the "gateway conversation" with a teenager. ALWAYS. Cats are comforting. Cats are quiet for the most part, much quieter than children or dogs. Cats are funny. Cats make me smile. Cats make everyone in our house smile. Smiling is a good thing. However, I don't like cats sleeping on my face!
• I like structure. More than I realized.
• I have a shopping habit. I like to buy stuff. I even like to buy groceries... sick, I know.
• I like hiking and swimming and sitting under the trees at Merlin Olsen Park.
• Being a parent to a 14 yr old boy, 11 yr old girl, 8 yr old girl, and 4 yr old boy is HARD. I have to interact with each one in a completely different way and usually all at the same time. I still haven't figured out how to do this effectively.
• I also like playing Mario Kart on the Wii. I come in last place every time, but hey, it's fun.
• Zeke and I are getting older... good older, but just older. It's so weird... I remember having a major crush on him when I was in 8th grade and he was in 10th...
• Zeke is SO patient with me. WOW! Honey, I'm hoping by resuming my blog you can have some peace.

I could go on and on...but last of all I've learned that I need to blog! In the last 4 months I've had several people ask about my blog and it's meant so much to me. Thanks! I've missed you.

What wagon?

Hey friends, How are you? The weather has been LOVELY here (Wow, I wrote this part EARLY last week) and it just makes me happy.

You know when someone is trying to stop a bad habit, like eating, or smoking, or um... shopping and when they have a bad day (or four) they say well, I've "fallen off the wagon" or do they say they're "back on the wagon"? I can never remember...

Anyway, just wanted to confess that I've been shopping just a *bit*. Yes, of course I know all about my "NO SHOPPING CHALLENGE". Let's just say I'm doing better than I used to. Does that count? I'm planning to, I think it is, "get back on the wagon" TODAY. I just feel like I need to confess...

I'll list my stuff later... I've been busy with Pampered Chef and it has been SO fun. I really like running a business and choosing my own hours and seeing people excited about the products and well, a little extra money is always nice, right? I think I'm giddy from a bit of spare change in my pocket...

Okay.... I'm finishing this post in two days...

I'm back. Today, I woke up with a bit of a cold/allergies... I'm trying to clean my house, but it just feels so much nicer to sit down.

Okay, here I am confessing.... I'm going to add all of these "confessions" to my list as well.

On Gabe's birthday (has it been THAT long since I blogged? about shopping? probably.) I just HAD to find a green scarf to go with the skirt I was wearing that day before we went out to dinner. And now, I'm having serious buyer's remorse about it. It just wasn't what I was looking for, but it was only $4. I can move on.

Remember how I said I was going to give myself permission to buy a new white shirt? Well, I did. So that's "okay". It was on sale for $15 and I really like it. I liked it so much, I bought another one just like it, only turquoise..... oops. Another $15. I'll spare you the pictures, because, well, there was this gray sweater thingy I found on clearance that just goes so well with BOTH of them. It was only $12. I "NEEDED" a few things to update my wardrobe, okay?

And then, last week, I went to the thrift store looking for a bike for Zoe. She's all legs right now and her old one is just bruising her knees every time she pedals.  So, I found a great bike for $30 (I'm not confessing this nor counting it as part of my "NO SHOPPING" -- this is okay shopping, but I'm just telling you why I was at the thrift store in the first place.) So my first mistake was "just looking" at the shoes...

And this is what I came home with: ($4 each!) You should have seen the purse I put back... the clerk thought I was nuts... I'm mumbling to myself, "okay, you can't get everything... put the purse back, good girl... ohhhh." I have enjoyed the shoes SO much... is it sad or wrong just how much a new pair of shoes can make you so happy? No, I don't think it is either.

Okay, and then my dear friend, Tawnya, gave me THE most adorable skirts... she is so good to me. And well, one of them is this lovely tangerine color and I just happened to be in Seagull Book looking at scriptures for Kaia's upcoming baptism and I found this scarf:  Let me just say it was only $5, people!! They have LOTS of different colors.... you should go get one (or two).

 It's kind of a swirly Creamsicle color with embroidered flowers...

