Following in their Mother's "blogsteps"

Okay, so you may have noticed there are two new blogs on my profile:

Ask the Kat  (Kaia's blog)

and 

Fairy Tails and Mermaid Wings (Zoe's blog)

My sweet daughters have been watching me blog for years now and just last month decided they wanted to start their own blogs, so we did. Right now, I'm the administrator on them and we just figured out how to add Zoe as a contributing author. So the blogs are a work in progress for sure.

I'm really excited for them to have this creative outlet. They both love writing and they both have HUGE imaginations. It's been fun to help them get these blogs going. If you have a minute, go check them out -- I know they would just LOVE a comment or two.

My girls... :) Zoe (left) and Kaia (right)

Friends and Flylady to the rescue! Oh, and an ICE BUN!

Alright, since my last post about de-cluttering and not mending everything, I've been feeling a lot better about the whole situation.

For one thing -- I signed up for FLYLADY emails again. She's like a personal online coach for organizing and taking control of your life. I've been going through spurts of following her suggestions off and on since, oh, 2001? I think. Whenever I'm following her "flight plan" I ALWAYS feel better and my house looks better and feels better too. You should seriously check her out! It's really easy to do AND well, easy not to do, and that is my problem. I need to stick to it. Her daily emails can be quite overwhelming at first, but most of them are just testimonials and I don't always read all of them -- you'll soon figure out which ones you need to read. Here's my (super fancy) Flight Plan for each day. I took the Flylady's suggestions and modified it a bit to my needs:

Also, several friends on Facebook gave me some really good suggestions to help tackle the clutter and excess in my house. My friend, Tawnya, sent me this great article about the "time cost" of our stuff and it really hit home. The minimalist lifestyle is really big right now -- a lot of it is just TOO much for me to process, but like Tawnya suggested, you can study up on it and find a "comfortable spot" for your family. :) I like that. Like a thoughtful spot?? Ahhhh.

My friend, Sharon, (I'm quoting you, ok???) said:  "I came to a similar revelation within the last year - just how much time I spend managing all my stuff. I move it, I organize it, I clean it, I fix it all because WHY would I get rid of something that I might need someday?? I've been just purging through stuff like crazy and the things I've realized is 1) We have way more stuff than anyone needs 2) I have NOT missed anything 3) I use the stuff I keep a lot more because I can find it and have time to use it and 4) It gets easier to let go the more you do it."  

This was great for me to hear --- I can do it, I can do it. I especially LOVE #3. Everyone suggested, including my dear friend, Maggie, that I should start with clothes.

SO, Monday got crazy -- LOTS of kids here playing and me trying to focus on the kitchen (keeping my sink clean and shiny is one of the Flylady's best secrets). When I'm consistent with it, my house IS "magically" much neater. I wonder why? I think it's like the broken window effect -- but inside. When the family sees the kitchen undone (including me) they're much more likely to leave out this or pile up that. It's true. SHINE YOUR SINK EVERY DAY! (Meaning, you have to have ALL of your dishes washed so you can actually get to the bottom of your sink to clean it!)

Tuesday -- well, on Tuesday, we got a PIANO, but that's another story. (We're keeping it here for a friend for a long while and I'm just thrilled!) Thank you, Debbie!

So, Tuesday, we attacked the kids closets and dressers. I guess I should take pictures. It felt really good. We didn't get rid of a whole LOT (since we just moved in April and I'd gone through stuff), but we organized everything and the kids got to decide what clothes they like the most. I also made labels (really fancy with painters tape, ha ha) to put on their drawers.

Anyway, it made me feel REALLY good. It was actually fun! Kaia always enjoys this because she gets Zoe's hand-me-downs -- but then, we have to go through her things again. I'm feeling better: I have a plan and I have great friends and family -- there isn't anything else I need, right? Well, maybe some GUMPTION.

Let me just say: I can't believe how BIG my children are getting! Time is flying by....

I'm VERY proud of them -- we had a really good last week of summer and first day of school.

