Rebel Yell

Hi. I mean HI!! It's been a VERY long time since I've been on the blog... looks like it might need some minors repairs and things. Lots of info and pictures are really outdated.

I've had a few people ask me lately if I'm still blogging and well, you guys made me feel pretty SPECIAL. Thanks for saying you miss me. Even if I can just make you laugh, I will feel like I have contributed something good to the world.

Wow. I don't know about you, but I'm the type of person whose mood can change in an instant. I guess that sounds really immature and unstable... I don't know, maybe it's just the circumstances I'm given that actually create such extreme emotions.

I have so much emotion swirling around inside of me lately I feel as though my head might actually explode! It's like baking soda and vinegar sitting in there, but it's constantly being shaken together, sometimes a little too VIGOROUSLY.

So.... I was thinking back when I first started a blog. It was 2010. I had 4 small children ages 12, 9, 6, and 2 (WOW!) I remember I was serving as the Young Women's President in our ward and I got released that May. I WAS DEVASTATED. I mean. I knew it was time and callings change and all that, but I've never enjoyed a calling as much, before or since I served with the Young Women. It was the BEST!

I decided to start a blog and I don't know... try to occupy my mind and maintain my sanity while raising my 4 kids while Zeke was in school and working full-time. I was lonely and emotional and I needed a place to share my feelings... more than a journal,  a way to connect with others going through similar struggles and have a laugh or TWELVE along the way. I've gotta laugh... or I just might cry.

Well, fast forward 5 years and I'm feeling very much the same as I was, but for very different reasons. I hope I've learned a few things during the last 5 years. I think so. What's changed?? Well, my kids are now 17, 14, 11, and 7 -- how can I truly explain how crazy that is? It's NUTS. Mostly way fun, but NUTS.

And well, I turned 40 this year.... didn't really bug me at all, I guess. I don't mind getting older, but I still feel so young and by that, I definitely DON'T mean I feel like I'm still 20.

I mean I feel like I'm 12. Maybe even 10 some days... yeah.

The music I listen to, the movies I watch, and the books I read would definitely correlate with that feeling....

Last week I was shoe shopping with my kids and my girls talked me in to getting a pair of "combat boots" for myself:

You know... Just LOOKING at this picture makes me smile. I used to have a pair of black 12 hole doc martens in high school... they were my babies. Now these are definitely NOT real doc martens... I'm just too practical cheap to get real ones. Anyway, I'm thrilled with these and they are very tangible evidence of the way I feel inside.  I almost wore them to church today. 

Oh, and I named them Fred and George. (Yes, that would be Weasley. See? I'm 12.)

I feel like a REBEL! I mean. I'm not going to do anything crazy... but I just want to run away sometimes, don't you? Ok, maybe you don't. Now please, before you go call my Bishop and tell him I'm feeling this way... he already knows!!!

You see, my husband IS the new Bishop!!!!! Yeah, I'm not gonna lie... I'm pretty much freaking out. It's just so weird. We are truly blessed, but man, it's just SO WEIRD. Again, I feel 12... so maybe other 40 year old women may not feel quite as traumatized as I do. Help. 

It's been about 6 weeks now and I've decided I need to blog again. I need to vent. I need some advice and moral support. I need to feel normal... whatever that is. 

Just some random thoughts and TWO major announcements!

Hello out there, I haven't been blogging much lately. I was just enjoying my friend's blog, Thoughts and then some, and thought I would pop over to mine and see if I felt any little blogging urges of my own.

We're just sitting here all cuddled up watching "Fantastic Four" -- kind of a random movie... but we all like superhero stuff and it's really hard to find a movie that 4 kids ranging in age from 6 to 16 all enjoy. I like Mr. Fantastic, he reminds me of  my sweetie, Zeke.

Can I just tell you how grateful I am for my friends? We were able to attend the baptism of my friend's son this morning and it was such a great day. I was just sitting there all warm and fuzzy inside, just enjoying being with everyone and realizing how special these fabulous women are to me. I hope I'm not too needy, but I feel like they are my adopted sisters in a way... I'll try not to suffocate you guys too much, but man, I love you! They know the real me, you know, I'm FINE (Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional) and for some reason, they put up with me and even seem to like me and laugh at my dumb jokes.