Okay, maybe it doesn't really go with this shirt, but I was trying to hurry with the picture. By the way, the other day, I asked Zeke, "Do you honestly think I dress frumpy? I just don't know sometimes." Being the good and wise husband he is, he said, "No, not frumpy, maybe wacky, but I like it." Wacky is good.

I love the fringe at the bottom (see my skirt!!)

 And then, last month, I ordered a really cute custom sign from my good friend, Sharon. I love the saying. I'm going to chalk this one up into the "self-help/therapy" category. It's hanging in my living room and I truly love reading it every time I walk by.

and well, I just HAD to get this cute little bird to go with it...

I think I spent $20 for both. Her shop is called "Paisley Cinnamon" on Etsy -- you will LOVE it!

Okay, so if my math is right.... I think that's $83... what the!!!!!!!!! YIKES. That looks really bad all totaled up like that. Mind you, this has been over the last two months. You know, I kinda hope Zeke doesn't read this post... when I fall off the wagon, I really fall and hit the ground HARD (with my head, I think). But after the shoe spree, I promised myself I would get back on the wagon and stay there. Oh man,  other than the green scarf, I enjoyed every $79 I spent. Okay, carry on.

P.S. I just wanted to share a WONDERFUL blog post written by my dear friend, Lora. I think this is an important one to read. There are so many couples out there struggling with infertility. Past and present and beyond. Lora is truly amazing... go check out her blog, you will love it!

THE most important job...

I remember LONG ago saying I was going to post this poem as soon as I found it...

I've been praying to find it because I always feel better when I read it OFTEN and I wanted to share it with my fellow MOMMIES:

The most important job in the world

 doesn't offer an hourly wage

 or days off

 or paid vacations.

But it does offer real feelings,

shining faces,

bedtime stories,

small victories,

priceless memories,

and many wonderful moments of joy...

Always remember,

there's no more important job in this world

than the one you do every day with all your heart.

On Facebook the other day, my friend Bree, said this: "I find so much strength, yet so much insanity through my kids. (Ironic how that goes) I love them each for different reasons, & each gives me a gift that no other can give."

Being a Mother is without question,
 THE hardest and THE most rewarding thing you will ever do. 

In spite of all the chaos, tears, empty bank account, and messy house...
it's completely worth it, 
because it can also be SO MUCH FUN!

This is one of my all-time favorite songs that never fails to lift my spirits, especially on this rainy day.

Instead of cleaning the pencil drawer in the kitchen...

Hi friends, how was your conference weekend? Mine? Well, you know that scripture about "opposition in all things"?  That's pretty much our typical conference weekend.


Wonderful messages... when I was able to listen. I'll comment on conference in another post. Our kids are in such different phases in life, it's hard to come together and do one thing at the same time. Anything. Well, lately, we can watch "Puss in Boots" together. (at least that's SOMETHING!) Man, I LOVE that movie... I think we've watched it at least 8 or 9 times this weekend and it still makes me laugh.

"What a strange thing to give a cat boots, but WHOA! I look GOOD!" :)

Okay, I'm getting off the subject...


Anyway, this week is Spring Break and I'm already feeling discouraged (Yes, I know it's only Tuesday).


I always wake up in the middle of the night feeling so worried about the future and about my kids and just  kind of hopeless.... I pray really hard to go back to sleep and escape that feeling and escape the dark... sometimes I am lucky... other times, I just have to wait for the sun to come up so that feeling will subside.


I try to read my scriptures everyday, but sometimes I need a bit more. I know this sounds terrible, but I need some simple language of our day that I can relate to. Sometimes my mind is so full (and my house is so noisy) it's hard to concentrate on the language of the scriptures. When I feel like this, I turn to the Church magazines. This morning, I found a great article (of course I did!) called, "Taking Time to Talk and Listen" by Rosemary M. Wixom, the Primary General President.  I also like hearing a woman's point of view now and again, we see things differently, and I can relate better.


This article didn't magically "fix" my family or instantly make me a better Mom, but it gave me HOPE and made me SMILE -- that is BIG for today.


Here's a few of my favorite points:


"Time together is precious time -- time needed to talk, to listen, to encourage, and to show how to do things."


"If we desire our families to be together forever, we begin the process TODAY. Spending time talking with our children is an investment in our eternal family as we walk the path toward eternal life together."