Gabe and I were at the highschool on Monday picking up his schedule. When we were crossing the road, Gabe said, "Wait, Mom, don't cross yet, didn't you see that truck?" I just looked over at him and smiled and he said, "Well, I don't want anything to happen to you, I kinda like you."  MADE MY DAY FOREVER! Yep. 

Oh, and this is really random, but SO awesome, I wanted to share: During June, Beck played T-ball and we were always SO HOT watching his games. One day, Zoe decided to take an ice cube out of the cooler and put it in her bun. GENIUS. It has been my go-to hairdo for anything outside this summer and definitely for yard work. Seriously, it really helps keep you cool and it doesn't melt for quite awhile. I took a picture of Zoe's "ICE BUN" to show you -- the ice is the white circle in the middle, but in reality, we usually bury it completely inside and close to our head. Try it! (I really REALLY don't like to be hot.)

Funny how it's almost September and since we moved in April, I've completely lost track of my 2013 Mantra: Balance, Exactness, Focus.

Well, it's never too late to start. At the end of every Flylady email, she says: "You are not behind! I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump in where we are. O.K.?" 

Let's GO!

Brain Dump... Deja vu? Wait... a BREAKTHROUGH!

I think I already have a post somewhere titled, "Brain Dump".

I shouldn't blog sometimes, really. Today I woke up in a bit of a funk.

My mind is SO full. SO FULL.

There is just SO much to do, so much to remember, so much to plan, so much to even think about.

Not to mention all of the "stuff" that happens everyday that I don't expect or can't plan for... let's not even go into the crazy of all that!

I used to be better at taking one thing at a time and then, moving on to the next.

I'm not sure if I've lost that ability OR if there's just SO much to do... my brain is ready to explode. Seriously. I sit down to make a to-do list and I can vaguely decipher a flow of activity somewhere in the back of my brain. Much like a blender swirling with words and phone numbers and check lists and fuzzy clouds of ??? Just LOTS of fuzz really.

At the front of my brain, the part that is formulating and typing these words at this moment, there is just a clear, resounding FUZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Like a low hum or a white noise that purposely? or thankfully? blocks out all of the swirling blender stuff. I can't seem to turn the FUZZ off any more.

Problem is: I desperately need to dive into that blender and deal with some of that stuff!

I woke up spouting off my to-do list to my husband this morning in between deep sighs of frustration and stress. Ever patient (patiently?), he listens and always has a good (if not always logical) strategy to attack my day. He's not a stay-at-home mom (obviously), so he just doesn't really get it, but he sure tries.

Today, however, I think he said something rather profound. I won't bore you with my BOOK of things I need to do/should do/could do/want to do/really have to do, because I know you have your own. Maybe our books are rather similar? Maybe not? Either way. Life is busy. Life as a mother at any phase, age, or number of children is BUSIER than ever.

Zeke was standing in our closet trying to get ready to go to work (bless his heart!) as I'm purging and pleading and well, basically, whining. We were talking about building more shelves in our closet, because, you know, that's what everyone needs right after they move into a bigger house, right? Seriously though, shelves for HIS clothes, because I have a huge basket and two boxes FULL of things that need to be mended and they're taking over our closet. What?? Yeah, it's embarrassing and rather ridiculous.

It's not that I don't mend -- I do -- every couple of months I take a day and just mend stuff. My kids usually end up wanting to sew something right along with me, which is good, but my overall progress is greatly diminished, but hey, I have kids that like to sew. That's a good thing in my book.

Anyway, the mending basket mysteriously multiplies overnight. Really! Just when I think I've made a dent, it's full again just a few days later.

Is it obvious to everyone, but me? Zeke simply said, "Don't mend. Just don't. In the grand scheme of things, mending does NOT matter. The kids have plenty of clothes. Prioritize what they really need and THROW THE REST AWAY." Isn't he a genius??

