Two Conversions

How's your Tuesday? I'm pretty good, I guess. I have to speak in church on Sunday and that always makes me SO nervous. It's a good thing for this quilt I'm working on -- all of my nervous energy goes into making it, rather than preparing my talk. Why am I like that?

Anyway, the quilt is coming along nicely. I'm truly amazed. I forgot to mention that I'm converting a lap size quilt pattern into a queen-ish size quilt. It's been a bit of a challenge, but I found this great website that helped me with the measurements and such:

http://www.generations-quilt-patterns.com/standard-quilt-sizes.html

Here's the quilt as of Saturday (this is without the flower appliques and trim). I'm so excited! It's very satisfying for me to see a project come together and to look at it and say, "I made that." Tawnya, I hope you LOVE it!

Okay, back to my talk. The topic I was given is "The Parables of the Sower and the Wheat and Tares". I've been a bit overwhelmed by it. I've been studying the last few days and really thinking about what these parables mean. Zeke mentioned how interesting it is that the Lord allows the "wheat" and the "tares" to grow up together. Why? He said we need each other. I think he's right. I also think at any given time we can change our hearts for good or bad. 

We decide if we will be the "wheat" or if we will be one of the "tares". I also think it is our duty to seek out the "tares", to love them and help them, regardless of their beliefs or standing in the Church. I was once a "tare" -- a full-on, nasty WEED! I'm trying to be more like a "wheat" these days, but only because dear friends of mine took me by the hand long ago and loved me and helped me want to change.

Of course we think, "Oh, I will be the wheat. I will be faithful and good. I'm on the Lord's side". But how many times do we find ourselves justifying our poor behavior? Or not standing up for something we know is right? (I'm saying this, because I'm guilty of those things sometimes).

I love this quote:

 The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.  ~Edmund Burke

I found a great talk from Elder Richard G. Scott called, "Full Conversion Brings Happiness"

I'm sharing this with you, because when I read this part, especially the personal questions he poses to us, I literally felt sick to my stomach and my mouth went dry. I'm not sure if I'm truly and fully converted... I hope so, but now I wonder.

“The sower soweth the word. [Some sown] by the way side, … but when they have heard, Satan cometh immediately, and taketh away the word that was sown in their hearts.”

Could that happen to you, in the wrong environment, with the wrong friendships?

“[Some] on stony ground; who, when they have heard the word, immediately receive it with gladness; And have no root in themselves, and so endure but for a time: afterward, when … persecution ariseth … immediately they are offended.”

Have you ever been in a circumstance when someone proposed something inappropriate and you did nothing to resist it?

“[Some] sown among thorns; such as hear the word, And the cares of this world … and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful.”

Have there been times when you wanted something so badly that you justified an exception to your standards?

“[Some] sown on good ground; such as hear the word, and receive it, and bring forth fruit, some thirtyfold, some sixty, and some an hundred.” ⁸

It's always very ironic to me when I discover the topic I've been given to speak on is the exact thing I need to work on. It's even harder to realize I've been thinking I was more like a "wheat" and that I've been truly converted, but while preparing this talk, it's become painfully apparent that I have a lot of work to do. Such is the blessing of being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints -- we are constantly reminded to be better. Serving in the Church is good for me, because I'm always asked to step outside my comfort zone and to stretch and grow. 

I hope by Thursday I can post a picture of the finished quilt AND have my talk ready at least by Saturday...

Balance, Exactness, Focus

Feed My Sheep

I'm not too sure about this "Monday Musings" thing. My mind is ALWAYS so full. I have a lot to say and I often wonder if any of it is relevant to anything...

We had a really good weekend. Lots of reading, relaxing, watching movies, and spending time together. I love Saturdays when there is nothing scheduled. They are rare at our house and I am determined to make them happen more often. Zeke replaced some old panels on our bathroom vanity. Thanks, honey! We made crepes, chocolate chip cookies, banana bread, and fried chicken. We visited the library and also had a "hair-cutting party" (Kaia's words). I forgot to take pictures (I know), but I was busy cutting hair! Zoe and Kaia wanted bangs. Gabe wanted his hair "buzzed" (Zeke did that).

Anyway, I've been thinking all week about what I wanted to post today.  Zoe and I read an article in the New Era (church magazine for our youth) yesterday called, "Bees, Beehives, and You" by Annette Murray Wells and Stephen A. Wells. (P.S. If you don't know, I LOVE insects, so I was instantly drawn to this article simply because of the title. Bees are amazing... and so are WOMEN!)

 I found this quote: "One woman is HELPFUL; ten women are INFLUENTIAL; one hundred are POWERFUL; one thousand are INVINCIBLE." ~ Ardeth G. Kapp

Wow! That quote is so profound and empowering; it makes me wonder what we could do if we all work together? I love blogging and I want to make a difference in the world. Even if my actions affect just one person, that person can share what they know with someone else and so on. I enjoy so many of your blogs and I want you to know that you are making a difference in my life.

Yesterday at church, I heard this scripture and I just can't stop thinking about it:

John 21:15-17: "(15) So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs. (16) He saith to him again the second time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my sheep. (17) He saith unto him the third time, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me? Peter was grieved because he said unto him the third time, Lovest thou me? And he said unto him, Lord, thou knowest all things; thou knowest that I love thee. Jesus saith unto him, Feed my sheep."