She talked about Helaman and the stripling warriors, "It was 'the words of their mothers' that taught them. While talking to their children, those mothers taught the word of God."


"Satan futilely attempted to prevent the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ in this dispensation when he tried to halt a critical conversation between Joseph Smith and God the Father and his Son, Jesus Christ."


My FAVORITE QUOTE: "The adversary would love to bind our tongues—anything to prevent us from expressing verbally the feelings of our hearts face to face. He delights in distance and distraction; he delights in noise; he delights in impersonal communication—anything that would prevent us from the warmth of a voice and the personal feelings that come from conversing eye to eye."


“If we listen with love, we won’t need to wonder what to say. It will be given to us … by the Spirit."


"One Latter-day Saint father said: “I do a greater amount of good when I listen to my children than when I talk to them. … I have gradually learned that my children don’t want my ready-made, time-proven, and wise answers. … To them, being able to ask their questions and to talk about their problems is more important than receiving my answers. Usually when they get through talking, if I have listened long and well enough, they really don’t need my answer. They have already found their answer."


Sister Wixom said, "Last spring, while I was visiting a class of young women, the teacher asked the class to write our 10 priorities. I quickly began to write. I have to admit, my first thought began with “Number 1: clean the pencil drawer in the kitchen.”


HA!!!! This made me laugh right out loud -- that's something I would think of first. Why are most of us women like that? It's hard not to focus on all the mess around us and the things we should get done.


Nephi wrote: “We talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ.” Why? “That our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins” (2 Nephi 25:26)


All I can do is change ME. Try to do better each day. Love my family more and hope for miracles.


One of my FAVORITE quotes from "Puss in Boots" is said by none other than "Frisky Two Times" himself:

"It is NEVER too late to do the right thing!"

Who do you want to be today?

If you're wondering about my post title, I'm still on that 80's music kick from yesterday... 
thanks, Oingo Boingo!!


This is one of my favorite quotes ever and I need to read it everyday:

"The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity." ~ Margaret D. Nadauld. 

I know who I want to be, but why is it so HARD sometimes?

It's so weird to look back and see yourself becoming someone else without even realizing it. Little by little. Day by day. Word by word. We choose!

I had the opportunity to go to a book club from my ward last night and I was in awe of the absolute goodness and "realness" of these women. I can't describe it. They are all of the things this quote is talking about: tender, kind, refined, faithful, good, virtuous, pure. I want to soak it all in and remind myself each day who I really want to be. 

The last 6 months have been SO hard for me and I didn't realize WHY until this morning. 

My dear husband pointed it out to me. 
(Why is that so hard for me to admit?)

I was telling him about a talk I heard from one of the counselors in our Stake Presidency. He was talking about the war in heaven and how 1/3 of the hosts of heaven chose to follow Satan and turn away from God, while the other 2/3 (US) chose to follow God and accept Jesus Christ as their Savior and come to Earth to be tested. I knew that already.

What I didn't know, is that out of those 2/3, there was division within. I always imagined ALL of the 2/3 being valiant warriors: zealously and openly opposing Satan and fighting for truth all the way. President Steadman was quoting James E. Talmage (who wrote "Jesus the Christ") and he said that in reality, out of those 2/3 there were some who fought valiantly alongside Michael the archangel while the others merely "refrained from active opposition".  Then he said, "Which group were YOU in?"  I've been thinking about that all week.

Somedays, I'm not so sure. Zeke assured me this morning that I was one of those fighting alongside Michael. I sure hope so! He told me not to even question it. 

I have struggled so much lately, just with little things.  

I keep thinking of the scripture in 2 Nephi 4:17-21:
 "O, wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me though mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh."  Even Nephi struggled. I wonder what his sins and temptations were...  I'm more like Laman and Lemuel... all of these miracles and blessings and I just can't seem to LEARN anything!!


I think of the scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 82:3: "unto whom much is given, MUCH is required."


I have been blessed beyond measure to have been called to serve in our Stake Young Women's Presidency last October and this morning I finally realized that "someone" doesn't want me there. Satan doesn't want me there. I'm not perfect, but I had the miraculous opportunity to be part of an AMAZING spiritual experience that assured me that God himself called me to serve the Young Women of our Stake. It has already blessed my life more than I ever could imagine. I know that I have the potential to be a great influence for good. And sometimes that scares me. I need to remind myself each day, maybe even each MOMENT who I want to be. It is a struggle for me, an uphill climb, but I know in HIS strength I can do all things.

