Who do you want to be today?

If you're wondering about my post title, I'm still on that 80's music kick from yesterday... 
thanks, Oingo Boingo!!


This is one of my favorite quotes ever and I need to read it everyday:

"The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity." ~ Margaret D. Nadauld. 

I know who I want to be, but why is it so HARD sometimes?

It's so weird to look back and see yourself becoming someone else without even realizing it. Little by little. Day by day. Word by word. We choose!

I had the opportunity to go to a book club from my ward last night and I was in awe of the absolute goodness and "realness" of these women. I can't describe it. They are all of the things this quote is talking about: tender, kind, refined, faithful, good, virtuous, pure. I want to soak it all in and remind myself each day who I really want to be. 

The last 6 months have been SO hard for me and I didn't realize WHY until this morning. 

My dear husband pointed it out to me. 
(Why is that so hard for me to admit?)

I was telling him about a talk I heard from one of the counselors in our Stake Presidency. He was talking about the war in heaven and how 1/3 of the hosts of heaven chose to follow Satan and turn away from God, while the other 2/3 (US) chose to follow God and accept Jesus Christ as their Savior and come to Earth to be tested. I knew that already.

What I didn't know, is that out of those 2/3, there was division within. I always imagined ALL of the 2/3 being valiant warriors: zealously and openly opposing Satan and fighting for truth all the way. President Steadman was quoting James E. Talmage (who wrote "Jesus the Christ") and he said that in reality, out of those 2/3 there were some who fought valiantly alongside Michael the archangel while the others merely "refrained from active opposition".  Then he said, "Which group were YOU in?"  I've been thinking about that all week.

Somedays, I'm not so sure. Zeke assured me this morning that I was one of those fighting alongside Michael. I sure hope so! He told me not to even question it. 

I have struggled so much lately, just with little things.  

I keep thinking of the scripture in 2 Nephi 4:17-21:
 "O, wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. My God hath been my support; he hath led me though mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh."  Even Nephi struggled. I wonder what his sins and temptations were...  I'm more like Laman and Lemuel... all of these miracles and blessings and I just can't seem to LEARN anything!!


I think of the scripture in Doctrine and Covenants 82:3: "unto whom much is given, MUCH is required."


I have been blessed beyond measure to have been called to serve in our Stake Young Women's Presidency last October and this morning I finally realized that "someone" doesn't want me there. Satan doesn't want me there. I'm not perfect, but I had the miraculous opportunity to be part of an AMAZING spiritual experience that assured me that God himself called me to serve the Young Women of our Stake. It has already blessed my life more than I ever could imagine. I know that I have the potential to be a great influence for good. And sometimes that scares me. I need to remind myself each day, maybe even each MOMENT who I want to be. It is a struggle for me, an uphill climb, but I know in HIS strength I can do all things.

LaSu

You know, I'm sitting here, listening to Duran Duran... (I know I'm having a flashback). And the Black Keys... (kinda strange combination)... anyway, I want to post something and I just can't seem to formulate a thought that would be worth posting.

Tawnya, you were right!

Okay, here's the rundown...

yep, I got NOTHING!!

Okay, my title "LaSu" -- it stands for me.

Have you ever heard of someone named "HeLa"? Okay, maybe not someone, but a famous cell culture? "HeLa" stands for Henrietta Lacks.

What? Me neither, until I read this book.

I've been reading a book that for me, has been absolutely fascinating and mind-consuming and heart-breaking all at the same time.

Here's a bit of another post about this book:

"I'm reading a book that is practically consuming my every thought (well, I guess not, or I wouldn't be blogging now, would I?) It's called 
"The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks".
It's a true story. It's about science and biology and particularly, cancer and cell culture research. Yeah, the biology geek in me is eating it right up!! But the personal story of her life... she died from cervical cancer... is HARD for me to take in. (Sorry, public library, I've thrown this book across the room a few times and stained several pages with my tears.) Yet, I cannot stop reading it." I would definitely give it a PG-13 rating... some places are a bit "raw" I'd say, but it's real and it makes you THINK.

It's one of those books I yammer on and on to Zeke about... I'm not sure if he's quite as interested in chromosomes and telomeres as I am, but he appears to be listening. Thanks, honey.

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This week and last week have been just as HARD as they have been GOOD.

Been to the temple twice, went to the General YW broadcast, and had the privilege of attending another ward on Sunday. I have been more than spiritually fed, but I'm still hungry.

The Bishop of the ward I visited talked about PERSPECTIVE and it really stuck with me.  It's all about how we see things and how others see things. You can hear or see whatever you want to in life -- it is up to YOU. Much of our lives are governed by our perspective -- it leads to our actions and that which we become.

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I am so grateful for friends and family in my life who "get me".  Not condone my actions necessarily, but try to understand them and give me support even when I make a mistake? Yes. Thank you, you know who you are.

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With our children: (this one blew me away)

Are we spending good quality time? or are we simply passing time?