Well, I don't know if anyone out there enjoys my blog, but I do. It is SO fun to go back and see what we were doing last summer or two Christmases ago... I guess a journal can do that too, but it's just fun to see the pictures with it and to read all the funny stuff my kids say that usually gets forgotten by the time I do a journal entry. So many things I'd forgotten -- I was reminded today how important it is to me to take time to blog.

Well, as for the TWO MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENTS! Yes, I guess I like to be dramatic and no, it's nothing new if you're my friend on Facebook, but I haven't put them on my blog yet.

Wow, I'm not sure which one to share first -- both are quite extraordinary!

okay, #1 -- WE GOT A DOG!!!!!!! :) I've wanted a dog since Gabe was 5 and well, the planets aligned and now, our family has grown by one.

Meet Odin:

He is THE sweetest little dog. We are absolutely smitten with him. We adopted him from the local shelter. He's about 2 years old and a the shelter says he's a Jack Russell? terrier?/chihuahua? mix (anyway, a little mutt. :)

LIFE CHANGING! 

Even the cats don't mind... too much.

and #2 -- it's been 15 YEARS, but I'm going back to school in just 23 days. (I'm just a *little* excited.) I'm going to get a Bachelor's Degree in Biology. You know my Miss Frizzle dream??? Well, I'm going to make it come true. I went to the store today to get school supplies for my kids and I realized I needed some for myself! I was so giddy I might have squealed just a bit. :)

Anyway.... until later. 

PS Little random dinner ideas -- we've been making grilled cheese sandwiches, but with mozzarella cheese, a bit of pizza sauce, and pepperoni -- like a Pizza sandwich. It's really good! Also, Beck suggested one day we should spread salsa on our grilled ham and cheese sandwiches and guess what? They were YUMMY.  

Mrs. Hendricksen's Soup

Mrs. Hendricksen's Soup

My second grade teacher was Mrs. Hendricksen. She had thick glasses and bright lipstick and always let us play on her bookshelves with our stuffed animals and dolls during recess. Lots of kids thought she was mean for some reason, but I loved her. She also taught us how to make this soup. She had each child bring a different ingredient and she brought a little portable cooktop and a big soup pot. We made soup right in class and we got to eat it just because! She sent the recipe home with us and my Mom made it often. I thought it was so cool she made MY teacher's soup. Now, it's a favorite in my family. I always make it when I take dinner to someone because: it's easy to make, I usually have all of the ingredients on hand, and it makes great leftovers. 

6-8 cups beef broth (depends on how thick you want it)

6-8 potatoes, peeled and cubed

2 cups carrots, sliced

1 onion, diced

1 - 1 1/2 cups corn (fresh, frozen, or canned)

1 - 1 1/2 cups green beans (fresh, frozen, or canned)

1 can condensed tomato soup (DO NOT add water)

1 cup chopped red cabbage (optional)

1 cup chopped parsnips (optional)

1-2 lbs. seasoned (I use Lawry's seasoned salt and garlic) ground meat (beef, turkey, pork, elk, etc.), browned and drained 

salt and pepper to taste

Brown and drain meat. Set aside (keep on low heat). Bring broth to boil, add potatoes, onion, carrots, parsnips, and cabbage. Cook until vegetables are tender. Add meat, tomato soup, corn, and green beans to vegetable/broth mixture. Heat through. 

Cream of Broccoli Soup

Cream of Broccoli Soup

This is my Mom's recipe, it's really easy to make and so yummy. It freezes well too.

4 cups chicken broth

1 1/2 lbs. fresh broccoli (4 cups frozen)

1 large onion, diced

1/2 cup flour

1 tsp. dry mustard

2 cups milk

1/4 cup butter

1 1/2 cups grated cheddar cheese

Salt, pepper, garlic, dill, thyme, or chives to taste (whatever you like)

In a 8 qt. stock pot, bring broth to boil and add broccoli and onions, cook until tender. In a sauce pan, melt butter, whisk in flour and mustard. Slowly add milk, cooking and whisking until thickened. Add mixture to broccoli broth. Add cheese; heat until melted. 

Serve with garlic bread, rolls, or even grilled cheese sandwiches -- we love to dunk them in the soup!

A few hints:

I always use the Pampered Chef Mini-whipper to whip or whisk the cream mixture -- it's the best for preventing lumps. There's probably similar ones from other brands, but I haven't checked. Also, After I cook the broccoli and onions, I mash them with a potato masher before adding the cream mixture.

Optional:

If you want more of a vegetable-cheese soup, you can add cubed potatoes and sliced carrots along with the broccoli and onions, cook until tender. 