Inside though, I instantly recoiled at the thought... THROW THE REST AWAY????? What the? I can't.... WASTE something??? How do I define WASTING something? How can Zeke say that and be okay with it? It sounded SO lovely, SO simple, SO right. But.... THROW THE REST AWAY? I want to feel that way too.

For months (YEARS), I've been praying about how I can get it all done and how I can feel LESS stress. I've been thinking all morning about what Zeke said as I've been watering our lawn and doing laundry (YEAH, there's a wake-up call). Don't laugh, but I think I seriously have a hard time getting rid of stuff or just the idea of wasting stuff. I'm not sure if I've always been this way. Our house certainly isn't overflowing or anything, but the things I do to save stuff or get the good out of stuff *might* be considered a bit overboard by other people.

I mend clothes and blankets and things until they're literally falling apart between the seams! Among other things, I use THE ABSOLUTE LAST DROP of everything. Toothpaste, syrup, lotion, ketchup, etc. I know it drives my family crazy. It should. It's silly. I have bottles of stuff in the fridge and in the bathrooms turned upside down with the threat, "Don't throw that away yet, there's still some left!" SILLY!

What about the TIME I'm wasting saving those little things and making room for them? What I'm really doing is WASTING my time. My time is so precious. I can't buy time. I got mad at Kaia yesterday for throwing away a half-eaten apple. Yes, I totally agree we shouldn't waste food, but seriously over-reacted for sure. It's just an apple. She's my sweet daughter. I'm embarrassed to even tell you that.

You know, I go through a blog famine here and there and whenever I start again, I always feel so much better. It's very therapeutic. I hope my life of learning things the hard way helps someone else avoid my mistakes in the first place.

Today, I'm going to pray REALLY hard to let go of things that do not matter. Today, I'm going to try really hard to get rid of some things in my house. I'm especially going to re-evaluate my mending basket.

I read somewhere recently about getting rid of 5 things everyday for 5 days and doing that each month. Even little things. I'm going to try it.

P.S. Zeke, I love you more than anything... you are my DENSITY.

The end is near...

The end of summer, that is.

This summer has been a BLUR! Good and Bad and Crazy and calm??? Actually, I don't remember much of it being calm, but overall, it's been a good summer. We survived and for the most part, we're still smiling.

School starts in a week. My kids excitement level decreases greatly as their age increases.

Beck is starting Kindergarten -- he is SO excited, he can hardly sleep! He asks me everyday, "How many more days until I can go to school?" He talks about it all day long.

Kaia is starting 4th grade -- she's excited to see her friends, meet her new teacher, go the school library,  and of course, go to recess!

Zoe is starting 7th grade -- she's excited to see her friends, sort of...

Gabe is starting 10th grade -- he's... um, "school, what? at least I got new shoes, right?"

I'm excited, I am. I'm not gonna lie. It's time. We've had a good time together going to the park and the library and swimming lessons and playgroup and the splash pads. We've spent a lot of the time organizing and enjoying our new house. We rode the bus one day just for "fun". (It was fun for about the first 5 minutes, but it was an adventure!) We made a fire pit in our backyard and have enjoyed roasting marshmallows and string cheese and grasshoppers and...  yeah. We have improved their cooking skills (their request) and cleaning skills (MY request). And we have done a LOT of yard work, but I've really enjoyed it.

I'm not a big fan of the sun. In fact, I really don't like it at all. It makes me very ill every time I go out in it for more than, well, about 5 minutes. Really. So that's hard to work around. My kids have learned to adapt. We stay in the shade or we don't go outside. We've been playing board games quite a bit this summer -- strange, I know, but it's been fun. Our favorites? Monopoly and Killer Bunnies (I'm using the term "favorites" VERY loosely).

Our favorite inside activity though, would have to be reading. We've cuddled up with more than a few books this summer. Well, my kids have. I can't seem to focus... I've been working on "The Lost Hero" by Rick Riordan nearly all summer and I just finished it last week. It's really good -- it just isn't captivating? I don't know what's happened to me... I used to LOVE LOVE LOVE a good YA Sci-Fi/Fantasy. I still do, but I find myself being drawn to memoirs and even just fictions that are a bit more realistic. Huh. I hope I'm not growing up too much... maybe it's a phase...well, I'm forcing myself to plow through "Son of Neptune" and on through that series. My kids love that one -- they're waiting for me to catch up so we can discuss it. :) Awwww.

