BEAUTIFUL

Why are women so concerned about how they look? 

I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not. In one way or another all women are. I think there's a balance though, between being obsessed and not caring at all. The older I get, I don't care as much how I look, but even still, I have days when I don't feel as "beautiful" as I would like to.

 I attended a New Beginnings meeting last night (for young women ages 12-18) and several of the girls talked about how much they struggle with the way they look. One didn't like her clothes, another was teased a lot when she was younger about the way she looks and still struggles to overcome it, another said she actually thinks she's UGLY. So many young girls feel like they aren't pretty or good enough simply BECAUSE they aren't pretty enough. 

What's up with that? I think a lot of it comes from TV and movies. Everyone is SO perfect and beautiful and appear to be successful and happy only because they ARE beautiful. Somehow, beauty is tied to success and accomplishment, even though they don't really DO anything to show what they've accomplished, they only LOOK perfect. Does that make any sense?

The media is constantly telling us:

Perfect Beauty (fake or surgically enhanced or whatever) = 

Successful, desirable, "worthy", lovable, wanted, preferred, acceptable, better than.

Not Beautiful = unsuccessful, undesirable, not acceptable or worthy of love, less than. As in, don't even bother trying, your effort will not be measured on the same scale simply because you're not beautiful to begin with.

It made me really sad. I had trouble sleeping last night. I was sad, because I've had those same feelings before, and it's hard to overcome. Then, I felt even more upset because I don't want my girls to go through that. My girls are so precious and beautiful to me. I wonder if I'm doing all I can to help balance and even overcome the negative influence they receive from the media and society?

The funny thing is, I was really shocked to hear these young women say they look in the mirror and think they're ugly. For a minute, I actually thought they were joking. Let me say they are SO wrong in that belief. Each and every one of those young women are SO beautiful. Truly.

 Is it there faces? Their hair or eyes? Their clothes or shoes? Their smiles?

For me, this song is the answer. It helps me on days when I'm feeling down. It helps me everyday to remember what is most important and what I should be doing with my time here on earth.

It's appropriately titled, 

"Beautiful" 

from Cherie Call 

(she is one of my absolute favorite singers ever -- I love her lyrics.)

Look at all the signs, Look at all the shows

All the glamorous people who claim to know

What perfection is and what makes beauty stay

But when all the styles go out and the labels fade away

It's what you give that makes you beautiful

It's how you live that makes your dreams come true

Keep your faith in this world,

And let the light of the Lord shine through

That's what makes you beautiful

Nothing burns as bright, nothing shimmers so

As the smile of a friend when hope is running low

And how your hand feels warm when you dry a tear

Love is still in fashion at the end of every year

It's what you give that makes you beautiful

It's how you live that makes your dreams come true

Keep your faith in this world,

And let the light of the Lord shine through

That's what makes you beautiful

Even roses fade away in the snow

But the beauty in your heart can always grow

It's what you give that makes you beautiful

It's how you live that makes your dreams come true

Keep your faith in this world,

And let the light of the Lord shine through

That's what makes you beautiful.

I was so thankful that each of those young women went on to say that Heavenly Father has helped them overcome these feelings of inadequacy. The Personal Progress program has helped them to feel like they are "more than just a pretty face" and what they do has value and meaning.

Another one of my favorite scriptures:

1 Samuel 16:7

"But the Lord said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart."

I heard this years ago (supposedly it's from Audrey Hepburn):

For attractive lips,
Speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes,
Seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure,
Share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair,
Let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise,
Walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things,
Have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,
And redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
You will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;
One for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

P.S. I found THE best quote to go with this post! It's from Elaine Dalton, 

"We are royal daughters of God and our value is not based on sensual appeal."

The yams did it!

There's an old Daffy Duck cartoon where "Tom Turkey" begs Daffy Duck to hide him from Porky Pig who is hoping to kill a nice big turkey for Thanksgiving. Daffy promises the turkey he'll hide him from Porky and never tell where he is. Well, Porky Pig begins telling Daffy Duck about all the yummy things he would have eaten if he had a turkey to go with it. By the time he mentions candied yams, Daffy's mouth is watering and finally he can't stand it any longer and shouts, "The yams did it! It was the yams! The yams did it!" and he breaks his promise to poor Tom Turkey and tells Porky where he is. Anyway, our family always thought this was so funny and to this day whenever we do something we said we weren't going to, we'll say,"The yams did it! It was the yams that did it!" It's one of our bizarre Thanksgiving "traditions" I guess... I love how my Mom says it. Anyway...