I'll try to add a picture later...

We are having really random cold weather for June -- soup sounds good right about now.

This blondie has a lot of back story...

I don't know why, but I just keep thinking about blogging the last few weeks. Maybe it's because school is almost over or maybe because I just finished up coaching an Odyssey of the Mind Team (science/art/drama club thingy) that I've been working with since November.

I don't know if I have more free time necessarily, but at least my mind feels a tiny bit less cluttered, although FULL.

I always have so much I want to say. Too much to put on Facebook and not always the right platform to do so.

I posted a status a few weeks ago about my feelings concerning Mormon Olympians who also happen to be mothers of small children. I think we had a fairly good "discussion", but I'm still trying to remember the advice "not to ask a question I don't really want to hear the answer to". There was a lot of anger and misunderstanding brewing underneath the surface of some of the comments. Combine that with my "somewhat vague" explanation of what was really on my mind and it made for a bit of a mess as far as I was concerned. Anyway, I got to the point where I didn't want to hear any more, so I deleted my post. Ha! I love having control like that. It just wasn't going where I wanted it to go and I was tired of trying to explain to everyone what I really meant.

It's taken me 3 weeks to figure out why I'm was so bugged with the idea of a young mother spending all that time training for an Olympic sport. It's been a good time for me to really think about myself and analyze why I feel so strongly. It was a good opportunity for self-reflection and re-evaluating my life. That being said -- everyone has a different life: background, abilities, experiences, children, husband, vocation, desires, etc, etc, etc.

So, here's an important realization I came to while chatting with a dear friend about it: no one can really understand where I'm coming from and why I think and feel the way I do  -- so, it just goes to show me I can't ever truly understand why these Olympic athletes choose to do what they do. No matter how anyone tries to explain it to me, no matter how amazing they are, no matter how many people love them. That means nothing to me -- you can definitely love someone and not agree with or support what they do. So, that's not the point I was trying to make.

I'm not even sure what point I was trying to make... I think I just wanted to express my feelings "out loud" and see if anyone understood or felt the same as I do. Again, I realize now, that no one can feel the same as another person. There are simply too many factors that make up their opinions.

My life experiences have made me feel a certain way: basically, I think women should do all they can to be there for their children - even at the expense of sacrificing (or at least putting on hold) some of their own dreams and aspirations. Why? Well, after watching my sister suffer through 4 years of cancer and then actually succumb to it, leaving behind 6 children (the youngest was barely 5), it REALLY scared me.

Then, to struggle through years of my own on-going health issues and wake-up calls it makes me realize life is SO SHORT. You never know when your life will be over. I always feel like I need more time. I feel like Heavenly Father is constantly and specifically reminding ME what my mission here on earth truly is -- always pulling me back on course and helping me focus on what truly matters. In a small way, I guess I'm grateful, but ever fearful of the unknown difference between my time frame and God's.

For me, I can't bear to think of really focusing on anything else right now other than spending time with my children and being there when they need me. I don't want any regrets when it comes to my children. I'm selfish too. I want to be there for every milestone and every special occasion. I want to prepare them for the future and hug them and tell them I love them and make sure I've given them all I can.

I remember when Gabe was a baby and I was going to school. Zeke was working full-time and also going to school, so Gabe went to my neighbor's for a few hours every other day while I was in class. It nearly killed me the day I came to pick him up and she said he started crawling for the first time.... I missed it. I know, I know, you may think I'm a bit dramatic and over the top maybe, but I just had to be there.

I tried to balance kids and school for awhile. It wasn't too bad -- I was only taking a couple classes at a time. Then, way back in 2002 when Gabe and Zoe were little, I took them to a different neighbor (who, by the way, came HIGHLY recommended by several women in our church group). To this day, it is still hard for me to talk about what happened. Let's just say this woman must have put on a really good front, but she was truly a wolf in sheep's clothing. A very disturbed woman who shouldn't have anything to do with children -- she desperately needed some help.

I came to pick them up early one day as my chemistry lab finished sooner than the regular time and THANK GOODNESS I did! I pulled up in the driveway and could hear yelling even from outside. The lady's door was open and I could hear her SCREAMING at the top of her lungs through the screen door. My kids were IN there with her!