I am a member of The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints. All that I am and hope to become, I owe to my Savior, Jesus Christ. He is the life and light of the world. He is The Reason. I love him and want to answer His call to: "Feed My Sheep".  I have added two more pages to my blog: "The Living Christ" and "Articles of Faith" to help you learn more about my beliefs. Please ask me ANY questions you might have.

I love January. I love the feeling of a New Year. I also LOVE the sunshine we've been having. There are so many things I want to do. I want to pace myself and be good to myself in some ways, but I also want to challenge myself and push myself to accomplish goals I have only dreamed about. I love the scripture found in Alma 26:12: "Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in His strength I can do all things..." :)

I'm already feeling the pinch of my "NO SHOPPING" challenge... I'm going to need some HELP.

The Real Deal

I woke up in a funk the other morning. Around 4am I had a nightmare about my Dad... I just couldn't seem to shake it all day long.

Things got to me all day, that feeling again like I don't fit in, I'm a terrible mother, a terrible person, a failure.
Life is too hard, things are too sad and scary and HARD.

Did I mention that life is hard?

Stressed, anxious, depressed, scared.

I just wanted to be home with my kids.

I came home and read some scriptures, helped fix some of the girl's Polly Pocket dresses (no small task), helped Beck make a track for his car, moved all the pictures around on my wall and added some more, made dinner, just going through the motions really. I just felt sad and lost today.

Zeke came home tired and stressed too. We couldn't wait to get the kids to bed. I came downstairs to find Zoe starting the movie, "The Other Side of Heaven". I love this movie. I love the Tongan people (and I love Anne Hathaway). Most of all, I love the message. I felt the Spirit so strongly.
My heart needed it.

I couldn't find the exact quote, but I love the part after the storm and they all make it to shore and one of them says sometimes the Lord calms the storm and sometimes He calms the sailor. I've heard that many times before, but then Elder Groberg says, "and sometimes He just lets us swim." Isn't it true? I know that God loves us and helps us, but sometimes I think we have to work things out ourselves so we can learn and grow and exercise our faith.

My favorite quote that brought me peace, "There is a connection between heaven and earth. Finding that connection gives meaning to everything, including death. Losing that connection makes everything lose meaning, including life."

I am convinced the only thing in this world that brings any peace to my troubled heart is The Gospel of Jesus Christ. I feel better because of the truths I was reminded of that give me hope for a better day and faith in an eternal family. It's the real deal!

I invite all of you, especially those members of my family who don't have this peace in their lives, to come unto Christ. ALL of you.
Pray to know if this Gospel is true.
I know that I haven't been the best example every moment of my life, but I know this church is true and I am forever grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ that makes it possible for me and for everyone to repent of their mistakes and try to become a better person each day. A change of heart. We have the opportunity to be Eternal Families and live again with our Father in Heaven in peace and love because of His Son.
"I tremble to know that for me He was crucified.
That for me, a sinner, He suffered, He bled, and died..."
("I Stand All Amazed", Hymns #193)

I've walked where Jesus walked

A lady in my Mom's ward read this poem in sacrament last time I was there. I loved it so much I asked her about it afterwards. The very next week my Mom sent me a copy and said "Linda wanted you to have this." Thanks, Linda!

If I could go to Galilee and walk where Jesus walked

And sit in tender grasses on the hillside where He taught;

If I could feel the gentle breeze that lifted from the sea

where He chose the humble fisherman, how full my heart would be.

If I could sit and ponder on a rock that knew His hand,

or walk along the seashore where His feet had touched the sand;

My spirit yearns within me, but it doesn't seem my fate,

I'll never walk where Jesus walked,

I'll never see... But wait,

I've worshiped in His temple where I know He's walked before,

Have His feet been down this hallway?

Have His fingers touched this door?

Has He stood here in this very room and looked at what I see?

In the beauty of His temple, I can feel His love for me!

I close my eyes and picture Him... my worries melt away.

I don't need to go to Galilee or travel far away.

For my tender heart is filled with what He wants me to be taught

And my testimony burns within me... I've walked where Jesus walked!

written by Carma Salveson
Tremonton, Utah August, 1997

I just want to wish all of you Happy Easter and tell you that He LIVES!

Doctrine and Covenants 76:22-24 "And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony last of all, which we give of him: That he lives! For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father—That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God."

Our Savior, Jesus Christ, is the only reason I survive in this crazy world.
I love you all and hope you feel peace in your life because of Him. :)

How was your conference weekend?

Monkeys climbing on the "tree" in between conference sessions

Zeke says, "Did you get a picture yet, or what?!"

Well, I survived the weekend. I wrote a silly post about some home repairs and updates we did on Saturday and I just wasn't that into it. My heart is so full and my mind is so stressed. I needed to write a different one.

I am so thankful my Mom is okay from her "heart problems" last week.

General Conference was AWESOME, but isn't it always? We still have a hard time truly focusing on all of it with 4 children who really aren't that into it? I have a question for all of you bloggers out there: do you have or know of any children that actually enjoy conference and like to sit still and just listen to the speakers and not talk and not fight and not throw ice cream on your cats?

just wondering...

or is it something you make them do and it's kind of like torture with bribes and you wonder if it's really a big contradiction because they are feeling anything but the Spirit?

just wondering...

And really don't make me depressed. I don't want to hear how perfect your family is. If I could type the sound of a "raspberry" I would. Thbtttt!? Just because I'm in Parenting 4210!! Enjoy your 101 class... HA!