Kaia got to have a Thanksgiving Feast at school on Tuesday.
This was the Indian costume she made.
(No our windows aren't frosted... they're covered in SNOW!)

Well, our long weekend started out pretty exciting I guess. On Tuesday, the National Weather Service issued a blizzard warning for Logan. They closed the children's schools at noon and even closed the University at 2pm in anticipation of the big storm. We sat in the living room and looked out the window and waited... around 3pm the first few flakes began to fall. By 3:15 the wind was blowing so hard it was a total white-out and by 4pm, all our windows were covered from top to bottom with snow. It was very pretty, but kinda freaky at the same time.

The kids and I were quite antsy until Zeke made it home from work. I put a movie on and made dinner. Zeke called around 5pm and said he was on his way. Normally it takes him less than 10 minutes to get home... but he didn't pull up in the driveway until 5:45! It was crazy out there. He got stuck a few times and said at one point a guy got out of his car and jumped on Zeke's back bumper to give him enough traction to get going (this is pretty normal for people in Logan and everyone's pretty cool to help one another). It continued to snow and blow through much of the night. I went to bed thinking we'd be snowed in (this has only happened once in the 9+ years we have lived here). However, we woke up the next morning and it was just another day. The wind had stopped and there was only about 5 or 6 inches of snow. The blizzard itself was the scary part... it came down fast and hard. I'm thankful we're all okay and the power didn't go out or anything.

On Wednesday, Gabe went sledding with some friends, Beck took a nap (THANK YOU!!) and the girls and I made pies. This was a definite highlight of my holiday. Do you remember back in June when Zeke made the portable island for our kitchen? Okay, Wednesday just made it all worth it 100 times over! It was so nice to have room for everyone to work (and play). I really felt like I could get the pies done at the same time I was playing with the girls and teaching them how to do things and letting them do their own thing too. Lots of room and great traffic flow... oh, how I have waited for that. Thanks, honey, for doing it MY way! :)

I made 5 pies (yeah, for 6 people.. you might think that's a bit much, but we are 6 people who REALLY like pies!) And the girls each made 3 mini-pies of their own. We listened to Zoe's practice CD for her TaVaci performing group and we wore our matching aprons and drank hot chocolate. It was really great. They are my little girlfriends in every way. I feel so blessed.

I had a good Thanksgiving really. I'm just one of those silly people who get these great expectations in my mind of how special a holiday is going to be and then when it turns out just normal or a little chaotic or even a bit depressing, I get super bummed.

Right after breakfast, everyone wanted to go outside and play in the snow. I was busy fixing dinner. Zeke helped the kids get ready and went out with them. Zoe came in and was really cold. She was building an igloo and you know when the sleeves of your coat are too short to cover the bottom of your gloves so the snow keeps coming in? Anyway, I figured since I was inside cooking, she could wear my coat and it would cover her arms better.

I dug out my heavy winter coat and started cleaning out the pockets... I found a whole stack of church permission slips from one of the last Young Women activities I went to. We went sledding in February. I started crying. Gabe and Zeke said, "What's wrong? What is it!?" I cried through the words, "It's permission slips!!!" (like that should explain why I was so upset) Oh man, I was a mess! For those of you that don't know, I served in the Young Women's in my ward for nearly 4 years and was just released this May.

It's been a strange grieving process, not unlike losing a dear loved one. Really. The feelings come and go quite strongly at times. Some days I'll be totally fine and other days, something will hit me: like a song, or a fun memory, or in this case, a stack of old permission slips, and I completely fall apart. This was one of those days. Oh how I miss it! I am overwhelmed with sadness sometimes... those youth are so awesome!! I feel rather lost without them. I love them dearly... okay, now I'm crying again. I guess that unexpected event set the mood for my day. I really tried to enjoy everything, but I just felt this aching loneliness that wouldn't go away.

I had to get out of the house. I went to the store with Gabe to get some ice cream (it is NOT okay to eat pie without ice cream at our house!) We can have a lot of fun together. We were just laughing and joking together. I think it was the highlight of the day. I am so thankful for laughter! It keeps me going. We saw a guy in sweats jogging through the store with a can of "Reddi-Whip" in each fist... he was on a mission and no one was stopping him! Actually, he looked like a guy who was in the middle of a really great football game while his wife was in the kitchen slaving away at the big dinner and she said, "Honey, I need you to go to the store right now and get some whip cream, I forgot to get some!" And he was grumbling about it JUST a bit. It was SO funny, really. Gabe and I waited until the guy was about 5 feet away and we just exploded laughing... good times. We tried to imitate him for everyone when we got home, but they didn't laugh too much. Well, you just had to be there!