Without knocking, I marched right in and found Gabe and another child crying and cowering in a corner while she continued to SCREAM at them, shaking her fist at them, and just basically freaking out. Let me remind you, Gabe was only 3. What could a 3 year old possibly do to warrant that type of behavior? What could any child really do to justify something like that? I can't even remember what I said to her, I only remember the look of horror and embarrassment on her face. She didn't even try to apologize or explain.

Then, I looked out the sliding glass doors to find Zoe outside banging on them and crying to get in. Her cheeks were red and blotchy with tears and snot all over her as well as the glass door, indicating she had been locked out alone for who knows how long (possibly two hours?) ... she was only one year old. Those images still haunt me to this day.

I took my kids home and held them and cried for hours. I reported her to the police, but I honestly don't know what happened to her. All I know is, I never went back. Definitely not to her or any other type of child care for that matter. I know there are great child care providers out there, but I've had a hard time trusting anyone with my children ever since.

My heart hurts for those women who have no choice. I'm so grateful I found out sooner than later, but for me, I've never been able to justify leaving them in someone else's care to pursue something unnecessary. It's just not worth it.

Wow, this is what I love about blogging. It's so therapeutic for me. When I sat down awhile ago, I had no idea what I was actually going to blog about, other than I felt like I needed to write and get some feelings out. I always have a lot to say. I'll save more for another time.

If anything, I hope this post helps you understand me a little more. I really don't mean to come across so serious and extreme and condemning in my opinions. I truly think what Noelle Pikus Pace has done is inspiring and positive. However, knowing what I know and going through what I have, I try to explain to myself or justify someone else's behavior and sometimes it just doesn't make sense to me. I can't unknow these things or undo my experiences. They are part of me.

Although drastically different, I know my life is just as positive and inspiring as an Olympic athlete. Mothers come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, backgrounds, lifestyles, abilities, and vocations AND they can all be a positive and loving influence on their children no matter how different they are.

“Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle” ~ J.M. Barrie? (there are so many sources giving different credit for this quote, I'm not sure who really said it first, but it's a good one)

Most important things

Hi, it's been awhile since I've blogged. Life is good and busy. My blog is morphing. I'm morphing. I find myself making time for the most important things: playing with my children, spending time with my sweetheart, helping others, and doing family history. Seriously, I could do SO much better, but these are the things I WANT to focus on. These are the things I want to teach my children through my example.

A great quote from President Ezra Taft Benson:

“When we put God first, all other things fall

 into their proper place or drop out of our

 lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the 

claims for our affection, the demands on our

 time, the interests we pursue, and the order 

of our priorities.”

I listened to a really great conference talk this morning helped solidify my feelings about family history:

  

"The Joy of Redeeming the Dead" 

by Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

A great quote from this talk: "Any work you do in the temple is time well spent, but receiving ordinances vicariously for one of your own ancestors will make the time in the temple more sacred, and even greater blessings will be received. The First Presidency has declared, “Our preeminent obligation is to seek out and identify our own ancestors.”⁷

Do you young people want a sure way to eliminate the influence of the adversary in your life? Immerse yourself in searching for your ancestors, prepare their names for the sacred vicarious ordinances available in the temple, and then go to the temple to stand as proxy for them to receive the ordinances of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost. As you grow older, you will be able to participate in receiving the other ordinances as well. I can think of no greater protection from the influence of the adversary in your life."

I hope this talk will inspire you to seek out your own ancestors. You can go to familysearch.org to get started.

Third time's the charm: three great books you need to read!

I keep having the overwhelming feeling I need to share these three books with you. They are all very special to me for different reasons. I've read them over the last few months and I know you will enjoy them.

The first book is called: 

"Covenant Motherhood" 
by Stephanie Dibb Sorensen

This is a great book! Honestly, I usually don't like books about Motherhood. I hate them actually. They usually leave me feeling very depressed and even more like a total failure than I felt before I read the book. I'm not like other mothers and my children just aren't like other children. No one can realistically measure up to the expectations of the motherhood books I've read before --not to mention an LDS motherhood book! No way! I've made it a point to steer clear.  UNTIL THIS BOOK. Why? Well, quite frankly, I'm very privileged to know the author personally and well, she is nothing short of  awesome. (Seriously!) She is so real and honest in this book. I love her insight and personal stories. She is very funny in a sarcastic kind of way (my favorite kind of way).

