"All these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good..."

Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-9 "And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?...therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever."

Well, I'm still here, barely. Now, I'm not saying my life is that hard... times have been much harder for sure... but what a weekend!

So Zeke got home Wednesday afternoon...

Gabe watched the kids for us while we went to Zeke's work party... first party with the new company... it will take some time to adjust. I didn't know anyone and all the employees talked about work the whole time. They served us a yummy dinner, but it tasted way too salty to me. I didn't even like the chocolate raspberry cheesecake! Yeah, I think I was starting to get sick that night... I just felt off.

Here's a rundown of our Christmas via Facebook (bear with me... my head feels like it weighs 30 pounds at least):

Dec. 23rd: well, thanks "SC", for a Merry Christmas :) and here we are... Kaia AND Zoe are both sick now... C'est la vie...

Dec. 24th: Dear friends and neighbors... please know that we love you and thank you for all the goodies and gifts... this year we will give you a gift of NOT giving you our germs... this morning we are ALL sick (except for Zeke). You don't want this bug, I promise.

Dec. 24th: looks like the Tooth Fairy will have to hitch a ride with Santa tonight...

Dec. 25th: Merry Christmas everyone! I am so thankful for my family and for our Savior Jesus Christ and for Ibuprofen.:)

Dec. 25th: okay, so we all have colds... but Zoe is coughing up blood... any ideas what could be going on? I'm thinking bronchitis? do I need to take her right in? or can it wait until Monday?

Dec. 25th: thanks everyone, Zeke and Zoe are home. Dr. said her lungs are clear for now. He said her throat is very raw and inflamed; could be causing the bleeding. He gave her a steroid to help with the inflammation. We have to take her back to the Dr. on Monday to make sure there's no infection/pneumonia. Dr. said Zoe probably just has a nasty virus. Well, it could be worse, right? :)

Dec. 26th: I think I'm done... last night, Beck got THE worst nose bleed I've ever seen... he was even bleeding out of his tear ducts... that was before he threw up all the blood the ran down his throat...okay, so if you want to start the bidding for the movie rights.... we just need a title... I'm sure it will be a big money maker....

Yesterday, Zeke's Mom stopped by to say HI.
Oh, Patty, thank you for coming!! and thank you for the great presents!

It finally felt like Christmas! I sure hope she doesn't get sick. Gabe is the only one with a fever still. We're getting better, but it's going to take awhile. And by some amazing miracle, Zeke hasn't got sick...yet. I think Zoe was the sickest so far. Poor girl. I'll put up more pictures later...

Beck and Kaia are lovin' the Zhu Zhu pets...

Beck got a Hot Wheels garage...

I am so thankful for prayer. I know I've prayed a lot before, but this weekend is definitely in the top 10. Beck's nosebleed just about did me in. It was one of THE scariest things I've ever been through. Poor Beck! I'm thankful for Priesthood blessings and just for time. It's nice to see Kaia getting better; it gives me hope for the rest of us. I'm thankful that Zeke was here to help me, sorry honey! One of these days we won't be sick during the holidays...

Zeke and I really enjoyed watching Pippin watch TV with us last night... yeah, it doesn't take much to entertain us.

Copy and Paste: My world with a smile...

I am being a slacker... I'm copying and pasting my FB statuses... "Life may take you where you least expect it -- always have faith that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Interesting thought... they say Faith is an action... at what point do you take action and make your life as close as possible to what you want? or do you just sit back and let things happen?" I was feeling sorry for myself this week... yeah, I'll go into it later - or NOT.

Today I'm thinking I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, because this is the world I am used to: "Well, this is my world: Kaia is sick with 104 degree fever and coughing, Zeke's been in New Jersey for work since Dec. 10th! and he's finally/hopefully coming home today, Beck is throwing crayons and making Zoe cry, but you know, I'm still happy, life is good. I'm so thankful for medicine to help Kaia and I'm so thankful for my Mom and for my neighbors who gave Kaia a Priesthood blessing last night. :)" Thank you Brother Sullivan and Brother Hale :)

Anyway, we had some Christmas travel plans... who knows with Kaia being sick. She has reactive airway disease and a small cold can give her pneumonia overnight. Really.
But what can I do at this point? We've actually been very blessed this fall... she hasn't been sick since Halloween and that IS amazing for her. It sounds crazy, but I actually feel at peace... we don't have to juggle schedules or trips yet... it all depends on when Kaia is feeling better. I believe Heavenly Father has a plan for us, for everything. Of course I don't want Kaia to be sick ever, but I just feel like there is a reason why she is right now.

Even though, Zeke has been gone, the kids and I have done pretty well. They have been very good helpers and we've had a lot of fun in spite of missing Dad. I had a special movie night with each of the 3 older kids, just one on one, they got to pick the movie... I think this will become a tradition. Not that I want Zeke to go out of town for work all the time, but hey, it is what it is and I'm trying to make the best of it. Netflix is awesome, by the way :)

Gabe's movie: "Fear of the Dark" what was I thinking?!?! Now, don't judge me, or if you do, don't tell me about it, because I don't care. I checked the movie on the internet movie data base and it's as "good" as a horror movie gets. We were both scared... but it was fun.

Zoe's movie: "The Princess Who Never Laughed" an old 80's "Faerie Tale Theater" It was actually pretty good. It had a good message -- YOU decide how you feel. Even though Howie Mandel was in this movie (and he had hair!) I still liked it. See, I got the message.

Kaia's movie: "Percy Jackson: The Lightning Thief" Okay, she's really sick and I love her and I said she could choose... but seriously, I despise this movie! But I kept my thoughts to myself and she fell asleep before it was half way through (phew!!)

I had an awesome visit with my Mom yesterday on the phone. I don't know what I would do without her. REALLY. She is my therapy and my idol! At one point, my Mom said, "Now, I know this is the wrong advice and you probably shouldn't listen, but... and she went on to tell me anyway." I LOVE THIS WOMAN! Seriously, she is THE best! You are Grover and I am Percy. You are my protector, Mom.

