"It takes courage and commitment to follow the promptings of the Spirit because they may frighten us as they lead us to walk along new paths, sometimes paths that no one has walked before, paths of the second mile, of acting totally differently from how worldly people act. For instance, we may be prompted to smile when someone offends us, to give love where others give hate, to say thank you where others would not find anything to be thankful for, to accept jobs that others would be too proud to do, to apologize where others would defend themselves, and to do all the seemingly crazy things that the Spirit prompts a righteous, honest, listening heart to do." (From "The Only Real Treasure," New Era, Dec. 1979, p. 5)
This one really gets me thinking and I try to focus harder on what the Spirit is trying to tell me and then the really hard part -- to actually obey those promptings regardless of how I feel about it.
A great quote that has been passed around our ward, but I'm not sure where it came from: "Never suppress a generous thought."
I'm trying to do better this week and love and serve others no matter what I get in return or how others may react to it. I'm struggling a bit as the end of the semester is approaching. I'm tired. Zeke's more tired. I hope it will all be worth it. The time all of us have sacrificed for him to graduate can never be given back to us. By then end of a semester, I look at him and wonder, "Who is this guy? I think I know him... but I'm not sure." It's almost like getting to know him all over again. But this time will hopefully be the last time. He has been in school off and on basically since we got married nearly 15 years ago. I get really lonely and I feel so isolated. I feel socially inept... I'm just out of practice. I wish I had some of my family close by. With 4 children going every which way, it's hard to do anything other than just take care of them and the house and such.
Yesterday, Kaia told me, "I hate you and I wish you would go away so Daddy could take care of us." Okay, my skin must be thinner than a slice of pickled ginger on a piece of sushi, but that made me so sad. :( She was upset because I didn't want her to change her clothes again before she went outside. Heaven forbid she wears just one outfit each day!
Sometimes I wish I could go to work all day and come home fresh and new so the kids would be excited to see me. I feel like things are out of balance in our home and I know there's really no other way to do it right now. I just need to get through it.
Sorry for whining, but to end on a positive note: "When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed. When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, Count your many blessings, name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done."
I am SO thankful for a husband who loves us and works so hard to provide for us. I am thankful that he wants to follow the counsel of our Prophet and "obtain as much education as possible." I am thankful when he plays with our children and reads books to them with crazy voices, even though he's been so sick. I am thankful for my children, especially Gabe and Zoe. Now that they are older, they really are my friends and I don't know what I would do without them. They sense how tired I am and how hard it is. They are such good helpers. I am amazed at how responsible and caring they are.
Oh and I am so thankful for our beautiful (messy) yard.
It makes me happy.
It makes me happy.