This book is THE FIRST book about motherhood that actually made me feel BETTER about what I'm doing and why I am doing it. I was a bit intimidated by the subtitle of the book, "Reflecting the Role of Christ in our Lives." (as well as the title), I was sure I'd never measure up, but I thought, "It has to be good, Stephanie wrote it. I'll at least give it a try." She was able to help me understand how important everything I do as a mother truly is -- from loving and teaching my children, to washing the dishes and changing dirty diapers (yes!). She helped me to feel enabled and exalted simply because I am a mother. I felt Christ's love for me and my ability to share that love with my children as I care for them. Why? In many instances, I'm ALREADY DOING the things she says are Christ-like. Wow!! Talk about a self-esteem booster!!! You mean, what I'm doing is enough? It is! As we are prayerful and have the right attitude and give it our best effort,  we are serving our children in the same manner Christ serves all of us. It is so inspiring! I really cannot convey how beautifully she explains it. I have felt such a great peace since reading this book. Thank you, Stephanie!

If you want to read more about Motherhood and how cool Stephanie is, you can check out her blog at: Diapers and Divinity

Okay, the second book is called:

"My Walk Thru Heaven" by Kim Rives

This is one of those books that really takes you by surprise. It's a life beyond death experience that will inspire you to love more and forgive freely. She is such an amazing person! I am truly inspired by her ability to forgive others. She has been through so much in her life. Her story is about her fight against cancer. I felt very connected to her because of my sister and her own fight against cancer (sadly, my sister lost that battle in February 2005). 

I don't want to say too much about the story to give away all the details -- you have to read it for yourself. I will say it left me feeling closer to the Savior than ever before and with an increased desire to be a better person. One of the more light-hearted parts of the story is the song she writes after one of her visits to her doctor -- it made me laugh right out loud. Kim has a great sense of humor in spite of all that she has been through -- it may even be part of what helped her through it. 

Ironically, as with Stephanie, I also know Kim personally. She is a member of my ward and she is simply AMAZING -- so kind and loving, her smile radiates a glow around her entire being. I love to talk with her and hear her sing. She is an angel here on earth and I am so grateful to know her. It is no coincidence that Heavenly Father put her in my life at this time. She has helped me to feel His peace and to find joy in my life. Thank you, Kim!

To learn more about Kim and her story, you can go to:

Kim Rives

Finally, the third book is called:

"When Life Gets Hard" by Meg Johnson

Kim Rives is the one who introduced me to this great book and I'm so thankful she let me borrow her copy. Now, I don't know Meg personally, but I would love to meet her! Several friends of mine DO know her and she is also AMAZING! Why is it amazing people have been through so much?

Helen Keller once said, "Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."

I would consider Meg a person of extraordinary character considering the trials and suffering she has been through (though I'm told by a friend of mine who went to high school with her she was ALREADY amazing before her accident!)

For a sneak peek of this book, here is the blurb on the book jacket (What are those called?):

"You wanted more. You got less.
You wanted this. You got that.
You wanted there. You got here.
You already know that things in life don’t go exactly as planned.
And sometimes they go terribly, terribly wrong . . . .

You already know that things in life don't go exactly as planned. And sometimes they go terribly, terribly wrong ...

Meg Johnson came to this life-changing realization seven years ago when she fell off a cliff in Southern Utah - a fall that left her a quadriplegic in a wheelchair. And though she sits for the rest of her mortal life, she stands tall with a message for her brothers and sisters of all abilities. When life gets too hard to stand, just keep on rollin'!

In this motivating and inspiring talk, When Life Gets Hard ..., motivational speaker and author Meg Johnson shares insights from her life that will make you laugh, cry, and rest assured that when your life gets tough, you, too, can keep on rollin'!"

Wow!! She definitely KEEPS ON ROLLIN'! Her book is so inspiring. Yes, she fell of a cliff and became paralyzed, but she talks about how much more devastating SPIRITUAL PARALYSIS is and more importantly, HOW TO AVOID IT!

I love books that tell you in exact detail how to do something (do this, then this, and this). She talks about avoiding and closing up Satan's gaps and holes along our path of life that can trap us and leave us spiritually paralyzed. She teaches us about the importance of 

GAPS

(Gratitude-Attitude-Prayer-Service)

vital tools to keep us safe from Satan's influence in our life. This book is such a fun read. I mean, it's absolutely horrible to think of what happened to her and all that she went through. I cried for her. I cried for me and my own ungratefulness in my truly blessed life. I need to do better and look at all the blessings that are everywhere around me. One of my favorite parts was her telling about a time when it was raining and she fell out of her wheelchair and found herself on the ground in a puddle with a frail old lady trying to help her up. I love how she told the story. Meg's honesty and humor is truly enjoyable and comes through in her writing. Thank you, Meg, I hope to meet you someday!