We also did our traditional Summerfest day (arts festival) and Cache County Fair adventure. 

I think this ride was called "Dizzy Dragons" or something... so fun! Beck is on the far right, with Kaia next to him, and our friend Monique next to Kaia. (Random girl next to Monique... Beck says she is their new best friend. Ok.)

Oh, one more VERY important thing to note:

This is a CHURRO... the really YUMMY kind from the fair. My friend, Rose, and her family makes them. Rose is Monique's mom. This one has dulce de leche filling (like caramel, but WAY BETTER.)

And this IS Churro (He found his way to our house and well... he's just too adorable.) 

He's our newest family member.

The kids and I think his fur looks like it's sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar and his eyes are truly the color of dulce de leche. (I need to post a picture of his eyes). Yep, it's official, we're crazy. 

And it's official: We have the legal limit of cats per household in our city. 4. 

4 kids, 4 cats -- my kids think we are now complete.

More on summer later...

Time to organize a few more drawers and boxes before school starts (as in, I really need to find my social security card -- I'm teaching preschool this Fall -- I start next week! -- and my employer needs a copy of it.)

It's "MEOW or NEVER" (saw that on Facebook!)

P.S. Kaia chose my new background -- it really goes with our houseful of CATS! It's kinda hurting my eyes, but I'll keep it for awhile.

We're really just a couple of psychos playing 'house'

Not sure why, but my blog famine is possibly coming to an end.

I just have more to say than I feel like posting on a Facebook status. You know, I took a month long vacation from Facebook back in February/March and it was rather lovely. I don't like Facebook. Once I get on, I get sucked in... it's just so, so... I don't know exactly, but I always come away from it feeling rather depressed.

My mind is ALWAYS so full it is utterly exhausting.

We've been in our new house a month and two days now. It's been a blur.

Favorite things about my house? The pantry and the bathtub and all of our wonderful new neighbors! :)

I've noticed that I feel more settled here when I'm doing mundane and random things... mending clothes, making soup, bathing my kids...

I know it's very cliche and rather ridiculous of me to say NOW rather than a month or a year ago, but it REALLY and truly does NOT matter where you live. It will not magically change your life. I didn't think it would. I just think some people think it does. The trick is to make the most of what you have, you know, "bloom where you're planted" and all that.

Okay, so each of our kids have their own rooms... do they still have trouble going to sleep at night? YES. Do they still have trouble getting along? YES.

I do love our kitchen... lots of room to move around and be together and not in each other's way. :)

There are changes going on in our family that have nothing to do with where we live, but what is going on in our lives. We are together and we are learning and growing -- that will happen anywhere. What a journey it has been!

All I know is I'm tired and I can't sleep very well here yet... it doesn't quite feel like home yet and I'm not sure why...

I think moving in the middle (or really during the last month) of school has made it very difficult. So many transitions, but still lots of homework and a busy schedule.

I'm looking forward to summer. I want to sleep in and well, just sleep.

I want to plant a tree or twelve. I miss my trees... so much.

Last weekend, Zeke's Aunt and Uncle came to visit us (Gosh, we've been married 17 years, I suppose they are MY Aunt and Uncle too! :) The first in our family to come see the new house. It felt good to have family here. It felt a little more like home. They are so wonderful and inspiring. They always make us feel better about ourselves and our efforts.

Barb and Clyde, I love you both SO much. Thank you for coming to see us and being so good to us! (and of course I forgot to take pictures)

My favorite quote of the week, possibly of the YEAR (I'm not kidding) is when Zeke told Barb and Clyde that "we're really just a couple of psychos playing 'house'". It's true. More than anyone will ever know.