I had an interesting road rage experience the other day... I was pulling out of the parking lot of the post office and planning to turn left (no light). It was VERY busy and well, it was going to take a minute. The guy behind me starts whaling on his horn like no tomorrow and I'm thinking, "What the heck?!" There is NO opening for me to pull out... I do NOT know what this guy is thinking. Whenever someone is being totally irrational like that, I like to think up a story to explain their rude behavior. Like, maybe this guy REALLY had to go to the bathroom or something!

Well, crazy I know, duh, but all of his honking just made me more stressed! NOT HELPING!! So when I was finally able to pull out onto the street, I was MAD. Yeah, I have a temper, and it's not good, but I'm trying to control it. I'm not one to EVER swear at drivers or make obscene gestures or anything, but I just HAD to yell something. So he was in the lane to my left, I unrolled my window, smiled my biggest smile, waved both my arms and yelled, "MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!" Anyway, it made me feel a lot better. Zoe was with me and she said, "Mom, you are WEIRD!" It was so worth it to see the confused look on his face. :)

Okay and now, I am so excited... my wonderful roommate/missionary who brought me to church with her way back when... she found my blog! Yay, Jen! I hope I'm not embarrassing you (ha ha ha) but this really made my day. We haven't been in touch for awhile and well, I love this girl!

Anyway, I need to go check on the kids... Beck is terrorizing everyone this morning (oh wait, that's normal too). It means I need to get off the computer. Merry Christmas to all... and I mean that in the most "non-angry will you please stop honking at me?" way. REALLY :)

My gift to you

I've been blogging now for about 7 months. It has been a great experience. I have met many new friends and have enjoyed getting to know old friends even better. I've been wondering what I might give all of you for Christmas. I've decided to share with you one of my very favorite stories... I'm not sure where I heard it from. But I know you will love it! Thank you for all of your comments, advice, funny stories, and your examples of faith and obedience. I look forward to a new year: "My life is an uphill climb and I'm going to smile everyday." Merry Christmas!

You may have heard the story before about the woman who goes to a silversmith to watch the process of refining silver. The story goes like this:

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.' (Malachi 3:3) She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?' He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy — when I see my image in it.'
"The greatest man in history had no servants, yet they called him Master. Had no degree, yet they called him Teacher. Had no medicines, yet they called him Healer. He had no army, yet kings feared Him. He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world. He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him. He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today."
(Thank you to the Oldham family for this great quote!)

I hope that we can all slow down this holiday season and take time to feel the true Spirit of Christmas; that we might reflect His love in all that we do and say and think and feel. I hope each of you can have the opportunity to give service and to share the Gospel with someone. I know that our Savior lives and that He knows and loves each of us.

WA-HOO!!!!

You know the movie "I.Q." with Meg Ryan and Tim Robbins? I love that movie.

What makes me go "Wa-hoo?"
Zeke just finished his Bachelor's Degree yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(but you need to say it like Albert Einstein/Walter Matthau: "vah-hoo!")

He has been in school off and on since before we got married almost 15 years ago! He has been in school continuously for the last 3 years! And he's been working full-time. I am so proud of him!
I am so glad he's done.

It will be so nice to have him back. Poor guy, the last 3 years have been HARD. When he is home (which is rare), he's either so tired he can't keep his eyes open, or so spacey that he can't function. I don't know how we've done it all... and during most of the last 3 years, I was serving as the YW President in our ward and Zeke was the Stake YM President. CRAZY!

I feel like this will be a new chapter. Heck, a new BOOK!! Zeke asked me what I want for Christmas... I told him, "I want to go to the temple with YOU! and I want you to watch the kids so I can do whatever I want for at least 3 or 4 hours all by myself!" Yeah, that is what I want.

YAY!!!! We are so blessed. Heavenly Father has given us miracles (great and small) all along the way to make this possible. I am so thankful. It really is a miracle!

I love this quote: "To live through a period of stress and sorrow with another human being creates a bond which nothing seems able to break." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Graduate he did!!

P.S. I just realized this is my 100th post!!! Hooray! Happy 100th! What a great post too :)

Attack of the Killer Christmas Stockings and their evil leader, Death Shelf

Well, just when I thought Friday would be a relaxing day... I picked up the girls from school and we came home and had a snack. About 4pm, I started fixing dinner and heard THE LOUDEST crash come from the living room. Beck started screaming and Zoe said very calmly, "Uh, Mom, I think Beck's hurt..."

I'm too tired to give you a well-written play-by-play today. My dumb IC is acting up really bad and I'm just worn out. But here's my Facebook entries for Friday:

"Beck had to get stitches today: He's okay now, He somehow pulled down our shelf over the fireplace and everything on it and it landed on his head and cut him just above his eye... pretty bad (about 1 1/2 inches long), lots of blood, it was way scary, BIG! But I have awesome children. Gabe cooked dinner and Zoe made the beds while we were gone.

Kaia tried to gather up all the pieces of my nativity sets and stuff (she wasn't supposed to but it was sweet). She had them laying in piles on the table when I got home. Zeke met me at the Specialty Hospital and gave Beck a blessing. Beck was so brave. He also got 8 suckers from the nurse! While they were stitching him up, he said, "Mommy, say "It's okay baby!" so cute :) Thanks to the staff at CVSH you guys are so wonderful :) We are so blessed, it could have been so much worse.

The funny part was Zeke got there before me and he was just walking around in the parking lot. Well, I guess about 30 minutes earlier, some guy called the Specialty Hospital and was really angry with them and yelling at them. Some of the nurses were worried that Zeke was THAT guy and he'd come to cause trouble... they were really glad to find out he was just a concerned dad waiting for his son to arrive :) ha ha ha"

Yeah, it was a crazy night... but as soon as we got home from the ER, Beck was bouncing around back to his old self. It broke my heart to see him get stitches and to look at me and say "Mommy, say "It's okay baby".