We did make some seriously awesome ice cream sundaes during the Saturday afternoon session. I got 6 different flavors of ice cream and twice as many toppings and such. It was so much fun -- the rule was that you could eat as much ice cream as you wanted IF you sat at the table and listened to conference AND were quiet enough to let other people listen. Yeah, I got that idea from a cute book I read a couple weeks ago, "Bullies in the Headlights" by Matthew Buckley.

Our whole family listened to this book on tape and the prequel, "Chickens in the Headlights". If you want a good family read that will have you laughing so hard that you can hardly breathe, these are the books for you. But be warned!! Your children might learn AND use new terms to insult one another with: You TOILET SEAT!! You're just a big POT LICKER! Yeah, I love this book! Oh, and my dear sweet daughter belched at the dinner table the other night and instead of our required "Excuse me" she yelled, "TA-DAAAAAH!" Just another fabulous treasure acquired from the pages of these books. Seriously, if anything, you should read them so you can learn a whole new version of the Primary song, "Two Little Hands." ha ha ha ha ha... I won't tell you, you'll have to find out for yourself or my kids can sing it for you. They're just waiting for the opportunity.

Why is it so funny to read about OTHER people's naughty children?

Anyway, conference was a good mix. Some talks I felt great comfort and peace; like Elder Bednar's about Revelation. Wow! I never realized how much information I am receiving. Am I listening? Am I applying it? The Holy Ghost is speaking to me all the time. Little by little I am getting help every moment of every day. I just need to be humble and do what the Spirit tells me to: go play with my children, love others -- even those who are hard to love, study the scriptures, forsake worldly things, serve in our community AND not what I want to: sleep more than I should, eat more ice cream, hide in my room when my kids are bugging me, fall asleep in my bed before I say my prayers. I'm a bad girl and this is just the tip of the iceberg. What about not answering the phone sometimes because I just don't want to deal with the drama on the other end? Or thinking really mean thoughts about people who have offended me? I have been offended by? I need to do better and this is exactly why I need conference.

I love Elder Holland's term "Bedlam-ites". They definitely live at my house. I wonder if there are any at your house? Sometimes I feel like our house is so CRAZY, you know, full of BEDLAM. I looked up bedlam in the dictionary: a scene or state of wild uproar and confusion. Yep, that's us. And sometimes I think we have no idea what we are doing as parents. But we're really trying...

I really REALLY enjoyed the talk by Elder Lynn G. Robins of the Seventy about "To Be" lists and parenting. The Spirit pricked my heart more times than I am willing to admit that I really need to make some changes in my life.

Elder Ballard's talk about small and simple things, Elder Cook's talk about women (YEAH!) and another talk by ? about the characteristics of people who follow Christ are some of the talks that really stood out to me. I find it interesting how much President Monson has emphasized missionary work the last few conferences.

We have decided as a family to make a monthly contribution to the ward and general missionary funds. I want my children to know that I want to "Follow the Prophet" and I think this is something tangible for them to physically do and actually see with their eyes.

My kids are home from school this week for Spring Break.... again I am thankful for Conference; it helps me survive. I'll write another post about this week... "...by small and simple means are great things brought to pass." Yes, I'll keep chanting that and try my best to keep smiling.

I guess this conference was much better than the last one. Last time we got e-coli. Yeah.

Because He Lives!

Remember one of my New year's resolutions was to join the ward choir? Well, I did and the blessings are tremendous. I am no fabulous singer by any means, but the music is SO beautiful and I love the people in our choir. It's so fun!
Right now we are practicing a song we are going to sing on Easter Sunday. It was written by Sally Deford. She's from Colorado Springs, so she must be cool! I found a sound bite here . It is so amazing... I can't even sing it, I just sit there and listen to everyone else and cry. This song just keeps going through my head over and over. What a blessing! I am so thankful for our Savior, Jesus Christ. I know He lives and He loves us.

"Because He Lives"
by Sally Deford

Because He lives; because He rose in mighty triumph from the grave
I put my trust in Him, and seek to follow Him in faith
Because He lives

Because He lives, I shall find strength to stand against the tempter's power
He is my refuge and defense in every troubled hour
Because He lives

Chorus:
Because He lives, I can bear whatever burden may be mine
I am encircled in the arms of love divine because He lives
Because He lives, He will banish every shadow of my pain
Every sorrow will be swallowed up in Him
For in His hand is healing for the weary soul
This I know because He lives

Because He lives my heart is filled with peace amid a world of fear
And through the blindness of the night, in Him I rest secure
Because He lives

Because He lives there is no task so great that I cannot endure
I bear no heartache that His tender mercy cannot cure
Because He lives

(Repeat chorus)

Because He lives I will fear no darkness
Because He lives I will walk in light
Because He lives I will praise His kindness
Because He lives hope shines ever bright
Because He lives I will seek His righteousness
Because He lives I'll follow where He leads
Because He lives I shall conquer even death
And I shall live because He lives!

Because He lives I will rejoice in Christ and glorify His name
And with the willing voice of gratitude proclaim: My Savior lives!
Because He lives He will banish every shadow of my pain
Every sorrow will be swallowed up in Him
For in His hand is healing for the weary soul
This I know, because He lives

I am really looking forward to conference this weekend.

Happy Sunday!

My blog friend, Hilary, posted this and I enjoyed it so much I wanted to share it with you :) I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I love the Spirit of hope it brings to our lives. And I love the youth of our Church.