You can read more about Meg on her blog: 

Meg Johnson Speaks

and you can also follow her on Facebook (she just had a baby!)
I hope you can find these books at your library or find them online. I want to get a copy of each to add to my personal library. I also think any one of these would make a great gift!
HAPPY READING!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

It's been awhile since I've posted. As usual, I've been super busy. However, there's a BIG difference now. I don't feel so frazzled and stressed. Sure, there are crazy days and stressful moments, but overall, life actually FEELS different even though when I look at my calendar I'm busier than I've ever been before. My house pretty much looks the same too...  (remember when I was stressing about all the clutter and lack of organization? I don't think it's really that bad. I'm still following Flylady and it's definitely helping our house-- but the change I really needed occurred in my head.)

What's different? TWO things.

NUMBER ONE:
Since the end of August, I've been teaching preschool. Just 2.5 hours a day, 3 days a week. It doesn't sound like too much time, but I've definitely had to adjust my schedule and work smarter to get everything done at home. You know what? I feel GOOD.

The kids are absolutely adorable and they're always making us laugh with the cute things they say and do. I really enjoy being with them and teaching them how to recognize their letters and learn their sounds. It's very rewarding to see the progress they are making already.

I also LOVE the lady I teach with. Her name is Julie and I think I did a blog post about her awhile back. She is... well, she's just plain AWESOME! We have a lot of fun together and I really admire her. She has published the "Read at Three" reading program we use and other preschool's have purchased it to use as well.

So basically, I really look forward to "work" every other day. It's a nice break from the routine of errands and cleaning the house (which never really ends, right?). I haven't worked since?? Gosh, I had a small part-time job back in 2007 where I helped a neighbor with their home-based business (I think it was less than a year?). Other than that, I used to work in the "Bug Lab" at Utah State University in the Fisheries and Wildlife Department back in... oh, 1998. Yeah, it's been awhile.

It feels good to be contributing to something worthwhile and to spend time with the preschool kids and Julie is definitely good for the soul! I feel so blessed to have them in my life. Julie is a woman of God and I would do well to learn from and follow her example. :) Here we are on a field trip to the Fire Station:

A couple weeks ago we went to our friend's Oktoberfest. Just for the record, it was a LOT of fun! Lots of authentic German food and lots of fun people to visit with. Anyway, I've always been and always will be VERY proud to be a mother, especially a "stay-at-home" mother. It is a VERY big sacrifice with immeasurable results! However, whenever someone asks you "what do you do?" and you say, "I'm a stay-at-home mom" they almost always say something to the effect of, "oh, that's nice, good for you" and there's not much else to say. That's fine. I get that. Actually, a lot of the women I associate with are also stay-at-home moms so they get it too. :) They smile a knowing smile and we always have a lot to talk about.

Well, the Oktoberfest was the first social gathering I've been to since I've started teaching preschool and where I didn't already know a lot of the people. So with the regular chit chat, I got a lot of the "what do you do?" and I would say, "I'm raising 4 children AND I teach preschool." They would respond, "Oh, wow, you teach preschool? That's great!" Then, they would ask about our reading program and such, and wow, it felt so good to be part of something as wonderful as this preschool!

I can't wait for our Halloween Party tomorrow! Of course, I will be dressed as Luna Lovegood. I don't think the kids will know who I really am, but I have to celebrate my love of Harry Potter in some way each year. :) Okay...

NUMBER TWO:
General Conference. This was during the first week of October and it was absolutely INCREDIBLE. As usual, I took notes on nearly every talk. I felt very inspired and strengthened. I truly felt like some of the talks were specific answers to my prayers. However, this time, I did something else. Something more. Something I'm still doing.

The very first talk really inspired me. It was from Elder Robert D. Hales (one of my favorite Apostles --I got to meet him a few years ago) and it was called, "General Conference: Strengthening Faith and Testimony". I really felt the need to do more than listen to all of the talks and even more than taking notes on each of them. I felt like I should use them as a road map or guide book for my everyday life until the next conference in April.