I really wanted to spend the holiday with some of my extended family, especially my Mom and Dad, but with finals just around the corner, Zeke really needed to be here to study and couldn't spare the time to travel. I sent an open invitation to my family at the Northern end of the state for anyone who might like to come for dinner... homemade pies, people! I couldn't help myself... I kept looking at the clock and looking out the window hoping someone would pull up. I know the weather was bad and people already had other plans... but I just wished this year would be the year someone would come to our house. By 2:30, I had to tell myself out loud that nobody is coming so I'd better get over it. I am a big baby.

Our dinner was good. Zeke and I both worked really hard and fixed all the classic stuff even though it was just for the 6 of us. We waited for the yams to be done and debated about starting without them, but we both agreed we love yams enough that dinner will have to wait for them. We got the table set and all the food ready. I checked the yams and they were pretty much done, so I turned the oven off and left the yams in while we said the prayer and such. And then I didn't even think about the yams until the next evening... (shows you how much I really like them!) Beck was being Beck and well, he's very "flusterating" sometimes... my mind is pretty much gone with this kid.

Zeke told the kids the night before he wanted them to think about something really special they are thankful for. Before we ate, we went around the table and told everyone what we were thankful for:

Gabe -- Thanksgiving (and all the good food)
Kaia -- Heavenly Father
Beck -- POPCORN!! (it sounds more like "Pa-kern!")
Zoe -- doctors and medicine
Me -- the Atonement (where would I be?)
Zeke -- me and the sacrifice I make to stay home with the children
(okay, I was crying again, I don't think I deserved that,
but it was very sweet)

Then, about 20 minutes later... dinner was over! WOW! All that time and effort for 20 minutes?! But I will say, the Rainbow Jello from my friend's food blog was a huge success! It was so AWESOME!! Here we are posing for a picture, while our beloved yams are sitting in the oven completely forgotten:

On Friday, Zoe got to perform with her TaVaci group at the Novemberfest (like a big arts and craft fair thing). It was really fun to watch her. She gets better every time. One of my favorite songs she sang goes like this, "Santa is the man and he's got a plan! I'm his biggest fan and he's comin' on Christmas!" kinda like a rap... it was so cute! And I can't get it out of my head. I was going to put up a little video of it, but I felt a bit seasick after previewing it... I need to have at least a 3 foot barrier from Beck if I'm trying to video anything... he kept bumping me and sitting on me and saying, "Mommy, I want more candy!" (yeah, I was trying to bribe him to sit still)

After lunch on Friday, I declared it was "Christmas decoration time!" I have been waiting! Zeke had to study, Gabe went sledding again... (oh well?) So it was the girls and Beck (aka The Ornament Destroyer). But we had fun anyway... I love to watch my children decorate the Christmas tree. They always seem to gather as many ornaments as they can on just one branch. I love our little old Christmas tree. It's nothing fancy, but I think it's beautiful. Every year, we take turns having one child put the tree topper/spire thing on... don't you love Zeke's face? Kaia does.
We were still putting up decorations around 5pm and I thought I'd better start some dinner. I chose a crowd-favorite: pizza. So while I was mixing the yeast for the dough, I turned the oven on and went about making the sauce, letting the dough raise, and putting away storage bins from the Christmas stuff. Well, about 15 minutes later, I noticed a strange smell coming from the kitchen... something was burning! I ran to the oven and opened it to find yesterday's YAMS burned and yucky. DANG IT! (like Kip on Napoleon Dynamite when he drives over the plastic bowl and smashes it) I should have taken a picture I guess... do you really want to see a pan full of burned yams? I've seen some pretty weird pictures on blogs... like string cheese that looks like jerky (ha ha ha). Anyway, it wasn't anything too serious, but I had to laugh! I cannot believe we forgot all about the yams...

This morning while I was doing dishes, some of the clean ones began to topple over. I tried to grab them, but they crashed to the floor. One of my baking stones shattered and my electric griddle broke in 4 places. :( I was pretty bummed. I was mad at myself. I was trying to hurry and just get them done. I guess I stacked them too high. But I thought, at least no one got hurt. Well, I guess I'll be getting a new griddle for Christmas...sigh.