I love you, Zeke. I'm so thankful to have you along for this crazy ride. :)

P.S. Here's a picture of the cute fruit basket, goodie display/holder thingy Barb and Clyde gave to us as a house-warming gift. It was filled with yummy treats, but this is AFTER my children got to most of them.

Rely on the Lord

Have you noticed I haven't been blogging this week? Yeah... it's been a crazy week. I think I say that more than I don't so it doesn't really mean anything. (Reminds me of the "Incredibles" when the Mom says, "Everyone's special, Dash." and Dash says, "Which is another way of saying no one is." Yeah, I'm way off...) 

The younger kids are in bed. We celebrated Friday in style eating lots of ice cream and watching, "Ramona and Beezus." It has to be one of my new favorite movies. My Mom sent it to us for a Valentine's surprise. I was surprised how much I really enjoyed it. It just felt real. It made me laugh and cry and laugh and cry some more. Kaia is SO much like Ramona. I always felt like Ramona when I was growing up.

Zeke and my oldest son, Gabe, are sleeping in snow caves somewhere up the canyon with the Scouts... why they do this I will never understand, but they enjoy it.

So now comes the hard part. The house is quiet and I am "alone". Well, not really alone, the cats are sleeping nearby, but the house is SO quiet. TOO quiet. No more distractions to keep my mind busy.

What a week and what a finale! Crazy house stuff: flooring choices, meetings with all the builders and "big wigs", deadlines and delays, a broken window, and not-so-thorough bricklayers. Poor Beck has a double ear infection which means we didn't get much sleep, Parent/Teacher Conferences for Kaia and Gabe, my husband and I were so busy we barely saw each other at all. Oh, and one of our cats has been sick and had to go to the vet and the engine light on our van keeps coming on and we can't figure out why... almost sounds like the lyrics to a REALLY bad country song.

We tried to go out for dinner last night and it was a bit crazy. I was worn out, because of all of the above and more, physically and emotionally. Well, it wasn't the best Valentine's Day ever, but it wasn't the worst; after all, we did have sushi! Then, to top it off, I got sick later that night -- I've never gotten sick from sushi. Well, that won't stop me from eating it again!!

Today is a blur.

Before I put the kids to bed, we read a little verse and quote from "Stand a Little Taller" by Gordon B. Hinckley. It was the perfect quote and scripture for today. My heart needed it.

RELY ON THE LORD

"And by hearkening to observe all the words which I, the Lord their God, shall speak unto them, they shall never cease to prevail until kingdoms of the world are subdued under my feet, and the earth is given unto the saints, to possess it forever and ever." Doctrine & Covenants 103:7

"The Lord has given you this glorious Church. His Church, to guide you and direct you, to give you opportunity for growth and experience, to teach you and lead you and encourage you, to make of you His chosen daughter or son, one upon whom He may look with love and with a desire to help. Of course there will be some problems along the way. There will be difficulties to overcome. But they will not last forever. He will not forsake you." ~ Gordon B. Hinckley

SO close, yet so far away

Hi friends, I'm on quilting quest today. You know the quilt I was supposed to finish on January 26th? Well, it's not done yet. I'm determined to make some progress today in spite of a million and one things keeping me from it.

Last week I decided it looked so much better to "hand-quilt" around the flower appliques... it's going to take awhile, but the results will be worth it.  

Sew like the wind!!!!!

After all, it IS on her to-do list.

Here's Kaia. She made this picture of herself on her digital camera. She is quite the imp!

We were sitting in church on Sunday and Kaia was making notes in her "secret" binder and crossing off things from her to-do list. Here's the cover:

Kaia's Binder: Keep Out (for all except me)

I believe that's a stick of dynamite going into someone's mouth (that's a pretty fair warning!)

 I couldn't help looking over to see what she's been up to -- I laughed so hard tears were streaming down my face. She is SO funny... but she's not trying to be funny, she is SERIOUS.
I had to take a picture of it! 