Before I forget, did I tell you I've been serving in the Relief Society Presidency? It has been such a WONDERFUL blessing in my life. I enjoy it so much. I really feel like I'm helping others and making new friends. Our Presidency has so much fun together and our meetings are always very inspiring and strengthening to me. Denise is our President and she is truly one-of-a-kind. She is one of those genuine and unfailingly kind people. There isn't a mean bone in her body. She sees the good in everyone and is quick to let them know. She goes out of her way to help everyone AND somehow she still finds time to be a wonderful mother and wife and run a full-time day care! She is SO fun to be with too.

Again, Denise is another very special woman of God. It is no coincidence Heavenly Father has put these women and many others in my life at THIS time. I need them. They help me to stay strong and to do good things. She said to all of us right after conference or was it Time Out for Women? I can't remember, but she said how important it is to continue to study all of the conference talks AFTER conference.

Denise heard someone say, "A talk a day keeps Satan away." 

That has really stayed with me! She said she listens to a talk every morning as she's getting ready for the day. So, I thought I would try it. I usually listen to music or nothing at all and I thought this would be a good time to focus when my mind is fresh and the kids are at school.

I have to tell you, it has literally been life-changing!!! 10 minutes a day. LIFE CHANGING! I have felt a greater desire to pray and read my scriptures. I have felt greater peace and daily inspiration. I have felt HAPPIER! I often find myself listening to 2 or 3 or even more talks. I carry my phone around the house with me as I make my bed and load the dishwasher and start a load of laundry. It has been a HUGE blessing in my life and I hope to do it as often as I can.

Here's *just a few* of my favorite talks from the October 2013 General Conference:

"Windows of Heaven" by Elder David A. Bednar

"Like a Broken Vessel" by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

"Called of Him to Declare His Word" by Randy D. Funk

"The Strength to Endure" by Richard J. Maynes

"Look Up" by Elder Adrian Ochoa

"We Never Walk Alone" by President Thomas S. Monson

If you prayerfully read or listen to these talks I know it will bless your life.

Now that I think about it, I don't know if the "two things" are actually preschool and conference or Julie and Denise, but either way, my life has been changed for the better.

Banana Bread

I always seem to have ripe bananas sitting around my kitchen...

This is one of my favorite recipes ever. I've taken a few recipes and sort of mixed them together and modified them to make it my own variation:

Banana Bread

(not too sure about this picture... I'm hoping to get a better camera someday, but anyway, you get the idea :)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a large mixing bowl, add:

1/2 cup shortening

1 cup sugar

Cream together and blend rest of ingredients:

2 eggs

3 ripe* bananas, mashed (*if you use new bananas the flavor isn't as sweet and the bread isn't as moist)

2 cups flour

1 tsp. baking soda

1/2 tsp. salt

1/4. tsp. nutmeg

1/2 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)

Spray pans with non-stick cooking spray or dust with flour. Bake smaller pans about 30 minutes and the larger pans about 50 minutes, but this is just an estimate. It depends on your oven and it also depends on how full you fill the pans. I always set my timer for 25 minutes and then I check them about every 5-10 minutes after that, sticking a toothpick in the center to see if it's baked. The top will be a nice dark brown. After you take them out of the oven, let them cool just a bit and then go around the edges of the pan with a knife to get them out. I don't wait until they're cooled completely in order to take them out of the pan, I think it makes the outside a bit soggy from the heat and steam. Let them finish cooling on an open rack.

My family loves to eat banana bread for breakfast.

This recipe makes 4 small loaves (3" x 5.5") or 2 regular size loaves (4.5" x 8.5"). You can double and even quadruple this recipe. (at least I've tried those variations and they turn out fine)

*FYI -- If you have ripe bananas, but you're not ready to use them, you can peel them and put them in a plastic freezer bag or another container you can put in the freezer and you can freeze them to use later. I do this ALL the time. When I want to make the banana bread, I take the bag out of the freezer, put it in my mixing bowl and let the bananas thaw out while I'm preheating the oven and getting out the other ingredients. When they thaw (especially if they are very ripe), you'll sometimes have a little brown juice in the bag along with the bananas -- just pour it all in the mix! YUMMY!

Conference with a cold and my favorite scripture.

8:30am: Here's my kitchen in all of its horror...

If you could see it in real life you would understand why I'm sitting here typing... it's TRASHED! The other side of the room looks just about the same minus the food. I wanted to take a picture, but my phone is full, of course. Life can be so overwhelming. I can't seem to breathe. (ha! quite literally at the moment)

It was Conference Weekend and I've had a nasty cold since Thursday. Not a good combination. I've spent a lot of time on the couch... blah.