What I really want for Christmas is for Zeke to graduate. I don't want to feel guilty anymore when I ask him to help me when he should be studying. I don't want to live our lives by the semester calendar anymore and change plans or not make any plans at all because Zeke has a test or a project due. I want to have more time to just be together and not always be rushing through dinner and scriptures and everything. Anyway, I don't want to have unrealistic expectations... maybe it won't be that different. Maybe it will. But I want to be done. Say a prayer for us, please?

Here's a great scripture I found this week:
1 Nephi 18:16: "Nevertheless, I did look unto my God, and I did praise him all the day long; and I did not murmur against the Lord because of mine afflictions." (Nephi is saying this while his wrists and ankles are very swollen and sore from being tied up by his brothers and they are mocking him... yeah, I really shouldn't complain!)

One more important thing, last night, I had the yummiest creation: Razzleberry Pie with Spumoni Ice Cream. Okay, I think it beat the Pecan Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream. Well, maybe they tied. Mmmmm!

Plastic Surgery...I triple dog dare you!

Going under the knife? Several years ago, someone told me I should have plastic surgery. They said to me right in front of a crowd of people I have a "big nose" and I should get a nose job. Now, I'm not going to lie to you... it literally destroyed any bit of self-esteem I might have had and it took me a long time to get over it. I've always been self-conscious about my nose.

According to the world's standards, I might have a less than "perfect" nose. But then again, I've always been a bit of a non-conformist when it comes to the ways of the world. Looking back, I'm actually thankful I had that experience. It just made me all the more stubborn and firmly resolved that I would NEVER change my nose. God gave me my nose for a reason and I truly believe that. It's me. Zeke says I look "exotic" (I love you, babe!) I think I look like I'm from a foreign country or maybe like one of those old Greek statues...
maybe?... anyway...I'm not actually talking about that kind of plastic surgery.
I'm SO not into that!

I'm talking about something infinitely more important, something that can bring lasting happiness, peace of mind, and financial security. I'm talking about the kind of plastic surgery that Elder Holland and so many other Prophets and Apostles have referred to:

Cutting up our credit cards!!

Elder Holland: "As part of this general financial caution we encourage, if necessary, plastic surgery for both husband and wife. This is a very painless operation: Just cut up your credit cards. Unless you are prepared to use those cards under the strictest of conditions and restraints, you should not use them at all—at least not at high rates of interest. No convenience known to modern man has so jeopardized the financial stability of families, especially young struggling families, like the credit card.

Just as your religion should protect you against immorality and violence and other family tragedies, it will protect you against financial despair as well, if you will let it. Pay your tithes and offerings first. No greater financial protection can be offered you. Then simply budget what is left the rest of that month. Make do with what you have. Do without. Say no. You can hold your head high even if your clothing is not the most stylish nor your home the most regal. You can hold it high for the simple reason that it is not bent or bowed with the relentless burden of debt."

As I was serving in the Young Women organization, I felt very inspired and prompted to complete my Personal Progress. I really wanted to get "My Young Women" excited about Personal Progress. I thought the best way to do that would be by example. Well, it was an awesome life-changing experience to say the least!

One of the requirements was to "live within my means" for 3 months. OUCH! I instantly thought, "yeah right, that's only possible for single people without children, people who aren't in school, people who don't have high-deductible health insurance like we do" and on and on (I was making excuses). I seriously didn't think I'd be able to do it! But I knew if I wanted to receive my YW Recognition Award and show the girls "if I can do it, you can do it" then I would need to follow through and complete every part of the personal progress honestly and to the best of my ability.

So I gave it a try... I talked to Zeke and he was totally on board with it. I have always been the one "in charge" of the money (yeah, no pressure whatsoever, right?) I said a prayer (actually hundreds) and asked Heavenly Father to help us "live within our means" and to have faith. We cut up our credit cards and more importantly for us, we stopped using those stupid convenience checks they send in the mail. Oh, we always needed something. And even now, I have a list a foot long of things we need, but the question is: do we really need them right now? My perspective and the way I do things have completely changed. I have learned a great deal of patience and self-control.

Now I'm going to be honest, this has been one of the most-challenging and stressful years of my life (mostly because I'm suffering the consequences of past choices) but at the same time, this year has been one of THE most strengthening, miracle filled, spiritual, joyful/"peace of mind" kind of years I have ever had. Ever.