Primrose Epiphany

I'm getting really anxious this week. Zeke is out of town for work and when he gets home, his Dad is coming to visit us for a few days or so. I haven't seen my Father-in-law since Christmas 2007. This will be the first time he meets Beck! I hope it will be a good visit. Our house is really squished and really loud! I get stressed when we have company. Do you? I need to have more faith.

I'm also very tired. I can't/won't go to sleep when Zeke is gone. I've been making a lot of progress on my quilt though (and playing too much Tetris). I also cleaned out my fridge -- like wiped down all the shelves and stuff. I don't remember that last time I did that. Maybe it's a good thing.

Anyway, on Saturday, I had this amazing epiphany. My institute teacher called them "A-ha!" moments. It was awesome :)

Let me back up, I had a post ready to go a few weeks ago titled "February Fool." I was going to complain about how silly it is when the grocery stores start to sell primroses the first week of February. And even sillier because everyone is so desperate for any hint of Spring in their lives, they buy them all up only to have them die a week later.

I told myself last year I was NOT going to buy any primrose. And I didn't. I can't tell you how much money I have wasted buying those darn things. They're so beautiful! And I'm usually not a total plant killer. But within a week or so the leaves turn yellow, the flowers shrivel and the plant dies. EVERY TIME. So when I saw them in the grocery store this year, I laughed to myself and scoffed at all the old ladies lining up 4 or 5 of them in the front basket of their cart. Not me, I won't be fooled this time. I know better.

Well, the very next day, my sweet hubby picked up some groceries on the way home from work and he surprised me with two beautiful little primroses. How could I resist? He is so sweet and I knew I wanted some, but I didn't feel so silly since I wasn't the one who bought them, right? They look so beautiful in my kitchen window. They really make me feel happy. When I look at them I know Spring will come eventually; no matter how much snow is still on the ground. They give me hope.
I watered them right away and didn't think much about it. I normally water all my houseplants once a week and that seems to work just fine. But the very next day however, the primroses were starting to wither and yellow. NO! Not again!! :(

Well, I wasn't going to give up yet! I felt the soil and it was dry even though I'd just watered them. I put just a little more water in each one. Within an hour, the primrose perked right up. But the next morning, they were wilted again and there was ice on my window, so I thought it was just too cold for them to thrive. But again, I checked the soil... and it was dry. So I watered them a little more. And they looked great for another day.

This went on for a week or so and finally last Saturday, I was washing dishes and admiring how pretty my little primroses were...WHAT?! Wait a minute, they're usually dead by now. And then, the Spirit washed over me and literally filled my whole body and I saw myself reading my scriptures and remembering how much better I felt on the days I did. I've been trying to read them first thing in the morning EVERY day.

These little flowers were dying, because I wasn't giving them a little bit of water EVERY day. They didn't thrive when I dumped a full glass of water on them once a week. They needed daily nourishment. Just going to church on Sunday isn't enough for my testimony to thrive. I need DAILY nourishment too. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with all this. But for me and my stubborn mind, prideful heart, and young testimony, it was truly AMAZING!! And when I looked closer, I even saw new buds and leaves growing! :) They weren't just surviving, they were thriving and growing! Progressing :)
Alma 32: 37-43 "And behold, as the tree beginneth to grow, ye will say: Let us nourish it with great care, that it may get root, that it may grow up, and bring forth fruit unto us. And now behold, if ye nourish it with much care it will get root, and grow up, and bring forth fruit.

38 But if ye neglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.

39 Now, this is not because the seed was not good, neither is it because the fruit thereof would not be desirable; but it is because your ground is barren, and ye will not nourish the tree, therefore ye cannot have the fruit thereof.

40 And thus, if ye will not nourish the word, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof, ye can never pluck of the fruit of the tree of life.

41 But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life.

42 And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.

43 Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you."

My gift to you

I've been blogging now for about 7 months. It has been a great experience. I have met many new friends and have enjoyed getting to know old friends even better. I've been wondering what I might give all of you for Christmas. I've decided to share with you one of my very favorite stories... I'm not sure where I heard it from. But I know you will love it! Thank you for all of your comments, advice, funny stories, and your examples of faith and obedience. I look forward to a new year: "My life is an uphill climb and I'm going to smile everyday." Merry Christmas!

You may have heard the story before about the woman who goes to a silversmith to watch the process of refining silver. The story goes like this:

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.' (Malachi 3:3) She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?' He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy — when I see my image in it.'
"The greatest man in history had no servants, yet they called him Master. Had no degree, yet they called him Teacher. Had no medicines, yet they called him Healer. He had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today."
(Thank you to the Oldham family for this great quote!)

I hope that we can all slow down this holiday season and take time to feel the true Spirit of Christmas; that we might reflect His love in all that we do and say and think and feel. I hope each of you can have the opportunity to give service and to share the Gospel with someone. I know that our Savior lives and that He knows and loves each of us.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

I just wanted to tell you a bit about my 6 year old daughter, Kaia. She is the Queen of "one-liners." She always says really random and funny things and it makes up for her not-so-funny temper and stubbornness. But alas, I have decided she is just too much like me in that department, so I will forgive her. She can't help it, it's genetic, right? I can't help but admire her feisty-ness. It might come in handy when she gets older.