But it is okay. It could have been SO bad. I honestly don't know how he pulled that shelf down, but needless to say, I took all the stockings down just in case. I'm feeling like a rotten Mom and wondering why I didn't think about him doing that.

I decided not to put up a picture of him at the ER, it's pretty gruesome. His cut was almost 2 inches long and open enough that I could have put two of my fingers in it! More blood than I ever want to see coming out of my child. Ever.

But here he is after the stitches were done: "Duh dodders fizz it, Mom!"
(The doctors fix it, Mom!)

He is so brave. Really.
He was really excited to get some "Lightning McQueen" stickers too.

Leaving a legacy?

Well, there's this skirt my Mom gave me and every Sunday I want to wear it and every Sunday I pull it out and think: Dang! I need to iron it! So one SATURDAY, I wrote a note to myself on the fridge and actually pulled out the ironing board and iron.. and ironed my skirt. YAY me! I was so proud. And then after the first twenty minutes of Beck wriggling on my lap in sacrament it was wrinkled again, but hey, I did iron it. And it felt good. I think I've ironed enough for a few years now.

The kids were fascinated by this bizarre ritual. Kaia said, "Mom, what are you doing?! Why? What is that? Can I help? Can we do that to my clothes?" Okay. So I NEVER iron. REALLY. NEVER. Even, Zeke said, "Yeah, I guess you don't iron much..." Nope, I don't. It's been YEARS. Really.

Oh yeah, and then there's dusting... let's not even go there. Let's just say, I don't need a message board... I could write messages to my family in the dust on my TV and nightstands and bookshelves. I loathe dusting.

Here's the deal, I'm really not a good housekeeper. I only do things if I like doing them. For example (say it like Hermione):

laundry (yeah, it's creepy)
vacuuming (stress reliever)
baking (obvious)

So any of you out there... can you somehow help me LIKE ironing, dusting, washing dishes, mopping, changing litter boxes? I'm always making my kids do the chores I don't like. I remember doing those same chores when I was growing up... Mom, is there something you should tell me? And I always vacuum, because it's fun! Mom always vacuumed too... hmm.

Anyway, I've noticed lots of my friends don't like doing laundry. Of all the things people complain about on their blogs and Facebook and such... a BIG majority complain about doing laundry.

Well, this is my "secret" to enjoying laundry. Now I can't promise you will enjoy it, but it will make it easier and you'll always have clean clothes. At least I think so. There's this cool chic called The Flylady. I subscribe to her daily emails to help me keep track of my house. Now, I obviously don't do all the stuff she tells me, but I really like her solution for laundry.
She calls it: "No more Mt. Washmore!"

This is my laundry pile, but I am so "persnickety" I must confess: this is several loads of clean clothes piled up just for the picture (I can't handle too much dirty laundry sitting around!) Yeah, I might seem crazy, but it's a great blessing! Here's the trick: the Flylady says to do one or two loads of laundry EACH day. That means washed, folded, AND put away. Done.

I don't have a "laundry day". And I don't ever have a huge pile of dirty laundry taking over my basement. But I always have clean clothes. Now, there's always a full basket or two of clothes that needs to be washed, but when I do one or two loads a day, I'm always making a dent in it.

Another reason I like doing it this way is when I used to have a set "Laundry Day" (mine used to be Monday several years ago), it seemed like something would happen that day that prevented me from devoting my entire day to laundry. The kids would get sick or I needed to run to the store or something. I don't know about you, but with 4 children, I couldn't devote one day to anything!

Anyway, the Flylady and her routines have been a HUGE help to me. I like the idea of doing a little bit everyday and it all adds up. It does. I just need to stop ignoring the email reminders to dust my house!

Oh, and this is totally random, but I when I was little, there was an awesome cartoon I loved to watch called "Hong Kong Phooey" I loved it! A Karate Master/Super Hero dog and his sidekick, Spot, a smart cat who really does all the work. Anyway, my dear hubby ran across an AWESOME cover of the Hong Kong Phooey theme song. It's from a band we like, "Sublime." I love the reggae and ska punk influence they put into it. I can't get videos to work on my blog for some reason. Zeke's going to help me figure it out when school is done (NEXT WEEK, by the way!!) But here's a link. It puts me in a good mood every time! I love how music can do that. (P.S. Just for the record, I think the band could use some shirts, but hey... they're having fun, right?)

Like Mother, Like Daughter -- Part 2

HAPPY 71st BIRTHDAY to my wonderful Mom, Rosalind!

She is one of my VERY best friends. We can talk on the phone for HOURS about nothing and feel like we've said everything. We change subjects faster than I can type this post. We finish each others sentences and we know what the other one means even when it makes no sense. Just one word can cause fits of laughter or teary, Spirit-filled silence. Testimonies are shared and strengthened. Advice is given and appreciated. Laughs are many and meaningful. She LOVES me. Some days I cannot understand why, but she does.

She is a tough cookie and I mean that in a good way. She has sacrificed so much and has patience and "sticktoitiveness" in spades. I am like her in many ways. I want to be so much more like her. I can hear her voice through mine sometimes... it makes me laugh (because I thought I'd never be like her) and cry (because I wish I could see her more).

I love when something makes us laugh. I love when she talks about the past. I love to hear about my Mom and her brothers growing up. I love to hear about my Mom and Dad when they were first married. I love when she tells me about a good book she is reading. I love how much she loves Zeke and my children. I love how she does things. She is very practical and organized.

I love to wander through any store with her and go "bumming." I love to watch ice skating with her. I love when I was little and I would go out to eat with my Mom and my Grandma Bonnie and they would fight over who was paying for the food and would throw cash back and forth at one another until one of them got some of the cash past the car window and into the drive-thru window to the cashier.