Since August 2009, we have not used a credit card for ANYTHING. Not once!
It has brought us the greatest blessings we have ever experienced. The continual peace and confidence we have felt is worth so much more than any fleeting thrill of buying something. We have changed how we do things and gone without some things people think they can't, but we have made our own fun and I think it's brought us closer as a family and made us more grateful for the little things in life. It's been hard, but with Heavenly Father's help, we've done it.
It IS possible!

Now, I know you're thinking of a million "reasons" why you need a credit card. Until last year, I was always making excuses, always justifying our use of credit cards (Zeke's still in school, our insurance premium went up, Zeke got another pay cut at work, the water heater is broken, the dishwasher is broken, doctor bills, Christmas presents, school pictures, or maybe I just don't feel like making dinner, etc, etc, etc.)

What I realized is that all of these excuses are really just a lack of Faith. You may think I'm simple minded, maybe I am, but the Lord has said he would provide for our needs (see 3 Ne. 13:28-34). Do we believe Him? Do we let Him help us? Or do we trust in the "arm of flesh" (see 2 Ne. 4:34) and swipe that little card every time we need an extra $20 for groceries, a tank of gas, or even a new water heater? Zeke and I were laughing about that analogy of trusting in the "arm of flesh"... I'm picturing my flabby "relief society arm" jiggling every time I swipe a credit card through that little machine... it makes me laugh every time!

After getting rid of all of our credit cards and truly living within our means for over a year, I came across a scripture that I don't recall ever reading before (maybe I wasn't ready for it yet): D&C 111:5: "Concern not yourselves about your debts, for I will give you power to pay them." To me, this was Heavenly Father telling me, okay, you're doing your part and now I can do mine. Good job!
I feel a greater peace than I have ever known in my life! I feel confident when I say my prayers and ask Heavenly Father to bless us and specifically to help us financially. I know we are doing our part and He will do His part. (see D&C 82:10)

I've realized that "living within our means" is a gospel principle we can be perfect at. Just like paying tithing, it is something we can either do or NOT do. There's no gray area (not anymore at least). I feel peace knowing that I am being obedient. I feel so grateful when I recognize the blessings that come pouring in because of my choice to "live within my means". We have been overwhelmed and amazed at the incredible miracles that have taken place in our lives this last year or so. Everything began to fall into place as soon as we took that leap of faith, got out our credit cards and did some serious plastic surgery!

Say a prayer and get out your scissors -- I triple dog dare you!!

"If you opt for any other way of life or try to live only the parts of the gospel that seem convenient, such a choice will cheat you of the full, resplendent joy and happiness for which you were designed by our loving Father in Heaven and His Son." -- Marcus B. Nash of the Quorum of the Seventy

Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.

First of all, thanks to my great niece, Jayden, for the awesome quote I found on her blog. It fits today so perfectly.... "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." I was released from my calling as the Young Women President today...

I will miss the girls and leaders so much... but the last 4 years have been a whirlwind to say the least. What a ride! I was called to be the Laurel Advisor in 2006, this was when Zeke was the YM president! About 8 months later, I was called to be the YW President and for about 2 months, Zeke and I were together. Ward Council was always challenging for us to get a babysitter and very entertaining as well.... Bishop Pulotu would say, "President Susman" and we'd both say, "Yes?" ha, good times....

I was called to be the President in July 2007 (I felt this calling was coming). However, a week later, I found out I was expecting our 4th child (this was a BIG surprise for us). I figured, Heavenly Father already knew, so He must think that I can do it... and that's pretty much how I've handled the last few years. I've lived on faith and awesome counselors and leaders. And then there's the girls.... let me just say, if you have never had the privilege (nay, the pleasure! ha ha ha) of serving in the Young Women program, you my friend, are missing out on the best time ever!

Everyone kept congratulating me today and saying things like, "Oh, I bet you're so glad for a break" and "It's about time you get to relax" and stuff like that. While I appreciate their sentiment.... the Spirit is telling me this break won't last for long, so I need to enjoy every minute of it! I have never been bored since I have become an active member of this Church, that's for sure! I love serving people and I'm actually feeling a little bummed that I don't have a new calling. I'm always such a contradiction.... ask my husband.... the poor guy never knows if I'm coming or going....

gotta run.... dinner's on the table (thanks, honey!)