A few months ago, my Primary class was struggling through the lesson. They were just really silly that day; having a hard time sitting still and keeping quiet and such. So I gave them "3 strikes" each and then I would have to get one of their parents. Guess who was the first one to get 3 strikes? MY DAUGHTER, Kaia, of course! oh man! I was pretty flustered and I was like, "Okay, I'll have to go get your Dad!" ha ha ha

Last week I overheard Kaia telling Zoe, "Look! It's my first chest hair! You gotta come see this!"

Kaia (with a large crepe in her mouth): "I have a cigarette and I know how to use it!" Then she proceeded to take a HUGE bite with powdered sugar puffing out everywhere.

Kaia (with hot pink plastic vampire teeth in her mouth): "You know, Mom, I bet vampires must bite their tongue a lot with these fangs." And Zoe added, "Yeah, maybe that's why they have snake tongues because they bit off the sides..."

Kaia came upstairs crying one day telling me that Gabe was pushing and shoving her out of his room. I went downstairs and asked Gabe what the matter was. He promised me he didn't even touch her, he just wanted to close his door. I didn't realize Kaia was standing behind me and suddenly she said, "Well, it felt like he was pushing me!"

Just the other day, Kaia smiled mischievously and said, "Now I'm going to do some art, but I wish I had some boys to chase..." WHY? "Because that is art, the art of chasing boys!!" Oh man, I'm in trouble.

Kaia was in the bathtub the other night and she was really thinking about something. She sat up and said, "Mom, I want to do something different for my next birthday. You know, something unusual! I want you to fill the bathtub with whipped cream and I want to jump in naked and eat all of it!" I was laughing and said, "Well, I don't know about that." She gets really excited and yells, "Oh yeah, not whipped cream, let's do cake batter!"

Kaia bore her testimony in sacrament about our lost cat, "I pray every night for him to come home and when we find him (with hand on her hip and shaking her finger) "I'm gonna say where have you been and then I'm gonna kiss him until I just can't stop!" As a side note, we had SO many people from our ward tell us they prayed for our cat after hearing Kaia's testimony and we found him after he had been missing for 7 weeks!

The other morning at breakfast, Kaia asked me why our country's bird is the bald eagle. I told her maybe because they are so powerful and majestic. She said, "Well, I think it should have been the turkey, like that Benjamin guy said." She continued eating breakfast and after some deep thought looked up and said, "You know, Mom, maybe he was drunk when he said that!"

And my personal favorite:

Kaia (after seeing her older brother throw up): "Mom, "throw-up" is kind of like salsa, except it has germs in it, right?"

I was taking "beautiful bride" pictures of Zoe and Kaia.
Just as I was about to take the picture, Kaia roared at me!

That's my girl! She is an imp and she is a spit-fire...
oh, how I love her, but she is a handful!

Plastic Surgery...I triple dog dare you!

Going under the knife? Several years ago, someone told me I should have plastic surgery. They said to me right in front of a crowd of people I have a "big nose" and I should get a nose job. Now, I'm not going to lie to you... it literally destroyed any bit of self-esteem I might have had and it took me a long time to get over it. I've always been self-conscious about my nose.

According to the world's standards, I might have a less than "perfect" nose. But then again, I've always been a bit of a non-conformist when it comes to the ways of the world. Looking back, I'm actually thankful I had that experience. It just made me all the more stubborn and firmly resolved that I would NEVER change my nose. God gave me my nose for a reason and I truly believe that. It's me. Zeke says I look "exotic" (I love you, babe!) I think I look like I'm from a foreign country or maybe like one of those old Greek statues...
maybe?... anyway...I'm not actually talking about that kind of plastic surgery.
I'm SO not into that!

I'm talking about something infinitely more important, something that can bring lasting happiness, peace of mind, and financial security. I'm talking about the kind of plastic surgery that Elder Holland and so many other Prophets and Apostles have referred to:

Cutting up our credit cards!!

Elder Holland: "As part of this general financial caution we encourage, if necessary, plastic surgery for both husband and wife. This is a very painless operation: Just cut up your credit cards. Unless you are prepared to use those cards under the strictest of conditions and restraints, you should not use them at all—at least not at high rates of interest. No convenience known to modern man has so jeopardized the financial stability of families, especially young struggling families, like the credit card.

Just as your religion should protect you against immorality and violence and other family tragedies, it will protect you against financial despair as well, if you will let it. Pay your tithes and offerings first. No greater financial protection can be offered you. Then simply budget what is left the rest of that month. Make do with what you have. Do without. Say no. You can hold your head high even if your clothing is not the most stylish nor your home the most regal. You can hold it high for the simple reason that it is not bent or bowed with the relentless burden of debt."

As I was serving in the Young Women organization, I felt very inspired and prompted to complete my Personal Progress. I really wanted to get "My Young Women" excited about Personal Progress. I thought the best way to do that would be by example. Well, it was an awesome life-changing experience to say the least!

One of the requirements was to "live within my means" for 3 months. OUCH! I instantly thought, "yeah right, that's only possible for single people without children, people who aren't in school, people who don't have high-deductible health insurance like we do" and on and on (I was making excuses). I seriously didn't think I'd be able to do it! But I knew if I wanted to receive my YW Recognition Award and show the girls "if I can do it, you can do it" then I would need to follow through and complete every part of the personal progress honestly and to the best of my ability.