I love when my Mom sees a mouse (Sorry, Mom, I can't help it, it's so funny when you scream!)

I love how much fun we have doing nothing. I love when people tell me "you look so much like Rosy"! I love when she gets peeved with my Dad and tells him about it! She is SPUNKY! I love to see her grow in the gospel and tell me about her Sunday School Class. I love when the phone rings and I just KNOW it's her... and it is! She listens to me complain and cry and worry about everything. She just listens. And when I ask her, she always gives me wonderful advice. Wonderful because she knows me so well and wonderful because she always tries to be positive just like a good Mother should be.

I know I gave you most of your gray hair back when I was in High School, Mom, and I'm sorry for that. But I made it and you stood by me no matter what! I regret so much the years I was in high school and was a horrible hormonal brat. Thank you, Mom, for not shipping me off to some loony bin or just completely losing it and stringing me up from one of our apple trees by my toenails!

Thank you for teaching me to work. Oh, I remember washing dishes standing on a chair so I could reach the sink while you were buzzing around cleaning the kitchen and would come by and plop an extra spoon or three into the water. I would get SO mad!

Thank you for sticking up for me when Tonya's Mom threw away my Metallica? (I think it was) cassette, even though I probably didn't deserve it. Thank you for always letting my friends come over and making us feel so welcome. Everyone loved coming to our house because you were so nice. Thanks for forgiving me when I scorched a perfect iron shape on your light pink pants. Thanks for always having a houseful on the holidays and fixing us yummy food and always making sure there are clean towels for everyone.

Thanks for being an example in our family and being sealed in the temple to Dad, so I could be sealed to you. This is a miracle in my life.

Mom, I am forever grateful to you... YOU light up my life.

16 girls, 1700 square feet, and Sardines!

Zoe, age 10: decorator of cakes and instigator of chaos

Well, I survived Zoe's birthday party Tuesday night. Why oh why did I let her invite so many girls? Because I'm her Mom and I just can't resist that face. It was really fun, just crazy. I think Zoe was the loudest one of all. I didn't get too many "action" shots either... I was right in the middle of it all!

Poor Beck, he was SO tired, but he REFUSED to nap. He was very grumpy and crazy. Thank goodness Zeke was there to help me. He's so wonderful. He even cleaned up after the party while I was taking girls home. Yep, he's a keeper. :)

Opening presents:
Kaia made Zoe a really cool 3-D paper flower garden

Zoe wanted to decorate her own cake this year.
I think she did a really good job.

The girls wanted to play Hide and Seek and I talked them into playing Sardines instead. Our house isn't very big and I wasn't sure there would be enough hiding places for 15 girls. Especially since Gabe threatened us not to let any of the girls in his room NO MATTER WHAT! He was lucky enough to go to a friend's house during the party! (Thanks, Nicole)

Sardines is WAY more fun than Hide and Seek anyway. Please tell me you've played Sardines before. You haven't? It is SO much fun. Back at Snow College, my roommates and I and whoever was at our house at the moment wasted several hours playing Sardines. And we were so good at it too! The trick is to be very quiet. I never thought our little laundry room could hold so many people. Good times.

Okay, so it's kind of like the opposite of Hide and Seek. You have ONE person hide and then everyone else splits up and looks for the one person. If you find them, you don't say anything and the game isn't over yet. Instead, you quietly hide with them. So one by one, each person finds the little group of hiding people and joins them. Depending on where you hide, it can get pretty squishy, hence the name "Sardines". Oh, I wish I had a picture of everyone hiding behind the shower curtain in the bathtub... it was awesome. Thanks girls, I hope you had as much fun as I did!

I knew I loved you before I met you...

When Zeke and I we were dating in high school, we decided that if we ever got married and had a daughter, we would name her Zoe Lace. Zoe, from some vampire book Zeke was reading, and Lace, after me. Zoe is a Greek name that means "life." Her name definitely fits her; she is always full of energy and life. I always dreamed about having a little girl with dark brown eyes and brown hair... and now I have two!

Well, on November 30, 2000 at 9:39pm after 12 hours of labor and
then an emergency C-section here she was:

8lbs 15.7oz! She was a sweet chubby baby with tons of BLACK hair.
The nurses would look at her and then at me and say,
"Did we bring you the right baby?"
Her little face was so round and pink and her hair was so dark,
we thought she looked like an Eskimo baby.

Six Months

18 Months

Gabe dressing Zoe in his clothes, 2003

Sisters: Zoe meets Kaia for the first time, April 12, 2004

Zoe being Zoe, 2006

Zoe with Beck, Summer 2008

Zoe with Pippin, Christmas 2008

Zoe being Zoe, Spring 2009

Zoe and her new glasses, November 2009

Zoe has always been the peacemaker of our home. That being said, if you push her too far or if she has been wrongly accused... WATCH OUT! She is so patient, too patient, but sometimes she gets to the point where she just can't handle Gabe, Kaia, and Beck anymore and she let's them know!

I'm proud of her for standing up for what is right and trying to be friends and include everyone, regardless of what other children at school want her to do. This has been a big trial for Zoe and she has stayed strong, even when some of her "friends" have turned away from her and ridiculed her for choosing to play with everyone. Girls can be so mean sometimes. I hope Zoe can continue to be a good example.

She is very creative and talented. She loves to design and make dresses for her dolls and even herself. She has become a very good seamstress in her short ten years. She has an eye for color and design and loves to coordinate her clothes. She also loves to cook and has learned to make many things in the last few years. She has been singing and dancing with TaVaci for about a year. She is the one who keeps us in tune when we sing songs for family home evening and scripture study.

Zoe's the one who always tells me "Thank you for this yummy dinner, Mommy", even when it's not. Zoe's the first one to stop complaining and arguing and say "Okay, Mom, and then do what I've asked her." Zoe is SO silly! She loves to tell jokes and imitate characters from movies... she really has a talent for performing and making people laugh. "You're a good person!" (that's an inside joke from Zoe... from Shark Tale :) She is amazing in her ability to remember not just movie quotes, but entire scenes from movies, word for word. This is a highly coveted ability in our home!