I've been trying really hard to be a better mother. It's so ironic to me, the harder I try to do something and the more I pray about it -- it just becomes THAT much harder to do. Like I've "asked" to go on to another level and I am NOT at all practiced at this level. I love my kids more than I can express, but I don't know how to meet their needs. Especially all four of them all at the same time. (8, if you count my husband and 3 cats...).

Another doozy: The most important Commandment is the ONE you are having a hard time keeping right now. Wow, think on that one. 

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I love to cook. Did you know that? I don't know if I'm a great cook, but I enjoy it. I love making big, fancy Sunday dinners. And desserts? that could be an entire post.  Anyway, over 8 years ago, I wanted something just for me and I wanted a little extra money and I wanted EVERYTHING I saw in the Pampered Chef catalog. So I signed up to sell it. It was really fun and I made a good amount of extra money and got LOTS of free products. When I found out I was pregnant with Kaia and we moved... I just kinda quit selling Pampered Chef. Life became CA-RAZY and it hasn't stopped in that department.

However, I've been thinking about it for awhile and decided I would sign-up again to sell it. I'm really excited and I hope it goes well.  I've got a BIG GOAL that I want to achieve this year and I realized it's time to take matters into my own hands to see that happen. It's a secret for lots of reasons... you'll just have to stay tuned to see when it happens.

They have the COOLEST BBQ pizza pan and french fry cutter.... they are first on my list!

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I'm really looking forward to General Conference this weekend. My kids are looking forward to our traditional ice cream party during the Saturday afternoon session.  (me too:)

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I love the movie "Star Trek" (the one made in 2009). I've fell off the "NO shopping" wagon a bit and I bought the DVD for $5.00!! 5 bucks, people! It's only been a week and I think we've watched it nearly 3 times. It's a good one.

I'm not even sure why I'm blogging....

Have a great weekend!!!!! :)

Sorry

Sorry, guys, I took down my post from yesterday... I've been feeling bad about it... maybe I was out of line a bit. Zeke said I wasn't being very thoughtful... he's probably right. I didn't mean any harm. I thought it was funny, but I can see how it might be hurtful. However, I'm still totally weirded out by the whole thing...  thanks for your comments. I'm going to edit it and repost it later.

Today I went on a field trip with Beck's preschool to McDonald's.... I need a nap.

I won't get one though. I'm pretty sure I'll end up watching "Bob the Builder and the Legend of the Golden Hammer" again. (with Beck of course) Oh boy!

What would you do with $1,000?

I was talking with a good friend of mine the other day about our financial situations... we laughed about winning the lottery someday. Then, one of us said, "You know, even $1,000 right now would SERIOUSLY change my life." And we definitely agreed.

What some people would consider pocket change or weekend spending money is just what we need to make a new start and get ahead in life. Really. Sometimes, the irony of that fact consumes me.

The WANT vs. NEED thing is really subjective.

Every family/income situation is so different.

I've just been thinking about that all week.

It's always that last bit that holds us back from truly making progress in our financial goals.

A doctor co-pay here, a school fee there. A new pair of shoes for my ever growing teens. The DENTIST. A new doorknob for the back door -- the wind has reminded us how annoying it is to have a broken doorknob. Not necessary to fix, but it would be NICE.

I've read several money management-type books and I keep a DAILY budget. I know what to do with the extra.... but GETTING any "extra" is the thing that seems to keep eluding us.

I have 4 bills that just keep nagging at my brain and keep sucking up all that "extra" that I'd like to dump into a bigger bill and then, wipe it out entirely. And then! Yes, I sit awake at night and think about paying all my bills. A girl can dream.

Over the last few years... I try not to even let myself THINK about the bigger bills. I send in the payment each month and just move on. Someday.

If I had a $1,000 -- those smaller bills would be the first to go.

I would also get our family a new tent. Enough said. I might even do that first. Our family is growing up right before my eyes and I feel like we are missing out.

Oh, and after 13 long years of hard work, my apple peeler/corer/slicer finally died this weekend. That is on my wish list as well.

There's nothing major that I really want -- other than peace of mind. No pun intended, but that is not something you can "buy". Or is it? Maybe you can't "buy" it, but it sure feels good to pay off bills!

In 5 short years, Gabe will be 19 and will be going on a mission. This is what I want to be ready for. (financially anyway -- emotionally, probably never.)

Oh, Zeke and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary over the weekend. (curled up on the couch sharing take-out from "Mo'Bettah Steaks" and watching "Surf's Up" -- yes, even though we never act like it, we are legally considered adults.) This also got me thinking... a long time ago, we made a goal to go on a trip for our 20th. Hawaii? New York? Mexico? Europe? Somewhere. It is on the list of financial plans. If you don't write it down, it's just a wish.

It makes me feel better to think about day-to-day penny pinching when I know I'm saving for bigger and better things and a secure future.

What would you do with $1,000?

checking in

I'm still here... it's been quite awhile since I posted. I just don't feel like blogging lately...
I'm fine really. There's just ALWAYS so much to do. It's hard for me to find a balance. I like getting stuff done. I like hanging out with my kids. I like sleeping. I like watching funny movies with Zeke.