This is her daily To-Do list: (my comments are in parentheses) 

1. Play with cats  (that's what all of us do about 70% of the time)

2. Eat breakfast/Get dressed

3. Pester Zoe

(HA! I laughed right out loud in sacrament.. Oh, if you only knew. I don't think she needs to write this down to remember to do it, but she may actually be keeping track of her "progress". Poor Zoe.)

4. Play with Toys (right now this is usually Polly Pockets :)

5. Watch a movie

6. Do what Mom wants me to 

(Aww, this made me cry a little. She struggles a bit and I'm glad she is trying.)

7. Eat lunch

8. Play with balloons 

(Okay, she bought a package of balloons with her allowance and well, they are all over the house. I even found some filled with water!)

9. Do stuff 

(Okay, good, as long as you're doing something... I only wonder just exactly what "stuff" this is???)

10. Play with cats (Again, this is a big deal at out house :)

11. Eat dinner

12. Watch a movie (Yeah, we like movies)

13. Eat dessert (That's my girl!)

14. Scriptures/get ready for bed 

(This is our nightly routine -- hopefully she's getting something out of it.)

15. Go to bed

16. Read 

(I LOVE that she wrote this AFTER "Go to Bed"... and man, doe she read!! I've gone down to check on her at midnight on a school night and sometimes she's STILL reading!)

I love you, Kaia Bear. 

You're probably a bit too much like me, sweetie. I'm so proud, but watch out world!

Anonymous with a side a STINK!

I don't even know what that title means, but it felt good to type it, so I'm leaving it there. This is not a happy post, friends. You have been warned.

Seriously. I had it all worked out this morning, well, in my head at least.  I was going to start a new blog, an anonymous blog. A blog where I could TRULY vent and tell it like it is. I had a really pitiful name for it and dozens of things I couldn't wait to post about. The thought is still swirling, but the fear of someone finding out who's writing all of these horrible "woe is me" and "this just chaps my hide" kind of posts keeps me from doing it. Yep, you can say it, I'm a chicken.

Can you even create an anonymous blog? I'm sure you can... but I'm sure there's a way you can track down the person who wrote it. I don't trust the cyber world.

I didn't know if "wo", was spelled "wo" or "woe", so I googled it. Did you know that "Woe is me" is a is an American Electro Post-Hardcore band from Atlanta, Georgia.??? Wow, I'd better check them out... ha.

Anyway, today is the day I've been waiting for sort of. The day I knew was coming, but I just didn't know exactly when. The last few weeks things have been going so good. All the kids are healthy, we're building a beautiful new home, Zeke has a great job, I have awesome friends and family, life is just so good, right? I kept thinking something bad was going to happen. I'm not trying to be negative or pessimistic (maybe I am and I just don't realize it), but when things are "up" for so long... there has to be a "down", you know, "opposition in all things" and stuff like that. I just felt like I needed to be prepared.

The really terrible thing is nothing earth-shattering or truly terrible has HAPPENED, I'm just having a really bad day. There I said it. You know when you cry a little and you tell yourself, "Okay, chill, the kids are going to worry and your mascara will be ruined." (I tell myself that a lot) Well, today isn't one of those days. Today I cried so much I had snot dripping down my face and there's no trace whatsoever of the mascara that was there at 8am. Yeah. Woe is me.

You know, the thing that really bugs me is someone once said I'm a "woe is me" kind of person. That  has been a very hard pill to swallow. I don't think they really know me.... most days I'm really upbeat and fine... and yet, it seems like just under the surface is ME. There's probably some truth to that and that's what makes it so hard. The me that freaks out over "nothing", the me that sometimes I just bite my tongue and put up with stuff so long when I finally can't take it anymore I completely lose it and crumple for awhile. The sad thing is, the "crumple for awhile" seems to last longer than it used to.

Okay, so here's the deal. I had my DUMB yearly visit to the OB-GYN this morning. I won't bother taking the time to link to all of my other posts about that, but I think it's fair to say I hate going to the OB-GYN a bit more than your average woman.