She has a true admiration and unconditional love as a little sister to Gabe and is an amazingly patient and generous big sister to Kaia. I know Beck has been hard for both Zoe and I to handle. We like things quiet and peaceful (he is neither of those 100% of the time). I love her for hanging in there with me. I don't know why, maybe because she is so good, which doesn't really make sense, but I feel like I am the hardest on Zoe. I push her too much. I get after her for too many little things... I want so much for her.

My promise, Miss Zoe, now that you're 10 years old: I am going to do my very best to be positive and encouraging in all that you do. You are an influence for good in our family. I promise I will let you know that more often. And when you're feeling a bit grumpy or if you forget to put something away, I will try to be more patient and forgiving like you are with me. You are wonderful in so many ways!

Happy 10th Birthday, Zoe Lace, you are my special sweet girl.
I love you so much!
Eleven pictures, one for each year we've been blessed to have you in our family and one to grow on! :)

The yams did it!

There's an old Daffy Duck cartoon where "Tom Turkey" begs Daffy Duck to hide him from Porky Pig who is hoping to kill a nice big turkey for Thanksgiving. Daffy promises the turkey he'll hide him from Porky and never tell where he is. Well, Porky Pig begins telling Daffy Duck about all the yummy things he would have eaten if he had a turkey to go with it. By the time he mentions candied yams, Daffy's mouth is watering and finally he can't stand it any longer and shouts, "The yams did it! It was the yams! The yams did it!" and he breaks his promise to poor Tom Turkey and tells Porky where he is. Anyway, our family always thought this was so funny and to this day whenever we do something we said we weren't going to, we'll say,"The yams did it! It was the yams that did it!" It's one of our bizarre Thanksgiving "traditions" I guess... I love how my Mom says it. Anyway...

Kaia got to have a Thanksgiving Feast at school on Tuesday.
This was the Indian costume she made.
(No our windows aren't frosted... they're covered in SNOW!)

Well, our long weekend started out pretty exciting I guess. On Tuesday, the National Weather Service issued a blizzard warning for Logan. They closed the children's schools at noon and even closed the University at 2pm in anticipation of the big storm. We sat in the living room and looked out the window and waited... around 3pm the first few flakes began to fall. By 3:15 the wind was blowing so hard it was a total white-out and by 4pm, all our windows were covered from top to bottom with snow. It was very pretty, but kinda freaky at the same time.

The kids and I were quite antsy until Zeke made it home from work. I put a movie on and made dinner. Zeke called around 5pm and said he was on his way. Normally it takes him less than 10 minutes to get home... but he didn't pull up in the driveway until 5:45! It was crazy out there. He got stuck a few times and said at one point a guy got out of his car and jumped on Zeke's back bumper to give him enough traction to get going (this is pretty normal for people in Logan and everyone's pretty cool to help one another). It continued to snow and blow through much of the night. I went to bed thinking we'd be snowed in (this has only happened once in the 9+ years we have lived here). However, we woke up the next morning and it was just another day. The wind had stopped and there was only about 5 or 6 inches of snow. The blizzard itself was the scary part... it came down fast and hard. I'm thankful we're all okay and the power didn't go out or anything.

On Wednesday, Gabe went sledding with some friends, Beck took a nap (THANK YOU!!) and the girls and I made pies. This was a definite highlight of my holiday. Do you remember back in June when Zeke made the portable island for our kitchen? Okay, Wednesday just made it all worth it 100 times over! It was so nice to have room for everyone to work (and play). I really felt like I could get the pies done at the same time I was playing with the girls and teaching them how to do things and letting them do their own thing too. Lots of room and great traffic flow... oh, how I have waited for that. Thanks, honey, for doing it MY way! :)

I made 5 pies (yeah, for 6 people.. you might think that's a bit much, but we are 6 people who REALLY like pies!) And the girls each made 3 mini-pies of their own. We listened to Zoe's practice CD for her TaVaci performing group and we wore our matching aprons and drank hot chocolate. It was really great. They are my little girlfriends in every way. I feel so blessed.

I had a good Thanksgiving really. I'm just one of those silly people who get these great expectations in my mind of how special a holiday is going to be and then when it turns out just normal or a little chaotic or even a bit depressing, I get super bummed.

Right after breakfast, everyone wanted to go outside and play in the snow. I was busy fixing dinner. Zeke helped the kids get ready and went out with them. Zoe came in and was really cold. She was building an igloo and you know when the sleeves of your coat are too short to cover the bottom of your gloves so the snow keeps coming in? Anyway, I figured since I was inside cooking, she could wear my coat and it would cover her arms better.

I dug out my heavy winter coat and started cleaning out the pockets... I found a whole stack of church permission slips from one of the last Young Women activities I went to. We went sledding in February. I started crying. Gabe and Zeke said, "What's wrong? What is it!?" I cried through the words, "It's permission slips!!!" (like that should explain why I was so upset) Oh man, I was a mess! For those of you that don't know, I served in the Young Women's in my ward for nearly 4 years and was just released this May.

It's been a strange grieving process, not unlike losing a dear loved one. Really. The feelings come and go quite strongly at times. Some days I'll be totally fine and other days, something will hit me: like a song, or a fun memory, or in this case, a stack of old permission slips, and I completely fall apart. This was one of those days. Oh how I miss it! I am overwhelmed with sadness sometimes... those youth are so awesome!! I feel rather lost without them. I love them dearly... okay, now I'm crying again. I guess that unexpected event set the mood for my day. I really tried to enjoy everything, but I just felt this aching loneliness that wouldn't go away.