So I gave it a try... I talked to Zeke and he was totally on board with it. I have always been the one "in charge" of the money (yeah, no pressure whatsoever, right?) I said a prayer (actually hundreds) and asked Heavenly Father to help us "live within our means" and to have faith. We cut up our credit cards and more importantly for us, we stopped using those stupid convenience checks they send in the mail. Oh, we always needed something. And even now, I have a list a foot long of things we need, but the question is: do we really need them right now? My perspective and the way I do things have completely changed. I have learned a great deal of patience and self-control.

Now I'm going to be honest, this has been one of the most-challenging and stressful years of my life (mostly because I'm suffering the consequences of past choices) but at the same time, this year has been one of THE most strengthening, miracle filled, spiritual, joyful/"peace of mind" kind of years I have ever had. Ever.

Since August 2009, we have not used a credit card for ANYTHING. Not once!
It has brought us the greatest blessings we have ever experienced. The continual peace and confidence we have felt is worth so much more than any fleeting thrill of buying something. We have changed how we do things and gone without some things people think they can't, but we have made our own fun and I think it's brought us closer as a family and made us more grateful for the little things in life. It's been hard, but with Heavenly Father's help, we've done it.
It IS possible!

Now, I know you're thinking of a million "reasons" why you need a credit card. Until last year, I was always making excuses, always justifying our use of credit cards (Zeke's still in school, our insurance premium went up, Zeke got another pay cut at work, the water heater is broken, the dishwasher is broken, doctor bills, Christmas presents, school pictures, or maybe I just don't feel like making dinner, etc, etc, etc.)

What I realized is that all of these excuses are really just a lack of Faith. You may think I'm simple minded, maybe I am, but the Lord has said he would provide for our needs (see 3 Ne. 13:28-34). Do we believe Him? Do we let Him help us? Or do we trust in the "arm of flesh" (see 2 Ne. 4:34) and swipe that little card every time we need an extra $20 for groceries, a tank of gas, or even a new water heater? Zeke and I were laughing about that analogy of trusting in the "arm of flesh"... I'm picturing my flabby "relief society arm" jiggling every time I swipe a credit card through that little machine... it makes me laugh every time!

After getting rid of all of our credit cards and truly living within our means for over a year, I came across a scripture that I don't recall ever reading before (maybe I wasn't ready for it yet): D&C 111:5: "Concern not yourselves about your debts, for I will give you power to pay them." To me, this was Heavenly Father telling me, okay, you're doing your part and now I can do mine. Good job!
I feel a greater peace than I have ever known in my life! I feel confident when I say my prayers and ask Heavenly Father to bless us and specifically to help us financially. I know we are doing our part and He will do His part. (see D&C 82:10)

I've realized that "living within our means" is a gospel principle we can be perfect at. Just like paying tithing, it is something we can either do or NOT do. There's no gray area (not anymore at least). I feel peace knowing that I am being obedient. I feel so grateful when I recognize the blessings that come pouring in because of my choice to "live within my means". We have been overwhelmed and amazed at the incredible miracles that have taken place in our lives this last year or so. Everything began to fall into place as soon as we took that leap of faith, got out our credit cards and did some serious plastic surgery!

Say a prayer and get out your scissors -- I triple dog dare you!!

"If you opt for any other way of life or try to live only the parts of the gospel that seem convenient, such a choice will cheat you of the full, resplendent joy and happiness for which you were designed by our loving Father in Heaven and His Son." -- Marcus B. Nash of the Quorum of the Seventy

That We Might Have JOY

After we went Letterboxing on Saturday, Zeke had to work for "awhile" and the house was busy and loud and full of my children and their friends and lots of dirty dishes and laundry. I just wanted to curl up with my husband and family and watch a movie and forget about how much my children complained about "Mom's Nature Walk" and Zeke's job and Zeke's classes and how much time and gas money I've spent driving around town the last 2 weeks. I felt a little discouraged... don't get me wrong, I am so thankful Zeke has a good job. I am so thankful that he is willing and able to get an education. I am so thankful my children are healthy and life is good for the most part, but why is it so hard? I recall praying to Heavenly Father everyday for the last month: "please help me survive this day, please just help me get through this moment, help me get the kids to bed, help me remember this, help me fix dinner, help me stay awake, help me love my family, etc..."

I feel so overwhelmed as a Mother; I'm ashamed to admit that I always have. It just doesn't come naturally to me. I mean, I love my children more than anything and I would do anything for them and I want them to be happy, but when I hear other Mothers say how much they just "love BEING a Mother" I wonder what's wrong with me... Why don't I feel that way? Where can I find joy like that? There are small moments of joy and maybe I need to focus on those more, but it seems like they have been few and far between lately. I know, I know, I think of the quote from President Hinckley: "Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured."

I know I said this a few posts ago, but Zeke is seriously working almost ALL the time. Right now, it's 9pm and he has been at work since 6am and he's still not home. By the time I get dinner fixed, kids bathed, homework done, dishes and laundry whittled down and such, I am too exhausted to feel joy. How do you do it? Some days I just feel like this isn't what I signed up for. Where can I get a transfer? (just kidding) I find myself wishing my days away and wanting time to pass and I know that is NOT how I should feel.

I know with all my heart and soul I'm supposed to be a stay at home mother... someday, I'll share that experience with you... but now that my oldest is 12... somewhere along the way, I thought things would get a little easier. I thought I'd have some experience and wisdom to draw from (ha ha ha) ... I would be so calm and patient and peaceful and JOYFUL. Why I expected things to get easier I don't know? But I wish it was, even just a little.