I've enjoyed so many of your blogs... thank you.

I'll check in again later.

My favorite quote lately: Be the change you want to see.

Fourteen Years

My son, Gabe, is fourteen years old today.
FOURTEEN YEARS. Where has the time gone???

I can't seem to get the pictures to go in the order I want -- I keep erasing them. We're getting ready to take Gabe out to dinner so I've got to hurry... Here's 15 pictures, one for each year and one to grow on!

Love at first sight: February 24, 1998

July 1998 at Grandma Rosy's

First Birthday 1999: Grandma Patty didn't think Gabe was getting messy enough (or Dad)

Dad and Gabe: Christmas at Grandma Patty's cabin, December 1999

First birthday with the cousins, 1999

December 2000: Gabe the new big brother

Gabe and Kaia: April 12, 2004

Gabe: 6 months old

Gabe and Grandma Patty's dog, Girl. (He loves Girl.) At Grandma Patty's house, summer 2010?

Gabe lost his two front teeth within a week of each other. September 2004

Zoe and Gabe: August 2003 (We just moved into our house )

Gabe (STATIC!!!) and Beck on the trampoline: Summer 2009

My boys: Zeke, Beck, Gabe -- March 2008

Gabe getting a shirt ready to tie-dye: August 2011

February 24, 2012: Gabe and his friends being crazy

He wants a new hoodie, a 12 pack of mountain dew, and a donut tower (instead of a cake). 

He is definitely a teenager.

Lifting Burdens: The Atonement of Jesus Christ

This is just what I needed today. I love the part that says, "Heavenly Father sees us in terms of forever." I'm grateful to know that I can't do it all in one day and Heavenly Father will forgive me for my imperfections (and they are MANY). I'm so thankful to wake up each morning and have a new day to try and be better. I know the Savior can heal all wounds -- physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual -- He has atoned for them all.

Curvy Diva Seeks Sexy Prince

Happy Valentine's Day!
(This was the card I gave Zeke last year 
because he always calls me Lola)

Barrett's Unusual Ice Cream Party

Hey everyone, I just wanted to share a link to my friend's book she recently published. Her name is Michelle King and well, I think she is just FABULOUS in so many ways! :) Way to go, Michelle! I hope to follow in her footsteps, she has really helped me take that first leap trying to get my book published as well.

Here's the link to her first book:

Barrett's Unusual Ice Cream Party

And here's the link to her blog:

Michelle L. King, Children's Book Author

Happy Windsday!

Please: open mouth, remove foot, insert spoon.

Yes, it's Thursday and I should be posting about "Threads and Things"... Here's an old chair of mine that I recovered and painted last week. I think it turned out great. Thanks for the inspiration, Sharon. :) I fudged and bought a $3.00 can of spray paint... oops! It had to be done!! I'll add it to my list.

BEFORE

AFTER

This post is for all of those people who don't really know me. Or people who do and they don't listen or get it. I don't want your sympathy, but I do want people to stop saying things like:

• "I wish I had your problem!"
• "What's your secret? It's not fair!"
• "You're so LUCKY; you're just 'naturally' skinny"
• "But you don't LOOK sick!!"

STOP. Please. It bothers me MORE than I can say. I've heard more, but these are the ones I hear the most. You'd be surprised how many people say these types of things to me. Friends. Family Members. Strangers. Do you want to know my "secret" for being so thin? I don't feel lucky at all and I would never wish my "problem" on anyone. Assume nothing. You never know why people are the way they are.

I remember back when I was 18 and I used to ride my bike to work 12 miles round trip, 5 days a week. I remember going for bike rides or walks when I was at Snow College for hours and hours and not feeling tired at all. I remember going to Slick Rock in Moab with my brother, Brady.  I was very active.

Then, right before I turned 19, I got really sick and to make a long story short, (Too late!) I had some serious kidney problems that changed my life forever. Now, I'm not on dialysis or on a waiting list for a transplant or anything. The major problems cleared up in about six months. But I have never been the same since. I have been SO blessed to be able to have four children (something I was told by my doctor might not happen).

Most days I'm fine, but I get worn out quite easily and can't do all the things I used to do. It's hard for me to see other people doing things. I feel left behind. I feel lazy. I feel guilty. I feel old. 

I have a lot of health problems. Some of them, I'm not even sure what they are yet, but this week I've been blindsided by another kidney infection. It's been a year since my last one and it's so hard not to get discouraged. But I feel so blessed to be alive and to have such a wonderful family. I seriously do NOT deserve my husband. He has been so kind and patient with me this week. Too kind.

My friend, Shauntae, had a link on her blog called: The Spoon Theory. It's about living with chronic illness. I read this about a year ago and it made me cry. PLEASE don't jump to conclusions: I DO NOT HAVE LUPUS like this woman, but her analogy is so true to my life. It's a bit long, but it's worth reading to help you understand what it's like for people with chronic illness.

It's so hard for me to slow down and realize I simply cannot do everything I want to. But I know God has a plan for each of us and we need the FAITH to hold on.

2 Nephi 31: 20 "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."