I had to get out of the house. I went to the store with Gabe to get some ice cream (it is NOT okay to eat pie without ice cream at our house!) We can have a lot of fun together. We were just laughing and joking together. I think it was the highlight of the day. I am so thankful for laughter! It keeps me going. We saw a guy in sweats jogging through the store with a can of "Reddi-Whip" in each fist... he was on a mission and no one was stopping him! Actually, he looked like a guy who was in the middle of a really great football game while his wife was in the kitchen slaving away at the big dinner and she said, "Honey, I need you to go to the store right now and get some whip cream, I forgot to get some!" And he was grumbling about it JUST a bit. It was SO funny, really. Gabe and I waited until the guy was about 5 feet away and we just exploded laughing... good times. We tried to imitate him for everyone when we got home, but they didn't laugh too much. Well, you just had to be there!

I really wanted to spend the holiday with some of my extended family, especially my Mom and Dad, but with finals just around the corner, Zeke really needed to be here to study and couldn't spare the time to travel. I sent an open invitation to my family at the Northern end of the state for anyone who might like to come for dinner... homemade pies, people! I couldn't help myself... I kept looking at the clock and looking out the window hoping someone would pull up. I know the weather was bad and people already had other plans... but I just wished this year would be the year someone would come to our house. By 2:30, I had to tell myself out loud that nobody is coming so I'd better get over it. I am a big baby.

Our dinner was good. Zeke and I both worked really hard and fixed all the classic stuff even though it was just for the 6 of us. We waited for the yams to be done and debated about starting without them, but we both agreed we love yams enough that dinner will have to wait for them. We got the table set and all the food ready. I checked the yams and they were pretty much done, so I turned the oven off and left the yams in while we said the prayer and such. And then I didn't even think about the yams until the next evening... (shows you how much I really like them!) Beck was being Beck and well, he's very "flusterating" sometimes... my mind is pretty much gone with this kid.

Zeke told the kids the night before he wanted them to think about something really special they are thankful for. Before we ate, we went around the table and told everyone what we were thankful for:

Gabe -- Thanksgiving (and all the good food)
Kaia -- Heavenly Father
Beck -- POPCORN!! (it sounds more like "Pa-kern!")
Zoe -- doctors and medicine
Me -- the Atonement (where would I be?)
Zeke -- me and the sacrifice I make to stay home with the children
(okay, I was crying again, I don't think I deserved that,
but it was very sweet)

Then, about 20 minutes later... dinner was over! WOW! All that time and effort for 20 minutes?! But I will say, the Rainbow Jello from my friend's food blog was a huge success! It was so AWESOME!! Here we are posing for a picture, while our beloved yams are sitting in the oven completely forgotten:

On Friday, Zoe got to perform with her TaVaci group at the Novemberfest (like a big arts and craft fair thing). It was really fun to watch her. She gets better every time. One of my favorite songs she sang goes like this, "Santa is the man and he's got a plan! I'm his biggest fan and he's comin' on Christmas!" kinda like a rap... it was so cute! And I can't get it out of my head. I was going to put up a little video of it, but I felt a bit seasick after previewing it... I need to have at least a 3 foot barrier from Beck if I'm trying to video anything... he kept bumping me and sitting on me and saying, "Mommy, I want more candy!" (yeah, I was trying to bribe him to sit still)

After lunch on Friday, I declared it was "Christmas decoration time!" I have been waiting! Zeke had to study, Gabe went sledding again... (oh well?) So it was the girls and Beck (aka The Ornament Destroyer). But we had fun anyway... I love to watch my children decorate the Christmas tree. They always seem to gather as many ornaments as they can on just one branch. I love our little old Christmas tree. It's nothing fancy, but I think it's beautiful. Every year, we take turns having one child put the tree topper/spire thing on... don't you love Zeke's face? Kaia does.
We were still putting up decorations around 5pm and I thought I'd better start some dinner. I chose a crowd-favorite: pizza. So while I was mixing the yeast for the dough, I turned the oven on and went about making the sauce, letting the dough raise, and putting away storage bins from the Christmas stuff. Well, about 15 minutes later, I noticed a strange smell coming from the kitchen... something was burning! I ran to the oven and opened it to find yesterday's YAMS burned and yucky. DANG IT! (like Kip on Napoleon Dynamite when he drives over the plastic bowl and smashes it) I should have taken a picture I guess... do you really want to see a pan full of burned yams? I've seen some pretty weird pictures on blogs... like string cheese that looks like jerky (ha ha ha). Anyway, it wasn't anything too serious, but I had to laugh! I cannot believe we forgot all about the yams...

This morning while I was doing dishes, some of the clean ones began to topple over. I tried to grab them, but they crashed to the floor. One of my baking stones shattered and my electric griddle broke in 4 places. :( I was pretty bummed. I was mad at myself. I was trying to hurry and just get them done. I guess I stacked them too high. But I thought, at least no one got hurt. Well, I guess I'll be getting a new griddle for Christmas...sigh.

What I really want for Christmas is for Zeke to graduate. I don't want to feel guilty anymore when I ask him to help me when he should be studying. I don't want to live our lives by the semester calendar anymore and change plans or not make any plans at all because Zeke has a test or a project due. I want to have more time to just be together and not always be rushing through dinner and scriptures and everything. Anyway, I don't want to have unrealistic expectations... maybe it won't be that different. Maybe it will. But I want to be done. Say a prayer for us, please?

Here's a great scripture I found this week:
1 Nephi 18:16: "Nevertheless, I did look unto my God, and I did praise him all the day long; and I did not murmur against the Lord because of mine afflictions." (Nephi is saying this while his wrists and ankles are very swollen and sore from being tied up by his brothers and they are mocking him... yeah, I really shouldn't complain!)

One more important thing, last night, I had the yummiest creation: Razzleberry Pie with Spumoni Ice Cream. Okay, I think it beat the Pecan Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream. Well, maybe they tied. Mmmmm!

In case you were wondering...

Why I love my children:

They just have so much fun!
We found some stray pipe cleaners in the art cupboard.