Let me remind you, I have a 2 year old boy... need I say more? And NONE of our children have ever been, what would you say "quiet", "calm", "passive", "complacent", "compliant", "normal"? (No, not one! They are all way too much like their parents I'm afraid, especially their mother!)

I'm just tired, I guess. I was really feeling sorry for myself Saturday night after I finally got all the kids to bed. I decided I would read the Ensign for awhile and see if that would help me feel better. You know those days when dinner's over and you want to put the kids to bed at 6pm? Yeah, it was one of those days... but I didn't actually get the kids in bed until about 10pm.

Well, I said my prayers to help me be a better Mother and to find something in the Ensign to help me keep going. I try so hard everyday, but when I fall into bed at night, I feel like a complete failure.

Anyway, I found an article in the September 2010 Ensign that was written just for me. It was!
It's called "That We Might Have Joy" by Andrea Jones. She talks about her struggles as a missionary... but it sounded just like my struggles as a Mother. She went to a Stake Conference seeking "the Joy" that everyone else was feeling. Her mission president spoke about the joy of Christ's redemption that each of us can feel every day. He testified that even during difficult and uncertain times, we can feel joy from understanding the significance of the Savior's Atonement. She said, "The joy I thought I had never experienced was all around me. I just hadn't opened my heart to feel it... since my mission I have come to understand that situations and surroundings have no lasting impact on our ability to feel joy." Wow!

So even though my life is totally CA-RAZY and completely exhausting right now, I can feel joy each day because of the knowledge and testimony I have of the Savior's Atonement. I can endure anything and still have joy knowing that I have a Redeemer. Knowing that I can repent, knowing that doing my best is enough. Somehow when I realized this, everything became so simple. I am so tired everyday, but I want to do my best. Thinking of the Savior and His eternal sacrifice for me makes me want to do more. "...It is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.” (2 Ne. 25:23) Thank Heaven, literally.

PS I just wanted to add how amazing my husband is. Even though he's not home much right now, he is doing things for the good of our family. At the moment, we are kind of stuck in the middle of school and work and he keeps going! He's the one who's really exhausted :( I just woke up this morning and wanted to add this because Zeke is making a huge sacrifice too.

The Reason

You know that great song from Hoobastank,
"The Reason"?
Every time I hear it, I think of Jesus.
I know that might sound silly,
but the words describe exactly how I feel.

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to You
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is You

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is You

Blessings Fulfilled

A couple weeks ago, Zoe wanted to do a Fashion Show and try on lots of clothes and take pictures. She wanted me to be one of her models too. (if I get crazy enough, I'll post some of those pictures too) We had a lot of fun. I got out my wedding dress and Zoe and Kaia both tried it on and we took some pictures.... now, I don't know about you, but if you've ever seen your sweet little daughter wearing your wedding dress and dancing with your wonderful husband/her Daddy.... ok, it makes me get teary-eyed just thinking about it. Anyway, I just look at them and think how blessed we are. The choices Zeke and I have made to be married in the temple and to teach our children about the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I love them so much and I want them to have eternal happiness. I am so thankful for the knowledge we have been given.

Well, it's been a week since my last post and my Dad is doing so much better. He was able to come home yesterday. There have been SO many people praying for him... Thank You! There is great power in prayer. My parents have been through a lot last week, but a good friend of mine, Peggy, said, "Well, did it bring you closer together as a family?" (yes, it did) "Then it was worth it." Wow, it's amazing to look back and see just how true that is. I love and appreciate my parents and family so much more.

And! on Friday, we paid Zeke's tuition for Fall Semester.... what an amazing summer this has been. All of the sacrifice and saving have been well worth it. He will start school on August 30th and will graduate in December!! This December...4 months away!
And just a side note -- we budgeted about $200 for Zeke's books and they ended up costing $70 - TOTAL. The blessings just keep coming and our home and hearts are overflowing. (the home, literally! I never thought we could squish 6 people in here, but we are so blessed!)

Pennies from Heaven! (and tables and chairs :)

Ok, so it's happening.... as you know, we just sold our table for $700.... well, yesterday, I got a check in the mail for $260! My husband's company switched dental insurance this year and our dentist found a mistake in their records because of the switch and reimbursed us for the difference. WOW! Didn't see that one coming...

Malachi 3:10 "Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me know herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it."

Oh, and we were planning to use our fold-out table and chairs until next Spring... well, one of my friends in our ward, told us we could have her old table and chairs for FREEEEE!!! (think of Adam Sandler in Bedtime Stories) :) Thanks, Rachel!!

I am so thankful for the blessings of paying our tithing. I know that Heavenly Father is watching over us.

Busy Bee

Here's some pictures of our trip to Bear Lake last weekend. The water's really high this year, not much beach area. But we had a great time anyway.


Zoe and Beck are in our little cubby shelf thing by the garage... the kids love to climb up there.


And also a picture of Zoe's Halloween dress she's been begging me to make ever since we found the fabric in my storage box a few months ago (it's not going to be that long) She's going to be the Blue Fairy from "Pinocchio". (The fabric we already have is blue, so that's what I suggested she could be, aren't I sneaky?)