LaSu

You know, I'm sitting here, listening to Duran Duran... (I know I'm having a flashback). And the Black Keys... (kinda strange combination)... anyway, I want to post something and I just can't seem to formulate a thought that would be worth posting.

Tawnya, you were right!

Okay, here's the rundown...

yep, I got NOTHING!!

Okay, my title "LaSu" -- it stands for me.

Have you ever heard of someone named "HeLa"? Okay, maybe not someone, but a famous cell culture? "HeLa" stands for Henrietta Lacks.

What? Me neither, until I read this book.

I've been reading a book that for me, has been absolutely fascinating and mind-consuming and heart-breaking all at the same time.

Here's a bit of another post about this book:

"I'm reading a book that is practically consuming my every thought (well, I guess not, or I wouldn't be blogging now, would I?) It's called 
"The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks".
It's a true story. It's about science and biology and particularly, cancer and cell culture research. Yeah, the biology geek in me is eating it right up!! But the personal story of her life... she died from cervical cancer... is HARD for me to take in. (Sorry, public library, I've thrown this book across the room a few times and stained several pages with my tears.) Yet, I cannot stop reading it." I would definitely give it a PG-13 rating... some places are a bit "raw" I'd say, but it's real and it makes you THINK.

It's one of those books I yammer on and on to Zeke about... I'm not sure if he's quite as interested in chromosomes and telomeres as I am, but he appears to be listening. Thanks, honey.

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This week and last week have been just as HARD as they have been GOOD.

Been to the temple twice, went to the General YW broadcast, and had the privilege of attending another ward on Sunday. I have been more than spiritually fed, but I'm still hungry.

The Bishop of the ward I visited talked about PERSPECTIVE and it really stuck with me.  It's all about how we see things and how others see things. You can hear or see whatever you want to in life -- it is up to YOU. Much of our lives are governed by our perspective -- it leads to our actions and that which we become.

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I am so grateful for friends and family in my life who "get me".  Not condone my actions necessarily, but try to understand them and give me support even when I make a mistake? Yes. Thank you, you know who you are.

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With our children: (this one blew me away)

Are we spending good quality time? or are we simply passing time?

I've been trying really hard to be a better mother. It's so ironic to me, the harder I try to do something and the more I pray about it -- it just becomes THAT much harder to do. Like I've "asked" to go on to another level and I am NOT at all practiced at this level. I love my kids more than I can express, but I don't know how to meet their needs. Especially all four of them all at the same time. (8, if you count my husband and 3 cats...).

Another doozy: The most important Commandment is the ONE you are having a hard time keeping right now. Wow, think on that one. 

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I love to cook. Did you know that? I don't know if I'm a great cook, but I enjoy it. I love making big, fancy Sunday dinners. And desserts? that could be an entire post.  Anyway, over 8 years ago, I wanted something just for me and I wanted a little extra money and I wanted EVERYTHING I saw in the Pampered Chef catalog. So I signed up to sell it. It was really fun and I made a good amount of extra money and got LOTS of free products. When I found out I was pregnant with Kaia and we moved... I just kinda quit selling Pampered Chef. Life became CA-RAZY and it hasn't stopped in that department.

However, I've been thinking about it for awhile and decided I would sign-up again to sell it. I'm really excited and I hope it goes well.  I've got a BIG GOAL that I want to achieve this year and I realized it's time to take matters into my own hands to see that happen. It's a secret for lots of reasons... you'll just have to stay tuned to see when it happens.

They have the COOLEST BBQ pizza pan and french fry cutter.... they are first on my list!

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I'm really looking forward to General Conference this weekend. My kids are looking forward to our traditional ice cream party during the Saturday afternoon session.  (me too:)

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I love the movie "Star Trek" (the one made in 2009). I've fell off the "NO shopping" wagon a bit and I bought the DVD for $5.00!! 5 bucks, people! It's only been a week and I think we've watched it nearly 3 times. It's a good one.

I'm not even sure why I'm blogging....

Have a great weekend!!!!! :)