Oh, and just to add insult to injury -- I went outside yesterday for a moment of fresh air and I got stung by a wasp! I haven't been stung by a wasp or bee since I was a little girl! So weird! OUCH! (By the way, lavender oil works great on wasp stings -- the swelling and pain were gone in less than an hour.)

For the record, my sweet hubby and kids have been helpful -- bringing me tissues and cleaning up the house when needed, but last night we just kind of gave up. Zeke offered to clean, but I begged him to sit by me on the couch and watch another movie. This cold makes me feel like a big baby and my brain is so foggy... ugh.

Conference was great. I'm still trying to absorb it all and clarify my feelings and thoughts about some of the talks I would like to post about later. 

One scripture that really stood out to me (I noted 5 different speakers referencing it) was :

Matthew 11:28-30

"Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I know I've mentioned on my blog a few times that this is my favorite scripture. 

It is THE scripture. The one that keeps me going. The one that got me going in the first place.

Long, long story, but when I was 18 and completely lost I had a miracle of a thought. To this day, I don't know what made me think it. I do know I'd hit rock bottom in my life and literally there was no way to go but up. I didn't realize this thought would change my life forever.

I thought maybe there was something to this Church, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I wanted to find out for sure. I opened a Bible -- you know how people say they just randomly flip to a page and start reading? Well, I did that and came to Matthew 11: 28-30. The words practically jumped off the page at me! Those verses seemed highlighted somehow, like there was a glow surrounding them. Those simple, yet powerful verses changed my life forever. This was my answer. THE answer. I have never looked back.

This scripture has sustained me and strengthened me through the last 20 years, but trials still come. Life is very hard sometimes, but life can also be joyful and rewarding. There is always hope through the Atonement of our Savior. 

Yesterday, Richard G. Scott said something like, "The Lord sees weaknesses differently than He does rebellion. There is justice for rebellion, but for our weaknesses He shows mercy." I needed those words yesterday. I struggle SO much. I get SO mad at myself. I feel SO weak and unworthy sometimes.

I think of 2 Nephi 4:17-21 when Nephi says, "... O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins;"

Then he says, 

"Nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions... He hath filled me with His love, even unto the consuming of my flesh!"

We need our Savior to help us overcome our weaknesses. He is THE answer. I have prayed earnestly to overcome my weaknesses and turn them over to Him. I know it's a daily battle and a lifelong process. I know I can't do it alone. I know in whom I have trusted.

Another quote from Conference (I think it's from Timothy Dyches of the Quorum of the 70):

"All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Christ."

One of my favorite talks was by Richard J. Maynes of the Presidency of the 70. It really brought me hope and comfort and... wow, the word that came to mind was vindication (for me, at least).

He said something like, "We need to develop spiritual stamina in order to find inner peace and strength to endure whatever challenge we wake up to each morning."

I appreciate so much that he acknowledged that some trials don't end. Some trials are with us throughout our earthly life. Many people face horrible and unthinkable and unbearable trials they are able to overcome through the help of our Savior and because they eventually end. (Like being out of work or recovering from a serious accident or illness). They get through it. It's an event in their life, not a way of life.

What about people that just have to endure? Their trial is ALWAYS there and most likely always will be. For some, it is reality. We need to have compassion and understanding for those people. Those people need to have compassion and understanding for themselves. (I'm talking to myself right here.) It's so hard, because some trials people face are invisible to others. Trials you can't actually "see" on the outside or maybe not realize how hard it is for them or what they are truly going through.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, "If the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and BE STRONG!"

I honestly loved that and "hated" it at the same time. It stung me (and it was supposed to). I faltered because of my weaknesses. It sounds too hard. I want a reprieve sometimes. It's hard to be strong! I truly appreciated his talk and related to much of it -- but it made me realize I need to accept my trials and not compare myself to others, to "come what may and LOVE it". (from Elder Wirthlin long ago)

I know the Lord knows exactly what we are going through. He understands fully and He can truly see everything. He loves us no matter what. I find great comfort in that eternal truth. I hope I can be strong enough to "drink the bitter cup" and keep going and even "LOVE it". 

One day at a time ... sometimes for me, it's one hour or even one moment at a time. I've come to realize that is what enduring is. We can't be perfect now and we certainly can't be perfect and happy every moment, but little by little we can keep going forward doing our best. That's all He asks. It is enough.