Don't worry, everything "looks" fine. Seriously though, what does that mean? How can your cervix LOOK fine. You know, it bugs me so much, because well, for one thing, I can't see for myself. And if I did, I wouldn't know what to look for. I get SO COMPLETELY freaked out on the days leading up to my check-up and clear until I hear the results back on the pap smear.... and even then I worry if they did it right.

Then, add to that the EMBARRASSMENT. I might be neurotic in this sense, but I HATE that check up! Oh man, I hate it SO bad! I feel so violated. I feel so awful. I hate the random chit-chat the Dr. tries to engage you in while they're basically groping and grabbing and poking and prodding and EW! I can't imagine why I even go... but I know it's important. Blah. It's done. Hopefully for another year.

I thought going to a female OB-GYN would help a little. I don't remember last year being quite so bad, but today was AWFUL. Commence the crying. At least I waited until I got in the car...

And then. THEN! This "building a house" thing. Yes, it's exciting and fun and cool and such a blessing, but it can be SO stressful. So incredibly stressful. It has been part of my every day life for over 7 months now. The builder and realtor and owner of the subdivision DO NOT communicate with each other very well. Sometimes I wonder if they communicate at all.  So we end up hearing two or three different versions of everything and we're supposed to magically "know" which is the right one, because: 1) We can read their minds. 2) We've built a house before so we know things.

Well, since NEITHER of those things are true, I almost always feel "in the dark" about stuff. I thought we'd come to an agreement or arrangement of things from here on out. I won't bore you with all of the details before, but basically, I've just wasted about 6 hours of my personal time (which is such a precious thing to begin with). I have got to chill and just let go and chalk it up to experience and just count it towards the whole process.

One person told me to go pick out our flooring wherever, so I did. I thought the other two people knew of this and were in agreement. I mean, as in, I told one of them on the phone this is what I'm doing... Oh my. There are some people that I struggle with. Whoa. I've researched and called and visited several different flooring stores looking for the best quality I can get for the flooring budget we were given. (Which isn't much!) You know, I just feel like people don't listen.

Anyway, now, today, after all of that, I've been told, "No, actually we need to have you go through a specific place and we'll just give you some choices from there..." ARGGGGGHHH!!! Really? You couldn't tell me that a week ago... um, when I asked you? Do you have any idea the time I have spent looking for flooring? The things I could've been doing instead? Yeah, it's all water under the bridge, really. I know. I know. Blah.

Poor me, we're building a house and I wasted time looking for flooring when I didn't need to. It's just so hard. I feel so lost and Zeke is so busy, I feel like I'm basically doing it all on my own. I just want to be done with all the phone calls and emails.

I will say though, I found a really good deal within our budget and I've learned a lot about flooring and about service and people. "All these things shall give thee experience and shall be for they good..."

And then there's the email shortly thereafter stating our leftover budget for upgrades and what we've used so far... um, yeah. The communication thing isn't going so well. I'll spare you the gory details, but we were told we had a certain amount left when in reality that amount is the total amount before any of the upgrades have been deducted. Does that make sense? Basically, even an extra outlet costs $$$ and it just goes up from there. It's been hard to come to an agreement on wants vs. needs with everyone involved. I'll just leave it at that.

We're okay. Our loan amount will cover it, but it's just more. Not just more $$$, but more paperwork with the builders and me feeling like I have to beg them to let me upgrade this or that and apologize all the while.  I just want it to be done. I want to unpack all of these boxes and not ever utter the phrase, "Sorry, it's still packed" to anyone EVER again. I'm just so tired.

I just want to say so much more and sometimes I really think it would be great to have an anonymous blog to do all that. But I don't want to dwell on the negative. We are so blessed. I just feel so darn angry some times. Neglected and ignored and overworked and "under-demeciated" and yeah, "woe is me". Did I tell you how ornery teenagers can be sometimes? (Mom, forgive me please, I was THE worst teenager ever!)

