Rebel Yell

Hi. I mean HI!! It's been a VERY long time since I've been on the blog... looks like it might need some minors repairs and things. Lots of info and pictures are really outdated.

I've had a few people ask me lately if I'm still blogging and well, you guys made me feel pretty SPECIAL. Thanks for saying you miss me. Even if I can just make you laugh, I will feel like I have contributed something good to the world.

Wow. I don't know about you, but I'm the type of person whose mood can change in an instant. I guess that sounds really immature and unstable... I don't know, maybe it's just the circumstances I'm given that actually create such extreme emotions.

I have so much emotion swirling around inside of me lately I feel as though my head might actually explode! It's like baking soda and vinegar sitting in there, but it's constantly being shaken together, sometimes a little too VIGOROUSLY.

So.... I was thinking back when I first started a blog. It was 2010. I had 4 small children ages 12, 9, 6, and 2 (WOW!) I remember I was serving as the Young Women's President in our ward and I got released that May. I WAS DEVASTATED. I mean. I knew it was time and callings change and all that, but I've never enjoyed a calling as much, before or since I served with the Young Women. It was the BEST!

I decided to start a blog and I don't know... try to occupy my mind and maintain my sanity while raising my 4 kids while Zeke was in school and working full-time. I was lonely and emotional and I needed a place to share my feelings... more than a journal,  a way to connect with others going through similar struggles and have a laugh or TWELVE along the way. I've gotta laugh... or I just might cry.

Well, fast forward 5 years and I'm feeling very much the same as I was, but for very different reasons. I hope I've learned a few things during the last 5 years. I think so. What's changed?? Well, my kids are now 17, 14, 11, and 7 -- how can I truly explain how crazy that is? It's NUTS. Mostly way fun, but NUTS.

And well, I turned 40 this year.... didn't really bug me at all, I guess. I don't mind getting older, but I still feel so young and by that, I definitely DON'T mean I feel like I'm still 20.

I mean I feel like I'm 12. Maybe even 10 some days... yeah.

The music I listen to, the movies I watch, and the books I read would definitely correlate with that feeling....

Last week I was shoe shopping with my kids and my girls talked me in to getting a pair of "combat boots" for myself:

You know... Just LOOKING at this picture makes me smile. I used to have a pair of black 12 hole doc martens in high school... they were my babies. Now these are definitely NOT real doc martens... I'm just too practical cheap to get real ones. Anyway, I'm thrilled with these and they are very tangible evidence of the way I feel inside.  I almost wore them to church today. 

Oh, and I named them Fred and George. (Yes, that would be Weasley. See? I'm 12.)

I feel like a REBEL! I mean. I'm not going to do anything crazy... but I just want to run away sometimes, don't you? Ok, maybe you don't. Now please, before you go call my Bishop and tell him I'm feeling this way... he already knows!!!

You see, my husband IS the new Bishop!!!!! Yeah, I'm not gonna lie... I'm pretty much freaking out. It's just so weird. We are truly blessed, but man, it's just SO WEIRD. Again, I feel 12... so maybe other 40 year old women may not feel quite as traumatized as I do. Help. 

It's been about 6 weeks now and I've decided I need to blog again. I need to vent. I need some advice and moral support. I need to feel normal... whatever that is.