Well, I don't know what's up with me, I've just been busy busy lately... I've got this sewing bug and even a yard work bug and cleaning bug (Man, I must be sick, because this is NOT like me!) Maybe I'm finally recovering some energy after being released in May from almost 4 years in Young Women's. If I were pregnant (NO!!!! I'm NOT!) -- I would call all of this energy "nesting" I suppose. It feels good to get a bunch of little things done that I've been neglecting forever and in some cases I've even forgot about. I found two cute shirts of mine in my sewing basket today that have needed mending for so long... I forgot I had them! Wow!! It feels like I have new clothes.

However, I just haven't really been in the mood to blog. Too many thoughts and feelings I don't really want to share with anyone. Too many crazy things going on. I want to be positive and share good things. I've always been a bit of a non-conformist type person. Not quite sure if that's the right word, but I just kinda do my own thing. Every once in awhile I'll meet someone who doesn't mind that about me, but usually people just can't handle it. Well, I'm pretty sure I'm a complete nutter, but what the hey, I have an awesome husband and 4 healthy children to love me anyway. Thanks to my friend, Jill, for the quote: "There is pleasure, sure, in being mad, which none but madmen know!" -John Dryden

We are looking forward to Zeke finishing school in December! We're still hoping and praying for enough money to pay his tuition. We don't have all of it yet, but I have a very good feeling whenever I think or pray about it. I know something will happen to help us get him through school. I'm so thankful for the companionship of the Holy Ghost. It is so wonderful not to be stressed about it.

I also wanted to share another great reminder of the power of prayer and faith. Well, just to set up the story, Zeke gets paid on the 5th and the 20th of every month. Friday was the 16th and well, we're out of money (no biggie, it's just the way it is right now). I've got plenty of food in the house, but I looked at some recipes and thought if I just had some egg noodles, carrots, and mozzarella cheese, I could put together some nice meals until Tuesday. (not those things together necessarily) So, I'm a very straight forward person when it comes to prayer. I knelt down and asked Heavenly Father if I could come up with just enough money for those things I would be fine until payday. Later that day, I went to get the mail and guess what?! Yep, there in the mailbox was a $5 rebate check from a rebate I had sent in months ago and forgot about. Is it a coincidence that it arrived on Friday? I think not!! Jeffrey R. Holland said, "A coincidence is a small miracle in which God chooses to remain anonymous." Thank YOU very much... I went to the store today and got exactly what I wanted. (and free candy for the kids from the bank! SCORE!!) I know that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers.

I also like another quote from Mary Poppins, "Enough is as good as a feast." I am truly thankful for the desire we have had to follow the prophet and "live within our means". It has been a great blessing in our family. We are so happy for little things and we are so good at not spending money. Try it, it's harder than you think, but I promise you that the peace that comes with it is priceless!

I'm rambling... I should be going through my Primary lesson..... ok, that's why I've got all of this energy to do OTHER things... it's called PROCRASTINATION... now if that's not the best motivator to do anything but the thing you're supposed to be doing, I don't know what is :) Hope you're all having a FABULOUS summer!

Overwhelmed... with Gratitude

Had a great time last night. I went to a Luau for the Laurels and Priests in our Stake. Even though I'm not in Young Women's anymore, I was invited because my sweet hubby is in the Stake YM. We watched the movie, "Forever Strong", it's based on the true story of the Highland, Utah Rugby team. I've seen it many times... and I love it every time I watch it. Afterwards, Zeke and a couple other people spoke to the youth. The Spirit was so strong. I felt so happy. I thought of my life way back in 1993... I am so "LUCKY" to be here. But luck has nothing to do with it. I was spared for some reason... I often wonder why.

To make a very long story short: My friends and roommates at Snow College were so influential to me and the beginnings of my testimony. I will be forever grateful to my wonderful roommate, Jen (Edwards) Mortensen. I owe her my life. I really do. I was LOST (and that is an enormous understatement!) She was the one who invited me to church with her... and she was not embarrassed to have me come with her and sit by her... even though EVERY head in the chapel spun around and stared the first time I walked in.

I remember finding a Bible that my old Sunday School teacher had given to me (thanks, Brother Swan), opening it (probably for the first time ever, really!) and thinking, Jen's so happy, I want to be happy, I want to have what she has, I wonder if this is really what it's all about. I'm going to find out... I randomly turned to Matthew 11: 28-30... and the words literally glowed and jumped right off the page: "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." This one scripture changed my life forever... I knew what I needed to do, I knew where I could find peace and hope and joy...

In 1994, I went to a fireside at Snow College and heard a song from Michael Webb that told my story so well,

Once I was blind
I could not see the Truth
I had lost the vision of my youth
And the line between wrong and right
became cloudy and blurred with time
and the darkness swallowed the Light
once I was blind

Once I was deaf
the world and all it's noise
filled my mind
and I could not hear His voice
whispering in my ear
Oh, I heard what I chose to hear
I gave no heed
I thought I knew best
once I was deaf

But He healed me
He opened my eyes and ears
and He changed me
erasing the scars of years
and now my heart understands
and I am whole again

Once I was lame
crippled and bent with sin
my crooked feet refused to follow Him
I let go of the rod and staff
and I stumbled right off the path
falling down, falling away
once I was lame

But He healed me
He opened my eyes and ears
and He saved me
and carries me through the years
Finally my heart understands
and I am whole again
I can see
I can hear
I can walk
I will run to Him.

I am so thankful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I just woke up this morning feeling so thankful and I wanted all of you to know why. It really is that AWESOME :)