I really enjoy cooking:
I made Butter Chicken and Garlic Naan on Saturday... it was awesome! My friend, Jessica, gave me the recipes: seriously, if you've never tried Indian food before, you should. I didn't think I would like it, but I LOVE it. If you want the recipes, let me know. Jessica is so awesome! I was having trouble finding an ingredient and she brought some to my house. FYI, "garam masala" is a spice blend and your grocer probably has it, even if they tell you they don't!

Moments when I don't enjoy being a mother:
My dear son, Gabe, thought it would be funny to get on my Facebook account and post a status as me: "My son wants a phone. Do you think I should get him one?" So by the time I checked my FB later that night, there were 18 public comments and 2 private ones... either cheering me on, "of course, why not?" or condemning me for even considering it!

Basically, I was really TICKED OFF!! (Think of Jack Black on "School of Rock") And I guess it wasn't that big of deal... other than it really embarrassed me and put me on the spot and Gabe shouldn't post on my Facebook. First of all, I would never say that... I do my own thing and I would not ask for public advice about that. Mostly though, "cell phones" are a "we're not having a conversation about this topic" topic. Gabe already knows how we feel about it. He was trying to get the sympathy and sway of the masses to change our minds. "Everybody has one, Mom!" Anyway, all is forgiven, but Gabe has lost some computer time. And he's still NOT getting a phone. I don't even have a cell phone. He's only 12! Did you know, "he's the ONLY kid in school that doesn't have a phone?!" Poor baby! I'm sure! (Aren't I mean?!)

Moments when I enjoy being a Mother:
Zeke buzzed Beck's hair; he looks so handsome. It's been getting pretty long... I took him to the store on Friday and hadn't combed it... he was also wearing sweat pants and sneakers... he looked so goofy, poor guy. He looks SO cute now. It really is the best haircut for a 2 year old boy; you know he just loves having his hair combed.

Beck says, "How was dat one, Mommy?"

Why I love Logan:
We had our first snowstorm of the season on Saturday... the girls immediately got on their snow gear and went outside (Beck was asleep and Gabe was at a birthday party, otherwise, they'd be with them for sure.) Snow is just so beautiful. I love to I go outside at night when it's snowing... everything is so peaceful and quiet.

Why I love our neighbors:
Our wonderful neighbors, David and Lora, needed help moving in a deep freeze on Saturday and they gave us the box. THANKS, Guys!! It was the perfect distraction for a stormy weekend. The girls have been making different curtains... pictures to follow... (They told me they aren't done yet and I can take pictures later! These girls are serious about this box! Gabe and Beck just want to wrestle in it.)

My other two children:
I'm having serious relationship issues... with my two cats!! They just do NOT get along. Well, actually Pippin is just MEAN and NASTY to Caspian. Poor Cassie! I talked with my MIL, Patty, about it. She's good with animals and knows everything about them. She has a degree in Biology and even worked at a veterinary clinic for awhile. She says I need to get Pippin's hormone and thyroid levels checked. He is SO aggressive.. and he hasn't always been quite this bad either.

Me with Caspian (I'm not picking favorites here am I?)

Pippin sleeping with Kaia. He's really sweet with people...This is my Mother in law, Patty.
She is the epitome of groovy in my book.
Don't you think Zoe looks like her?

Why I LOVE the Logan Library:
We just watched "Hairspray" for the first time. I LOVED it. A LOT! Zeke and I also watched "The Legend of Bagger Vance" last night. That show makes me cry every time. I love how it ends... nobody wins, nobody loses, everyone just has FUN! Other movies we watched this weekend that I love: "Nim's Island", "Night at the Museum" (Beck keeps saying, "Dumb dumb, give me gum gum!) and "My Neighbor Totoro":

You should really see this movie! (picture courtesy of Wikipedia)

Why Beck makes me laugh:
Beck stood up in his chair during dinner, poked his tummy out, and was straining himself so much that his face was going red. His eyes were glazed over and he was concentrating on something. We were all laughing and I said, "Beck, what are you doing?" He was VERY serious and said matter-of-factly, "I'm peeing in my diaper, Mom!" Okay, we need to get this kid potty-trained. (I'm really glad he had a diaper on... or the pee would have landed on his plate!)

Why I feel old:
Zoe's birthday is next week. She'll be 10! I can't believe it. She was my only baby born in Colorado Springs, Colorado. We've got a big party planned, too big, really, but it's okay... Zoe's so sweet and tenderhearted, she doesn't want to leave anyone out, so she invites all the girls in her school class and a few extra special friends. (Okay, so that's like 20 girls!!??) yeah, I'm nuts, but look at this face:

Zeke and Zoe from the Daddy-Daughter Date a couple weeks ago...
Did I already post this picture? Sorry if I did, but I LOVE it.Being silly!

I'm trying to be a good wife (really):

I can NOT wait to put up our Christmas decorations... Zeke always says not until the day after Thanksgiving... now, just so you know, Zeke doesn't really put his foot down about anything with me, he's very permissive about everything. (Paint the walls red, yellow, and green, Why not? Rip out the pantry and remodel the kitchen, again? Sure! What the heck? Yeah.) So I'll wait for him. He just wants Thanksgiving to be Thanksgiving and I can agree with that... but you know how people get up at 3 or 4 am on Black Friday to go shopping? Well, I'll be up digging out all my Christmas stuff... technically I could do it at midnight...hmm, tempting.

I am so thankful for my husband. He likes me even though I'm a weirdo and that's pretty darn cool.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

I just wanted to tell you a bit about my 6 year old daughter, Kaia. She is the Queen of "one-liners." She always says really random and funny things and it makes up for her not-so-funny temper and stubbornness. But alas, I have decided she is just too much like me in that department, so I will forgive her. She can't help it, it's genetic, right? I can't help but admire her feisty-ness. It might come in handy when she gets older.