Do you ever feel alone? Just SO alone. In a crowd of people. In the middle of your noisy house with all of your family and cats. I still feel so alone sometimes. I'm just so convenient and reliable. I'm not interesting or exciting.

I have this dream of living on a farm somewhere and Zeke and I could be school teachers or owners of a bookstore or bakery or something like that and we could raise chickens and have four-wheelers and well, live right up the street from my Mom. We're just SO busy, but it's a different kind of busy. You farmers correct me if I'm wrong, I could be completely delusional as far as that goes. We're just running everywhere all the time and Zeke is rarely home. It's interesting to see the older kids "need" me less and less. They "want" me less. Oh, I need to stop. I just feel sad today. I think I'm just tired.

I think it's Satan working on me. I'm teaching a YW (Young Women) lesson on Sunday and well, whenever I'm preparing for something spiritual like that, I really get tested and tried as far as my faith and patience and strength to do what I've been asked to do. I'm serving in the Stake YW and I seem to be teaching or speaking at least once a month or more, so I'm feeling much more unsettled and tested than I did in the past. Again, "All these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good... right?"

Did I tell you my OB-GYN was asking about our house and I think she lives down the street from me?? Yuck. There's just some things I don't want people to know about me. Those things. Like, when she sees me now will she picture me naked (and laugh!)??? Oh, gosh. Okay, I'm crying again. Man, that really threw me off today.

My friend and I were watching "Groundhog Day" on Saturday (cool, huh?) and we were just talking about what that would really be like, to live the same day over and over again. She said all you can really take with you is your relationships and your knowledge. I just keep thinking about that. We were getting too deep and I think it was annoying our husbands (Zeke, at least). After all, it is Bill Murray!

I just wish there was more time to invest in things that truly matter. I wish I could change things. I wish things could be more simple. I wish I didn't have to go to the OB-GYN once a year, but I do and it's okay. It could be worse...

We are so blessed in SO many way. I'm amazed. I don't feel worthy of our blessings. We have been so healthy for months now -- that is an absolute miracle.

Today is a day when ice cream or flowers or a good book just won't cut it.  I want my Mom. And you know, when I say that, I immediately feel guilty. I think of my nieces and nephew and their Mom (my sister) who's up in heaven. I'm sorry guys, forgive me. My mom is still here, but oh how I wish I could visit her today. I always wonder how you feel on days like this? I hope I can be there for you if you ever need a shoulder to cry on.

Sometimes I wish I was a little kid again. When Zeke comes home from work, all the kids want him and need him. Hugs and help with homework and all that, I think I get jealous sometimes... by the time he gets to me, well, he doesn't. I'm usually in bed before he and Gabe go to bed. They need their Daddy. I need a date!

Wow, I'm a mess. A pathetic baby of a mess today. It's just been lots of things building and then coming to a head all at once. I'm just leaving this up here. I need to put it into words and get it out.

Thanks for the bit of sunshine today: Jessica, Lora, and Shauntae. Your phone calls and texts made me happy. :) Thank goodness for friends.

Lime Sherbet

Lime Sherbet

1 package (3 ounces) lime gelatin or flavor of your choice

1 cup sugar

1 cup boiling water

2 Tbsp lemon juice

1-1/2 tsp grated lemon peel (This really adds flavor!)

4 cups cold milk

In a bowl, dissolve gelatin and sugar in boiling water. Add lemon juice and peel. Whisk in milk; mix well. Pour into and ungreased 9-inch square pan. Cover and freeze for 2 hours.

Transfer to a mixing bowl; beat for 2 minutes. Return to the pan. Cover and freeze for 1 hour; stir. Freeze 1 hour longer or until firm (mine took about 2 hours). Let stand for 10 minutes before serving.

Makes 8 servings. 

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I found this recipe in an old cookbook of mine. It's great for a homemade treat -- I had all the ingredients in my pantry and it was very easy to make. I made it on a day we were all home and I just set my kitchen timer when I needed to stir it and such. We were really surprised how good it tasted. I think it would be fun to try other flavors too. :)