A few months ago, my Primary class was struggling through the lesson. They were just really silly that day; having a hard time sitting still and keeping quiet and such. So I gave them "3 strikes" each and then I would have to get one of their parents. Guess who was the first one to get 3 strikes? MY DAUGHTER, Kaia, of course! oh man! I was pretty flustered and I was like, "Okay, I'll have to go get your Dad!" ha ha ha

Last week I overheard Kaia telling Zoe, "Look! It's my first chest hair! You gotta come see this!"

Kaia (with a large crepe in her mouth): "I have a cigarette and I know how to use it!" Then she proceeded to take a HUGE bite with powdered sugar puffing out everywhere.

Kaia (with hot pink plastic vampire teeth in her mouth): "You know, Mom, I bet vampires must bite their tongue a lot with these fangs." And Zoe added, "Yeah, maybe that's why they have snake tongues because they bit off the sides..."

Kaia came upstairs crying one day telling me that Gabe was pushing and shoving her out of his room. I went downstairs and asked Gabe what the matter was. He promised me he didn't even touch her, he just wanted to close his door. I didn't realize Kaia was standing behind me and suddenly she said, "Well, it felt like he was pushing me!"

Just the other day, Kaia smiled mischievously and said, "Now I'm going to do some art, but I wish I had some boys to chase..." WHY? "Because that is art, the art of chasing boys!!" Oh man, I'm in trouble.

Kaia was in the bathtub the other night and she was really thinking about something. She sat up and said, "Mom, I want to do something different for my next birthday. You know, something unusual! I want you to fill the bathtub with whipped cream and I want to jump in naked and eat all of it!" I was laughing and said, "Well, I don't know about that." She gets really excited and yells, "Oh yeah, not whipped cream, let's do cake batter!"

Kaia bore her testimony in sacrament about our lost cat, "I pray every night for him to come home and when we find him (with hand on her hip and shaking her finger) "I'm gonna say where have you been and then I'm gonna kiss him until I just can't stop!" As a side note, we had SO many people from our ward tell us they prayed for our cat after hearing Kaia's testimony and we found him after he had been missing for 7 weeks!

The other morning at breakfast, Kaia asked me why our country's bird is the bald eagle. I told her maybe because they are so powerful and majestic. She said, "Well, I think it should have been the turkey, like that Benjamin guy said." She continued eating breakfast and after some deep thought looked up and said, "You know, Mom, maybe he was drunk when he said that!"

And my personal favorite:

Kaia (after seeing her older brother throw up): "Mom, "throw-up" is kind of like salsa, except it has germs in it, right?"

I was taking "beautiful bride" pictures of Zoe and Kaia.
Just as I was about to take the picture, Kaia roared at me!

That's my girl! She is an imp and she is a spit-fire...
oh, how I love her, but she is a handful!

Lessons from my refrigerator -- Part 2

Ok, I found another great quote on my refrigerator that I want to share with you today:

"It takes courage and commitment to follow the promptings of the Spirit because they may frighten us as they lead us to walk along new paths, sometimes paths that no one has walked before, paths of the second mile, of acting totally differently from how worldly people act. For instance, we may be prompted to smile when someone offends us, to give love where others give hate, to say thank you where others would not find anything to be thankful for, to accept jobs that others would be too proud to do, to apologize where others would defend themselves, and to do all the seemingly crazy things that the Spirit prompts a righteous, honest, listening heart to do." (From "The Only Real Treasure," New Era, Dec. 1979, p. 5)

This one really gets me thinking and I try to focus harder on what the Spirit is trying to tell me and then the really hard part -- to actually obey those promptings regardless of how I feel about it.

A great quote that has been passed around our ward, but I'm not sure where it came from: "Never suppress a generous thought."

I'm trying to do better this week and love and serve others no matter what I get in return or how others may react to it. I'm struggling a bit as the end of the semester is approaching. I'm tired. Zeke's more tired. I hope it will all be worth it. The time all of us have sacrificed for him to graduate can never be given back to us. By then end of a semester, I look at him and wonder, "Who is this guy? I think I know him... but I'm not sure." It's almost like getting to know him all over again. But this time will hopefully be the last time. He has been in school off and on basically since we got married nearly 15 years ago. I get really lonely and I feel so isolated. I feel socially inept... I'm just out of practice. I wish I had some of my family close by. With 4 children going every which way, it's hard to do anything other than just take care of them and the house and such.

Yesterday, Kaia told me, "I hate you and I wish you would go away so Daddy could take care of us." Okay, my skin must be thinner than a slice of pickled ginger on a piece of sushi, but that made me so sad. :( She was upset because I didn't want her to change her clothes again before she went outside. Heaven forbid she wears just one outfit each day!

Sometimes I wish I could go to work all day and come home fresh and new so the kids would be excited to see me. I feel like things are out of balance in our home and I know there's really no other way to do it right now. I just need to get through it.

Sorry for whining, but to end on a positive note: "When upon life's billows you are tempest-tossed. When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost, Count your many blessings, name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done."

I am SO thankful for a husband who loves us and works so hard to provide for us. I am thankful that he wants to follow the counsel of our Prophet and "obtain as much education as possible." I am thankful when he plays with our children and reads books to them with crazy voices, even though he's been so sick. I am thankful for my children, especially Gabe and Zoe. Now that they are older, they really are my friends and I don't know what I would do without them. They sense how tired I am and how hard it is. They are such good helpers. I am amazed at how responsible and caring they are.

Oh and I am so thankful for our beautiful (messy) yard.
It makes me happy.

Lessons from my refrigerator

This week I'm trying to focus on my yard. We've been so sick... and our good weather is running out. I might not be blogging so much.

I just wanted to share with you a beautiful quote from Mother Teresa. I have it on my refrigerator (isn't that where all good quotes should be?) It helps me keep going in spite of opposition.

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway."
— Mother Teresa

I hope you have a wonderful week!